FILM REVIEW OF ''THE ASSIGNMENT" (2016)

“Extreme Prejudice” director Walter Hill’s most audacious crime thriller “The Assignment” (**1/2 OUT OF ****) might eventually emerge as a cult item after the controversial LGBT criticism about it dies down.  This exploitative Canadian independent film release concerns a disgruntled female plastic surgeon who turns a professional, pistol-packing assassin into a female without either his knowledge or consent.  “You’ve been a very bad man,” Dr. Rachel Jane (Sigourney Weaver of “Alien”) condemns homicidal Frank Kitchen (Michelle Rodriguez of “The Fast and The Furious”), in an audio recording left behind for our protagonist to listen to after his surgery. “This is your opportunity for redemption.” Basically, Dr. Jane radically changed Frank because the latter had iced her worthless, cocaine-snorting, playboy brother, Sebastian (Adrian Hough of “Underworld: Evolution”), who was drowning in debt to the Miami mob.  Dr. Jane had given her brother enough money to liquidate his gambling debts, but he recklessly blew every cent. After her brother’s demise, she spent a small fortune tracking down the elusive Kitchen.  Improbably, Jane believed the sex change would make Kitchen into a better woman than a man!  After our angry protagonist recovered sufficiently from this shocking ordeal, he sets out to exact a terrible toll on those dastards who had a hand in the appalling sex change operation that turned his life upside-down.  Along the way, Kitchen realizes that a long-time, criminal accomplice, Honest John Hartunian (Anthony LaPaglia of “Empire Records”), whom he had trusted, sold him out to Jane.  When everything becomes clear to him, Kitchen realizes an attractive nurse, Johnnie (Caitlin Gerard of “Magic Mike”), with whom he had a one-night tumble, was also a part of the set-up.  

While the hopelessly frustrated Kitchen contends with his own quandary, the megalomaniacal surgeon, Dr. Jane (Sigourney Weaver of “Alien”), who quotes Shakespeare and considers herself an artist, has been locked up at the Mendocino Psychiatric Facility in Northern California.  Psychiatrist Dr. Ralph Galen (Tony Shalhoub of “Men in Black”) must evaluate Jane, lashed up in a straitjacket for her own good, to determine if she is competent to stand trial for a massacre at her clandestine surgical facility.  After receiving an anonymous tip, the San Francisco Police had taken Jane into custody.  They found the good doctor unconscious on her own operating table surrounded by four bullet-riddled men.  Jane’s male surgical nurse and sometime lover Albert Becker (Ken Kirzinger of “Freddy vs. Jason”) lies dead with a pistol in his hand.  Ballistics matched the slugs from Becker’s gun that he had used to kill not only the three men, but also to wound Jane in the shoulder.   Meanwhile, Kitchen sets out to find Dr. Jane after gunning down several other criminal contacts that he suspects may have conspired with Jane.  Kitchen’s luck runs out initially when she confronts Jane.  Jane’s henchmen take our transgendered heroine captive, but they fail to frisk her.  Ultimately, this proves to be a fatal mistake.  Meantime, Dr. Galen refuses to believe Dr. Jane’s alibi that Kitchen shot her three bodyguards, Albert, and wounded her.  A major point of contention between them is the existence of Frank Kitchen. Galen doesn’t believe the man exists, despite Dr. Jane’s assertions to the contrary. Instead, he is convinced Jane “invented Frank Kitchen to protect the memory of Albert Becker.”

Predictably, “The Assignment” provides Hill with an opportunity to orchestrate several indiscriminate, B-movie fire-fights that easily rack up a double-digit body count.  Apart from its bizarre premise, this gritty exercise in murder and mayhem resembles one of Walter Hill’s brutal, old-fashioned, shoot’em ups.  Hill has helmed classics like “48 HRS,” “Hard Times,” “Last Man Standing,” “Bullet to the Head,” “The Driver” and “Red Heat.” Unfortunately, despite gunfire galore and the glee with which our merciless protagonist devastates the opposition, Michelle Rodriguez is not entirely convincing as a guy.  The biggest liability is the bogus beard that looks like it has been attached to her face with glue.  Meanwhile, Hill achieves more success with computer-generated-imagery.  Rodriguez cavorts about in private during an early scene as a nude dude displaying a hairy chest and abundant male genitalia.  Not surprisingly, Rodriguez makes the most of this outlandish role, and she finds herself trapped in some confrontations that are quite entertaining in a pulp fiction way.  Sigourney Weaver has a field day as the cold-as-a-scalpel surgeon who castrated Frank.  Deep down, Weaver’s Dr. Jane is thoroughly despicable; she would have been in good company with Hitler’s demented surgeons who exploited Jewish prisoners in the Nazi death camps.  Categorically, Weaver steals the show with her nuanced performance and detailed character.  All the other characters blend into the background with British Columbia locales that have been dressed to resemble San Francisco.  “The Assignment” evokes memories of an earlier Hill epic “Johnny Handsome.” In that movie, a deformed gangster went under the knife, and the surgical procedure changed him into a nice guy.  Inevitably, his evil past came back to haunt him.  For the record, “Turk 182” scenarist Denis Hamill dreamed up “The Assignment” back in 1978, and Hill rewrote it many times before finally making it.  Ironically, during the first few minutes of the film, we hear Kitchen confess that he had killed a lot of people during his time, and his comeuppance (the sex-change operation) was preferable to death.  Admittedly, Hill and Hamill have a tough time making this sex change gimmick work. Nothing about Kitchen’s discovery about his castration is played strictly for laughs, and Hill and Hamill keep “The Assignment” from degenerating into lowest-common-denominator camp.  Whether you’re either transgendered or a traditional enthusiast of hard-boiled thrillers, “The Assignment” (talk about a generic title) will take you by surprise, if it doesn’t ultimately alienate you.  Obviously, this is just the kind of movie that few people would want to see, and perhaps least of all want others to know that they had seen.  For fans of 75-year old writer & director Walter Hill, “The Assignment” qualifies as a departure from the norm that delivers.

