FILM REVIEW OF ''IRON SKY: THE COMIING RACE" (2019)

You can’t enjoy some sequels unless you’ve seen the original film that inspired them.  Finnish director Timo Vuorensola’s imaginative sci-fi, fantasy farce “Iron Sky: The Coming Race” (*** OUT OF ****), the follow-up to his earlier epic “Iron Sky” (2012), illustrates this maxim.  If you’ve never heard of “Iron Sky,” don’t be surprised.  Vuorensola’s original film made its greatest inroads into the American market with its home video release.  Coining less than $123 thousand at the box office, “Iron Sky” received a limited domestic release for a two-month period in only eight theaters.  Internationally, “Iron Sky” grossed $11.5 million, surpassing but not tripling its seven million Euros production budget.  The Asylum’s ridiculous mockbuster parody “Nazis from the Center of the Earth,” which would make Jules Verne cringe in anguish, skewered it with little success.  Since the sunset of World War Two, Nazis had been fodder for European zombie sagas, such as “Dead Snow” (2009) and “Dead Snow: Red Vs Dead” (2014) as well as “Outpost” (2008), “Outpost: Black Sun” (2012), and “Outpost: Rise of the Spetsnaz” (2013).  Not only is the $17 million budgeted “Iron Sky: The Coming Race” a sequel to “Iron Sky,” but it also qualifies as a prequel, since it takes us back to the Mesozoic Era: the Age of Dinosaurs.  Indeed, just as pungent with its witticisms as its predecessor, “Iron Sky 2” picks up the “Iron Sky” narrative thread and considerably expands it in different dimensions.  Timo Vuorensola doesn’t cover the same conflicts as he did in his hilarious original film that thumbed its nose at political correctitude.  A brief recap of “Iron Sky” shows the Sarah Palin-esque U.S. President (Stephanie Paul of “Crazy Love”) going toe-to-toe against the madcap Moon Nazis and triggering the nuclear annihilation of the Earth  This Armageddon forced the human race to abandon Earth.  Ironically, these fortunate survivors wind-up relocating on the dark side of the Moon, the same place where the Nazis had established their base 70 years after World War II!  

“Iron Sky: The Coming Race” occurs 20 years after the destruction of Earth.  If you saw the original, Nazi school mistress Richter (Julia Dietze of “Iron Sky”) and captured U.S. Astronaut James Washington (Christopher Kirby of “The Matrix Reloaded”) started out as enemies and then became lovers. They had a daughter, Obianaju 'Obi' Washington (Lara Rossi of “Robin Hood”), and she has grown up to serve as a jack-of-all-trades at Neomenia, the former Nazi moon base station.  Sadly, Götz Otto could not reprise his role as the second Führer, because he kicked the bucket in the original “Iron Sky.”  Nevertheless, Wolfgang Kortzfleisch (Udo Kier of “Melancholia”), who took an awful beating from Otto, returns from the dead in one of the film’s several surprises. Obi’s wizened mother Renate governs life on Neomenia where Nazis no longer rule. Meanwhile, Obi struggles to maintain the deteriorating moon base facilities against the ever-present threat of moon quakes. Watching her scramble about the grungy, industrial factory interiors with breathless abandon to tackle problems establishes Obi as a heroine who refuses to wait for problems to repair themselves. Basically, Neomenia has degenerated into a ghetto because of overpopulation and a shortage of supplies.  Were things not complicated enough, a Russian spaceship blunders in from out of nowhere, and Renate must contend with asylum seekers.  Initially, Renata had decided to obliterate the spacecraft.  Obi thwarted this atrocity by shutting down Neomenia’s weapons system.  Later, she takes a romantic interest in the handsome but goofy Russian pilot, Sasha (Vladimir Burlakov of “Lost in Siberia”), because she argues that humanity must migrate to Mars. A cannibalized space shuttle offers their only avenue of salvation. Along the way, Vuorensola gives us time off from the doomsday prospect, so Obi and Sasha can flirt with each other.  Later, Obi collides with the treacherous Kortzfleisch, and he tells her about a fantastic element at the center of the Earth that will save mankind and provide endless fuel for the space shuttle.

