FILM REVIEW OF ''COLD BLOOD" (2019)

French writer/director Frédéric Petitjean makes his feature film debut with “Cold Blood,” (** OUT OF ****) a somber but suspenseful, low-budget, crime thriller set in the snow-swept wilderness of rural Washington state.  Veteran actor Jean Reno toplines in the familiar role of a professional hitman who prefers peace and solitude to the chaos and anarchy of the city.  Nowhere near as entertaining as “Le Femme Nikita” or “Leon: The Professional,” “Cold Blood” qualifies as a cat and mouse thriller between a quarry and its prey.  Imagine a slight spin on the Stephen King movie “Misery” (1990) where a woman saved a famous author after a car crash and confined him to a bed where she maintained him in excruciating captivity.  “Cold Blood” depicts a somewhat similar storyline.  A young girl has an accident in the middle of nowhere, and a suspicious hermit--a hitman in hiding--helps her recover at his secluded cabin.  The two suspect each other of treachery, but the film plays out under different circumstances than “Misery.” 

Filmed largely on location in the Ukraine, “Cold Blood” benefits immeasurably from the atmospheric, widescreen cinematography of “Fifth Element” lenser Thierry Arbogast.  “Cold Blood” is serene looking, but beneath that serenity lurks evil.  Reno is as cold and calculating as he was in “Le Femme Nikita” and “Leon: The Professional,” but he has been cast here as the villain rather than a hero.  Sarah Lind portrays Melody, the daughter of an underworld crime czar, who plans to avenge the murder of a father whom she barely knew. Joe Anderson is a tenacious N.Y.P.D. detective who never gives up a case.  Happily, Petitjean doesn’t drag out the obvious, and “Cold Blood” doesn’t wear out its welcome before the villain receives his just comeuppance.  Nevertheless, despite its many contemplative strengths, this tense movie is neither a date night outing nor a supercharged shoot’em up.

“Cold Blood” opens with a lone figure careening recklessly through mountainous white terrain on a snowmobile.  A sudden accident launches the rider into a head over heels trajectory into the sky as if propelled from a catapult.  The rider smashes into the ground, and the impact knocks the helmet clean off, so the victim tumbling into the snow is revealed to be a young woman. When she manages to regain consciousness, Melody (Sarah Lind of “The Humanity Bureau”) finds a tree branch partially embedded in her thigh.  Mustering her nerve against the horrific pain, this dark-haired twentysomething removes a fragment of the tree branch.  During the crash, she skinned up her face, and she has blood caked on her forehead. 

Afterward, Melody crawls on her belly down a pristine white hillside, leaving a trail of bright red blood until she passes out again near a remote cabin by a lake where a solitary figure sits ice water fishing.  After Henry discovers her body inexplicably on his property, he carries Melody into his cabin and dresses her wounds as best he can, considering they are seventy miles from civilization.  Moreover, reclusive as he is, Henry isn’t prepared to accommodate guests, especially injured ones who require medical treatment. Fortunately, Henry has enough medical training and the equipment to keep Melody alive.  Mind you, the logistics of Petitjean’s plot calls for Melody’s injuries to be moderate but not life-threatening.  She is in no position to rummage around Henry’s cabin and ends up tearing open the wounds that she inflicted on herself during the accident.

At this point, Petitjean leaves the two in the cabin and flashbacks ten months earlier to the bustling metropolis of New York City, where Henry is walking on a treadmill at a fitness club.  A sleazy millionaire industrialist with organized crime ties, Kessler (Jean-Luc Olivier) joins Henry later in a steamy sauna accompanied by his two bodyguards.  Somehow, after Henry excuses himself from the sauna, one of the bodyguards notices Kessler is bleeding from a wound.  Later, at an entirely different place, Henry removes an inconspicuous attaché case crammed with currency from a coin locker. 

At Kessler’s funeral, two plainclothes detectives, Kappa (Joe Anderson of “Amelia”) and his partner Davies (newcomer Ihor Ciszkewycz), discuss the peculiar nature of the industrialist’s demise.  According to the so-called ‘criminal’s manual,’ killers are supposed to attend their victim’s funeral, but Henry knows better than to show up for the last rites.  Kappa explains to Davies that the bullet which killed Kessler was made from ice, so the police cannot use ballistics to trace the gun.  Mind you, the ice bullet gag is an old assassin’s trick dating as far back as “Corruption” (1933) where a man was shot and killed with an ice bullet to frame another fellow for the murder.  Although the case looks like a dead end for Davies, Kappa pursues it relentlessly. Anyway, everything comes full circle twenty-one minutes later as the gal who wrecked her snowmobile arrives in Spokane to rent a bike.

