“Mega Piranha” (*** out of ****) is another one of those hilarious knock-off epics from Asylum Studios. Of course, these legendary cheese-meisters were exploiting French director Alexandre Aja's big studio 3-D remake of Joe Dante's “Piranha,” but writer & director Eric Forsberg has taken the concept far beyond the outrageous. Mind you, nothing about this outlandish opus is either remotely plausible or frightening. Indeed, not only Asylum has delivered a derivative creature feature with enough cinematic sophistication to make the grade as a horror parody, but it has also managed to provide moments of comic brilliance that surpass the films that it mocks. The setting, the subject matter, and the genre are also reminiscent of the "Anaconda" franchise and its hokey sequels. Okay, the computer-generated piranha look pretty goofy, but these piranha are supposed to look spurious. Only the most gullible will suffer traumatic after-effects when they bathe alone in a tub. In another one of those hideous scientific experiments gone awry, scientists have created a strain of piranha that mutate into an indestructible predators that double in size and threaten world safety. Forsberg's genius, however, is the way that his actors and he maintain a straight face throughout with moments of over-the-top hilarity that stand out all the more because those moments are so incredibly illogical. These moments are comparable to a Marx Brothers farce because they are so broadly anarchic. Specifically, these moments are reminiscent of Groucho's grease paint mustache that always infuriated literal-headed studio heads because they didn't grasp the comic incongruity of an obviously ersatz mustache when they felt that real one could have been grown.
“Mega Piranha” opens like the classic movie “Jaws” with a gal who goes skinny dipping with her boyfriend. No sooner do they hit the muddy Orinoco River than ravenous piranha hit them. Along come a U.S. diplomat, Ambassador Arnold Regis (Eric Forsberg of “Alien Abduction"), and a Venezuela politician on a boat with a couple of big-breasted, bikini-clad babes. While they were discussing politics, the toothsome fish attack, gnaw holes in the hull and make a feast out of them. Just to emphasis how little that he takes himself seriously, Forsberg himself is an early victim of the piranha. U.S. Secretary Grady (Barry Williams of “The Brady Bunch”) alerts buff Special Forces operative Jason Fitch (Paul Logan of “Cannibal Taboo”) by web cam. According to Grady, Venezuelan Junta Commander Colonel Antonio Diaz (David Labiosa of “The Entity”) believes that terrorists blew up the politicians. Furthermore, the CIA fear the incident may spark an anti-American military coup. This is Forsberg mimicking other films and establishing a somber tone, like this is a serious horror opus. “I need you to check out that river bottom and tell me what really happened before we have another Afghanistan on our hands.” Fitch catches a commercial flight to Venezuela. Before Fitch arrives, UCLA genetics researcher, Dr. Sarah Monroe (plump pop vocalist Tiffany), wildlife biologist Eli Gordon (Jesse Daly of “Another Gay Movie”), and microbiologist Brian Huggins (Jude Gerard Prest of “Teen Vamp") conduct their own investigation and uncover the ugly truth. Piranha are growing at an exponential rate, and they are scheduled to triple their size in 36 hours. Indeed, disaster looms for everybody. Unlike a Troma studios parody, "Mega Piranha" lives up to its hype. These piranha get really gigantic.
When our highly-decorated hero lands in Venezuela, a desperate Monroe accosts Fitch at the airport and warns him that Diaz is close-minded and paranoid. Fitch discovers this fact for himself later. Meantime, she explains that she had been conducting hydro-biological experiments. Basically, this means that Monroe and her colleagues have been escalating the size of the local food supply by genetically re-designing species of marine life to make them more robust. She was involved specifically with piranha. What? Why create bigger, meaner piranha? This is another of those brilliant moments deliver with a straight face. Who in their right mind would breed bigger, badder piranha!? Predictably, those carnivorous piranha escaped captivity and began breeding. Monroe hands him a fragment of the boat hull. Fitch can find no trace of explosives in the sample. Diaz takes Fitch for a chopper ride over area where the boat sank, but he refuses to let him investigate. Moreover, Diaz confines Fitch to the base. A stealthy Fitch slips off the base and gets a local to take him up river. Donning scuba gear, Fitch plunges into the river and swims up to the Arawak Indian Dam in an Orinoco Inlet where he encounters the pugnacious piranha. At first, he slashes at them with his knife. In a shrewd bit of foreshadowing, writer & director Eric Forsberg sets up the ending as the omnivorous piranha converge on the wounded fish and maul it. Fitch wades ashore. A single piranha pursues him with a vengeance. The fish lunges at him, and he stabs it repeatedly until it dies. Fitch slams the dead flesh-eater on Diaz’s desk and the colonel cannot believe his eyes.
The scientists inspect Fitch’s specimen and learn it possesses two hearts, triple-thick skin and is an hermaphrodite! Meaning, it can replicate by itself. Since the piranha are holed up behind a natural dam, Higgins recommends they drain the estuary before the fish grow large enough to escape. Instead, the villainous Diaz launches a helicopter assault. They blast the bejesus out of the river, but the fish survive. Of course, Diaz doesn’t realize the error of his ways. All he knows is the secretive scientists are responsible so he arrests them. He tortures poor Dr. Huggins. Meanwhile, the resilient piranha really begin to grow. Fitch helps Monroe and her associates escape. However, the piranha are heading up river by leaps and bounds. The scientists believe the fish cannot enter the ocean because piranha are fresh-water inhabitants and salt water will kill them. Imagine their surprise when the piranha ignore this genetic trait. Grady arranges for a destroyer to blast the fish. Predictably, the piranha survive the bombardment, gobble the ship, and enter the ocean. Now, the piranha are heading for Miami and Grady dispatches a submarine to torpedo them.
Scenes of piranha leaping out of the sea and smashing into buildings like suicide bombers with explosive crashes will make you laugh until your ribs hurt. The scene where Fitch is on his back, cycling his legs in the air so that his boots strike piranha as they pounce on him makes this alone worth watching. Make no mistake, these fish make formidable fiends, and Colonel Diaz amounts to a melodramatic villain. Nevertheless, the treacherous Diaz gets his just deserts. Another way of putting it is he becomes a just dessert for the fish. Before this 93-minute schlock concludes with its happy ending, these gluttonous fish gnaw up a U.S. Navy destroyer, an Ohio Class submarine--the U.S.S. Florida, and a helicopter hovering over the ocean! This in itself is reminiscent of director Enzo G. Castellari's "Jaws" rip-off "The Last Shark" (1981), aka "Great White," with Vic Morrow. Shots of these piranha sailing over the heads of our heroes is another reason to chuckle. If you’re going to take an idea to the absolute maximum, you must trash every modicum of credibility, and the Asylum people have done with grand gusto. Every character constitutes a hopeless stereotype, but Forsberg never lets the action loiter. He relies on swift editing and the equivalent of jump cutting. The imagery of a school of piranha bounding down river like championship jumping horses is side-splitting. Former "Brady Bunch" trouper, Barry Williams anchors the action with his pragmatic performance. Unlike sci-fi mutant movies of the 1950s that justified themselves as cautionary tales about science run amok, “Meg Piranha” harbors no such pretensions. This film is fun for fun’s sake. The computer-generated imagery won't receive any Oscars, but it is adequate enough for this drivel. Viewers who demand credibility should probably forego this half-baked fish yarn. “Mega Piranha” qualifies as so bad that it’s good!
CINEMATIC REVELATIONS allows me the luxury of writing, editing and archiving my film and television reviews. Some reviews appeared initially in "The Commercial Dispatch" and "The Planet Weekly" and then later in the comment archives at the Internet Movie Database. IMDB.COM, however, imposes a limit on both the number of words and the number of times that an author may revise their comments. I hope that anybody who peruses these expanded reviews will find them useful.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
FILM REVIEW OF ''GOLIATH AND THE SINS OF BABYLON" (ITALIAN-1963)
This superior sword and sandal spectacle benefits enormously from stunning production values, a solid cast, and a believable storyline. Nothing supernatural occurs in "Goliath and the Sins of Babylon" (*** out of ****), a Technicolor, Italian-produced opus distributed by American International Pictures. Our half-clad muscle-bound hero doesn't tangle with three-headed canines, fire-breathing dragons, or flying man-bats. As usual, this epic concerns an enslaved nation whose rebels plot to overthrow an tyrannical ruler, end palace intrigue, and allow a rightful heir to ascend to the throne. What sets “Goliath and the Sins of Babylon“ apart from most other ancient epics is the skillful use of irony and the surprises in the screenplay by Lionello De Felice of “Colossus of the Arena,” Roberto Gianviti of “Seven Slaves Against the World,” and Francesco Scardamaglia of “Seven Rebel Gladiators.” "Colossus of the Arena" director Michele Lupo draws on a dwarf for comic relief when he isn‘t orchestrating numerous fights between the heroes and the villains. Mark Forest registers as a sympathetic strongman hero, while Erno Crisa and Piero Lulli are sufficiently treacherous as the villains. Future Spaghetti western star Giuliano Gemma co-stars as Goliath’s friend and ally Xandros while fellow Spaghetti western actor Mimmo Palmara lends a hand.
An anonymous narrator establishes the setting: "Two hundred years before the birth of Christ, the small kingdom of Nefer in the Persian Gulf was forced to pay tribute to its conqueror Babylon. The people of Nefer trembled with outrage and fear as the soldiers came to collect the yearly price, thirty of the loveliest virgins of the land." As the film opens, a girl (Eleonora Bianchi of "Ulysses against the Son of Hercules") bids farewell to her tearful family before the soldiers of King Pergasos, wearing red outfits, appropriate her as one of the sacrificial thirty. She tries to escape. Just when she believes she had eluded Pergasos’s troops in the market place, however, she runs smack into the arms of more soldiers. Goliath (Mark Forest of "Son of Samson") objects to the way one soldier roughs up the girl and intervenes on her behalf. After Goliath displays his unarmed skills as a warrior against the armed soldiers, they flee like cowards in a panic.
A resourceful little person, the mischievous Ninneto (Arnaldo Fabrizio of "Samson and the Mighty Challenge"), emerges from his hiding place in a basket strapped to Goliath’s horse and warns our hero about the consequences of this act of defiance. Ninneto races to a nearby tavern and tells Alceas (Mimmo Palmara of "Kindar the Invulnerable") and his friend Xandros (Giuliano Gemma of "Day of Anger") about Goliath. When these two see Goliath surrounded by the soldiers, they ride to his rescue. They literally hoist the strong man up by his brawny biceps and carry him away between them with their horses at a gallop. An imperturbable Goliath threatens to unhorse them, but they dissuade him because all three of them would then be captured. Meanwhile, Pergasos’s soldiers pursue them on horseback. Ninneto cuts them off when he shuts the city gates before the Pergasos’s men reach it.
