Rule # 1:
Hollywood shouldn't make some books into movies.
Take, for
example, science fiction author Isaac Asimov's "I, Robot." This is a classic collection of cautionary
short stories about the unforeseen complications in a robot's logic as it
struggles to obey the three laws of robotics. Even when the robots appeared
insane, Asimov was careful to show that by the lights of the robot's
"positronic brains," they are behaving logically.
Rule # 2:
Movies with multiple stories don't make millions.
Too many characters.
Too many ideas. Too much originality. Too much segmentation. Consequently, when Hollywood lays its hands on
literary legends like Asimov, they dumb down his work. In the Will Smith mystery-thriller "I,
Robot," Australian director Alex Proyas of "The Crow,"
Oscar-winning "Beautiful Mind" scenarist Akiva Goldsman and
"Final Fantasy" scribe Jeff Vintar have retained the three laws of
robotics. Unfortunately, they have turned
an otherwise literary classic into a formulaic, action-paced,
paint-by-the-numbers, potboiler about an heroic, wise-cracking Chicago cop in
the year 2035 who abhors robots.
"I,
Robot" (** OUT OF ****) opens with the three laws of robots. 1. A robot may not injure a human being or,
through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm. 2. A robot must obey orders given it by human
beings, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law. 3. A robot
must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict
with the First or Second Law.
An alarm
clock awakens divorced homicide detective Del Spooner (Will Smith of "Bad
Boys") to another wonderful day. After a shower scene designed to display
Smith's buff body, especially his curiously scarred "Rambo" pectorals,
the filmmakers have our swaggering stereotypical lone wolf hero don his ghetto street
clothes, unpack a vintage pair of 2004 Converse All-Star sneakers, and cruise
off to his first crime scene of the day in his tricked out Audi. The headquarters of the U.S. Robotics
Corporation--a Microsoft-type company—towers against the skyline of Chicago. U.S. Robotics plans to put a robot in every
home. The company boasts that the ratio
will be one robot per five humans. An
unexpected tragedy occurs to threaten this massive robotic roll-out. Apparently,
U.S.R.'s chief robot designer, Dr. Alfred Lanning (James Cromwell of
"Babe"), has committed suicide.
The visionary scientist hurled himself through his office window and
fell hundreds of feet to the lobby. Spooner
learns that Lanning had requested him specifically, so Del could listen to a
message Lanning recorded for him on a preprogrammed hologram. Initially,
Lanning's cryptic remarks mystify Del.
When he
visits Lanning's office, he discovers that the good doctor couldn't have jumped
through the window. Del tries to break the window next to the window that Lanning
shattered. He barely makes a dent when he
smashes a chair against it. U.S.
Robotics scientist, Dr. Susan Calvin (Bridget Moynahan of “Coyote Ugly) is
assigned to escort Spooner around the premises.
No sooner does Del realize that the killer may still be in the room than
the killer surprises him and escapes.
Eventually,
Del captures the robot and interrogates him. Before he can get far, U.S. Robotics' CEO
Lawrence Robertson (Bruce Greenwood of "Thirteen Days") storms into
the police station. He demands the
return of his property. Robertson
reminds Del that the authorities cannot charge robots with murder. Not only have robots never posed a threat to
humans, but also only humans can be charged with homicide. Inevitably, Del's world-weary boss, Lieutenant
John Bergin (Chi McBride of "Gone In 60 Seconds"), chews him out for
crying 'robot' every time something happens to him. Del remains far from
convinced, however, about the innocence of robots. He bears a grudge against them. During an accident, a truck rammed both his
vehicle and another car with a 12-year old girl inside. Both cars sank into a river. A passing robot witnessed the accident and
dived in to rescue Del. Our protagonist told the robot to save the little girl
instead, so he feels guilty about her death and despises robots.
Gee, doesn't
this sound familiar? Like a movie from the 1980s? A rebellious but maimed cop
battling a corporation with a dark secret.
Hey, didn't Tom Selleck do something like that in the 1984 epic "Runaway?"
Or what about 1982's "Blade Runner?" Or "Westworld," where the
robots cannot kill humans either. Del
spends the rest of "I, Robot's" predictable 115 minutes trying to prove
to everybody that robots are dangerous. He worries especially because his
mother (Adrian Ricard of "Bulworth") has won a robot in lottery.
Meanwhile, despite all this horrible publicity, Robertson plans to market a new
line of robots, and he wants Del off his back permanently. Of course,
hard-headed as Del is, he doesn't take no for an answer, even when Bergin takes
his badge and suspends him from the force.
Basically, aside
from his charismatic performance, Will Smith's futuristic detective doesn't
appear too far removed from his wealthy playboy cop in the "Bad Boys"
franchise. Unfortunately, he doesn't
have a sidekick like Martin Lawrence to take up the slack in this occasionally
exciting but largely superficial sci-fi saga. Not even his quips seem catchy. Smith spouts lines like: "Does believing
you're the last sane man on the planet make you crazy? 'Cause if that's the
case, maybe I am.” Probably his best
line, and that isn't saying much, is: "Somehow 'I told you so' just doesn't
quite say it." "I, Robot" looks cool, if you don't think about
some of the gaping plot holes. Wait until you see what Del's secret weapon is.
Talk about a cop-out! If you think about
it, Del qualifies as a cyborg. The villainous
robots aren’t intimidating. Meanwhile, two action sequences, a careening vehicular
chase scene in a freeway tunnel and a demolition robot that destroys a mansion
with Del in it, stand out from everything else thing. Despite its plea for tolerance, which was
handled better in "Bicentennial Man," "I, Robot" breaks no
new ground in the robot genre.
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