Of course, whether she wants to admit it, Melody doesn’t have a clue about what she is letting herself in for when she stalks a career assassin who carefully plans everything.  Indeed, as we learn later, Henry knew the odds were outlandish a pretty damsel-in-distress would show up conveniently near his front door with injuries which weren’t fatal but required immediate care.  Petitjean ignores pesky reality.  Naturally, Melody needed an excuse to justify her presence.  Apparently, however, it never occurred to our heroine that she might have killed herself and accomplished nothing. 

“Cold Blood” amounts to a thinly plotted stalemate between these two characters for most of its 91 minutes.  They treat each other with extreme caution and utter few words.  They behave like two predators circling each other, biding their time for the right moment to catch the other off-guard.  Melody has no idea Henry is prepared for virtually any contingency.  Simultaneously, Henry cannot imagine the unsatisfying surprise ending that catches everybody—heroine, villain, and audience--napping.  Altogether, “Cold Blood” is a little too anemic for its own good.

FILM REVIEW OF "UNBREAKABLE" (2000)

Writer & director M. Night Shyamalan's fourth film "Unbreakable" refers to its protagonist, football stadium security guard David Dunn (Bruce Willis) who has been born with an almost perfect body because his bones cannot be broken. Far less introspective and surprising than the enigmatic "Sixth Sense," this atmospheric melodrama depicts the friendship between Dunn and an African-American, Elijah Price, nicknamed Mr. Glass (Samuel L. Jackson), who suffers from an unusual bone disease designated 'Osteogenesis Imperfecta.' Basically, 'Osteogenesis Imperfecta' is a genetic disorder where bones break easily. In other words, Glass' surname reflects the extremely fragile nature of his body. The first scene in "Unbreakable" details the birth of Mr. Glass in a department store apparel fitting room.  One of the men who takes charge of the infant discovers to his horror that the little boy's arms and legs are misshapen from where he fought to get out of his mother's womb. Later, we learn that Mr. Glass has become obsessed with comic book superheroes.  Shrewdly, his mother (Charlayne Woodard of “The Crucible”) used comics to coax her son out of the seclusion of their apartment. Glass becomes a leading authority on comic books as well as the characteristics of super heroes and super villains. He represents a strong villain because he reckons if he occupies one end of the spectrum then an 'unbreakable' hero occupies the other end. In his fiendish efforts to find the other end of the spectrum, Mr. Glass commits incorrigible crimes which eventually land him in a mental asylum. For example, he engineers a train wreck where everybody on board dies, except for our protagonist David Dunn. 

Eventually, Mr. Glass catches up with David after his miraculous survival without a broken bone makes news’ headlines as the sole survivor of the deadly train wreck.  Moreover, he takes a bizarre interest in him that Dunn doesn't reciprocate.  Nevertheless, David’s curiosity prompts him to search for information about his health that he has taken for granted.  For example, he has never missed a day at work owing to illness.  Later, he realizes that he was never injured in an accident that broke his future wife’s leg.  After the wreck, David cites an injury that convinced him from pursuing a promising career in college football.  His wife, Audrey Dunn (Robin Wright of "Forrest Gump"), is relieved to learn David has decided to hang up his cleats.  Glass' inquiries arouses the curiosity of David's son Joseph (Spencer Treat Clark of "Gladiator") who loads up more free weights than David thinks possible to press and winds up impressing both of them.  David pushes 350 pounds!  Later, when Joseph is convinced that his father cannot be hurt by flying lead, a standoff occurs in the kitchen with Joseph threatening his dad with a revolver at point blank range. Of course, neither David nor his terrified wife Audrey believe that he is invincible where bullets are concerned, and they manage to persuade Joseph to put the pistol down.  Reportedly, when George Reeves portrayed the Man of Steel on the television program “Superman,” a child approached him with a gun during a public appearance and tried to shoot him, but Reeves talked him out of it.  He warned him that the bullet might ricochet off him and wound somebody else.

