FILM REVIEW OF "THE LEGEND OF THE LONE RANGER (1981)

Scenic locales, gorgeous cinematography, superb set design, atmospheric art direction, and a first-class supporting cast cannot salvage "Monte Walsh" director William A. Fraker's lame western "The Legend of the Lone Ranger" with a impassive Klinton Spilsbury cast as the Masked Man. Spilsbury is a tall, lean gent with a strong chin and a dashing profile. In other words, he would have made a great Marlboro Man, but he conveys no sense of presence. Not only is this western an origins epic establishing the genesis of the Lone Ranger, but it is also an abduction opus since the hero must rescue President Ulysses S. Grant from the villainous Major Bartholomew 'Butch' Cavendish (Christopher Lloyd of "Back to the Future") who attacks his train. You would think President Grant would have surrounded himself with an army of soldiers as his bodyguards, but they are nowhere to be seen.

 When we get our first glimpse of the Lone Ranger, John Reid is an adolescent who saves a young Tonto from a gang of ruthless ruffians. No sooner has young Reid saved Tonto from these villains than he scrambles back to his home to find these same dastards attacking his ranch. They gun down both his mother and father in cold blood, and later his big brother packs him off to Detroit. Of course, Detroit would be the perfect place since the original "Lone Ranger" radio series aired there on WXYZ in the first place in 1933. Later, after he has grown up and graduated from law school, he visits his brother, Captain Dan Reid (John Bennett Perry of "Independence Day"),and they ride off in pursuit of the gunmen who hanged a crusading newspaper publisher (John Hart of "The Lone Ranger") in the dusty town of Del Rio, Texas. It seems that Lucas Striker has printed some unkind words about Cavendish, and he repays the favor by dispatching his hooligans to slip a noose around his neck.

The ambush at Bryant's Gap—one of the few events that distinguish this horse opera-- is staged with gusto. Cavendish's men launch wagons laden with explosives off promontories at either end of the gap and cut the Rangers off from escaping while his army of riflemen massacre them. They use a Gatling gun to mow down the poor lawmen. In this version of the legend, Cavendish is no longer an ordinary outlaw but a former U.S. Army officer court-marshaled by Grant. Cavendish plans to establish his own kingdom in Texas and intends to use Grant as his bargaining chip to realize his dream. Christopher Lloyd plays Cavendish as a tight-lipped martinet, and he does some strange things himself. When he orders the execution of two of his henchmen (Ted Gehring and Buck Taylor of TV's "Gunsmoke"), he has them blindfolded and seated in chairs before a firing squad. Believe it or not, one of Cavendish's other henchmen is portrayed by no less than Tom Laughlin of "Billy Jack" fame.

 

This 98-minute horse opera perished at the box office partially because of an ill-fated public relations campaign that stripped the original Lone Ranger--Clayton Moore--of his mask. After he finished making "The Lone Ranger and the Lost City of God," Moore appeared in various commercials with sidekick Jay Silverheels and attended movie conventions where he signed autographs. The was the primary way that the former Masked Man generated revenue for himself and his family in his later years. Something must have gone wrong in the process of making the movie because the producers used John Hart, who took over the role momentarily after a contract dispute. Particularly objectionable is the reliance upon a balladeer (country singer Merle Haggard) to provide musical narration that serves no purpose. We know everything that we need to know and then here comes Merle underlining what we already know.  

The problems with the script are numerous. A relationship between John Reed and Amy Striker has its moments when they swap spit, but it goes no farther. Instead of the outlaws killing Amy's father, they should have killed her accidentally when she got in their way. This would have ended the romance and given the Lone Ranger another reason to ride the back trails for justice. The scene where the Masked Man gallops alone into Del Rio to rescue Tonto from a hangman's noose is inferior. He faces little opposition from the townspeople. Although the finale with the Lone Ranger and Tonto infiltrating Cavendish hidden fort turns out to explosive stuff, this entire scene makes it too easy for our heroes who encounter no trouble. The screenplay includes historical figures such as Buffalo Bill Cody, Wild Bill Hickok, and General George A. Custer. Jason Robards is good as Grant, but the story is formulaic. 

If you didn't know any better, "The Legend of the Lone Ranger" might make a tolerable rainy day movie. Michael Horse plays Tonto, but the two generate little sense of camaraderie. "Your sins will be paid for in the fires of hell," proclaims Grant when he sentences Cavendish to prison. He could have been the idiots who took away Clayton Moore's mask and came up with this oater. Stacy Keach's younger brother James dubbed Klinton Spilsbury's dialogue, but not even he can cry "Hi, Yo-Silver" with any enthusiasm. I grew up watching Clayton Moore and Jay Silverheels ride across the small screen as well as the big screen in "The Lone Ranger" and "The Lone Ranger and the Lost City of Gold," and both of these outings surpass this technically elegant looking sagebrusher. The DVD release of this inferior western is just as lame because it is presented in the Pan & Scan format until the end credits roll and the images appear in widescreen letterb0xed format. 

