FILM REVIEW OF ''THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN" (2012)

Sony Pictures has ignored the old adage: “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”  Five years ago, the studio canceled the fourth installment in the Toby Maguire “Spider-Man” franchise with original director Sam Raimi at the helm. Sony cited escalating production costs as the reason for abandoning the series. Now, not only has Sony rebooted “Spider-man” with a new director and a different pair of leads, but the studio also has retooled the action with an alternate love interest and darker screenplay. You could call this reboot “The Dark Spider Arises” because the filmmakers seem to be channeling the Christian Bale “Batman” movies with their solemn narrative elements. Unfortunately, “The Amazing Spider-Man” (*** out of ****) isn’t as amazing as the original “Spider-Man.” “500 Days of Summer” director Marc Webb struggles with a lackluster villain straight out of a cheesy B-movie chiller as well as a drawn-out running time. Chiefly, the villain sucks because he lacks the nefarious intellectual attitude that The Green Goblin" boasted in the first film.  Moreover, Green Goblin spouted better dialogue and armed himself with more weapons that the green predator in this remake/sequel. “The Amazing Spider-Man” clocks in at two hours and sixteen minutes and runs out of steam during the final quarter-hour as Webb wraps up the loose ends. If you are prone to scrambling out of your theater to beat everybody else to the exit as the end credits start to roll, you should resist the urge. Webb and his writers have attached an interesting scene between the villain and an accomplice that foreshadows the inevitable sequel. Just by the sound of the mysterious man's voice, you should be able to guess his identity.

“The Amazing Spider-Man” opens as Richard Parker (Campbell Scott of “Dying Young”) and his wife Mary (Embeth Davidtz of “Bicentennial Man”) drop their 4-year son Peter (Max Charles of “The Three Stooges”) off at Richard’s father’s house. This is the last time that young Peter will see his mom and dad alive. Later, Peter learns his parents perished in a fiery plane crash. Mind you, all we know about the Parkers’s demise comes from the newspaper story. They could be alive, but neither Peter nor we see them again on screen. Peter grows up with his congenial aunt and uncle and attends a high school where he is a whiz with a camera. One day, Gwen Stacy (Emma Stone of “Easy A”) catches Peter’s eye, and he snaps her picture. At the same time, the campus bully, Flash Thompson (Chris Zylka of “Shark Night 3D”), is humiliating another defenseless student. Flash demands that Peter take a picture. Peter refuses, and Flash beats him up. Later, Gwen tells Peter that she admired what he did when Flash took advantage of a smaller student. 

One day, Uncle Ben’s freezer springs a leak in the basement. Peter helps Ben salvage the contents. Quite by chance, Peter stumbles onto an old briefcase that once belonged to his father. Our protagonist finds a secret compartment within the briefcase. He discovers that his father worked at OsCorp, a genetic engineering laboratory, and had written top-secret formulas. Later, Peter masquerades as an intern and sneaks into OsCorp where he listens to Dr.Connors. Cross-species genetics obsesses the bespectacled doctor. During that visit, a spider bites Peter on the nape of his neck. Afterward, our hero finds himself performing some incredible acrobatics. Moreover, he is astonished that his hands have acquired a Velcro like tenacity that enables him to climb buildings and cling to ceilings. As it turns out, Peter's father collaborated with Connors. Poor Dr. Connors has devoted his life to restoring the forearm and hand that he no longer has. Peter gives one of his father’s equations and to Dr. Connors. Miraculously, Connors scores a breakthrough because of Peter's contribution. He is able to grow a leg on a lizard where an appendage was missing. Not long afterward, Peter’s uncle dies in a mugging, and Peter holds himself responsible because he didn’t listen to this uncle when he reprimanded him about responsibility. In the original film, Uncle Ben said, "Remember, with great power. comes great responsibility." Martin Sheen's Uncle Ben says basically the same line except he drags it out with more words. When word of mouth spreads that a monster is roaming the Big Apple, Spider-Man feels obliged to hunt it down. One of the best scenes takes place when Spider-Man has to rescue a small child from a vehicle dangling from a New York City bridge. 