The lightweight humor in “Iron Sky: The Coming Race” will either get you to howl hoarsely or grin at its skewered ingenuity.  The lookalike Sarah Palin president, which was a great sight gag in “Iron Sky,” is still a hoot to behold.  She spent most of her time in “Iron Sky” on a treadmill, but here she mutates into a monster with other infamous demagogues, such as Stalin, Hitler, and Idi Amin. One cheeky scene shows all of these dastards arranged around an oblong table in a tableau that imitates Italian artist Leonardo da Vinci’s renowned late 15th-century mural painting of "The Last Supper." Tongue-in-cheek humor lurks in every frame.  Timo Vuorensola is a gifted visual storyteller with an impeccable sense of pacing and pictorial composition. Like “Iron Sky,” “Iron Sky 2” doesn’t wear out its welcome at 90 agile minutes.  The larger-than-life shenanigans are nimble, flavorful, but sometimes surprisingly violent.  Hitler straddles a T-Rex like a cowboy at a rodeo, and the beast gobbles up the body of a man in its gigantic jaws.  Happily, his demise is bloodless.  Vuorensola and company borrow from other blockbusters, including a Hans Solo type Russian pilot as well as a harrowing “Raiders of the Lost Ark” cliffhanger caper.  A gigantic molten boulder tumbles after our heroes as they struggle to control chariots drawn by rampaging Triceratops dinosaurs! Fortunately, the CGI imagery passes muster, just don’t bother to freeze-frame the images. Clearly, Vuorensola conjured up some picturesque ideas that his crowd-funded budget couldn’t accommodate. 

The warped but inspired artistry of the “Iron Sky” epics is Hollywood didn’t forge them.  The original movie’s Nazi plot isn’t the kind of comic material Hollywood would have sunk multi-millions into for a movie that “culminated in Armageddon.”  These two Finnish satires provide refreshing but audacious commentary.  Incredibly enough, while “Iron Sky: The Coming Race” was awaiting home video release, director Timo Vuorensola had already embarked on a third installment in the franchise: “Iron Sky: The Ark” with a release date set for 2020!

 

FILM REVIEW OF ''JURASSIC WORLD" (2015)

“Safety Not Guaranteed” director Colin Trevorrow’s summer blockbuster “Jurassic World” surpasses director Joe Johnston’s lackluster “Jurassic Park 3” (2001).  Comparatively, however, Steven Spielberg’s infinitely superior “Jurassic Park” (1993) covered most of what occurs in Trevorrow’s new monster-run-amok-in-a-theme-park movie. Despite its attractive cast and scenic jungle locations, “Jurassic World” (*1/2 OUT OF ****) delivers considerably less suspense with its standard-issue shenanigans about juveniles in jeopardy.  If you haven’t seen the first and second entries in the Universal Pictures’ “Jurassic Park” trilogy, this franchise reboot with its polished production values and vigorous 3-D might amaze you, especially if you’re sixteen years old or younger.  Size is the primary factor “Jurassic World” contends with, and Trevorrow shrewdly addresses this issue during the first half-hour. The female protagonist who supervises the daily operations of the dinosaur park concedes, “No one’s impressed by a dinosaur anymore. They need to be bigger, louder and with more teeth!” Indeed, the new hybrid dinosaur that a mad scientist has concocted represents a leap forward.  Nevertheless, this 50 feet long and 18 feet high monster doesn’t really amount to monstrous in the overall Hollywood scheme of things.  The Indominus rex in “Jurassic World” could serve as “Godzilla’s” seeing-eye dog.  Moreover, “Jurassic World” appears to have been designed to sell plastic toy dinosaurs. The dinos themselves display a clean-scrubbed, laminated look. Nothing about them is scary. If you like to see your dinos in the daylight, you’ll get to see every wrinkle and crevice on these dudes.  The one dying dinosaur that our hero and heroine comfort looks so ersatz that you want to howl instead of cry. Actually, the dinosaurs look more frightening at night. When the franchise first rampaged across screens with “Jurassic Park” (1993) and its sequel “Jurassic Park: The Lost World” (1997), nothing looked as realistic and intimidating than those surly dinosaurs, especially those aggressive Raptors.  Unfortunately, the time when “Jurassic Park” established new benchmarks for CGI is long past.  The people who made “Jurassic World” must have overlooked Peter Jackson’s “King Kong” (2005) as well as “Godzilla” (2014).  In an arena with either of those monstrosities, the welterweight Indominus rex in “Jurassic World” wouldn’t last a minute.  In fact, the best looking leviathan in the park is an aquatic behemoth known as a Mosasaurus that chomps on a shark carcass. If there were ever a money shot in a movie, the sight of that huge fish lunging out of the water to snap up that shark is definitely one.  The second shot of it emerging to devour on the Pteranodon looks staggering in 3-D.  The third time is surprising, but—without spoiling your fun—it is kind of a letdown what happens. 