The $75-million "Unbreakable" boils down to your basic clash of the titans. Mr. Glass has spent his entire life searching for David. Initially, David refuses to believe anything about him made him special.  After the tragic train accident, David has second thoughts.  One scene demonstrates both of David's two usual capabilities. A maniac forces his way into a residential home, kills the husband, ties up the two children, assaults the wife, and leaves her tied up with bleeding wrists. Meantime, David has the power of insight that enables him to tell who constitutes a threat to the public. Glass is on hand at the football stadium when David displays this power.  Scrutinizing the spectators filing into the stadium, David points out a suspicious character wearing a cameo shirt.  Our protagonist suspects this fellow may be packing a pistol out-of-sight under his shirt. At the last minute, the suspicious fellow steps out of line.  Desperately Mr. Glass pursues him and falls down a stairway in his efforts to learn if he was toting a firearm which matched David's description. Indeed, this suspicious guy was carrying a concealed weapon!  Later, David spots a maintenance man.  They brush past each other, and David follows him to the house where the husband lies dead and the children are tied up.  David attacks the maintenance man and gets his arms around his neck.  The maniac slams David repeatedly against walls, smashing up those walls, but he cannot dislodge David who keeps him in a choke hold until the brute loses consciousness.  At first, David and his family didn’t trust Elijah, and they classified him as a nuisance. Their attitude changes, and the two become friends, until the final quarter of the action, when Elijah reveals his true colors, and David realizes that Elijah poses a threat.  He orchestrated three terrorist attacks in an effort to find the man at the other in of the spectrum.  Once, David recognizes Glass as a threat, he alerts the authorities. 

Clocking in at 106 minutes, “Unbreakable” seems to take forever to unfold.  The ending is a let-down because Glass and David never tangle, but the character-driven action is momentarily engrossing until it concludes with an anti-climactic situation. Bruce Willis delivers a beautifully restrained performance, and he behaves just as we suspect a normal person would.  The scene on the train before the accident is liable to draw the wrath of married women.  David removes his wedding ring and makes a play for a female passenger who sits beside him.  Samuel L. Jackson is just as good as Elijah but never really seems menacing enough.  Despite the strong character study of two rivals, “Unbreakable” is by its dreary pace and its anti-climactic ending.  

FILM REVIEW OF ''THE HAPPYTIME MURDERS" (2018)

The fiftysomething son of Muppets creator Jim Henson, Brian Henson may have thought everybody would laugh hysterically at the sight of his father’s “Sesame Street” Muppets wallowing in puppet sex, killing other puppets, and spewing R-rated “Scarface” obscenities.  Indeed, the production company behind “Sesame Street” sued STX Films for an early poster displaying the tagline: “No Sesame, All Street.” Mind you, none of the actual “Sesame Street” Muppet characters are ridiculed in Henson’s farce.  Nevertheless, The Sesame Workshop argued such advertising “deliberately confuses consumers into mistakenly believing that Sesame is associated with, has allowed, or has even endorsed or produced the movie and tarnishes Sesame’s brand.”  Judge Vernon Broderick threw the case out.  Although they lost the lawsuit, The Sesame Workshop must be elated that Henson’ abominable police procedural comedy “The Happytime Murders” (* OUT OF ****) bombed during its first week in release.  Forging a make-believe world where “meat sacks” and “felties” bump into each other, this lame laffer earned only a quarter of its $40-million budget. Puppets refer to humans as “meat sacks,” while humans call puppets “felties.” Comparisons between “The Happytime Murders” and “Who Framed Roger Rabbit” (1988), where cartoon characters co-existed with humans are inevitable.  Despite its top-notch CGI of Muppets ‘behaving badly’ and its celebrity cast, featuring Melissa McCarthy, Maya Rudolph, and Elizabeth Banks, this predictable, half-baked hokum should have been called “The Crappytime Murders.”  Basically, neither Henson nor scenarists Todd Berger and Dee Austin Robertson have conjured up enough sidesplitting jokes to weather its lowest-common-denominator 91 minutes.  Moreover, the jokes are neither shamelessly nor hilariously memorable.  If you’ve seen the trailer where puppets perform “Basic Instinct” sex and the guy squirts ‘silly-string’ semen, you’ve seen the most provocative scene.  Another scene with a Dominatrix Dalmatian whipping a semi-nude, tied-down fireman while yelping, “I'm gonna piss on you like a fire hydrant” is more idiotic than erotic. 

 