Essentially, “The Losers” scenarist James Vanderbilt, original “Spider-Man 2” scripter Alvin Sargent, and “Harry Potter” scribe Steve Kloves have kept intact most of the best parts of the original. Dare they depart from the canon? Happily, they’ve have retained the radioactive spider bite scene, Peter’s clashes with Flash, and the web-slinging training sequences. Webb and his writers have made some interesting changes. Ostensibly, except for a single close-up on a stack of newspapers, they have omitted the Daily Bugle newspaper from the narrative. In other words, Peter Parker doesn’t work as a news photographer for the Daily Bugle as he did in the first “Spider-man” opus. This time around the filmmakers depict the murder of Peter Parker’s Uncle Ben in graphic detail. This tragic event occurred off-screen in the Maguire original. Further, they have made the heroic Peter Parker a lot smarter. He invents the web-slinger wristbands from existing technology whereas the webs shot out of his wrists organically in the original. 

Nevertheless, Webb and his writers have conjured a few surprises, particularly with Peter’s other romantic interest; Gwen Stacy has replaced Mary Jane Watson as his girlfriend. Mind you, their romance doesn’t have the sparks that Toby Maguire and Kirsten Durst created, especially in the memorable kissing scene when Spider-man hung upside down and Mary Jane had to peel back his mask to kiss him. Meanwhile, Peter contends with new antagonists both natural and supernatural. Peter’s natural enemy is Gwen’s father, a New York Police Department captain, who abhors vigilantes and insists that Spider-man should leave law enforcement up to the authorities. The supernatural villain is Dr. Curt Connors.  Actor Rhys Ifans’ maimed scientist villain is seamlessly mutated into a giant green lizard, but he lacks half of the ferocity of Maguire’s adversaries. The Green Goblin was a lively, audacious adversary, but The Lizard is rather dull. You wind up feeling sorry for Dr. Connors rather than hating him like The Green Goblin. The special effects are terrific as is the cinematography. Although he is 28 years old, British actor Andrew Garfield of "The Social Network" appears more believable as a skinny high school student than Toby Maguire. Martin Sheen is good as Uncle Ben, but he doesn’t overshadow the strong performance that Cliff Robertson delivered as Uncle Ben the first film. Sally Field is surprisingly good as Peter’s aunt.

As literate and nimble as it is, “The Amazing Spider-Man” qualifies as a good imitation of a classic movie.

FILM REVIEW OF ''ABOVE THE LAW" (1988)

Steven Seagal looks emaciated in director Andrew Davis’ hard boiled crime thriller “Above the Law,” (*** out of ****) co-starring skull-faced Hollywood heavy Henry Silva as a knife-wielding psycho.  Reportedly, Seagal broke into the film business because one of his students, the highly respected Hollywood agent Michael Ovitz, made it happen. “Above the Law” qualifies as a formulaic law and order epic about narcotics smuggling and an assassination attempt on an incorruptible U.S. Senator.  Most of the action takes place in Chicago with Seagal defeating the loathesome villains with his usual brand of aggressive tenacity.  Seagal uses Aikiko on them when he isn’t swapping lead. The title refers to nobody being immune from justice.  Ironically, Davis emphasizes this point with newsreel footage of U.S. President Richard Nixon quoting Abraham Lincoln on the subject. Remember Nixon was the Republican who resigned in disgrace over the Watergate Scandal.  The Andrew Davis & Steven Seagal screenplay features more autobiographical material about the martial arts star than any of his other epics.  Indeed, “Above the Law” provides a glimpse of Seagal as a youngster with several genuine pictures of the actor.  Composer David Michael Frank betrays the late 1980s origins of “Above the Love” with his cheesy B-movie score.  Nothing surprising occurs as our stalwart hero tackles the villains with a vengeance.  The villains are merciless dastards, but Nico cuts them little slack.  As it turns out, the CIA has ties with organized crime. 