Meantime, scenarists Rick Jaffa &Amanda Silver, who did such a praiseworthy job with “Dawn of the Planet of the Apes” and “Rise of the Planet of the Apes,” along with writer Rick Connolly, and Trevorrow, have drummed-up a ‘so-so sauraus’ saga.  The logistics of the plot don’t hold up to scrutiny, and the action is hopelessly outlandish. You’d think that the employees at Jurassic World that work in the dinosaur enclosures would wear safety harasses that would prevent them from accidently falling into the compounds.  At one point, the chief character suspect that a dinosaur has escaped, but they neglect to look for footprints outside the pen.  Later, when they fear that two kids have been eaten, our hero spots their tracks.  Indeed, the holes in “Jurassic Park” are big enough for a dinosaur to barrel through.  More scrupulous plotting could have eliminated these shortcomings.  The biggest offender is the dual deux ex dinosaurs that takes place near the end.  Again, I won’t reveal these two instances, but the first comes out of nowhere while the second is at least foreshadowed.  Anybody who likes to sit around and watch for those post-end credits scenes need no dally.  “Jurassic World” doesn’t tack on anything during or after the end credits.  In fact, I could think of a terrific post-end credits scene, and I was surprised when Trevorrow didn’t ante up with it. Worse, the scripters have created one-dimensional characters who often behave idiotically in formulaic predicaments.  For example, Bryce Dallas Howard, who was such a revelation as a villainess in “The Help,” spends her entire time charging around in high heels whether in the jungle or on asphalt!  Chris Pratt plays a former Navy troubleshooter who doesn’t have a lick of sense.  He brandishes a modern .45-70 lever-action carbine reminiscent of Buffalo Bill, when he should be armed with something more substantial, such as a Kalashnikov AK-101 assault rifle with 40mm GP-30 under-the-barrel grenade launcher.  One Jurassic World security trooper wields a powerful M136 AT4, a Swedish-made single-shot 84mm unguided light anti-tank recoilless rocket launcher.  Naturally, like all incompetent, myopic characters, he fires this fearsome weapon at the genetically modified dinosaur but misses!  Meantime, since the dinosaurs have neither slippery lawyers nor treacherous laboratory employees to gobble, the writers have substituted a different villain: security specialist Vic Hoskins (Vincent D'Onofrio of “Men In Black”) who dreams about deploying these carnivorous Raptors for military use.  Sadly, Vic is more of an idiot so you are elated when he winds up as a dino snack like the lawyer in the first “Jurassic Park.” Not surprisingly, everything about this lightweight, family-oriented, PG-13 rated epic is immaculate.  Bloodshed is restricted to a drop or two of blood.  Sure, you see the dinosaurs munch on many adults, but the two imperiled children, Gray (Ty Simpkins of “Insidious”) and Zach (Nick Robinson of “Frenemies”), suffer no broken legs, no sprained ankles, or lose any limbs.  Specifically, anonymous bystanders are the only ones scratched, crunched, or traumatized.  So forget about suspense and tension.

