“Hairspray” director Adam Shankman’s cinematic adaptation of
the 2006 Broadway juke box musical “Rock of Ages” (*** OUT OF ****) qualifies
as a predictable but entertaining tear-jerker enhanced by an oldies soundtrack
of Top-40 hits. Watching this agile
musical comedy romance is like attending a concert, except instead of Styx,
Journey, Bon Jovi, Pat Benatar, Twisted Sister, Steve Perry, Poison and Europe
warbling their own songs, we get Tom Cruise, Alec Baldwin, Catherine
Zeta-Jones, and Russell Brand singing them.
Lip-synching or not, the cast performs the lyrics well enough to make
you want to tap your toes, clap your hands, and perhaps join in on the
vocalizations. Of course, the
old-fashioned, boy-gets-girl, boy-loses-girl, boy-wins-girl back love story
that brings everything together is sheer hokum.
Although Tom Cruise is billed last in the opening credits,
the “Mission Impossible” superstar steals “Rock of Ages” from young,
star-crossed lovers Diego Boneta and Juliana Hough. They represent the usual, dewy-eyed hopefuls
who pour into Hollywood each day yearning for the success, fame, and
immortality. Unfortunately, despite
their sympathetic personalities’, Boneta and Hough emerge as cosmetically captivating
cookie-cutter hero and heroine. You know
from the get-go they will survive the trials and tribulations that they
encounter and come up none the worse for all the wear.
Meantime, Cruise is the only character with shades of depth,
and he isn’t afraid to ridicule the larger-than-life character of veteran
rocker Stacee Jaxx. Oddly enough, when
he stars in his own movies, Cruise is serious, straightforward, and as shallow
as the “Rock of Ages” leads. Here, Cruise delivers a performance brimming both
with bravado and abasement. In the
movies he doesn’t produce, Cruise has fun skewering his image as well as
playing outlandish characters. Remember
that obnoxious Hollywood producer that he played in the war epic parody “Tropic
Thunder?” Cruise is every bit as
hilarious there as he was here. Even if
you hate him, you’ll enjoy the way that he skewers himself without mercy, while
looking cool in a cretinous sort of way.
“Rock of Ages” opens in 1987. Tulsa, Oklahoma, native Sherrie Christian
(Julianne Hough of “Footloose”) has packed all her autographed classic rock
albums—we’re talking vinyl—and has boarded a Greyhound for Hollywood with the
dream of becoming a rock and roll starlet.
No sooner does our cute heroine hit Hollywood than a low-life hits her. He steals all her albums. A bartender’s assistant, Drew Boley (Diego
Boneta of “Mean Girls 2”), consoles her about the loss of her valuables. Later, Diego manages to land her a job at the
popular Sunset Strip nightclub called ‘The Bourbon Room.” The owner, Dennis Dupree (Alec Baldwin of
“The Departed”), hires Sherrie against his better judgment. Dennis detests young girls yearning to yowl
their way to stardom. Something that he
sees in Sherrie prompts him to make an exception. Sherrie assures Dennis that she can waitress
with the best.
Meantime, Dennis is struggling to keep the doors of The
Bourbon Room open. He owes a mountain of
unpaid taxes. Dennis’ right hand man,
Lonny (Russell Brand of “Get Him to the Greek”), believes rock and roll will
save them. Dennis doesn’t share Lonny’s
optimism. Ultimately, Dennis books rock
star sensation Stacee Jaxx (Tom Cruise of “Risky Business”) because the veteran
rocker plans to go solo. This engagement
will mark Stacee’s last show with his band Arsenal. Dennis and Stacee have known each other from
the get-go. Stacee got his start at The
Bourbon Club. The news that Stacee Jaxx
will appear at The Bourbon Room comes at the same time Los Angeles
conservatives are poised to launch a campaign against Dennis' notorious night
club. L.A. Mayor Mike Whitmore (Bryan
Cranston of TV’s “Breaking Bad”) responds to pressure to sanitize the Sunset
Strip. As it turns out, the mayor’s
secret weapon is none other than his trophy wife Patricia. Mrs. Whitmore
(Catherine Zeta-Jones of “No Reservations”) rallies the churches together to
protest against “sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll." Patricia and her fervent
supporters turn out in droves to condemn not only The Bourbon Room but also
Stacee Jaxx. According to Patricia, Stacee
Jaxx spews “sex, hateful music, and sex.” Ostensibly, Patricia abhors the
rocker because he seduced her vulnerable roommate at UCLA and took advantage of
her.
As the crowds assemble outside, chants and protests mingle
in the evening air. Dennis dreams about
the mint that he will make until he learns that the act scheduled to open for
Stacee Jaxx has bowed out. At the last
minute, Dennis agrees to let Drew and his band warm up the house for three
songs only. Earlier, Drew had lamented
to Sherrie during a romantic encounter at the famous Hollywood sign that he
suffered from stage. Fright. Now, he
fears the paralysis will strike the next time he climbs on stage. Miraculously, Drew sheds his fears and lights
up the crowd, so much so that the man who promotes Stacee Jaxx, Paul Gill (Paul
Giamatti of “Shoot’em Up”), wants to immortalize him. At this moment, Drew catches a glimpse of
Stacee Jaxx adjusting his jeans as Sherrie turns away from him.
Director Adam Shankman and “Tropic Thunder” scenarist Justin
Theroux, original Broadway musical writer Chris D'Arienzo, and “Just Go With
It” scribe Allen Loeb never let things slow down during this two-hour plus
musical. Indeed, they have made changes. First, Patricia Whitmore replaces the
characters of German developers, Hertz Klinemann and son Franz, who wanted to
demolish The Bourbon Room. Second,
Stacee and Sherrie never have sex. The
problem is that "Rock" lacks a genuinely treacherous villain. Meantime, each song punctuates the plot and
serves as commentary. The assortment of
songs captures the cacophonous 1980s when flamboyant, long-haired rockers
ruled. Everything about “Rock of Ages”
reeks of nostalgia, especially the way it makes fun of the boy bands. Occasionally, the filmmakers allow a glint of
reality, such as when our heroine winds up pole-dancing. The choreography is nimble as well as
interpretative. Aside from the rather
obvious love story, “Rock of Ages” contains two other romances. Stacee Jaxx plunges for a “Rolling Stone”
reporter, and Lonny and Dennis discover why they love to sing duets. “Rock of Ages” celebrates the spirit of rock
and roll without wallowing in its decadence.