Making his motion picture debut, Seagal casts himself as an Italian-American born in Palermo, Italy, who immigrated to America at age seven.  He saw a martial arts demonstration at a baseball game later on when he was a teenager. Company agent Nelson Fox (Chelcie Ross of “Major League”) initially recruited Nicolo ‘Nico’ Toscani into the CIA. Before the Agency approached him at an Embassy function in Tokyo, Nico had studied and taught martial arts in Japan.  Our naïve protagonist totes an M-16 along the border of Vietnam and Cambodia on assist and observe missions. He witnesses some things that he should haven’t seen.  “Above the Law” gets off to a good start as Nico encounters Colonel Kurt Zagon (Henry Silva of “The Hills Run Red”) as the latter is interrogating a native in the jungle.  Somebody, it seems, has been tampering with Zagon’s opium.  Our hero doesn't understand what any of this has to do with acquiring intelligence about the enemy. Nico and Zagon clash, setting up expectations for a gory finale about an hour later.  

The action shifts years later to contemporary Chicago.  Toscani has a wife Sara (Sharon Stone of “Basic Instinct”), and they have just attended the communion of their first child  Giuliano.  Nico’s pals on the force laugh about him for having more relatives under federal indictment than any other cop in Chicago.  When he isn’t patrolling the streets, Detective Sergeant Tosconi takes care of personal business relating to the disappearance of his attractive young niece.  Seagal’s first cinematic fight takes place in a bar as he is searching for her.  Even the bartender knows what to expect when Nico enters.  “This ain’t nothing but trouble coming in my place tonight,” he observes with dread.  Nico gets a tip from the low-life, Alex (Christopher Peditto), who was getting his niece hopped up on drugs.  Alex doesn't want to go to jail so he babbles about a hooker and a cocaine lawyer setting up a deal.  Nico slaps him around enough until he provides a name.  Nico is the kind of cop who isn’t above breaking the rules.  He eavesdrops via a wiretap on a conversation between a couple of Columbians. He gets wind of a shipment arriving in an engine block at the Fulton Meat Market. Later, at the market, the Feds blow the case for them and Nico chases the villains in their car on foot.  He throws himself in front of their Lincoln and tumbles across the hood and atop the roof.  After they blow some holes in the roof, Nico smashes a passenger window and clamps a hand onto Tony Salvano, one of the lawyers.  This is a reasonably suspenseful scene.  Nico is shown spread-eagle clinging to the roof of the Lincoln while the driver swerves in an effort to dislodge him.  Eventually, the driver obeys his boss and pulls over. Afterward, Nico and his buddy Detective Lukich (Ron Dean of "Code of Silence") take apart the engine block.  Instead of narcotics, they discover several packages of C-4 explosives.  The Feds arrest Tony Salvano, but they let him off the hook because he is a government snitch.

  

After FBI agent Neeley releases Salvano and his driver, they check out St. Mary’s Church where Nico has attended.  While they are in the church, , Father Gennaro (Joe V. Greco) introduces Nico and Jackson to Father Tomasino and his refugees who are hiding in the basement of the church.  The next time Nico shows up for church, a bomb goes off.  The Father delivers a message about knowing the truth.  “Our leaders tell us and talk to us about them and us.  But almighty God talks to us about all mankind as one.  Now, we have an obligation to find out what is the truth.  We need to study.  We need to question.  We need to read and we need to find out what they are doing in our name.  And we must support those brave souls who seek the truth.”  Not long after the sermon, a woman departs the sanctuary.  Nico spots a suspicious sack moments before it explodes and kills Father Gennaro.  Later, Nico discovers that the blast was meant for Father Tomasino.  The blast kills Father Gennaro.  After the explosion, a carload of thugs tries to assault Nico and he shows them his stuff.