Over twenty years ago, in the original “Jurassic Park” (1993) based on Michael Crichton’s imaginative bestseller, genial billionaire John Hammond (Richard Attenborough) fantasized about opening a dinosaur park on a remote island near Costa Rica.  Initially, everything went fine, but then some predatory velociraptors and a cantankerous Tyrannosaurus rex ruined everything, and the park never opened.  Now, Indian billionaire Simon Masrani (Irfan Khan of “Life of Pi”) has taken over Hammond’s Jurassic Park, changed the name to Jurassic World, and parlayed it into a billion dollar success story. He sets out to perpetuate Hammond’s dream, and he succeeds on a grand scale.  Masrani is in it for the fun.  He wants both the dinosaurs and the tourists to have a great time. Happily, Jurassic World has thrived for a decade without a single mishap. At the same time, Masrani’s workaholic operations chief, Claire (Bryce Dallas Howard of “The Help”), has toiled tirelessly to maintain a narrow profit margin.  This means Jurassic World must constantly add new attractions because new attractions spike attendance. When fiendish but fastidious geneticist, Dr. Henry Wu (B.D. Wong of “Focus”), devises a new dinosaur, he refuses to share his secret formula with either Masrani or Claire.  (“Jurassic Park” aficionados should appreciate Wong’s appearance since he is the only actor reprising his role from the original.) Predictably, chaos ensues with disastrous consequences.  The Indominus rex is smarter than the average dino, and this wily creature fools everybody, including the impertinent but heroic Owen Grady (Chris Pratt of “Guardians of the Galaxy”), who has been struggling to train a quartet of beady-eyed Velociraptors. However, I’m not so sure that the Indominus is truly that intelligent when you consider how stupid the humans are who let it escape from its 40-foot high enclosure. Meantime, the bond that Grady has developed with these overgrown, kangaroo-like predators is unconvincing.  Using these cold-blooded lizards like bloodhounds is preposterous but amusing nonsense. Inevitably, Claire accompanies Grady on the hunt because she cannot find her two young nephews, Gray and Zach, who have disappeared in the park where the Indominus was last spotted.  Gray and Zach are the characters that every adolescent in the theater will identify with and Trevorrow does put them in danger despite them never being truly endangered.  The gyro-spheres that they roll around in are cool vehicles.  “Jurassic World” has bits and pieces that impress, but altogether these things don’t compensate for slack storytelling and a shortage of suspense. I went into “Jurassic World” with high hopes based primarily on its killer trailers, but I left feeling like the filmmakers simply did not live up to their awesome potential.

Before he helmed “Jurassic World,” Colin Trevorrow directed some Internet shorts, a TV movie, and a superb little 2012 indie flick entitled "Safety Not Guaranteed” with Mark Duplass.  “Safety Not Guaranteed” was an amiable character-driven comedy of errors.  In “Safety Not Guaranteed,” a trio of journalists investigates a lunatic who published a newspaper ad soliciting partners to accompany him on a trip back in time.  These time travel candidates are advised to bring their own weapons.  Reportedly, movie mogul Steven Spielberg liked Trevorrow’s film enough to sign him up to direct “Jurassic World.”  If you’re a parent, “Jurassic World” serves not only as ideal kiddy fare, but also a great way to interest them in dinosaur memorabilia.  Ultimately, as far as adults are concerned, the pedestrian “Jurassic World” exemplifies a case of suspense not guaranteed.

FILM REVIEW OF ''JURASSIC PARK 3" (2002)

“Jurassic Park 3” (*1/2 out of ****) doesn’t take itself seriously like its predecessors and neither should you. Director Steven Spielberg and bestselling author Michael Crichton, who collaborated on the superlative “Jurassic Park” (1993) and its knockout sequel “The Lost World (1997), had something to say about scientists who play God and the dangers of cloning. (I’m not given to handing out high praise to anything Spielberg does, but the first two “Jurassic Park” epics, like “Jaws,” are exceptions to the rule.) Sadly, Spielberg and Crichton had nothing to do with this sequel, and former “Star Wars” art director Joe Johnston of “October Sky” (1999), “The Rocketeer” (1991), and “Honey, I Shrunk the Kids” (1989) replaced Spielberg at the helm. You’d think Johnston’s experience on “Jumanji” (1995) where zoo animals stomped everything in sight, would have made him the ideal candidate. Unfortunately, it didn’t. You can count the major differences between Johnston’s “Jurassic Park” and Spielberg’s “Jurassic Parks” in minutes. “JP3” clocks in at about 90 minutes, while both Spielberg epics exceeded two hours. Although it isn’t as pretentious—we’ll say—as the first two movies, “JP3” relies far more on humor than horror to its detriment.