This whodunit takes place in the seedy underbelly of contemporary Los Angeles.  Mankind has marginalized puppets as second-class citizens, and the filmmakers cannot resist exposing the racism with which humans belittle puppets. The action concerns the puppets who starred in “The Happytime Gang,” a popular 1990’s kiddie show. Humans embraced this groundbreaking sit-com about puppets, and puppets attracted greater sympathy from humans.  Decades afterward, the lucrative syndication rights for the show are up for grabs.  Now, a serial slayer is stalking and knocking-off the seven puppet cast members one-by-one.  Lieutenant Banning of the LAPD (Leslie David Baker of “Elizabethtown”) assigns former police detective Phil Phillips (long-time Muppeteer vet Bill Barretta) to serve as a consultant for his former partner, Detective Connie Edwards (Melissa McCarthy of “Identity Thief”), to solve these homicides.  Traces of bad blood linger between Phil and Connie.  For the record, Phil is a sky-blue Muppet with black hair who resembles former “Late Late Show” talk host Tom Synder, and he doesn’t mind kicking the crap out of anybody.  Phil was a rising star in the LAPD, until a pistol-packing puppet took Connie hostage in a stand-off.  Phil fired at the perpetrator, but his bullet ricocheted and killed an innocent bystander.  Connie caught a slug in the liver when she disarmed her truculent captor.  Desperately, Phil rushed her to the nearest medical facility, and it turned out to be a puppet hospital.  Although the puppet doctor refused to operate on a human, Phil waved the muzzle of his service revolver under his nose.  Since acquiring a felt liver, Connie contends with many of the afflictions puppets suffer on a daily basis. Puppets crave sugar as if it were cocaine, and Connie has dozens of Maple Syrup bottles chilling in her fridge.  

Now, Phil ekes out a living as a private investigator. One day, switch-hitting, nympho puppet Sandra White (Dorien Davies) slinks into his office.  She hires Phil to thwart blackmailers demanding $350-thousand from her.  The first place Phil heads is a smut shop.  He is trying to trace the cut-out letters in the blackmail note to a porno magazine.  Meantime, a masked gunman enters the store, kills the owner and his two employees, who were staging a porno about an octopus milking a slutty dairy cow with his tentacles.  The gunman blows their felt heads off with a shotgun.  BLAM!  BLAM!  During this blazing mayhem, Phil occupied himself in the smut owner’s office, scrutinizing a list of suspects who might have clipped letters from the porno magazine for Sandra’s blackmail message.  Nevertheless, the LAPD treat Phil as ‘a person of interest’ despite his story that he heard nothing in the owner’s office.  Now, Phil is on the lam, and Connie is struggling to protect him, while they ferret out clues to the identities of the killers.

Comparably, “The Happytime Murders” isn’t nearly as rude, crude, and offensive as Peter Jackson’s “Meet the Feebles” (1989), Trey Parker’s “Team America: World Police” (2004), and Seth MacFarlane’s two “Ted” comedies with Mark Walhberg.  Mind you, the prospect of a “Happytime Murders” sequel is probably as infinitesimal as “Ted 3.”  Sadly, Henson and his writers provide a far from adequate history about the origins of this strange new world where puppets talk.  Principally, when did the Muppets become sentient?  Sure, these questions may not bother you, but some explanation should have been offered.  We watch puppets play cards, orchestrate drive-by shootings, and generally act like criminals.  Puppet die violently in this murder-riddled melodrama. Bullets blow the stuffing out of these puppets when dogs aren’t mistaking them for chew toys. The puppet work is probably some of the best.  Publicity material for “The Happytime Murders” reveals that Henson and company fashioned about 125 Muppet-like puppets for it.  Indeed, the interaction between the actors and the puppets looks appropriately goofy.  While she is cast as the top-billed detective, Melissa McCarthy plays second banana to Phil. Maya Rudolph steals every scene as Phil’s radiant secretary ‘Bubbles’ who can pick locks. Neither trailblazing nor sharp-edged enough as a satire, “The Happytime Murders” scrapes the bottom of the barrel with little to show for it.

FILM REVIEW OF ''SUPERFLY'' (2018)

Remakes!  Remakes!  Remakes!  When will they never stop?  Gordon Parks, Jr.’s “Super Fly” (1972) is Hollywood’s latest casualty.  Generally, remakes lack the magic of their predecessors.  Exceptions exist to the rule.  Canadian-born Director X’s updated “Superfly” (**** OUT OF ****) remake adheres to the core of the landmark original. For the record, Director X’s real name is Julien Christian Lutz.  Apart from 2015’s “Across the Line,” Lutz has helmed music videos primarily for the last twenty years, with vocalists such as Usher, R. Kelly, Rihanna, and Nicki Minaj.  Lutz imparts both polish and pacing to this profane, bullet-riddled, R-rated, 116-minute crime thriller.  Like the original character, an affluent coke dealer decides to quit the business for safety’s sake.  Indeed, forty-six years later, some things have changed.  “Superfly” takes place in contemporary Atlanta, Georgia, with jaunts around the Southeast, Texas, and Mexico. Comparatively, “Super Fly” (1972) confined itself strictly to New York City.  Not only does “Watchmen” scenarist Alex Tse preserve a lot of the original “Super Fly,” but he also provides greater narrative depth and more characters. “Sons 2 the Grave” actor Trevor Jackson is suitably cast with his handsome GQ looks as the new Youngblood Priest.  Like his forerunner, Priest maintains a low profile so neither local nor national law enforcement knows about him!  He has never been arrested, and his juvenile record is sealed. He strives to blend in rather than stick out. The same was true of Ron O’Neal, who portrayed an older Youngblood Priest in the surprise 1972 smash hit.  Fashion has changed considerably since the original.  Priest cruises around in an upscale Lexus 500 rather than a gaudy pimped-out El Dorado Cadillac.  Our hero’s chief competition is a vainglorious cocaine peddling gang of African-American villains decked out in immaculate white outfits.  These guys look like they belong in the D.C. Comics super-villain universe. The worst thing I can say about “SuperFly” is it made me think of a supercharged “Miami Vice” episode. 