Afterward, the Feds come down hard on Nico and persuade the Chicago Police Department to suspend him.  He surrenders his gun and badge.  This doesn’t prevent Nico from carrying out his own investigation.  Nico meets Fox on a skyscraper.  We learn that Zagon has a four thousand acre ranch in Costa Rica.  Zagon wanted Senator Ernst Harrison assassinated because he was going to expose their plans to invade Nicaragua using cocaine money.  As it turns out, Father Tomasino learned about it while in Nicaragua and Zagon fears that he may have told the senator.  Zagon doesn’t want to kill the senator is word has been leaked about it.  Nelson holds Nico at gunpoint about the same time that Zagon and his cronies arrive in an underground garage.  A gunfight erupts and the bartender kills Nelson who slides Nico his gun.  More shots are fired and Salvano is hit.  Nico backs a car into Salvano and runs the car half out of the high rise parking lot so Salvano plunges onto the elevated railway and is electrocuted to death.  Zagon and his thugs pursue Nico in another car.  They run Nico down, pick up him, and prepare to torture him. Nico surprises them, breaks through his restraints, and devastating them.  He kills two with a shotgun and breaks Zagon’s arm when he threatens him with a knife.  Afterward. He snaps Zagon’s neck.  Later, Senator Harrison drops by Nico’s house and thanks him.  Apparently, Nico appears before Congress as “Above the Law” concludes with his testimony.  “Gentlemen, whenever you have a group of individuals who are beyond any investigation who can manipulate the press, judges, members of our Congress, you’re always gonna have within our government those who are above the law.”

FILM REVIEW OF ''TOWER HEIST'' (2011)

The Ben Stiller & Eddie Murphy thriller “Tower Heist” (**1/2 out of ****) amounts to an entertaining but harebrained morality play about a gang of amateur thieves. Mind you, “Rush Hour” director Brett Ratner’s ninth film is a splendid example of contemporary class rivalry; responsible working class city dwellers tangle with a ruthless irresponsible millionaire who uses the system to shield himself. This shallow often silly snapshot of our times makes it plain that the have-nots want everything that they can haul off from the haves. Although Ratner and “Ocean’s Eleven” scenarist Ted Griffin & “Rush Hour 2” scribe Jeff Nathanson have contrived an innocuous, occasionally suspenseful caper with a few surprises, the overall result remains is bland and colorless. Sometimes, the filmmakers contradict themselves with psychic FBI agents who are easily fooled by the most obvious prank. Happily, despite its clumsy narrative lurches, “Tower Heist” doesn’t wear out its welcome. Ratner and company have done a good job of establishing the characters and setting up the heist. At one point, Casey Affleck concisely summarizes the predicament that they find themselves in and the gauntlet of obstacles that they must negotiate. Stealing what they wind up stealing turns out to be no picnic for our intrepid heroes. In some ways, “Tower Heist” is reminiscent of last summer’s hit comedy “Horrible Bosses” where amateur murderers sought advice from a professional hit man. The heist that our heroes plan during the Thanksgiving Day Parade under everybody’s noses recalls a similarly audacious crime committed in New York City during Labor Day in director Sidney Lumet’s “The Anderson Tapes” (1971) with Sean Connery. Meantime, the production values of “Tower Heist,” itself budgeted at a hefty $75 million, are impeccable. “Heat” lenser Dante Spinotti’s dazzling cinematography makes Ratner’s Manhattan based melodrama a feast for the eyes. The opening aerial shot atop a skyscraper looking down at Benjamin Franklin’s face on a $100 dollar bill at the bottom of a huge swimming pool is something to remember! Incidentally, the actual edifice itself is The Trump International Hotel & Tower overlooking Central Park.