The next time we see Goliath, Alceas, and Xandros, they are behind bars in an arena watching gladiators practice. Initially, Goliath refuses to become a gladiator. Goliath has nothing but contempt for gladiators who fight to amuse a crowd. The leader of an underground movement against the monarchy, Evandro (Livio Lorenzon of "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly"), explains to Goliath that the men training as gladiators in the arena are a part of a conspiracy to overthrow their dastardly ruler. According to Evandro, Nefer fought a war with Babylon four years ago and lost. The king of Nefer was murdered, and his older brother, Pergasos (Piero Lulli of "My Name Is Nobody"), arranged an armistice with Babylon. Clearly, Pergasos is nothing but a puppet for the Babylonians. They demand thirty virgins annually and sacrifice them. When Goliath asks about the slain king's daughter, Regia (José Greci of "War Gods of Babylon"), Evandro explains that their law dictates Regia must take a husband before she can rule. A frustrated Evandro fumes: "Who knows when a marriage will take place." Xandros states that they have pledged to halt these shipments of slave girls to Babylon. Evandro invites Goliath to join them so they will be 42 in number. Goliath agrees to help them. Ninneto chimes in "42 and a half" and joins them, too. "Alright," Alceas chuckles, “we’ll make you our mascot." Indeed, Ninneto serves as splendid comic relief, and he is genuinely funny, a little guy who can knock out unsuspecting warriors three-times his own size. The pottery scene where he eludes the soldiers is better than you'd imagine, particularly because Ninneto outsmarts them!
The father of the sacrificial victim at the beginning of the movie bursts into King Pergasos’s court where Pergasos has gathered the thirty girls for Morakeb (Erno Crisa of "Passport for a Corpse") to see. During the inspection, the father charges Morakeb and tries to stab him to death. Pergasos thwarts the father and has the man fed to the lions in the dudgeon. Morakeb worries about the growing intolerance of Pergasos’s subjects toward Babylon. “The years go by Pergasos and I’m sure our battles are only a memory. I blame your people. They’re beginning to forget the reason for having to pay tribute to our king every year.” Morakeb tells Pergasos that the sacred trireme will arrive within two days time to pick up the girls. “Let there be no more such incidents while girls are being taken onto the ship,” Morakeb commands. The evil Pergasos plans to use the spring chariot races to distract the populace from the departure of the slave girls. Pergasos' niece, Regia, vows to marry any man who can defeat her in the races. Neither Lupo nor his trio of scribes explain why Regia would want to remain a mere princess when she could marry and become queen. Pergasos points out that Regia would never deliberately lose the race. Meantime, Xandros has a rendezvous with Princess Regia‘s lady-in-waiting, Chelima (José Greci in a dual role), at a remote water fall. Xandros doesn’t like Regia. “Any girl who decides to rely on the outcome of a race to decide the man she will live with the rest of her life is just stupid.” Chelima chides Xandros for his intolerance.
Later that night, Alceas scrambles aboard a ship and begs for the merchant who owns the vessel to let him hide from Pergasos’s troops. Our heroes--Evandro, Goliath, and their followers--disguise themselves as soldiers, board the ship and confiscate it so they can stop the Babylonian trireme from coming to pick up the girls. Xandros wants to accompany Goliath and the rest of the men, but Evandro refuses to let him because he must participate in the forthcoming chariot race. Goliath, Alceas, and the others set off to attack the sacred trireme. Goliath chuckles at the sight of Ninneto who has strapped a bunch of cucumbers to his waist to serve as a life belt in case the ship should sink. Our heroes encounter the Babylonian trireme at sea and a battle ensues. During the free-for-all combat aboard the trireme, Ninneto wears a helmet equipped with a spike atop it that he sticks into various Babylonian soldiers. Interestingly, the Babylonians, who are clad in black outfits--seal their own fate when they launch flaming arrows at the ship bearing Goliath and company. Alceas swings aboard the Babylonian ship and kicks over the brazier that the enemy uses and their ship bursts into flames when the brazier tumbles below deck! Meanwhile, Xandros explains to Chelima at their special rendezvous that he must enter the chariot race where he will stake his life because he has no wealth. When she points out that he will have to marry Regia if he wins the contest, he explains that he will do it only to save their people from the Babylonian tyranny that they have suffered under Pergasos. “You must do what you feel is your duty,” Chelima concedes, “But you will always live in my heart.”
Little does Xandros realize that Chelima and Regia are one in the same. The crafty Pergasos sends assassins to kill Xandros after Chelima has departed. When Goliath and Alceas return in a long boat with the rest of their men from the sea battle, Evandro meets them at the shore and explains that Xandros is out somewhere with a woman. Goliath cannot believe that Xandros would jeopardize their plans in such a cavalier manner. part. Little Ninneto knows where to find Xandros and leads Goliath to there on horseback. shows up in the nick of time to save Xandros from certain death. Goliath shows up in time to thwart Pergasos's henchmen. Unfortunately, Xandros is wounded and cannot participate in the race. Pergasos is estactic until he discovers that somebody else--a stranger named Goliath--has replaced the ailing Xandros. There is irony in that Pergasos stopped Xandros from competing in the race, but opened the way for another contestant who ultimately defeats Regia. Regia isn't happy about the outcome of the race. Pergasos fumes about this reversal of events. "Well, now that he has had his victory in the arena, what's this Goliath up to?" One of the king's advisers replies, "This Goliath hopes to release all the slave girls. He intends to cancel our agreement with Babylon." Pergasos is incredulous with rage: "But if he does that Babylon with attack!" While Pergasos and his men brainstorm their alternatives, a lone survivor from the Babylonian trireme stumbles ashore. Three men pull him out of the water and a fourth helps them take him to the authorities. They believe that the man is a pirate.
Later,Goliath admits to Regia that he realizes he is not the man for her. He accuses her of setting a trap for Xandros and Regia convinces him that she had nothing to do with the plot to kill Xandros. Pergasos summons Goliath to the council room. "Your victory in the arena has earned you the right to voice an opinion within this council room," one of Pergasos's men, Meneos (Alfio Caltabiano of "Seven Rebel Gladiators") informs Goliath. "First, how much loyalty do have you to Nefer?" Goliath retorts, "Enough." Meneos challenges Goliath, "Then let us hear the names of every one of the conspirators who committed an act of treason." Goliath grows suspicious of Meneos's line of questioning. "Of what are you accusing him, Meneos? As far as I know, the sea doesn't speak." The lone survivor bursts into the council room and identifies Goliath without hesitation: "He attacked the trireme! He led the pirates that sank us!" Goliath fights his way out of the council room wielding the striker used to sound the gong to knock down the soldiers. He dives through the window and escapes. Meantime, Xandros learns the truth finally about Regia and Chelima. Regia didn't tell Xandros the truth because she feared that he would love her only for being a princess. "I wanted to be sure that you'd save my country." Xandros and she part on happy terms and he rejoins Evandos in the sity. No sooner has Xandros ridden off than one of his assailants who tried to kill him earlier seizes Regia and takes her hostage. The assailant hands Regia over to dastardly Morakeb.
Goliath meets up with Evandro and the rest of the men, and they launch a revolt to free the slave girls from the underground dudgeon. Meneos and his men rush into the corridors to battle them, and Ninneto releases lions and leopards from their cages. These predatory beasts attack Pergasos's men. Eventually, Goliath and company enter the palace and find Pergasos face down on the floor. When they rouse him, the mortally wounded Pergasos reveals that Morakeb killed his men and assaulted him. The rebels bring Meneos into the palace and Xandros and he square off in a sword fight. Xandros manages to kill him by slashing him across the stomach. Meneos dies dramatically when he smashes into the gong. A man who saw Regia delivered to Morakeb by the black assailant who tried to kill Xandros brings news about her abduction. Evandros hatches a grand scheme to get Regia back safely. "It's very clear what we have to do," he explains. "We must destroy Babylon before Morakeb can send his armies here so he can destroy Nefer. Now, I have a plan,a daring, desperate plan. If you approve the plan, I will need several men and one of them is sure to face certain dead." Goliath volunteers to be the expendable person in the plan.
In the next scene, four ambassadors from Nefer appear in Babylon at the king's palace to plead for leniency from King Cafaus (Paul Muller of "Avenger of the Seven Seas")for their people. Among the ambassadors are Xandros and Alceas and they assure Morekab and Rukus that none of the rebels survived the battle in the underground dungeon. When the Cafaus demands the whereabouts of the thirty virgins, Xandros reveals that the rebels killed all the slave girls. Xandros tries to convince the Babylonians that they are still allied to Babylon. To prove it they turn Goliath over to King Cafaus. The monarch stares grimly at the muscle-bound champion and vows: "Goliath, he's going to pay well." In the next scene, Goliath is shown strapped down spread-eagle to a slab. Morakeb supervises Goliath's torture. He wants to determine the loyalty of the ambassadors. Goliath's friends are forced to cut the ropes that will send spears plunging out of the ceiling down at him. Morakeb relishes the moment with the lines: "I know of only one thing worse than physical pain, and that's waiting to be killed. Yes, he might suffer badly waiting for the mortal blow, or he might be lucky and receive it from the first spear." Morakeb watches as the spears fall and barely miss Goliath and leaves him to his fate. The ambassadors and he leave. Little does Morakeb know that Evandro has mobilized the army of Nefer. They attack and repulse the Babylonian army and set the city ablaze. King Cafaus cries that the gods have abandoned Babylon. Our muscular hero relies on his brute strength to pull a Houdini and lead the revolt. The evil Morekab has King Cafaus stabbed to death in the back while he and his closest associates prepare to flee the city by the catacombs. They are surprised when they run into Goliath and Alceas. Goliath cuts off Morakeb's flight and the latter has to fight an unarmed Alceas. Alceas reverses Morakeb's knife and plunges it into him, killing him. At fade-out, Regia and Xandros plan to wed and rule over Nefer. The resourceful little Ninneto introduces everybody to his diminutive wife.
Lupo stages a boisterous sea battle, a careening chariot race, and several clashing sword fights with aplomb. Mind you, the chariot race is nothing compared to "Ben-Hur," but the arena setting is spectacular enough for an Italian peplum. Lupo is particularly adept at creating interesting transitions, and the one involving the gong being struck is really effective. The only thing lacking is the typical trials that the Herculean hero endures to prove his strength. Displays of brawn do not appear as often as they do in other better peplum movies. One of the big scenes shows Goliath chained to a slab in the dudgeon. Above him are several holes and each hole conceals a wicked looking spear. The spears are released by means of cutting the rope holding them and then these pointed weapons travel downward toward its victim. It is a cop-out that none of the spears actually strike our hero. The spears stop several inches from his important body parts while he patiently waits and then later rips out the irons restraining him.
Overall, Lupo does a good job with "Goliath and the Sins of Babylon." This widescreen Retromedia presentation qualifies as above-average despite some flaws in the print. This is one of the most polished looking Peplums ever with its pristine looking sets. The sea battle ranks as above-average, too, with scenes of the two full-size ships and actors swarming between them. This marked lenser Mario Sbrenna's debut as cinematographer, and he makes everything appear larger-than-life. Unfortunately, we never witness any of the sins of Babylon, short of people being fed to lions. For the record, the hero's name in the European releases was Maciste instead of Goliath. This Goliath movie is neither a sequel nor a prequel to the other Italian produced Goliath movies. Interestingly, in a departure from the formula, "Goliath and the Sins of Babylon" doesn't contain the beautiful but mendacious queen character that maps out most of the palace intrigue and at some point slips the strong man hero a drugged goblet of wine. In a sense, Regia is a substitute for this stock character but she is on the side of the good guys.