Youngblood Priest has maintained a critical balancing act of living at the top without having to fear either the police or rival coke dealers.  Everything changes radically in one split-second at a strip club when Priest clashes with an impulsive member of the Snow Patrol, Juju (Kaalan Walker of “Kings”), and the latter tries to murder him.  Instead, the reckless Juju wounds an innocent female bystander.  Priest thrusts a wad of bills into the wounded girl’s hand and advises her friends to rush her immediately to the nearest trauma center.  Meantime, Juju’s boss, Q (Big Bank Black of “Birds of a Feather”), far from happy with his trigger-happy henchman, has gone and shelled out $50 grand to silence the wounded girl and her friends.  Indeed, the clash, the shooting, and Juju’s rabid vengeance, register powerfully on our protagonist.  This incident prompts Priest to decide to retire.  In the original “Super Fly,” Priest simply felt the time was ripe to bow out, but the filmmakers never gave him as substantial a motivation as Director X and Alex Tse do with “Superfly.”  Priest commences to plan for his future, even if his long-time partner, Eddie (Jason Mitchell of “Contraband”), refuses to let a good thing go.  Like Eddie in the original “Super Fly,” this Eddie argues that ‘the Man’ won’t let them do anything else.  This seems ironic since “Superfly” was produced after the eight-year presidency of Barrack Obama.  Immediately, Priest looks up his old friend and mentor, Scatter (Michael Kenneth Williams of “Brooklyn's Finest”), who has been supplying him with cocaine.  Priest figures that if he can get more, he can sell more, and then have enough to retire.  Surprisingly, Scatter refuses to accommodate Priest.  Scatter here is a combination of Priest’s mentor from the original as well as his martial arts instructor.

In the original “Super Fly,” Scatter came through for Priest, but it cost Scatter his life. Corrupt NYPD officials ordered Scatter liquidated as a victim of a heroin overdose, and they chose to let Priest and Eddie assume his responsibilities.  In “Superfly,” Priest shrewdly shadows Scatter to find out where his mentor obtains his supply of cocaine.  Meantime, Scatter doesn’t suspect that Priest and Eddie are tailing him.  Neither does Scatter’s connection, Mexican cartel kingpin Adalberto Gonzalez (Esai Morales of “Paid in Full”), notice Priest.  Audaciously, Priest and Eddie follow Gonzalez across the border into Mexico, and Priest meets with the notorious trafficker.  At one point, after his goons do notice Priest, the cartel crime boss has them bring Priest aboard his private jet, and Gonzalez threatens to throw him out of it during the flight.  The level-headed Priest persuades Gonzalez to provide him with enough product for his escape strategy.  This represents the second time Priest has put himself in jeopardy, but he emerges none the worse for wear.  Not until later does Priest brandish a gun to defend himself and his women.  This younger Youngblood Priest displays considerable discretion to avoid wanton bloodshed compared with the volatile Juju.  Things deteriorate dramatically when another black gangsta launches an attack on a barber shop that Q operates as a front.  Virtually everybody but Juju dies during this devastating drive-by shooting.  Eventually, Q discovers that one of Priest’s associates orchestrated the shootout.  Furthermore, a furious Scatter learns Priest has gone behind his back to contact Gonzalez. Worst, a clueless strip club owner, Fat Freddy (Jacob Ming-Trent of “A Midsummer Night's Dream”), is exposed as the man who dispatched the gunmen to kill Juju.  

“Superfly” bristles with more of everything than its unforgettable predecessor.  The Snow Patrol with their Scarface mansion make intimidating adversaries.  Not only has Director X and scenarist Alex Tse carefully retained as much plot as possible from the original, but they have also added more.  One of the strongest additions is the corrupt Atlanta policewoman, Detective Mason (Jennifer Morrison of “Star Trek: Into Darkness”), who exposes Priest.  Ultimately, Director X tips his hat to Curtis Mayfield by including his classic tune in this stellar remake of “Super Fly.”