Hardworking Josh Kovacs (Ben Stiller of “Meet the Parents”) serves as the general manager of the Tower where he reigns as the top gofer who ensures that all his residents enjoy the best of everything. The owner of the Tower, Arthur Shaw (Alan Alda of TV’s “M.A.S.H.”) , is an investment mogul who attended the same public school that Josh attended in Astoria. Josh and Shaw play chess on a regular basis with Shaw teaching him about the minutiae of the game. During the opening moments, Ratner provides us with a tour of the Tower and some of its notable workers and residents. We meet Josh as well as the adored doorman Lester (Stephen Henderson of “Everyday People”), the harried concierge Charlie (Casey Affleck of “Drowning Mona”), Josh’s immediate superior Mr. Simon (Judd Hirsh of “Independence Day”), new elevator operator Enrique (Michael Peña of “Shooter”) and a destitute stockholder, Mr. Fitzhugh (Matthew Broderick of “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”), who Josh must evict. Aside from Mr. Fitzhugh, Josh keeps everything under control, until he learns the Feds have charged his old friend Shaw with securities fraud. Poor Lester tries to throw himself under a subway train because he has lost everything. An angry Josh storms into Shaw’s penthouse apartment and smashes Shaw’s most prized possession, a red Ferrari that Steve McQueen once drove. Later, Josh meets FBI Special Agent Claire Denham (Téa Leoni of “Bad Boys”) in a bar. She mentions that bigwigs like Shaw have a contingency safety net of millions to fall back on in case of a contingency. Josh assembles a motley crew of disgruntled employees who Shaw took to the cleaners, and they decide to ransack Shaw’s apartment for the loot. Josh enlists the aid of a former school mate, Slide (Eddie Murphy of “48 Hrs”), who knows something about committing crime. Predictably, nothing goes as planned, and our heroes find themselves in a real quandary when they discover where Shaw has stashed his money.

“Tower Heist” benefits from Alan Alda’s stellar performance as a slippery Bernie Madoff-style Wall Street villain. He steals a fortune from his gullible clients who have no clue that they’ve been defrauded. The supporting cast, including Matthew Broderick, Casey Affleck, Stephen Henderson, Judd Hirsh, Gabourey Sidibe, Téa Leoni, and Michael Peña, has flawless timing. Michael Peña is particularly funny. The flaw in the ointment of “Tower Heist” is the incompatible casting of Ben Stiller and Eddie Murphy. These two are accomplished comedians but their comedic styles and rhythms clash. Indeed, Stiller makes a sympathetic protagonist who commits an unfortunate mistake which not only costs his employees but also himself their life savings. Essentially, Stiller is playing a variation of his “A Night in the Museum” hero. Meanwhile, a hammy Murphy chews the scenery. The former “Saturday Night Live” comic emphasizes caricature over character in a role that Martin Lawrence could easily have pulled off without the histrionic antics. Murphy acts like he is in a “Norbit” spin-off, while everybody else plays it straight and narrow. The best comics behave as if they don’t know that they are being hilarious. Inexplicably, the producers delay the integration of Murphy into the action for about 40 minutes. Meantime, “Tower Heist” suffers from a bad ending that punishes our hero, apparently for his good intentions. The villain’s utter treachery, however, sanctions the efforts of our woebegone heroes to recover their stolen money. Shrewdly, the filmmakers have confined the larceny strictly to the characters who the villain has duped. No innocent bystanders are caught up in the calamity, and nothing in the PG-13 rated “Tower Heist” comes off as offensive. As polished as “Tower Heist” appears, the plot stumbles through its paces after everything has been carefully set up during the opening forty-five minutes. Nothing about "Tower Heist" qualifies it as a towering heist caper.