An anonymous narrator establishes the setting: "Two hundred years before the birth of Christ, the small kingdom of Nefer in the Persian Gulf was forced to pay tribute to its conqueror Babylon. The people of Nefer trembled with outrage and fear as the soldiers came to collect the yearly price, thirty of the loveliest virgins of the land." As the film opens, a girl (Eleonora Bianchi of "Ulysses against the Son of Hercules") bids farewell to her tearful family before the soldiers of King Pergasos, wearing red outfits, appropriate her as one of the sacrificial thirty. She tries to escape. Just when she believes she had eluded Pergasos’s troops in the market place, however, she runs smack into the arms of more soldiers. Goliath (Mark Forest of "Son of Samson") objects to the way one soldier roughs up the girl and intervenes on her behalf. After Goliath displays his unarmed skills as a warrior against the armed soldiers, they flee like cowards in a panic.
A resourceful little person, the mischievous Ninneto (Arnaldo Fabrizio of "Samson and the Mighty Challenge"), emerges from his hiding place in a basket strapped to Goliath’s horse and warns our hero about the consequences of this act of defiance. Ninneto races to a nearby tavern and tells Alceas (Mimmo Palmara of "Kindar the Invulnerable") and his friend Xandros (Giuliano Gemma of "Day of Anger") about Goliath. When these two see Goliath surrounded by the soldiers, they ride to his rescue. They literally hoist the strong man up by his brawny biceps and carry him away between them with their horses at a gallop. An imperturbable Goliath threatens to unhorse them, but they dissuade him because all three of them would then be captured. Meanwhile, Pergasos’s soldiers pursue them on horseback. Ninneto cuts them off when he shuts the city gates before the Pergasos’s men reach it.
The next time we see Goliath, Alceas, and Xandros, they are behind bars in an arena watching gladiators practice. Initially, Goliath refuses to become a gladiator. Goliath has nothing but contempt for gladiators who fight to amuse a crowd. The leader of an underground movement against the monarchy, Evandro (Livio Lorenzon of "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly"), explains to Goliath that the men training as gladiators in the arena are a part of a conspiracy to overthrow their dastardly ruler. According to Evandro, Nefer fought a war with Babylon four years ago and lost. The king of Nefer was murdered, and his older brother, Pergasos (Piero Lulli of "My Name Is Nobody"), arranged an armistice with Babylon. Clearly, Pergasos is nothing but a puppet for the Babylonians. They demand thirty virgins annually and sacrifice them. When Goliath asks about the slain king's daughter, Regia (José Greci of "War Gods of Babylon"), Evandro explains that their law dictates Regia must take a husband before she can rule. A frustrated Evandro fumes: "Who knows when a marriage will take place." Xandros states that they have pledged to halt these shipments of slave girls to Babylon. Evandro invites Goliath to join them so they will be 42 in number. Goliath agrees to help them. Ninneto chimes in "42 and a half" and joins them, too. "Alright," Alceas chuckles, “we’ll make you our mascot." Indeed, Ninneto serves as splendid comic relief, and he is genuinely funny, a little guy who can knock out unsuspecting warriors three-times his own size. The pottery scene where he eludes the soldiers is better than you'd imagine, particularly because Ninneto outsmarts them!
The father of the sacrificial victim at the beginning of the movie bursts into King Pergasos’s court where Pergasos has gathered the thirty girls for Morakeb (Erno Crisa of "Passport for a Corpse") to see. During the inspection, the father charges Morakeb and tries to stab him to death. Pergasos thwarts the father and has the man fed to the lions in the dudgeon. Morakeb worries about the growing intolerance of Pergasos’s subjects toward Babylon. “The years go by Pergasos and I’m sure our battles are only a memory. I blame your people. They’re beginning to forget the reason for having to pay tribute to our king every year.” Morakeb tells Pergasos that the sacred trireme will arrive within two days time to pick up the girls. “Let there be no more such incidents while girls are being taken onto the ship,” Morakeb commands. The evil Pergasos plans to use the spring chariot races to distract the populace from the departure of the slave girls. Pergasos' niece, Regia, vows to marry any man who can defeat her in the races. Neither Lupo nor his trio of scribes explain why Regia would want to remain a mere princess when she could marry and become queen. Pergasos points out that Regia would never deliberately lose the race. Meantime, Xandros has a rendezvous with Princess Regia‘s lady-in-waiting, Chelima (José Greci in a dual role), at a remote water fall. Xandros doesn’t like Regia. “Any girl who decides to rely on the outcome of a race to decide the man she will live with the rest of her life is just stupid.” Chelima chides Xandros for his intolerance.
Later that night, Alceas scrambles aboard a ship and begs for the merchant who owns the vessel to let him hide from Pergasos’s troops. Our heroes--Evandro, Goliath, and their followers--disguise themselves as soldiers, board the ship and confiscate it so they can stop the Babylonian trireme from coming to pick up the girls. Xandros wants to accompany Goliath and the rest of the men, but Evandro refuses to let him because he must participate in the forthcoming chariot race. Goliath, Alceas, and the others set off to attack the sacred trireme. Goliath chuckles at the sight of Ninneto who has strapped a bunch of cucumbers to his waist to serve as a life belt in case the ship should sink. Our heroes encounter the Babylonian trireme at sea and a battle ensues. During the free-for-all combat aboard the trireme, Ninneto wears a helmet equipped with a spike atop it that he sticks into various Babylonian soldiers. Interestingly, the Babylonians, who are clad in black outfits--seal their own fate when they launch flaming arrows at the ship bearing Goliath and company. Alceas swings aboard the Babylonian ship and kicks over the brazier that the enemy uses and their ship bursts into flames when the brazier tumbles below deck! Meanwhile, Xandros explains to Chelima at their special rendezvous that he must enter the chariot race where he will stake his life because he has no wealth. When she points out that he will have to marry Regia if he wins the contest, he explains that he will do it only to save their people from the Babylonian tyranny that they have suffered under Pergasos. “You must do what you feel is your duty,” Chelima concedes, “But you will always live in my heart.”
Little does Xandros realize that Chelima and Regia are one in the same. The crafty Pergasos sends assassins to kill Xandros after Chelima has departed. When Goliath and Alceas return in a long boat with the rest of their men from the sea battle, Evandro meets them at the shore and explains that Xandros is out somewhere with a woman. Goliath cannot believe that Xandros would jeopardize their plans in such a cavalier manner. part. Little Ninneto knows where to find Xandros and leads Goliath to there on horseback. shows up in the nick of time to save Xandros from certain death. Goliath shows up in time to thwart Pergasos's henchmen. Unfortunately, Xandros is wounded and cannot participate in the race. Pergasos is estactic until he discovers that somebody else--a stranger named Goliath--has replaced the ailing Xandros. There is irony in that Pergasos stopped Xandros from competing in the race, but opened the way for another contestant who ultimately defeats Regia. Regia isn't happy about the outcome of the race. Pergasos fumes about this reversal of events. "Well, now that he has had his victory in the arena, what's this Goliath up to?" One of the king's advisers replies, "This Goliath hopes to release all the slave girls. He intends to cancel our agreement with Babylon." Pergasos is incredulous with rage: "But if he does that Babylon with attack!" While Pergasos and his men brainstorm their alternatives, a lone survivor from the Babylonian trireme stumbles ashore. Three men pull him out of the water and a fourth helps them take him to the authorities. They believe that the man is a pirate.
Later,Goliath admits to Regia that he realizes he is not the man for her. He accuses her of setting a trap for Xandros and Regia convinces him that she had nothing to do with the plot to kill Xandros. Pergasos summons Goliath to the council room. "Your victory in the arena has earned you the right to voice an opinion within this council room," one of Pergasos's men, Meneos (Alfio Caltabiano of "Seven Rebel Gladiators") informs Goliath. "First, how much loyalty do have you to Nefer?" Goliath retorts, "Enough." Meneos challenges Goliath, "Then let us hear the names of every one of the conspirators who committed an act of treason." Goliath grows suspicious of Meneos's line of questioning. "Of what are you accusing him, Meneos? As far as I know, the sea doesn't speak." The lone survivor bursts into the council room and identifies Goliath without hesitation: "He attacked the trireme! He led the pirates that sank us!" Goliath fights his way out of the council room wielding the striker used to sound the gong to knock down the soldiers. He dives through the window and escapes. Meantime, Xandros learns the truth finally about Regia and Chelima. Regia didn't tell Xandros the truth because she feared that he would love her only for being a princess. "I wanted to be sure that you'd save my country." Xandros and she part on happy terms and he rejoins Evandos in the sity. No sooner has Xandros ridden off than one of his assailants who tried to kill him earlier seizes Regia and takes her hostage. The assailant hands Regia over to dastardly Morakeb.
Goliath meets up with Evandro and the rest of the men, and they launch a revolt to free the slave girls from the underground dudgeon. Meneos and his men rush into the corridors to battle them, and Ninneto releases lions and leopards from their cages. These predatory beasts attack Pergasos's men. Eventually, Goliath and company enter the palace and find Pergasos face down on the floor. When they rouse him, the mortally wounded Pergasos reveals that Morakeb killed his men and assaulted him. The rebels bring Meneos into the palace and Xandros and he square off in a sword fight. Xandros manages to kill him by slashing him across the stomach. Meneos dies dramatically when he smashes into the gong. A man who saw Regia delivered to Morakeb by the black assailant who tried to kill Xandros brings news about her abduction. Evandros hatches a grand scheme to get Regia back safely. "It's very clear what we have to do," he explains. "We must destroy Babylon before Morakeb can send his armies here so he can destroy Nefer. Now, I have a plan,a daring, desperate plan. If you approve the plan, I will need several men and one of them is sure to face certain dead." Goliath volunteers to be the expendable person in the plan.