This lukewarm, less-than-savage installment in the cloned-dinosaurs-run-amok series makes references to its predecessors that only hardcore, nitpicking “Jurassic Park” fans could catch. The joke about Jack Horner was cute. The dinosaurs are just as menacing, even though bloodthirsty moviegoers may feel cheated. (Imagine what Italian gorefest cult director Lucio Fulci would have done with a “Jurassic Park” movie.) Missing this time around is ‘chaos theoretician’ Dr. Ian Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum of “Independence Day”), who enlivened both the original and the follow-up with his sarcasm. Paleontologist Dr. Alan Grant (Sam Neill of “Jurassic Park”), who skipped out on “The Lost World,” returns as the dullest of dull heroes, while Grant’s former colleague Dr. Ellie Sattler (Laura Dern of “October Sky”) reappears in a welcome cameo. Grant visits her in the opening scene and finds her happily married to a U.S. State Department official with a toddler son and baby daughter. Before she waves goodbye, Ellie reminds Grant to call her if he ever needs her help. Predictably, freshman scenarist Peter Buchman, along with writers Alexander Payne and Jim Taylor of “Election” and “Citizen Ruth” don’t let her welsh on her promise. Film scriptwriting manuals classify this as ‘foreshadowing,’ setting up some future action so it doesn’t appear to haphazardly pop up out of the blue.

Basically, “JP3” follows the formula that “Jurassic Park” and “The Lost World” created with greater detail and daring. Reportedly, after Johnston perused the shooting script, he tore it up and ordered rushed rewrites. If this was the best they could contrive, no wonder “JP3” is so forgettable. Not only did “The Lost World” raise the stakes, but it also surpassed the original with its thrills and chills. Clearly, the third time wasn’t the charm. “Jurassic Park 3” is as pedestrian as “Jaws 3.” If you’ve seen the others, you know Laura Dern’s cameo at the outset is standard “Jurassic Park” practice. In “The Lost World,” Malcolm reunited briefly with John Hammond (Richard Attenborough of “The Great Escape”) and his grandchildren: Timothy ‘Tim’ Murphy (Joseph Mazzello) and Alexis ‘Lex’ Murphy (Ariana Richards) in an early scene. Children cannot die in the “Jurassic Park” franchise. Neither apparently can mother nor fathers. So much for suspense. Like “Jurassic Park,” “Jurassic Park 3 has our desperate heroes plundering piles of dinosaur dung in search of a satellite phone that could serve as their salvation. That stinking satellite phone infuriated me initially when I heard it ring. I figured that some fool had left their cell phone ringer on in the theatre! Nevertheless, Sarah Harding owned a tattered camera bag she called her lucky bag, just as Belly Brennan sorts a similar camera bag. The scene where Tea Leoni hangs from a tree as ravenous raptors leap up at her alludes to the kitchen scene near the end of “Jurassic Park.” Instead of being jostling about in small recreational vehicles, Dr. Grant finds himself slammed around in the wrecked fuselage of a plane by a dinosaur. This scene lacks the sheer terror of the T-Rex’s introduction in “Jurassic Park” and doesn’t generate the suspense of “The Lost World” cliffhanger scene. Billy steals raptor eggs, and the mothers pursue them across Isla Sorna in a variation on “The Lost World” heroes that freed an injured T-Rex baby with a broken leg and found its irate mother pushing their motor home over a cliff. “The Lost World” T-Rexes subjected the motor home to more hair-raising demolition than the “JP3” T-Rex does to the plane. This time around baby Pterodactyls attack a teenager, much as “The Lost World” lizards swarmed after a little rich girl. The major revelation here is the raptors can communicate with each other and might possibly have supplanted primates. Wait, didn’t those same raptors communicate with each other back in “Jurassic Park” in the kitchen scene?

No matter where Dr. Alan Grant lectures, everybody only wants to quiz him about Isla Nublar and the San Diego disaster. He refuses to answer any questions about the first and reminds everybody that he wasn’t around when the dinosaurs stormed the California mainland. He insists fossils still provide the only legitimate source of information for paleontologists. “No force on Earth or Heaven will get me back on that island,” vows an incredulous Grant when tycoon Paul Kirby (William H. Macy of “Fargo”) and his ex-wife Amanda (Tea Leoni of “Deep Impact”) wave their checkbooks at him. No, we never learn what price Dr. Grant put on his services. While this dearth of information is deplorable, had we known Grant’s fee we might have felt less sympathetic toward him. All the Kirbys want him for is to serve as their guide as they fly over Isla Sorna, where “The Lost World” took place, and snap pictures of the wildlife. Paul assures him his import/export business contacts have cleared their flight with Costa Rican authorities to fly closer than anybody since the hurricane swept the island. Reluctantly, Grant changes his mind when his new assistant Billy Brennan (Alessandro Nivola of “Face/Off”) reminds him that they need funds to maintain their latest archeological expedition. Grant realizes his error when they land on the island. By the time he regains his wits they have landed. Watching them knock Grant out make him appear even more sympathetic. Kirby’s crew consists of Udesky (Michael Jeter of “The Green Mile”), the big-gun toting Cooper (John Diehl of “Pearl Harbor”) and pilot Nash (Bruce A. Young of “Trepass”). These expendables should have worn numbered jerseys in the order of their deaths by dinosaur. Anybody who has seen John Diehl in anything knows that he has become strictly a bit player since being one of the back-up narcotics partners in “Miami Vice.”