FILM REVIEW OF ''A MAN TO RESPECT" (ITALIAN-WEST GERMAN-1972)

This entertaining 'crime-does-not-pay' European heist caper pits mastermind safe-cracker Kirk Douglas against his trapeze artist sidekick Giuliano Gemma as well as his former Teutonic criminal underworld boss Wolfgang Preiss. "Goliath and the Sins of Babylon" director Michele Lupo's suspenseful yarn boasts intrigue, betrayal, and a demolition-derby car chase in Hamburg, Germany, as our hero sets out to pull another one of those formulaic fool-proof last jobs. "Un uomo da rispettare" benefits from the terrific widescreen cinematography of "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly" lenser Tonino Delli Colli and his use of 'Dutch' tilt angles. Composer Ennio Morricone contributes a muted orchestral score and Lupo relies on a lively classical Mozart tune in two scenes. The twist here is that our anti-heroic protagonist stages one robbery but plans to be caught for another robbery so as throw the German police and the villains off the scent. Naturally, nothing goes quite as it is planned in this ingenious but familiar caper. Like director Richard Brooks' crime caper "Dollars" (1971), Lupo's film focuses on banks that contain ultra-sophisticated security systems to safeguard their assets.

"Un uomo da rispettare" (**1/2 out of ****) opens with marked police cars rampaging around the city while Detective Hoffman (Reinhard Kolldehoff of "Shout at the Devil") transports convicted career criminal Steve Wallace (Kirk Douglas of "Gunfight at the O.K. Corral") home to his wife Anna (Florinda Bolkan of "The Last Valley") after having served three years in prison. No sooner does the police car leave Wallace in front of his house than a carload of thugs cruise up. One of the ruffians informs Wallace that their boss, Miller (Wolfgang Preiss of "Raid on Rommel"), wants to talk to him. Reluctantly, Wallace accompanies them to see the well-heeled Miller in his huge office above a casino. Miller surrounds himself with an array of electronic gadgets to present his proposition for a heist with a million dollar payday. "I've got a job only you can do," he explains. "Now, listen carefully, you must knock out this alarm system. It's called 'Big Ben.' If it goes off, the whole city can hear it." Miller shows Wallace the vault on the top floor where the International Insurance Company has stored a cool million. "Now I know you can handle this safe, Steve, but Big Ben is the problem. The buzzing of a fly, a footstep, a deep breath is enough to trip the alarm." Miller pauses and then observes in an effort to entice Wallace. "Nobody has ever thought of it before." Wallace refuses flatly to pull the job for Miller. Before he worked for Miller, Wallace never encountered trouble. He wound up serving three years in prison when he did his first job for Miller. Nevertheless, Wallace tours the building and finds the edifice decked out with surveillance galore. He heads up to the top floor to snoop around but the disembodied voice of a woman interrupts him. He tells her that he has an appointment with Mr. Schmitt. The woman at a central control desk tells him that Schmitt's office is located on the second floor. Miller's rough-hewn henchman (Romano Puppo of "Death Rides A Horse") spots him leaving the building. He tries to persuade Wallace to see Miller again. Wallace refuses. While they are talking, a young man in an old jalopy, Marco (Giuliano Gemma), pulls up behind the henchman and honks at him. The two tangle in a rough and tumble fight with Marco demonstrating his agility. Miller's man brandishes a pistol. Wallace intervenes and knocks the gun out of the thug's fist.