In the next scene, four ambassadors from Nefer appear in Babylon at the king's palace to plead for leniency from King Cafaus (Paul Muller of "Avenger of the Seven Seas")for their people. Among the ambassadors are Xandros and Alceas and they assure Morekab and Rukus that none of the rebels survived the battle in the underground dungeon. When the Cafaus demands the whereabouts of the thirty virgins, Xandros reveals that the rebels killed all the slave girls. Xandros tries to convince the Babylonians that they are still allied to Babylon. To prove it they turn Goliath over to King Cafaus. The monarch stares grimly at the muscle-bound champion and vows: "Goliath, he's going to pay well." In the next scene, Goliath is shown strapped down spread-eagle to a slab. Morakeb supervises Goliath's torture. He wants to determine the loyalty of the ambassadors. Goliath's friends are forced to cut the ropes that will send spears plunging out of the ceiling down at him. Morakeb relishes the moment with the lines: "I know of only one thing worse than physical pain, and that's waiting to be killed. Yes, he might suffer badly waiting for the mortal blow, or he might be lucky and receive it from the first spear." Morakeb watches as the spears fall and barely miss Goliath and leaves him to his fate. The ambassadors and he leave. Little does Morakeb know that Evandro has mobilized the army of Nefer. They attack and repulse the Babylonian army and set the city ablaze. King Cafaus cries that the gods have abandoned Babylon. Our muscular hero relies on his brute strength to pull a Houdini and lead the revolt. The evil Morekab has King Cafaus stabbed to death in the back while he and his closest associates prepare to flee the city by the catacombs. They are surprised when they run into Goliath and Alceas. Goliath cuts off Morakeb's flight and the latter has to fight an unarmed Alceas. Alceas reverses Morakeb's knife and plunges it into him, killing him. At fade-out, Regia and Xandros plan to wed and rule over Nefer. The resourceful little Ninneto introduces everybody to his diminutive wife.
Lupo stages a boisterous sea battle, a careening chariot race, and several clashing sword fights with aplomb. Mind you, the chariot race is nothing compared to "Ben-Hur," but the arena setting is spectacular enough for an Italian peplum. Lupo is particularly adept at creating interesting transitions, and the one involving the gong being struck is really effective. The only thing lacking is the typical trials that the Herculean hero endures to prove his strength. Displays of brawn do not appear as often as they do in other better peplum movies. One of the big scenes shows Goliath chained to a slab in the dudgeon. Above him are several holes and each hole conceals a wicked looking spear. The spears are released by means of cutting the rope holding them and then these pointed weapons travel downward toward its victim. It is a cop-out that none of the spears actually strike our hero. The spears stop several inches from his important body parts while he patiently waits and then later rips out the irons restraining him.
Overall, Lupo does a good job with "Goliath and the Sins of Babylon." This widescreen Retromedia presentation qualifies as above-average despite some flaws in the print. This is one of the most polished looking Peplums ever with its pristine looking sets. The sea battle ranks as above-average, too, with scenes of the two full-size ships and actors swarming between them. This marked lenser Mario Sbrenna's debut as cinematographer, and he makes everything appear larger-than-life. Unfortunately, we never witness any of the sins of Babylon, short of people being fed to lions. For the record, the hero's name in the European releases was Maciste instead of Goliath. This Goliath movie is neither a sequel nor a prequel to the other Italian produced Goliath movies. Interestingly, in a departure from the formula, "Goliath and the Sins of Babylon" doesn't contain the beautiful but mendacious queen character that maps out most of the palace intrigue and at some point slips the strong man hero a drugged goblet of wine. In a sense, Regia is a substitute for this stock character but she is on the side of the good guys.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
FILM REVIEW OF ''BATTLE: LOS ANGELES'' (2011)
If the tenacious enemy the U.S. Marines tangle with in director Jonathan Liebesman’s “Battle: Los Angeles” (*** out of ****) didn’t come from another planet, then this above-average PG-13 rated Columbia Pictures’ release wouldn’t qualify as a science fiction shoot‘em up. As it is, “Battle: Los Angeles” amounts to marginal sci-fi. The guys who wrote and directed this suspenseful but straightforward 116-minute saga strive for adrenaline-laced realism. They aren’t out to imitate the outlandish audacity of “Skyline” with its “Cloverfield” style monsters trashing a coastal metropolis. Ostensibly, “Battle: Los Angeles” seems like a Marine recruiting video. The scarcity of memorable characters and scene-stealing aliens are offset by its splendid computer generated special effects and Aaron Eckhart’s bravura performance.
Like last year’s “Skyline” and many sci-fi films dating to 1951’s “The Thing From Another World,” “Battle: Los Angeles” shows aliens plunging into the Earth in meteors that turn out to be spacecraft. Unlike “Skyline,” Liebesman’s movie boasts aliens that lack reptilian features with tentacles galore. Instead, the enemy look like the “Star Wars” storm troopers. Herein lies the chief problem that “Battle: Los Angeles” faces. Since it doesn’t look like your typical sci-fi tale and the filmmakers give the extraterrestrials the short shrift, many moviegoers and critics are maligning it without mercy No, “Battle: Los Angeles” neither wallows in political allegories like “District 9” nor does it assemble a speculative arsenal of weapons to destroy the enemy as in “Independence Day.” “Battle: Los Angeles” looks more like “Black Hawk Down.” You wind up caring more about the human characters. Nevertheless, you develop considerable respect for the pugnacious aliens. They track down and kill both civilians and military alike by targeting mobile radio and telephone communication. Unlike “Skyline,” “Battle: Los Angeles” concludes with greater optimism. Basically, this movie celebrates male camaraderie as well as the indomitable human spirit of survival.
After a false start that depicts the devastation the aliens have wrought around the globe, the action flashes back to the hours before the catastrophic invasion. During this prologue, Liebesman and "The General's Daughter" scenarist Christopher Bertolini introduce a number of young Marines and their leaders. Except for a few high-ranking officers, the Marines here are grunts on the ground. Aside from their platoon commander, these Marines are the followers who wind up leading the way. As the protagonist, veteran Marine Staff Sergeant Michael Nantz (Aaron Eckhart of "The Dark Knight") has served 20 years in the Corps. Nantz wants to retire because his last campaign in Iraq turned bittersweet when he lost several leathernecks but received a Silver Star for valor. Not surprisingly, Nantz doesn't care about the commendation. Moreover, the memories of the men that died under his command haunt him. Naturally, when the meteors start falling, the Pentagon deploys the Marines from Camp Pendleton, and Nantz finds himself reassigned to Echo Company, 2nd battalion, 5th Marine regiment. Predictably, there is a rumble in the ranks about Nantz's gung-ho attitude, and the young Marines believe that he will treat them like cannon fodder. Indeed, Nantz behaves like 'John Wayne' in one scene, and his company commander, 2nd Lieutenant William Martinez (Ramón Rodríguez of "Pride and Glory"), orders him to knock off the heroics.
Meanwhile, Liebesman and Bertolini parcel out only piecemeal information about the aliens. They crave water and exploit it as a source of energy. Their blitzkrieg blankets the globe, and they are aggressively trouncing mankind. Indeed, Los Angeles resembles Beirut. Television news bulletins provide the modicum of information that mankind knows about these pugnacious intruders. None of it is useful to the Marines who must eradicate these miscreants. Initially, Nantz and his platoon are dispatched to an abandoned Santa Monica police station to rescue a group of civilians and then escort them to a forward operating base to await evacuation. Martinez's superiors warn him he has 3 hours to complete his mission before the Air Force obliterates everything in sight. In some way, "Battle: Los Angeles" is like "Aliens" as these smug Marines lock and load for action. The attitude change that comes over them after their first encounter with the enemy is dramatic. Initially, they desperately lack cohesion. Only after they acquire cohesion do they come together as a unit and experience success.
“Battle: Los Angeles” differs from “Independence Day” and the “Transformers” movies because it shuns the multiple levels of characters that those films contain. Typically, sci-fi movies have scientists struggling to figure out how to kill the alien invaders while the politicians scramble to placate the public that everything is being done to accomplish this goal. Eventually, when the politicians and the scientists get a clue, they pass it along to the military and the killing commences. “Battle: Los Angeles” confines its action to the Marines on the ground. Since the Marines can only see what is around them, the film resembles a first-person shooter videogame. The aliens never get up close and personal as in a “Predator” movie. “Battle: Los Angeles” isn’t a horror movie. Occasionally, a soldier is dragged by the feet into foliage and killed. Primarily, these aliens are like marauding Apaches that rely on stealth to strike. Moreover, they can be killed. Eventually, when the Marines run into greater numbers of aliens, “Battle: Los Angeles” settles down to conventional close-quarters combat. Incredibly enough, most of "Battle: Los Angeles" was lensed on location in Louisiana!
Like last year’s “Skyline” and many sci-fi films dating to 1951’s “The Thing From Another World,” “Battle: Los Angeles” shows aliens plunging into the Earth in meteors that turn out to be spacecraft. Unlike “Skyline,” Liebesman’s movie boasts aliens that lack reptilian features with tentacles galore. Instead, the enemy look like the “Star Wars” storm troopers. Herein lies the chief problem that “Battle: Los Angeles” faces. Since it doesn’t look like your typical sci-fi tale and the filmmakers give the extraterrestrials the short shrift, many moviegoers and critics are maligning it without mercy No, “Battle: Los Angeles” neither wallows in political allegories like “District 9” nor does it assemble a speculative arsenal of weapons to destroy the enemy as in “Independence Day.” “Battle: Los Angeles” looks more like “Black Hawk Down.” You wind up caring more about the human characters. Nevertheless, you develop considerable respect for the pugnacious aliens. They track down and kill both civilians and military alike by targeting mobile radio and telephone communication. Unlike “Skyline,” “Battle: Los Angeles” concludes with greater optimism. Basically, this movie celebrates male camaraderie as well as the indomitable human spirit of survival.
After a false start that depicts the devastation the aliens have wrought around the globe, the action flashes back to the hours before the catastrophic invasion. During this prologue, Liebesman and "The General's Daughter" scenarist Christopher Bertolini introduce a number of young Marines and their leaders. Except for a few high-ranking officers, the Marines here are grunts on the ground. Aside from their platoon commander, these Marines are the followers who wind up leading the way. As the protagonist, veteran Marine Staff Sergeant Michael Nantz (Aaron Eckhart of "The Dark Knight") has served 20 years in the Corps. Nantz wants to retire because his last campaign in Iraq turned bittersweet when he lost several leathernecks but received a Silver Star for valor. Not surprisingly, Nantz doesn't care about the commendation. Moreover, the memories of the men that died under his command haunt him. Naturally, when the meteors start falling, the Pentagon deploys the Marines from Camp Pendleton, and Nantz finds himself reassigned to Echo Company, 2nd battalion, 5th Marine regiment. Predictably, there is a rumble in the ranks about Nantz's gung-ho attitude, and the young Marines believe that he will treat them like cannon fodder. Indeed, Nantz behaves like 'John Wayne' in one scene, and his company commander, 2nd Lieutenant William Martinez (Ramón Rodríguez of "Pride and Glory"), orders him to knock off the heroics.
Meanwhile, Liebesman and Bertolini parcel out only piecemeal information about the aliens. They crave water and exploit it as a source of energy. Their blitzkrieg blankets the globe, and they are aggressively trouncing mankind. Indeed, Los Angeles resembles Beirut. Television news bulletins provide the modicum of information that mankind knows about these pugnacious intruders. None of it is useful to the Marines who must eradicate these miscreants. Initially, Nantz and his platoon are dispatched to an abandoned Santa Monica police station to rescue a group of civilians and then escort them to a forward operating base to await evacuation. Martinez's superiors warn him he has 3 hours to complete his mission before the Air Force obliterates everything in sight. In some way, "Battle: Los Angeles" is like "Aliens" as these smug Marines lock and load for action. The attitude change that comes over them after their first encounter with the enemy is dramatic. Initially, they desperately lack cohesion. Only after they acquire cohesion do they come together as a unit and experience success.