Director Joe Johnston misses the mark with “Jurassic Park 3.” Every movie he has helmed since “Honey, I Shrunk the Kids” has been an improvement. Unfortunately, along with an abysmal, cut-rate script, Johnston never establishes the proper tone of terror. The talking dinosaur in Dr. Grant’s nightmare gets things off on the wrong foot. Tea Leoni’s ad nauseam scream sequence when a decaying skeleton dangles from a tree in classic textbook horror fashion struck me as a bad Mantan Moreland impersonation. She spends too much time dancing in revulsion. The scenarists shoulder part of the blame for their predictable, uninspired screenplay. Of course, the characters least attached to the audience die first. Neither Johnston nor his scribes spring a surprise until the abruptly quirky conclusion. Don’t look for character depth or development. The filmmakers didn’t have enough time. Obviously, violence was curbed for a family friendly PG-13 rating. Johnston never focuses on a death scene after the first chomp and keeps the aftermath pretty spotless. Munched bodies don’t bleed; though our heroes do extract human bones from dinosaur dung. Instead, to his credit, Johnston keeps the action moving at a gallop. Ultimately, “Jurassic Park 3” degenerates into a mediocre “The Most Dangerous Game: rehash with the dinosaurs stalking humans rather like a big game hunter stalking a human. Universal Studios must have blown the better part of their budget on the dinosaurs because “Jurassic Park 3” looks almost as low tech as “Alien3.”
Although Dr. Grant fires a flare gun once to distract a dinosaur, nobody packs a real gun for any length of time. The plot boils down to a series of random encounters in the jungle on their trek to the sea and a boat. Johnston stages none of these scenes with any verve.

Apparently, their 14-year old son Eric Kirby (Trevor Morgan of “The Sixth Sense”) and his guardian Ben Hildebrand (TV actor Mark Harelik) disappeared eight weeks ago while paragliding dangerously near Isla Sorna, and the Kirbys have launched an impromptu rescue mission without the consent of Costa Rican officials. Kirby carps about how useless the State Department is, and ironically his complaint comes back to haunt him in the end. Worse, Kirby confesses he is not a millionaire, merely a plumber. When our heroes discover it was a bad idea to land, they try to take off, and a dinosaur knocks their aircraft out of the air. They spend the remaining 75-minutes searching for Eric and dodging ravenous T-Rexes, velociraptors, flying Pteranodons, and a new lethal lizard called a Spinosaurus. Half of the fun of any horror movie is watching the idiots wander off from the main group and imperiling themselves. Nothing drastic enough occurs to get you to talk back to the screen about the characters behavior in “Jurassic Park 3.”

“Jurassic Park” and “The Lost World” definitely weren’t for the squeamish, but “Jurassic Park 3” should give nobody nightmares. As in the first two entries, the genetically engineered dinosaurs walk tough, howl vividly, and snap up hapless humans in their jaws. Indeed, the visual effects technology has improved exponentially; sadly, the art of scriptwriting has regressed just as much. Unlike Spielberg, Johnston takes neither the plot nor the stakes to a higher level. Moreover, nothing in “Jurassic Park 3” matches either the T-Rex gobbling up the lawyer, Donald Gennaro (Martin Ferrero of “Get Shorty”), in the original or the scenes from “The Lost World” where two T-Rexes tore poor Eddie Carr (Richard Schiff) apart. Grant calls Ellie when a real dino tries to chomp and/or drown everybody. Hilariously, her young son delays taking her the phone so he can watch his favorite Barney the Purple Dinosaur episode! The out-of-place Barney scene deflates any suspense and tension that the Site B dinosaur causes as he rips away at a cage housing our heroes. Anybody who thrilled to the first two “Jurassic Park” creature features will probably roll their eyeballs in disbelief at the infantile idiocy of “Jurassic Park 3.”