FILM REVIEW OF ''PARKER" (2013)

The brawny Jason Statham crime thriller “Parker”(*** OUT OF ****) qualifies as uneven but entertaining.  Too many characters converge in this above-average revenge melodrama.  Hispanic diva Jennifer Lopez plays one of those extraneous characters in “Black Swan” scenarist John J. McLaughlin’s flawed screenplay.  Cast as a divorced, debt-ridden, real estate agent, Lopez never gets intimate with her rugged “Transporter” star.  Instead, she is stuck in a supporting role and lends only minimal sizzle to “Blood In, Blood Out” director Taylor Hackford’s otherwise high-octane actioneer.  In one scene, she strips to her undies for our suspicious protagonist to see if she is wearing a wire.  Meantime, our hero has somebody else, in an even smaller role, who attends to him after he’s been shot, stabbed and beaten up.  Nevertheless, when Lopez isn’t chauffeuring Statham around scenic Palm Beach, Florida, she is meddling with his carefully laid plans the same way Lucille Ball used to interfere with his Cuban band-leader husband’s nightclub show in the “I Love Lucy” television comedy.  This energetic R-rated epic follows the exploits of a tough-as-nails professional criminal named Parker who lives by a strict code of ethics that reflects his principles.  He doesn’t harm anybody who doesn’t ask for it, but robbery is still his bread and butter.  When an armed guard nearly succumbs to a heart attack, Parker calms him down while he steals from him.

Statham isn’t the first actor to incarnate Parker.  If you’re counting, “Parker” marks the sixth time Hollywood has adapted the late Donald E. Westlake’s crime novel that he penned under the pseudonym Richard Stark.  Initially, French New Wave director Jean-Luc Godard changed the sex of the role for actress Anna Karina who played Paula in “Made in USA” in 1966.  Lee Marvin took a bullet as the same character with the name Walker in director John Boorman’s violent shoot’em up saga “Point Blank” in 1967.  Jim Brown played him as McClain in director Gordon Flemyng’s account of a hardboiled hold-up in “The Split” in 1968.  Robert Duvall landed the role as Macklin in director John Flynn’s “The Outfit” in 1973.  Finally, Mel Gibson appropriated the part as Porter in director Brian Helgeland’s gritty, bullet-riddled “Payback” (1999).  If you haven’t seen these previous adaptations hardboiled melodramas, you should put them on your wish list.  

“Parker” opens with an explosive heist at the Ohio State Fair.  Parker (Jason Statham of “Safe”) supervises an elaborate heist with four partners with whom he has no history.  This quartet masquerades as either clowns or cops, while he dons the collar of a clergyman.  They plunder the concession booth and make off with hundreds of thousands of dollars.  A case of arson designed to distract the authorities so the gang can make a quiet getaway concludes with the tragic death of an innocent bystander.  No sooner has this criminal quintet fled with their ill-gotten gains than Melander (Michael Chiklis of “The Fantastic Four”) insists Parker chip in his share of the loot so they can finance a $50-million haul in Palm Beach, Florida.  Naturally, since our hero doesn’t trust his accomplices, he refuses to join them.  Melander pulls a gun on Parker, and they careen recklessly down a public highway trying to control Parker.  Parker beats them up and then bails out the window.  He slams into the asphalt and lays there stunned.  August (Micah A. Hauptman of “S.W.A.T.: Firefight”) shoots him once and disposes of his bloody corpse into a ditch.  Miraculously, Parker survives this near-death ordeal and lucks up when a family stops to help him out.  Our hero awakens in a hospital as the police are making inquiries about him.  Cleverly, he manages to elude them despite both  the trauma and his gunshot wound.  He tracks Melander and his trigger-happy goons down to sunny Palm Beach, Florida.  Parker’s escape from the hospital and his improvised methods for boosting cars and getting cash-on-the-run are fascinating stuff.  Not long after Parker arrives in Florida, he hooks up with Lesley (Jennifer Lopez of “Enough”) and uses her to find where his ex-partners are holed up in an elite population.  “Parker” loses momentum at this juncture before it recovers with a suspense confrontation between our amoral hero and the dastardly quartet of hoods.  

Despite the alluring attraction she provides, Jennifer Lopez could have been deleted entirely from "Parker."  After all, what is the point of having a looker like Lopez if she is not the hero’s romantic interest?  Meantime, Hackford and McLaughlin confine Parker’s girlfriend Claire (Emma Booth) to the periphery with little to do aside from fleeing from his assailants and nursing our hero’s wounds.  She doesn’t have enough time to make much of an impression.  Michael Chiklis, Clifton Collins Jr., Wendell Pierce, and Micah A. Hauptman are thoroughly convincingly as ruthless criminals who leave Statham for dead on a road with a bullet in him.  Unfortunately, we don’t learn much about these thugs since Hackford and McLaughlin concentrate on the plight of Lopez’ hard luck character.  Looking way past his prime as Statham’s mentor, Nick Nolte spends most of his time growling his lines of dialogue as if he were recovering from a hangover.  One of the best close quarter’s combat scenes pits Statham against Swiss actor Daniel Bernhardt, who replaced Jean-Claude Van Damme in the “Bloodsport” franchise.  For the record, Statham and Bernhardt performed their own stunts in a knock-down, drag-out, brawl.  This bruising man-to-man knife and fistfight qualifies as one of the highlights of “Parker.”  Clocking in at just shy of two hours, “Parker” could have been leaner and meaner had either Lopez’s scenes been trimmed or the two women had been merged into one.  Nevertheless, die-hard Statham fans will enjoy the white-knuckled shenanigans in this muscular melodrama.