“Battle: Los Angeles” differs from “Independence Day” and the “Transformers” movies because it shuns the multiple levels of characters that those films contain. Typically, sci-fi movies have scientists struggling to figure out how to kill the alien invaders while the politicians scramble to placate the public that everything is being done to accomplish this goal. Eventually, when the politicians and the scientists get a clue, they pass it along to the military and the killing commences. “Battle: Los Angeles” confines its action to the Marines on the ground. Since the Marines can only see what is around them, the film resembles a first-person shooter videogame. The aliens never get up close and personal as in a “Predator” movie. “Battle: Los Angeles” isn’t a horror movie. Occasionally, a soldier is dragged by the feet into foliage and killed. Primarily, these aliens are like marauding Apaches that rely on stealth to strike. Moreover, they can be killed. Eventually, when the Marines run into greater numbers of aliens, “Battle: Los Angeles” settles down to conventional close-quarters combat. Incredibly enough, most of "Battle: Los Angeles" was lensed on location in Louisiana!
Saturday, March 12, 2011
FILM REVIEW OF ''A MAN TO RESPECT" (ITALIAN-WEST GERMAN-1972)
This entertaining 'crime-does-not-pay' European heist caper pits mastermind safe-cracker Kirk Douglas against his trapeze artist sidekick Giuliano Gemma as well as his former Teutonic criminal underworld boss Wolfgang Preiss. "Goliath and the Sins of Babylon" director Michele Lupo's suspenseful yarn boasts intrigue, betrayal, and a demolition-derby car chase in Hamburg, Germany, as our hero sets out to pull another one of those formulaic fool-proof last jobs. "Un uomo da rispettare" benefits from the terrific widescreen cinematography of "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly" lenser Tonino Delli Colli and his use of 'Dutch' tilt angles. Composer Ennio Morricone contributes a muted orchestral score and Lupo relies on a lively classical Mozart tune in two scenes. The twist here is that our anti-heroic protagonist stages one robbery but plans to be caught for another robbery so as throw the German police and the villains off the scent. Naturally, nothing goes quite as it is planned in this ingenious but familiar caper. Like director Richard Brooks' crime caper "Dollars" (1971), Lupo's film focuses on banks that contain ultra-sophisticated security systems to safeguard their assets.
"Un uomo da rispettare" (**1/2 out of ****) opens with marked police cars rampaging around the city while Detective Hoffman (Reinhard Kolldehoff of "Shout at the Devil") transports convicted career criminal Steve Wallace (Kirk Douglas of "Gunfight at the O.K. Corral") home to his wife Anna (Florinda Bolkan of "The Last Valley") after having served three years in prison. No sooner does the police car leave Wallace in front of his house than a carload of thugs cruise up. One of the ruffians informs Wallace that their boss, Miller (Wolfgang Preiss of "Raid on Rommel"), wants to talk to him. Reluctantly, Wallace accompanies them to see the well-heeled Miller in his huge office above a casino. Miller surrounds himself with an array of electronic gadgets to present his proposition for a heist with a million dollar payday. "I've got a job only you can do," he explains. "Now, listen carefully, you must knock out this alarm system. It's called 'Big Ben.' If it goes off, the whole city can hear it." Miller shows Wallace the vault on the top floor where the International Insurance Company has stored a cool million. "Now I know you can handle this safe, Steve, but Big Ben is the problem. The buzzing of a fly, a footstep, a deep breath is enough to trip the alarm." Miller pauses and then observes in an effort to entice Wallace. "Nobody has ever thought of it before." Wallace refuses flatly to pull the job for Miller. Before he worked for Miller, Wallace never encountered trouble. He wound up serving three years in prison when he did his first job for Miller. Nevertheless, Wallace tours the building and finds the edifice decked out with surveillance galore. He heads up to the top floor to snoop around but the disembodied voice of a woman interrupts him. He tells her that he has an appointment with Mr. Schmitt. The woman at a central control desk tells him that Schmitt's office is located on the second floor. Miller's rough-hewn henchman (Romano Puppo of "Death Rides A Horse") spots him leaving the building. He tries to persuade Wallace to see Miller again. Wallace refuses. While they are talking, a young man in an old jalopy, Marco (Giuliano Gemma), pulls up behind the henchman and honks at him. The two tangle in a rough and tumble fight with Marco demonstrating his agility. Miller's man brandishes a pistol. Wallace intervenes and knocks the gun out of the thug's fist.
This chance encounter serves as an opportunity for Wallace and Marco to become friends. Sadly, Wallace doesn't pay enough attention either to his unhappy wife or his new friend. Wallace convinces Anna that he can steal millions without being held accountable if he stages one robbery but takes the fall for another lesser robbery. If everything goes according to plan, Wallace calculates that--under German law--he will only land in prison for 18 months from robbing a pawn shop. Unfortunately, Marco relies too heavily on his switchblade knife. Earlier, Wallace warns Marco sternly about this predilection. Director Lupo does a good job of staging the International Insurance safe-cracking job. Wallace decides to pull the job in the afternoon rather than at night. He slips into the building just after it has closed and looks like just another businessman with a bag that contains his instruments. Meantime, Anna makes appropriate phone calls at the precise moments to distract the uniformed guards while our hero sets up an array of gadgets to warn him when the guards are making their rounds. He uses Mozart music to skillfully distract the 'Big Ben' alarm system. Furthermore, after he gains access to the vault room, Wallace sprinkles powder on the push-buttons that must be punched according to a sequence to raise the circular vault out of the floor. He uses the powder to determine which buttons have fingerprints on them. Pretty savvy!!! Unfortunately, the best laid plans go awry when poor Marco kills the guard. You'd think after his knock down, drag-out brawl with Miller's henchman that Marco could have beaten the guard and left him unconscious. That isn't the point. The guard must be found down and at the last moment so that it comes as a complete surprise to Wallace.
"Un uomo da rispettare" is one of those crime caper films made after the abolition of the Production Code. Earlier, Hollywood films and European films would never allow the criminals to escape with their ill-gotten gains. This would been a prescription for anarchy. Filmmakers could not make such a radical, anti-status-quo statement. The idea that 'crime could pay' would have been considered unethical! Cleverly, however, Lupo and scenarists Roberto Leoni, Franco Bucceri, Mino Roli, and Nico Ducci create suspense by letting Wallace get away with one robbery only to be nabbed for another one! After all, this is a testament to Wallace's brilliance as a safe-cracker. A handsome, well-tailored Kirk Douglas is shrewd throughout until he realizes that he has been sold out. As his immature pal, Giuliano Gemma looks like a European version of Paul Newman. He appears to be performing his own stunts in the circus scenes. The slam-bang car chase between Marco and Miller's lieutenant as a part of their feud is amusing. This isn't the kind of car chase that was usually found in Hollywood epics at the time. Surprisingly, this chase seems to have been filmed in chronological order since neither vehicle looks like it changes during the demolition.
"Un uomo da rispettare" (**1/2 out of ****) opens with marked police cars rampaging around the city while Detective Hoffman (Reinhard Kolldehoff of "Shout at the Devil") transports convicted career criminal Steve Wallace (Kirk Douglas of "Gunfight at the O.K. Corral") home to his wife Anna (Florinda Bolkan of "The Last Valley") after having served three years in prison. No sooner does the police car leave Wallace in front of his house than a carload of thugs cruise up. One of the ruffians informs Wallace that their boss, Miller (Wolfgang Preiss of "Raid on Rommel"), wants to talk to him. Reluctantly, Wallace accompanies them to see the well-heeled Miller in his huge office above a casino. Miller surrounds himself with an array of electronic gadgets to present his proposition for a heist with a million dollar payday. "I've got a job only you can do," he explains. "Now, listen carefully, you must knock out this alarm system. It's called 'Big Ben.' If it goes off, the whole city can hear it." Miller shows Wallace the vault on the top floor where the International Insurance Company has stored a cool million. "Now I know you can handle this safe, Steve, but Big Ben is the problem. The buzzing of a fly, a footstep, a deep breath is enough to trip the alarm." Miller pauses and then observes in an effort to entice Wallace. "Nobody has ever thought of it before." Wallace refuses flatly to pull the job for Miller. Before he worked for Miller, Wallace never encountered trouble. He wound up serving three years in prison when he did his first job for Miller. Nevertheless, Wallace tours the building and finds the edifice decked out with surveillance galore. He heads up to the top floor to snoop around but the disembodied voice of a woman interrupts him. He tells her that he has an appointment with Mr. Schmitt. The woman at a central control desk tells him that Schmitt's office is located on the second floor. Miller's rough-hewn henchman (Romano Puppo of "Death Rides A Horse") spots him leaving the building. He tries to persuade Wallace to see Miller again. Wallace refuses. While they are talking, a young man in an old jalopy, Marco (Giuliano Gemma), pulls up behind the henchman and honks at him. The two tangle in a rough and tumble fight with Marco demonstrating his agility. Miller's man brandishes a pistol. Wallace intervenes and knocks the gun out of the thug's fist.
This chance encounter serves as an opportunity for Wallace and Marco to become friends. Sadly, Wallace doesn't pay enough attention either to his unhappy wife or his new friend. Wallace convinces Anna that he can steal millions without being held accountable if he stages one robbery but takes the fall for another lesser robbery. If everything goes according to plan, Wallace calculates that--under German law--he will only land in prison for 18 months from robbing a pawn shop. Unfortunately, Marco relies too heavily on his switchblade knife. Earlier, Wallace warns Marco sternly about this predilection. Director Lupo does a good job of staging the International Insurance safe-cracking job. Wallace decides to pull the job in the afternoon rather than at night. He slips into the building just after it has closed and looks like just another businessman with a bag that contains his instruments. Meantime, Anna makes appropriate phone calls at the precise moments to distract the uniformed guards while our hero sets up an array of gadgets to warn him when the guards are making their rounds. He uses Mozart music to skillfully distract the 'Big Ben' alarm system. Furthermore, after he gains access to the vault room, Wallace sprinkles powder on the push-buttons that must be punched according to a sequence to raise the circular vault out of the floor. He uses the powder to determine which buttons have fingerprints on them. Pretty savvy!!! Unfortunately, the best laid plans go awry when poor Marco kills the guard. You'd think after his knock down, drag-out brawl with Miller's henchman that Marco could have beaten the guard and left him unconscious. That isn't the point. The guard must be found down and at the last moment so that it comes as a complete surprise to Wallace.
