Friends and colleagues constantly remind me the pun ranks as
the lowest form of humor. Let the word
go forth: I love puns! I acquired my
taste for puns from repeat viewings of both classic Marx Brothers’ comedies as
well as the vintage James Bond thrillers.
The only thing I treasure more than puns are cinematic parodies. “Scary Movie 5”(*** out of ****) doesn’t
qualify as the funniest entry in the franchise.
Nevertheless, I had a blast watching this shallow scatological spoof and
laughing at the way it skewered a number of recently successful films. “Undercover Brother” director Malcolm Lee and “Scary
Movie 3” scenarists David Zucker and Pat Proft furnish audiences with a
farcical frenzy of sight gags and slapstick designed to make us cringe with delight. The biggest difference between “Scary Movie 5”
and the four previous entries is the conspicuous absence of Anna Farris. Ashley Tisdale replaced Farris in this
installment because Farris was pregnant when the producers lensed it in
September and October of 2012. Although
she lacks the deer-caught-in-the-headlights idiocy that Farris brought to each
of the previous outings, Tisdale acquits herself adequately enough under the
circumstances. Similarly, Regina Hall skipped
this one, but she wasn’t pregnant like Anna.
Meantime, Dimension Films hasn’t regaled us with a “Scary Movie” since
the fourth installment came out back in 2006.
Any time a sequel to a sequel doesn’t appear a year or two after its predecessor,
you have to figure something must have gotten in the way. Hundreds of movies have come and gone in
those intervening seven years, and the “Scary Movie” people have ignored some
that would have been ripe for ridiculing. My chief complaint is that neither Lee nor his
scripters have lacerated “The Hunger Games,” “Looper,” the “Twilight” sagas, “The
Expendables,” “Pitch Perfect,” “The Social Network,” “The King’s Speech,” and “Avatar.”
The best scene in “Scary Movie 5” is the opening scene with
Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan in bed together deriding their reputations in a
riff on the “Paranormal Activity” movies.
An earlier “Scary Movie” skewered Michael Jackson, but a lookalike
stand-in played Jackson. Here the Real
McCoys are mocking themselves and it’s a hoot to watch them. Afterward, we are treated to a series of
titles like those in the “Paranormal Activity” movies about the disappearance
of the participants. Although Charlie’s
body was found, we are informed that his corpse continued to party hardy. The scene then shifts to the woods of
Humboldt County where Snoop Dog and Mac Miller are searching for weed rather
than Charlie’s three missing children. They
stumble onto a cabin in the woods where they encounter Charlie’s kids scuttling
around at thrice the speed of normal, ordinary humans. Initially, neither is sure what is haunting
the cabin and they deploy an arsenal of firearms with which they riddle the
premises. Eventually, they learn they’re
blasting away at two, filthy, unwashed urchins.
They turn the kids over to the authorities and score a handsome
reward.
Charlie’s brother Dan (Simon Rex
of “Superhero Movie”) and Dan’s wife Jody (Ashley Tisdale of “Donnie Darko”)
are awarded custody of Charlie’s children.
The Institute for Case Studies allows them to raise the siblings on the
condition that Dan and Jody live in a palatial residence house. As part of the deal, Dan and Jody get a
hirsute Hispanic housekeeper, Maria (Lidia Porto of “Idiocracy”), who bears her
Catholicism like a cross. They also get
a German shepherd police dog. The superstitious
Maria starts blessing the baby the
moment after Jody crosses the threshold with him. Throughout these scenes, a grey-skinned hag
in black apparel flits around in the background. The responsibility of raising
his brother’s children prompts Dan to push himself harder at his job so he can
impress his bosses. Dan conducts
research at a primate laboratory. He has
been carrying out an experiment on apes to ascertain their intelligence. Naturally, all the apes turn into anti-social
specimens, while one of them, Caesar, exhibits above-average intelligence. Meanwhile, Jody aspires to be a ballerina
like her mother who gave birth to her during a performance of Swan Lake. At the same time, Jody’s friend Kendra Brooks
(Erica Ash of “MADtv”) is competing for the role, while long time prima ballerina
Heather Daltry (Molly Shannon of “Superstar”) launches a smear campaign against
Jody. Poor Dan runs into trouble galore
at his laboratory. Jody persuades the
children to tell her about their mom who raised them in the wild until demons
came along to possess her. She found a
mysterious tome that warned her not to recite its evil incantations. At home, the demons possess the swimming pool
droids and these nifty mechanical devices treat themselves to a pool party,
snorting cleaning powder.
This time around “Scary Movie 5” roasts not only the “Paranormal
Activity” franchise, but also “Inception,” “Black Swan,” “Rise of the Planet of
the Apes,” “Sinister,” Mama,” “A Cabin in the Woods,” and “Evil Dead.” Mind you, I loved the “Paranormal Activity”
franchise, and I laughed at the hilarious send-up that Lee and his scribes gave
it, especially with the swimming pool droids.
The scenes that mocked “Evil Dead” are pretty funny, too. Of course, you’ll have to endure the usual lowest
common denominator bowel humor as well as assorted penis jokes. The metaphorical montage of pseudo lesbian
love scenes resembles the heterosexual hotdog scenes from “The Naked Gun”
parodies. Not surprisingly, Zucker and
Proft were the geniuses behind that franchise, too. Two last minute surprises will have you
rolling. First, you’ll realize why Snoop
Dog wanted a yacht with a shark in its pool.
Second, you’ll discover that the narrator is more than just a guy who mimics
Morgan Freeman. Clocking in at a trim 85
minutes, “Scary Movie 5” doesn’t squander a second. You should stick around for the amusing end
credits and the outtakes that appear throughout them.
