FILM REVIEW OF ''THE PROFESSOR" (2019)

Johnny Depp is cast as a strait-laced English academic at a prestigious New England liberal arts college in director Wayne Roberts' wannabe tragicomedy "The Professor" (* OUT OF ****) who discovers he has terminal lung cancer. He is warned he has a year, perhaps a-year-and-a-half, if he commences appropriate medical treatment. If he waives treatment, however, he may last six months. Alas, Professor Richard Brown has never smoked cigarettes, and one of his closest friends finds it ironic that lung cancer will claim his life. Initially, he tries to break the news to his wife Veronica (Rosemarie DeWitt of "La La Land") as well as his teenage daughter Olivia (Odessa Young of "Assassination Nation") over dinner. Instead, Richard finds them obsessed with their own alarming revelations. Veronica reveals she has been cheating on Richard with his snobbish boss, Henry Wright (Ron Livingston of "Office Space"), the chancellor of the university, who happens to be married, too. Meantime, Richard's daughter admits she is gay. At this point, their dinner table conversation spirals. Veronica shows little empathy for her daughter's admission, and the two excuse themselves without waiting for Richard's bombshell. Eventually, he will tell them. These two scenes are about as spontaneous as "The Professor" gets for a movie which advertised as a whimsical comedy about cancer. Anybody who has either survived cancer (in whatever form) or has supported a loved one through the ordeal may find this woebegone misfire appalling. Basically, "The Professor" is neither clever enough to be genuinely funny nor impertinent enough to be darkly satirical. Roberts comes up nothing new about life with cancer except his own pathetic lack of imagination. Whatever attracted Depp to this shallow soap opera, originally entitled "Richard Says Goodbye," must have been discarded on the editing room floor.

Cancer charts a different course for Richard Brown than he would have taken. We learn the same time Richard does that malignant tumors in his upper back account for the pain he has suffered for quite some time. Indeed, nothing about his condition has changed. Mind you, Doctor Barron (Michael Kopsa of "Countdown") spells out the awful truth. The cancer has now spread to Richard's spine and adrenals. Inevitably, Richard will die, and nothing can save him from this dreadful fate. Nevertheless, Brown keeps his troubles to himself, so he can teach for another quarter and then obtain a sabbatical. Eventually, he confides in his oldest friend, Peter (Danny Huston of "X-Men Origins: Wolverine"), who breaks down in grief-stricken anguish at the news. The odd thing about "The Professor" is the supporting cast is more captivating than its simple-minded protagonist. Richard demands a sabbatical. Peter doesn't think he can grant the request.

Meantime, the quarter semester commences. Suddenly, Richard has a momentary, last-minute meltdown in the university millpond with a distraught duck. Afterward, he shows up in class for what constitutes one of the film's better scenes. College professors know what the first day is like. Most have an inkling about how everything will play out. Richard takes one look at his packed class and shocks them. Separating the wheat from the chaff, he offers anybody who wants to skip class for the entire quarter a grade of C. Eventually, Richard whittles the student population down to the size of a cozy graduate seminar. No longer does Richard want to contend with students whose classroom attendance is spotty. He runs off three kinds of students: those in sweat pants, those who've never read a book, and those who're business majors. Finally, the remainder must arrive punctually and read Herman Melville's classic "Moby Dick." The diverse supporting cast comes to the fore, and each forges believable student characters for themselves.

"The Professor" breaks down into various teaching scenes. Richard indulges in liquor by convening class in a bar. He counsels his student to never squander one second of life, but to plunge into it for the sake of adventure. During the class in the bar, Richard escorts a bar maid into the men's room where they enjoy standing room only sex. Presumably, Richard and Veronica's marriage withered after Olivia's birth, and husband and wife drifted apart. Later, in clear sight of everybody at the university, including Chancellor Henry Wright, Richard shares a joint with a male student who earlier had given him a bag of pot brownies in exchange for oral sex. Remember, it's an R-rated movie with no frontal nudity. Richard defies the rules for the sake of it, and his status as a tenured professor shields him from any repercussions. Henry tries to take Richard down a couple of notches, but our hero outsmarts him. Since he is carousing with Richard's wife, Henry realizes that discretion is the better part of his valor. This showdown between Richard and Henry marks Depp's most heroic moment as he gains the upper hand.

Sadly, Depp generates little charisma as he struggles to maintain a straight face and welcomes cancer as an excuse to create his own bucket list. He proclaims himself a libertine open to any new experience. Afterward, apart from a night in the hospital and some recurring bouts of illness, Richard remains immaculate. When he hurts, he clutches his sides and collapses on the floor. Never in "The Professor" does our protagonist soil his apparel during a seizure. Never does he let his fashionably combed hair to dishevel. Richard's friends treat these moments as life threatening and rush to him. Essentially, our hero changes little over the course of the film's 90-minute running time. He treats Olivia with positive fatherly love and counsels Veronica to keep her sexual escapades discreet. At one point, encouraged to attend a therapeutic self-help group, Richard retreats in contemptuous defiance to a bar drown his distress. Don't worry about the ending. Nothing traumatic occurs. Our hero cruises serenely into the dark night without a regret. Melancholy at best, dreary at worst, "The Professor" thumbs its nose up at cancer as if it were a trifle.