"Un uomo da rispettare" is one of those crime caper films made after the abolition of the Production Code. Earlier, Hollywood films and European films would never allow the criminals to escape with their ill-gotten gains. This would been a prescription for anarchy. Filmmakers could not make such a radical, anti-status-quo statement. The idea that 'crime could pay' would have been considered unethical! Cleverly, however, Lupo and scenarists Roberto Leoni, Franco Bucceri, Mino Roli, and Nico Ducci create suspense by letting Wallace get away with one robbery only to be nabbed for another one! After all, this is a testament to Wallace's brilliance as a safe-cracker. A handsome, well-tailored Kirk Douglas is shrewd throughout until he realizes that he has been sold out. As his immature pal, Giuliano Gemma looks like a European version of Paul Newman. He appears to be performing his own stunts in the circus scenes. The slam-bang car chase between Marco and Miller's lieutenant as a part of their feud is amusing. This isn't the kind of car chase that was usually found in Hollywood epics at the time. Surprisingly, this chase seems to have been filmed in chronological order since neither vehicle looks like it changes during the demolition.
Monday, March 7, 2011
FILM REVIEW OF ''THE ADJUSTMENT BUREAU" (2011)
Hugo Award winning author Phillip K. Dick penned over 40 science fiction novels and more than 120 short stories. Dick forged a career out of writing about omnipotent corporations and dystopian governments that manipulated people like puppets. Even if sci-fi does not share shelf space with your mainstream literature, you should have heard about him from a number of film adaptations released since his death. For the record, Dick died in 1982, and Hollywood belatedly appropriated his creative output. Of course, “Blade Runner” (1982) ranks as the most celebrated of Dick adaptations. “Next” (2007) with Nicolas Cage, “A Scanner Darkly” (2006) with Keanu Reeves, “Paycheck” (2005) with Ben Affleck, “Minority Report”(2002) with Tom Cruise, “Impostor” (2001) with Gary Sinise, “Screamers” (1995) with Peter Weller, and “Total Recall” (1990) with Arnold Schwarzenegger followed. The thing that most of these films have in common is that they do little justice to his genius. Writer, producer, and director George Nolfi, whose writing credits include "The Bourne Ultimatum" and "Ocean's Twelve,” has tampered marginally with Dick’s 1954 short story "Adjustment Team” to augment the romantic angle. The short story had no romantic angle, but this alteration makes the movie with Matt Damon, Emily Blunt, and Terence Stamp into an entertaining opus. If you shun sci-fi sagas because of the gadgetry, terminology, and exotic creatures that dominate so many of these movies, “The Adjustment Bureau” may appeal to you. Damon doesn’t don a glittering space suit, and Blunt doesn’t sport a futuristic coiffure. Alien life forms neither invade Earth nor enslave humanity. What little gadgetry that is deployed is not emphasized because it plays such a peripheral part.
Aside from the earlier Dick adaptation “Paycheck,” “The Adjustment Bureau” (***1/2 out of ****) qualifies as the least sci-fi looking epic you’ll see. Nevertheless, it concerns a theme that obsessed Dick: alternate realities sometimes referred to as ‘simulacra.’ Damon plays young, single, unruly Brooklyn-born politician George Norris christened 'the GQ Congressman' for his sartorial elegance. Norris falls in love by a happy coincidence when he encounters a beautiful dancer in the men's room at the elite motel where he maintains his election campaign headquarters. Elise Sellas (Emily Blunt of "Gnomeo & Juliet") is hiding from motel security because she tried to crash a wedding. Norris struggles to organize his thoughts for a speech conceding his election to his opponent. Initially, he asks if anybody is in the restroom. Mind you, this is the kind of rest room where the toilet stall doors resemble front doors. When he gets no response, Norris mulls over the wording of his speech. Elise surprises him at the last moment and steps out, and they strike up a conversation that leads to a kiss. No sooner have they concluded their lip-lock than David's long-suffering campaign manager Charlie Traynor (Michael Kelly of "Law Abiding Citizen") enters and catches a glimpse of Elise as she strolls out. Afterward, David concedes defeat with a speech about the absurd lengths that his campaign went to so that he would draw diverse voters. He talks about his choice of shoes. The shoes have to look nice enough to attract the upper elite without alienating the middle class voters. Although he lost the election, David has proved so charismatic that he won't be overlooked during the next election.
Later, David and Elise meet again on a New York City Transit bus. As it turns out, an anonymous group of guys are monitoring everything that happens to our protagonists. They dress in elegant but unobtrusive grey suits, ties, and hats. They tote around books and haunt rooftops so they can survey the city and make plans. Actually, they don’t make plans. More appropriately, they follow plans. When they open their books to check the progress of these plans, we see what resembles a live ‘etch-a-sketch’ on paper with lines and circles. They report to a superior who they call ‘the Chairman of the Board.’ No, the Chairman of the Board is not Frank Sinatra with a harp, a halo, and a hat. In fact, we never see ‘the Chairman of the Board.’ Clearly, this ‘Chairman of the Board’ might be a supreme deity. Wisely Nolfi leaves this up to the imagination of moviegoers so that religion doesn’t become an issue. The problem is that the Chairman of the Board, who orchestrates the moves that mankind make, wants neither David nor Elise to hook up.
Indeed, these many mysterious men in hats do their best to keep our hero and heroine apart. Initially, they succeed after a guy-in-gray, Harry Mitchell (Will Smith lookalike Anthony Mackie of “Million Dollar Baby”), takes a nap on a city bench and misses his rendezvous with David. When he misses colliding with Norris, Harry accidentally allows our hero to run into Elise on the city bus. The men in grey scramble to make-up for this error by getting to David’s office ahead of him where they are erasing minds when he stumbles in on them. All of this stuff appears in the trailer. Richardson (John Slattery of “Iron Man 2”) divulges the entire set-up to David and warns him that they will zap his mind if he does not keep their secret. Specifically, they don’t want him to meet Elise because she is destined to become America’s greatest dancer. If they get together, David will destroy her career as well as sidetrack his own political ambitions. Predictably, David refuses to be manipulated, even if these enigmatic gentlemen threaten to erase his mind. Sounds a bit like “Men in Black" doesn't it? Nevertheless, he does everything within his power to thwart these people who would keep the woman of his dreams and he apart in this exciting romantic thriller. The closest movie to “The Adjustment Bureau” that seasoned sci-fi aficionados may recall is director Alex Proyas’s second film, the neo-noir “Dark City” (1998) where aliens recreated an Earth-like environment and conducted endless experiments to understand the essence of humanity. Unlike “Dark City,” “The Adjustment Bureau” prefers to be more cerebral than sci-fi. Nolfi makes our hero and heroine appropriately sympathetic, while the villains are immaculately shady without being hideous. The nearest thing to sci-fi here is the use of doors as short-cuts to get around New York City. Happily, Nolfi doesn’t clutter up the action with a surfeit of exposition that explains how going through different doors saves time. Altogether, "The Adjustment Bureau" qualifies as a lightweight but enjoyable "Twilight Zone" sci-fier that makes a great date movie.
Aside from the earlier Dick adaptation “Paycheck,” “The Adjustment Bureau” (***1/2 out of ****) qualifies as the least sci-fi looking epic you’ll see. Nevertheless, it concerns a theme that obsessed Dick: alternate realities sometimes referred to as ‘simulacra.’ Damon plays young, single, unruly Brooklyn-born politician George Norris christened 'the GQ Congressman' for his sartorial elegance. Norris falls in love by a happy coincidence when he encounters a beautiful dancer in the men's room at the elite motel where he maintains his election campaign headquarters. Elise Sellas (Emily Blunt of "Gnomeo & Juliet") is hiding from motel security because she tried to crash a wedding. Norris struggles to organize his thoughts for a speech conceding his election to his opponent. Initially, he asks if anybody is in the restroom. Mind you, this is the kind of rest room where the toilet stall doors resemble front doors. When he gets no response, Norris mulls over the wording of his speech. Elise surprises him at the last moment and steps out, and they strike up a conversation that leads to a kiss. No sooner have they concluded their lip-lock than David's long-suffering campaign manager Charlie Traynor (Michael Kelly of "Law Abiding Citizen") enters and catches a glimpse of Elise as she strolls out. Afterward, David concedes defeat with a speech about the absurd lengths that his campaign went to so that he would draw diverse voters. He talks about his choice of shoes. The shoes have to look nice enough to attract the upper elite without alienating the middle class voters. Although he lost the election, David has proved so charismatic that he won't be overlooked during the next election.
Later, David and Elise meet again on a New York City Transit bus. As it turns out, an anonymous group of guys are monitoring everything that happens to our protagonists. They dress in elegant but unobtrusive grey suits, ties, and hats. They tote around books and haunt rooftops so they can survey the city and make plans. Actually, they don’t make plans. More appropriately, they follow plans. When they open their books to check the progress of these plans, we see what resembles a live ‘etch-a-sketch’ on paper with lines and circles. They report to a superior who they call ‘the Chairman of the Board.’ No, the Chairman of the Board is not Frank Sinatra with a harp, a halo, and a hat. In fact, we never see ‘the Chairman of the Board.’ Clearly, this ‘Chairman of the Board’ might be a supreme deity. Wisely Nolfi leaves this up to the imagination of moviegoers so that religion doesn’t become an issue. The problem is that the Chairman of the Board, who orchestrates the moves that mankind make, wants neither David nor Elise to hook up.
Indeed, these many mysterious men in hats do their best to keep our hero and heroine apart. Initially, they succeed after a guy-in-gray, Harry Mitchell (Will Smith lookalike Anthony Mackie of “Million Dollar Baby”), takes a nap on a city bench and misses his rendezvous with David. When he misses colliding with Norris, Harry accidentally allows our hero to run into Elise on the city bus. The men in grey scramble to make-up for this error by getting to David’s office ahead of him where they are erasing minds when he stumbles in on them. All of this stuff appears in the trailer. Richardson (John Slattery of “Iron Man 2”) divulges the entire set-up to David and warns him that they will zap his mind if he does not keep their secret. Specifically, they don’t want him to meet Elise because she is destined to become America’s greatest dancer. If they get together, David will destroy her career as well as sidetrack his own political ambitions. Predictably, David refuses to be manipulated, even if these enigmatic gentlemen threaten to erase his mind. Sounds a bit like “Men in Black" doesn't it? Nevertheless, he does everything within his power to thwart these people who would keep the woman of his dreams and he apart in this exciting romantic thriller. The closest movie to “The Adjustment Bureau” that seasoned sci-fi aficionados may recall is director Alex Proyas’s second film, the neo-noir “Dark City” (1998) where aliens recreated an Earth-like environment and conducted endless experiments to understand the essence of humanity. Unlike “Dark City,” “The Adjustment Bureau” prefers to be more cerebral than sci-fi. Nolfi makes our hero and heroine appropriately sympathetic, while the villains are immaculately shady without being hideous. The nearest thing to sci-fi here is the use of doors as short-cuts to get around New York City. Happily, Nolfi doesn’t clutter up the action with a surfeit of exposition that explains how going through different doors saves time. Altogether, "The Adjustment Bureau" qualifies as a lightweight but enjoyable "Twilight Zone" sci-fier that makes a great date movie.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
FILM REVIEW OF "LEGION" (2010)
Freshman director Scott Stewart's high-octane apocalyptic actioneer "Legion" (*** out of ****) suffers somewhat from one contrivance after another, but this suspenseful secular saga conjures up more than enough thrills, chills and spills to keep audiences entertained with its outrageous audacity. A desolate greasy-spoon roadside diner in a sprawl of sun-baked hills in the middle of nowhere serves as the setting for an end-game showdown between mankind and its Maker. Gladiatorial archangels, demonic humans with a cannibalistic frenzy for flesh, mammoth insect swarms and other ominous symbols of Revelation appear in this old-school, souped-up, R-rated, gunfire meets fantasy smörgåsbord. The self-sacrificing Archangel Michael carves off his own wings for the occasion and opposes a dutiful Gabriel to protect an unborn child and preserve humanity from utter extinction. According to our winged wonder, God wants to grease humanity for the second time. Basically, the Supreme Being can no longer tolerate our "bullshit." Like he did to the heathen Egyptians in the Old Testament, God dispatches a legion of plagues, demons, and cannibals to polish off mankind. Non-religious audiences will crave the obstreperous battle scenes with their fusillades of gun-fire. Most of the violence staged outside against the aggressors resembles a first-person shooter video game. The adversaries hurl themselves futilely against the good guys in a hopeless frontal assault. Often, during lulls in the attacks as our appealing and clearly sympathetic characters let their guns cool off, they discuss philosophical and moral issues. Nevertheless, "Legion" illustrates the dictum that the meek shall inherit the earth. Stewart and his scenarist Peter Schink refrain from proselytizing, but their anti-abortion stance seems rather obvious.