This chance encounter serves as an opportunity for Wallace and Marco to become friends. Sadly, Wallace doesn't pay enough attention either to his unhappy wife or his new friend. Wallace convinces Anna that he can steal millions without being held accountable if he stages one robbery but takes the fall for another lesser robbery. If everything goes according to plan, Wallace calculates that--under German law--he will only land in prison for 18 months from robbing a pawn shop. Unfortunately, Marco relies too heavily on his switchblade knife. Earlier, Wallace warns Marco sternly about this predilection. Director Lupo does a good job of staging the International Insurance safe-cracking job. Wallace decides to pull the job in the afternoon rather than at night. He slips into the building just after it has closed and looks like just another businessman with a bag that contains his instruments. Meantime, Anna makes appropriate phone calls at the precise moments to distract the uniformed guards while our hero sets up an array of gadgets to warn him when the guards are making their rounds. He uses Mozart music to skillfully distract the 'Big Ben' alarm system. Furthermore, after he gains access to the vault room, Wallace sprinkles powder on the push-buttons that must be punched according to a sequence to raise the circular vault out of the floor. He uses the powder to determine which buttons have fingerprints on them. Pretty savvy!!! Unfortunately, the best laid plans go awry when poor Marco kills the guard. You'd think after his knock down, drag-out brawl with Miller's henchman that Marco could have beaten the guard and left him unconscious. That isn't the point. The guard must be found down and at the last moment so that it comes as a complete surprise to Wallace.

"Un uomo da rispettare" is one of those crime caper films made after the abolition of the Production Code. Earlier, Hollywood films and European films would never allow the criminals to escape with their ill-gotten gains. This would been a prescription for anarchy. Filmmakers could not make such a radical, anti-status-quo statement. The idea that 'crime could pay' would have been considered unethical! Cleverly, however, Lupo and scenarists Roberto Leoni, Franco Bucceri, Mino Roli, and Nico Ducci create suspense by letting Wallace get away with one robbery only to be nabbed for another one! After all, this is a testament to Wallace's brilliance as a safe-cracker. A handsome, well-tailored Kirk Douglas is shrewd throughout until he realizes that he has been sold out. As his immature pal, Giuliano Gemma looks like a European version of Paul Newman. He appears to be performing his own stunts in the circus scenes. The slam-bang car chase between Marco and Miller's lieutenant as a part of their feud is amusing. This isn't the kind of car chase that was usually found in Hollywood epics at the time. Surprisingly, this chase seems to have been filmed in chronological order since neither vehicle looks like it changes during the demolition.

FILM REVIEW OF ''THE TOURIST'' (2010)

Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp make a great looking couple in German director Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck’s crime thriller “The Tourist,” an elegant but anemic homage to Alfred Hitchcock movies about strangers who meet on a train and fall in love. Everything about the PG-13 rated “Tourist” (** out of ***) looks great, too. “Dead Poets Society” lenser John Seale makes every shot of our well-coiffed heroine in control and our debonair hero in jeopardy around scenic Venice appear absolutely stunning. Aside from one scene where a man is strangled under rather unbelievable circumstances, the violence qualifies as standard-issue combat with nothing that particularly distinguishes it from ten-thousand other lackluster thrillers. In other words, the violence never escalates into the blood, gore, and more variety with blasted-off body parts or exotic forms of mayhem. Meantime, Donnersmarck and scenarists Christopher McQuarrie of “The Usual Suspects” and Julian Fellowes of “Vanity Fair” have contrived what amounts to a predictable potboiler about mistaken identities. The formulaic screenplay, sketchy characters, and absence of anything masquerading as momentum undercut this inert picture-postcard exercise in suspense. Not surprisingly, the filmmakers try to be clever with a surprise ending that may pull the rug out from under some audiences while others won’t be hoodwinked by this sloppy trick. Aside from Seale‘s sensational cinematography, “The Tourist” boasts a top-notch cast that features Paul Bettany, Rufus Sewell, Timothy Dalton, and Steven Berkoff. The lack of substance in the storyline ultimately diminishes this fine looking film.