"Legion" opens with an unmistakable homage to James Cameron's sci-fi classic "The Terminator." Archangel Michael plunges mysteriously from the night skies and lands in a dark back alley with blood on his face. He whips out a savage-looking knife, cuts off his wings, later sews the wounds shut, breaks into an armory, stocks up with an arsenal of lethal hardware, tangles with the L.A.P.D., and careens off in their cruiser. Meanwhile, the action shifts to the Paradise Falls Diner where the usual gallery of customers and employees huddle, among them the hard-bitten owner Bob Hanson (Dennis Quaid of "Pandorum"), his simple-minded but conscientious mechanic son Jeep (Lucas Black of "Sling Blade"), gruff but friendly short-order cook Percy Walker (Charles S. Dutton of "Alien 3")who has one hand, an affluent couple, Sandra (Kate Walsh of "Bewitched") and Howard (Jon Tenney of "The Stepfather"), whose computerized BMW has broken down, their defiant teen daughter Audrey (Willa Holland of "Garden Party") and an enigmatic, pistol-packing African-American, Kyle Williams (Tyrese Gibson of "Death Race") who is caught up in a child custody quarrel. The most important character in "Paradise Falls" is a pretty, young waitress with the morals of an ally cat, Charlie (Adrianne Palicki of "Seven Mummies"), who has gotten herself in the family way. Ironically, she had toyed with the idea of abortion, but now only wants to hand her child off to a good family. Bob Hanson knows something about defeat. He opened a diner in the worst place in the world and hoped that a shopping mall would take root nearby. The mall took root but not nearby, so Bob's roadside restaurant Paradise Falls, (talk about theme!), never became the pot of gold that he had envisaged when he dreamed about opening it. His wife left him to raise son and Bob doesn't want Jeep to make a similar mistake with Charlie.
Unlike God, Michael has never lost his faith in mankind. He has come to defend Charlie and her unborn baby. He brings the firepower that he looted from a warehouse and arms Percy, Kyle, Charlie, and the others some pretty, heavy-duty hardware in the form of assault weapons. Initially, Michael has been assigned to slay the baby. When he confronts Gabriel, they have an argument about obedience. The obsequious Gabriel wants nothing more than to do the Lord's work, while Michael prefers to be insubordinate. Michael's argument is that God gave him a heart to love and he cannot turn his back on mankind. Michael argues that Gabriel isn't doing what a good son should do. Says Michael: "You gave Him what he asked for. I gave Him what He needed." Director Scott Stewart stages everything like a Rob Zombie showdown movie. Happily, Stewart and "Gotham Café" co-scripter Peter Schink never take themselves or the storyline seriously. The first time that we meet Bob Hanson, he is slapping around a television monitor, trying to get a decent signal. The old black & white movie that is being broadcast is the James Stewart classic "It's A Wonderful Life" and the scene where an angel, Clarence, informs Stewart that he is an angel who is trying to earn his wings. This foreshadowing of Michael and his wingless arrival is appropriately tongue-in-cheek. The first demon that enters the diner is an elderly "Golden Girl" type named Gladys Foster (Jeanette Miller of "The Truman Show") who uses a wheeled walker. The "Legion" trailer shows her warning Charlie that the waitress' baby will burn. Gladys turns demonic after acting so sweet to everybody, rips a hole in Howard's neck, scuttles across the ceiling like a human fly, and recovers after momentarily being stunned by a flying frying pan. Later, in another amusing surprise, our heroes thoughtlessly save a moppet-headed elementary school age child who turns out to have a genuine bloodlust for Charlie's newborn. Says the Minivan child with a huge steak knife in his clutches to Charlie: "Don't be afraid. I just want to play with the baby."
No, "Legion" doesn't qualify as scriptural, despite its Bible-themed message of redemption. This energetic epic not only serves as an anti-abortion tract but also as anti-cigarette propaganda. This movie reminded me of those larger-than-life Arnold Schwarzenegger science fiction sagas from the 1980s. Everything about "Legion" is gloriously low-tech, even down to the hardware. When Gabriel and Michael tangle, the former wields a multi-purpose mace while the latter brandishes a shotgun. The drawback here is that neither really die because they are immortal so suspense takes a hit. The performances are uniformly excellent, and the cast maintains a straight face through this riotous nonsense. Paul Bettany excels as Michael and Kevin Durand stands out as Gabriel. Lenser John Lindley, whose credits include "The Serpent and the Rainbow," "Field of Dreams," and "Pleasantville," generates considerable tension and suspense with his darkly-lighted cinematography. The surprise ending and the changes that Jeep and Charlie experience along with the adrenalin-fueled shoot-out sequences make "Legion" into entertaining hokum.
"Legion" opens with an unmistakable homage to James Cameron's sci-fi classic "The Terminator." Archangel Michael plunges mysteriously from the night skies and lands in a dark back alley with blood on his face. He whips out a savage-looking knife, cuts off his wings, later sews the wounds shut, breaks into an armory, stocks up with an arsenal of lethal hardware, tangles with the L.A.P.D., and careens off in their cruiser. Meanwhile, the action shifts to the Paradise Falls Diner where the usual gallery of customers and employees huddle, among them the hard-bitten owner Bob Hanson (Dennis Quaid of "Pandorum"), his simple-minded but conscientious mechanic son Jeep (Lucas Black of "Sling Blade"), gruff but friendly short-order cook Percy Walker (Charles S. Dutton of "Alien 3")who has one hand, an affluent couple, Sandra (Kate Walsh of "Bewitched") and Howard (Jon Tenney of "The Stepfather"), whose computerized BMW has broken down, their defiant teen daughter Audrey (Willa Holland of "Garden Party") and an enigmatic, pistol-packing African-American, Kyle Williams (Tyrese Gibson of "Death Race") who is caught up in a child custody quarrel. The most important character in "Paradise Falls" is a pretty, young waitress with the morals of an ally cat, Charlie (Adrianne Palicki of "Seven Mummies"), who has gotten herself in the family way. Ironically, she had toyed with the idea of abortion, but now only wants to hand her child off to a good family. Bob Hanson knows something about defeat. He opened a diner in the worst place in the world and hoped that a shopping mall would take root nearby. The mall took root but not nearby, so Bob's roadside restaurant Paradise Falls, (talk about theme!), never became the pot of gold that he had envisaged when he dreamed about opening it. His wife left him to raise son and Bob doesn't want Jeep to make a similar mistake with Charlie.
Unlike God, Michael has never lost his faith in mankind. He has come to defend Charlie and her unborn baby. He brings the firepower that he looted from a warehouse and arms Percy, Kyle, Charlie, and the others some pretty, heavy-duty hardware in the form of assault weapons. Initially, Michael has been assigned to slay the baby. When he confronts Gabriel, they have an argument about obedience. The obsequious Gabriel wants nothing more than to do the Lord's work, while Michael prefers to be insubordinate. Michael's argument is that God gave him a heart to love and he cannot turn his back on mankind. Michael argues that Gabriel isn't doing what a good son should do. Says Michael: "You gave Him what he asked for. I gave Him what He needed." Director Scott Stewart stages everything like a Rob Zombie showdown movie. Happily, Stewart and "Gotham Café" co-scripter Peter Schink never take themselves or the storyline seriously. The first time that we meet Bob Hanson, he is slapping around a television monitor, trying to get a decent signal. The old black & white movie that is being broadcast is the James Stewart classic "It's A Wonderful Life" and the scene where an angel, Clarence, informs Stewart that he is an angel who is trying to earn his wings. This foreshadowing of Michael and his wingless arrival is appropriately tongue-in-cheek. The first demon that enters the diner is an elderly "Golden Girl" type named Gladys Foster (Jeanette Miller of "The Truman Show") who uses a wheeled walker. The "Legion" trailer shows her warning Charlie that the waitress' baby will burn. Gladys turns demonic after acting so sweet to everybody, rips a hole in Howard's neck, scuttles across the ceiling like a human fly, and recovers after momentarily being stunned by a flying frying pan. Later, in another amusing surprise, our heroes thoughtlessly save a moppet-headed elementary school age child who turns out to have a genuine bloodlust for Charlie's newborn. Says the Minivan child with a huge steak knife in his clutches to Charlie: "Don't be afraid. I just want to play with the baby."
No, "Legion" doesn't qualify as scriptural, despite its Bible-themed message of redemption. This energetic epic not only serves as an anti-abortion tract but also as anti-cigarette propaganda. This movie reminded me of those larger-than-life Arnold Schwarzenegger science fiction sagas from the 1980s. Everything about "Legion" is gloriously low-tech, even down to the hardware. When Gabriel and Michael tangle, the former wields a multi-purpose mace while the latter brandishes a shotgun. The drawback here is that neither really die because they are immortal so suspense takes a hit. The performances are uniformly excellent, and the cast maintains a straight face through this riotous nonsense. Paul Bettany excels as Michael and Kevin Durand stands out as Gabriel. Lenser John Lindley, whose credits include "The Serpent and the Rainbow," "Field of Dreams," and "Pleasantville," generates considerable tension and suspense with his darkly-lighted cinematography. The surprise ending and the changes that Jeep and Charlie experience along with the adrenalin-fueled shoot-out sequences make "Legion" into entertaining hokum.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
FILM REVIEW OF ''DRIVE ANGRY 3D" (2011)
Although the latest Nicolas Cage epic surpasses his previous potboiler “Season of the Witch,” “My Bloody Valentine” director Patrick Lussier’s “Drive Angry 3-D” (**1/2 out of ****) qualifies as little more than a campy, white-trash, B-movie about a gun-toting fugitive fresh out of Hell who struggles to save his infant granddaughter from a Satanic cult set on slaughtering her. Blood-splattered, babe-strewn, and bullet-riddled, this half-grilled collection of grindhouse clichés delivers non-stop action that you’ve seen before in better movies like “Race with the Devil," "Shoot’em Up,” “Crank,” and “Machete.” The only shred of originality in this hard-boiled, hare-brained hokum is a go-for-broke motel room massacre. A half-clad Cage in sunglasses, clutching a fifth of Jack Daniels in one fist and an automatic pistol in the other, mows down a mob of murderous miscreants as they migrate into his room without invitation. Just to show how incredibly cool that our hero is under fire, Lussier and co-scenarist Todd Farmer have his adversaries storm in on him in the middle of a tryst with a totally naked cocktail waitress astride him. Of course, the deafening gunfight traumatizes the poor dame. Meantime, our imperturbable protagonist misses nary a stroke until his pistol clicks on empty and the last thug stands poised to polish him off. This is as good as this beer & pizza movie gets. “Drive Angry” amounts to a second-rate, supernatural saga with cars flying through flaming hoops in “Dukes of Hazzard” fashion without a modicum of realism. Nevertheless, despite all its audacious abandon and above-average 3-D photography, this contrived, R-rated fantasy lacks a shred of genuine suspense. Since our hero is immortal, nothing the villains do can harm him. Sure, they kick him when he is down and put bullets into him, but Milton suffers no long term damage. In other words, we don't have to worry about his safety. As far as that goes, we don't have to worry about the safety of the child that rests in the arms of these vicious thugs. Hollywood would never sanction a film where a helpless child would get burned up. Entirely predictable as well as pedestrian from start to finish, this contrived road rage serves up drivel for dialogue and muscle car stunts that pale by comparison with the “Fast & Furious” franchise.
“Drive Angry” opens in Laughter, Colorado. Our enigmatic hero, John Milton (Nicolas Cage of “Face/Off”), has miraculously managed to escape from perdition. We're given a brief glimpse of Hell with its charred landscape, but none of the action takes place on those fried premises. Guess we'll have to await either for the prequel or the sequel to learn more about Milton's shenanigans in Hades. Meanwhile, we’re neither told how Milton broke out of Hell nor where he was imprisoned, except that he was confined in 'a dark place' that he didn't relish. When we see him for the first time, Milton is behind the wheel of a hot rod with an automatic shotgun. He runs down three repellent ruffians who work for wicked satanic cult leader Jonah King (Billy Burke of “Twilight”) so he can learn the whereabouts of his infant granddaughter. We're told that King murdered Milton’s daughter and son-in-law and King kept her femur as a trophy and turned it into a walking stick. King makes a relatively bland villain in the greater scheme of things when compared to such monsters as either Dr. Hannibal Lecter from "Silence of the Lambs" or Clarence J. Boddicker from "Robocop." He is leading his minions to a derelict prison in southern Louisiana to sacrifice the child during a bizarre full moon ritual. Chalk up points for Lussier and Farmer for giving the action a deadline. Just to show that he is serious about his aims; Milton blows one thug’s hand off with a blast from his shotgun. That scene looks good in 3-D. He shoots another thug in the leg and threatens to turn his thigh into ground chuck if he doesn’t talk. Naturally, the wounded man divulges King’s destination. Of course, no scene like this one would be complete without our hero igniting a stream of fuel leaking from the smashed up pick-up truck that the villains trundled around in and then walking away as the vehicle blows up in a fireball.
During the opening gunfight, our hero crashed his car and wound up afoot. He trudges no farther than a greasy spoon roadside diner where he spots a nubile waitress, Piper (Amber Heard of “Pineapple Express”), who has just quit her job. Piper's lecherous boss, Fat Lou (Jack McGee of "Basic Instinct") got fresh with her so she cleared out. Our heroine is cruising home to her out-of-work boyfriend when her sleek 1969 Dodge Charger overheats and coasts to a halt. As if on cue, Milton walks out of the woods, takes a gander under the hood, and then tweaks something. In no time flat, they are heading to see her sweetheart. Earlier, Piper had boasted to another waitress about how she had deprived her boyfriend of sex with her until he proposed marriage. It seems that he has been out of work and Piper has been paying the bills on the Charger. Imagine Piper’s surprise when she finds Frank (Todd Farmer of “Jason-X”) in bed with a dark-haired beauty. A bare-knuckles fistfight between Piper and Frank’s slut ensues and later Frank steps in and punches Piper out. He is about to carve her face up when Milton intervenes and decks Frank with several devastating blows. A grateful Piper agrees to drive Milton to Louisiana.
Along about this time, another mysterious individual makes his entrance. A well-tailored man in a suit and tie who calls himself 'the Accountant' (William Fichtner of “Heat”) is trailing Milton and plans to take him back to Satan. Milton and the Accountant engage in a game of cat and mouse throughout “Drive Angry.” Although they appear to be adversaries, the Accountant helps Milton out of some pretty tight predicaments, particularly a sheriff’s roadblock where an army of lawmen yearn for an excuse to blow our hero and heroine to smithereens. The Accountant likes to toss around a magic coin that can either change into the credentials of an FBI agent or a deadly weapon. Indeed, he hurls the coin at one bad guy and it sinks half-way into the brute’s forehead and kills him.
“Drive Angry” comes by its R-rating naturally. The f-word is uttered about 75 times in a variety of variations. When loose women aren’t displaying ample cleavage, they are parading around as naked as jaybirds without a qualm. The violence is somewhat extreme. At one point, we see the villainous Jonah brandish a straight razor and slash at a man’s throat. Although the blade is never shown penetrating flesh, the filmmakers show a geyser of blood splashing a nearby wall. Hands are obliterated. Heads are cut off. A baseball bat is used to skewer a man’s torso and the poor hooligan writhes in agony as he is pinned to a wall. The ultimate act of violence occurs when a heavy is disintegrated by a so called ‘god gun’ that deprives the individual of his soul so he can neither enter Heaven or Hell. Our triumphant hero drinks a cold beer from the dead man’s shattered cranium. Ghoulish as all this seems, Lussier and Farmer play everything for macabre laughs. Indeed, nothing in “Drive Angry” is remotely realistic. Unfortunately, virtually everything is so phony that it provides little in the way of catharsis. You know an action movie is in trouble when the demise of its chief villain yields no satisfaction. “Drive Angry” steps on the gas but winds up going nowhere in the long run.
“Drive Angry” opens in Laughter, Colorado. Our enigmatic hero, John Milton (Nicolas Cage of “Face/Off”), has miraculously managed to escape from perdition. We're given a brief glimpse of Hell with its charred landscape, but none of the action takes place on those fried premises. Guess we'll have to await either for the prequel or the sequel to learn more about Milton's shenanigans in Hades. Meanwhile, we’re neither told how Milton broke out of Hell nor where he was imprisoned, except that he was confined in 'a dark place' that he didn't relish. When we see him for the first time, Milton is behind the wheel of a hot rod with an automatic shotgun. He runs down three repellent ruffians who work for wicked satanic cult leader Jonah King (Billy Burke of “Twilight”) so he can learn the whereabouts of his infant granddaughter. We're told that King murdered Milton’s daughter and son-in-law and King kept her femur as a trophy and turned it into a walking stick. King makes a relatively bland villain in the greater scheme of things when compared to such monsters as either Dr. Hannibal Lecter from "Silence of the Lambs" or Clarence J. Boddicker from "Robocop." He is leading his minions to a derelict prison in southern Louisiana to sacrifice the child during a bizarre full moon ritual. Chalk up points for Lussier and Farmer for giving the action a deadline. Just to show that he is serious about his aims; Milton blows one thug’s hand off with a blast from his shotgun. That scene looks good in 3-D. He shoots another thug in the leg and threatens to turn his thigh into ground chuck if he doesn’t talk. Naturally, the wounded man divulges King’s destination. Of course, no scene like this one would be complete without our hero igniting a stream of fuel leaking from the smashed up pick-up truck that the villains trundled around in and then walking away as the vehicle blows up in a fireball.
During the opening gunfight, our hero crashed his car and wound up afoot. He trudges no farther than a greasy spoon roadside diner where he spots a nubile waitress, Piper (Amber Heard of “Pineapple Express”), who has just quit her job. Piper's lecherous boss, Fat Lou (Jack McGee of "Basic Instinct") got fresh with her so she cleared out. Our heroine is cruising home to her out-of-work boyfriend when her sleek 1969 Dodge Charger overheats and coasts to a halt. As if on cue, Milton walks out of the woods, takes a gander under the hood, and then tweaks something. In no time flat, they are heading to see her sweetheart. Earlier, Piper had boasted to another waitress about how she had deprived her boyfriend of sex with her until he proposed marriage. It seems that he has been out of work and Piper has been paying the bills on the Charger. Imagine Piper’s surprise when she finds Frank (Todd Farmer of “Jason-X”) in bed with a dark-haired beauty. A bare-knuckles fistfight between Piper and Frank’s slut ensues and later Frank steps in and punches Piper out. He is about to carve her face up when Milton intervenes and decks Frank with several devastating blows. A grateful Piper agrees to drive Milton to Louisiana.
Along about this time, another mysterious individual makes his entrance. A well-tailored man in a suit and tie who calls himself 'the Accountant' (William Fichtner of “Heat”) is trailing Milton and plans to take him back to Satan. Milton and the Accountant engage in a game of cat and mouse throughout “Drive Angry.” Although they appear to be adversaries, the Accountant helps Milton out of some pretty tight predicaments, particularly a sheriff’s roadblock where an army of lawmen yearn for an excuse to blow our hero and heroine to smithereens. The Accountant likes to toss around a magic coin that can either change into the credentials of an FBI agent or a deadly weapon. Indeed, he hurls the coin at one bad guy and it sinks half-way into the brute’s forehead and kills him.
“Drive Angry” comes by its R-rating naturally. The f-word is uttered about 75 times in a variety of variations. When loose women aren’t displaying ample cleavage, they are parading around as naked as jaybirds without a qualm. The violence is somewhat extreme. At one point, we see the villainous Jonah brandish a straight razor and slash at a man’s throat. Although the blade is never shown penetrating flesh, the filmmakers show a geyser of blood splashing a nearby wall. Hands are obliterated. Heads are cut off. A baseball bat is used to skewer a man’s torso and the poor hooligan writhes in agony as he is pinned to a wall. The ultimate act of violence occurs when a heavy is disintegrated by a so called ‘god gun’ that deprives the individual of his soul so he can neither enter Heaven or Hell. Our triumphant hero drinks a cold beer from the dead man’s shattered cranium. Ghoulish as all this seems, Lussier and Farmer play everything for macabre laughs. Indeed, nothing in “Drive Angry” is remotely realistic. Unfortunately, virtually everything is so phony that it provides little in the way of catharsis. You know an action movie is in trouble when the demise of its chief villain yields no satisfaction. “Drive Angry” steps on the gas but winds up going nowhere in the long run.
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