Madison Community College mathematics instructor Frank Tupelo (Johnny Depp of “The Pirates of the Caribbean” franchise) is on a European holiday when he encounters the hopelessly beautiful Elise Clifton-Ward (Angelina Jolie of “Salt”) while on a Parisian train bound for Venice. They strike up an acquaintance that turns into a quirky one-sided romantic romp that takes up the better part of the action. Mind you, “The Tourist” qualifies as a lightweight, romantic comedy with one abrasive scene. No, Frank’s dark magnetism has nothing to do with Elise’s decision to approach him on the train. She is a mysterious dame herself who has been under constant surveillance by the authorities in England and France. French authorities, particularly the Financial Crimes Division, struggle to be inconspicuous as they follow her around in a van decked out with all the latest surveillance technology. They arrest anybody that she talks to that may fit the description of a criminal who has stolen over $744 million. Moreover, they stay in constant contact with Scotland Yard, specifically Inspector John Acheson (Paul Bettany of “Legion”), who has been trying to catch Elise with a notorious Englishman, an international fugitive named Alexander Pearce. They arrest a bicycle courier when he delivers a message to Elisa at a café and then later release him because he isn’t Pearce.

Pearce, it seems, appropriated his millions from the most malevolent gangster in Europe, Reginald Shaw (Steven Berkoff of “Beverly Hills Cop”), who doesn’t so much kill his adversaries as annihilate them and their families. He boasts at one point that he killed both anybody who made love to his wife before he met her as well as everybody afterward. Essentially, Shaw resembles Keyser Söze, the no-holds-barred Turkish criminal mastermind from Christopher Macquarie’s “The Usual Suspects” script.

When the French authorities send Acheson a photograph of the latest Pearce suspect, a corrupt Scotland Yard administrative assistant leaks word to Shaw about Pearce. Of course, Frank Tupelo isn’t Pearce. Indeed, Elisa strikes up an affair of sorts with Tupelo because the real Pearce asked her to find somebody that approximated his height and weight to mislead the authorities into thinking that he was Pearce. Before long, the clueless Frank Tupelo finds himself dodging bullets from Shaw’s trigger-happy Eastern Bloc gunmen. Later, Tupelo winds up handcuffed to a boat trying to escape more of Shaw’s incompetent henchmen. Shaw displays little patience for their ineptitude. He strangles one with a tailor’s measuring tape in front of the tailor as well as his own men. The villainous Shaw ranks as the toughest and least likeable character in “The Tourist.”

Acheson’s boss at Scotland Yard, Chief Inspector Jones (Timothy Dalton of “The Living Daylights”) has spent $8 million trying to track down the elusive Pearce. Now, Jones wants to waste no more time or money on the fugitive. Nevertheless, against Jones’ orders, Acheson decides to stick with the case and Elisa turns herself in to help him. The showdown in Venice with a Scotland Yard sniper team proving their enviable expertise with telescopic rifles is about as good as “The Tourist” gets before it pulls its switcheroo ploy. As clever as it appears initially, this reversal lacks credibility. At the same time, the international fugitive proves his love for the heroine and Jones walks away gratified, even though Acheson doesn’t believe a word of it!

Angelina Jolie plays a seductress who can wear an off-the-shoulder gown and pick a lock with ease. For the record, she wears 12 dresses in “The Tourist.” She is at her most elegant and cavorts about in fashionable apparel and high heels. Johnny Depp is at his most vulnerable in a role that provides him with little in the way of mystery. He wears his whiskers with style and smokes an ingenious looking device masquerading as a cigarette. This mechanical cigarette resembles an actual filter-tipped cigarette except it delivers only nicotine and water vapor so user appears to be smoking. The glow on the end is furnished courtesy of an LED. Keep your eyes on that cigarette if you want to enjoy this sly but shallow film. The British supporting cast, including former James Bond Timothy Dalton and Paul Bettany, make the police look good. The most interesting but least seen character is another Englishman (Rufus Sewell of “Dark City”) who skulks at the periphery. Sophomore Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck’s directing is flawless, but the same cannot be said of the thin screenplay. For the record, “The Tourist” is a remake of the French thriller “Anthony Zimmer” (2005) that toplined Sophie Marceau and Yvan Attal. Unfortunately, looks alone don’t give “The Tourist” what it needs to be either invigorating or mystifying. Ultimately, “The Tourist” is a sight that isn’t worth seeing.