FILM REVIEW OF ''THE THREE MUSKETEERS"

 "Resident Evil" producer and director Paul W.S. Anderson should stick to making either science fiction horror chillers, like "Event Horizon" and "The Soldier," or brawny actioneers, like "Mortal Combat," and "Death Race." These genres thrive on larger-than-life characters performing heavy-handed histrionics in over-the-top situations. Gadgets and gimmicks proliferate in both genres, typically with the combatants defeating their enemy because they display greater competence with their weapons. Now, Anderson has ventured outside of his usual bailiwick with "The Three Musketeers." The immortal Alexander Dumas novel emphasized court intrigue, chivalrous romance, and colorful swordplay in a 17th century setting. Indeed, "The Three Musketeers" has been a favorite of filmmakers since the French produced the first cinematic version in 1903. Since that long lost classic appeared over a century ago, more than 30 remakes and various sequels have followed. Hollywood conjured up two unusual adaptations. First, Mascot Pictures released a serial in 1933 which cast ten-gallon hero John Wayne as a one of the three eponymous protagonists in the Arabian Desert as French Foreign Legionnaires. Second, Universal Studios shifted the storyline to the Texas-Mexican border for the short-lived 1960s’ western television series "Laredo" which swapped six-guns for swords, but captured the essence of the Musketeers' tongue-in-cheek shenanigans. Anderson and scenarists Alex Litvak and Andrew Davies have tried to update “The Three Musketeers” (** OUT OF ****) for contemporary audiences by adding anachronistic elements which are often found in steampunk science fiction and fantasy. Instead, had Anderson imitated the latest literary trend that Quirk Books launched with Seth Grahame-Smith in 2009 in his parody of Jane Austin’s “Pride and Prejudice” entitled “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies,” he might have fared better.

“The Three Musketeers” boasts an opening gambit which is half James Bond and half “Resident Evil.” Athos (Matthew Macfadyen of “Robin Hood”), Porthos (Ray Stevenson of “Punisher: War Games”), and Aramis (Luke Evans of “Blitz”) are on a secret mission in Venice, Italy, accompanied by Athos’ girlfriend Milady de Winter (Milla Jovovich of “Ultraviolet”) to steal Leonardo da Vinci’s plans for an airborne galleon. They have to filch three keys to break into a well-guarded vault that houses the blueprints, and it amounts to an impossible mission. Nevertheless, they pull off the impossible, only to have the treacherous Milady double-cross them with drugged drinks. She hands the plans over to their English enemy, the obnoxious Duke of Buckingham (Orlando Bloom of “The Lord of the Rings” trilogy”), and Buckingham and Milady leave our heroes passed out of the floor. A year elapses, and young D'Artagnan (Logan Lerman of “The Butterfly Effect”) rides to Paris with the blessings of his parents, one a former Musketeer, to join the elite King’s guard. During the journey, he encounters the evil Captain Rochefort (Mads Mikkelsen of “Casino Royale”), the chief of Cardinal Richelieu's guard. Rochefort insults D'Artagnan’s horse Buttercup, and our hero challenges the best swordsman in Europe to a swordfight. Instead, Rochefort whips out pistols, and D'Artagnan avoids death narrowly because the guns misfire. Miraculously, Milady intercedes for D'Artagnan since she thinks he is handsome.

Once he arrives in Paris, the tenacious D'Artagnan pursues Rochefort. During his pursuit, he encounters Athos, Porthos, and Aramis separately and each challenge him to a duel. Eventually, when they meet to clash swords, forty of Richelieu's guards interrupt them. Athos, Porthos, and Aramis join D'Artagnan, and they whip the guards. Cardinal Richelieu (Christoph Waltz of “Inglourious Basterds”) insists that young King Louis XIII (Freddie Fox of “St Trinian's II: The Legend of Fritton's Gold”) discipline them for their behavior. Louis XIII sends them on their way with little more than a verbal reprimand. Like Milady, Louis feels sympathetic to D'Artagnan. Later, in an effort to humiliate Buckingham and force Louis XIII to have his wife, Queen Anne (Juno Temple), executed for cuckolding him with Lord Buckingham, Richelieu has Milady steal diamond necklace and hide it in the Tower of London. D'Artagnan and the Musketeers make it their business to steal back the diamonds.

The best "Musketeer" movies have been frivolous, light-hearted swashbucklers with nimble swordplay and charismatic characters. “A Hard Day’s Night” director Richard Lester made the most memorable remake that emerged as two films “The Three Musketeers” (1973) and “The Four Musketeers” (1974). Although Anderson's take on the chivalrous Dumas tale qualifies as ambitious with impressive costumes and production values, the overall treatment is nevertheless uneven and ultimately uninspired. Anderson lacks the light touch and helms this period outing with a heavy hand. In a misguided effort to revitalize this venerable yarn of derring-do for contemporary audiences, he has resorted to outlandish gadgets such as scuba gear, complex vaults, and airborne galleons. Basically, Anderson seems to be imitating swashbucklers like Terry Gilliam's "The Adventures of Baron Munchausen" (1988) and Mathew Vaughn's "Stardust" (2007). Meantime, he has forsaken the essence of any good "Musketeer" movie, the camaraderie among Athos, Aramis, Porthos, and D'Artagnan.

Mind you, Anderson's "Three Musketeers" doesn't qualify as a complete fiasco. This $90-million international production is a triumph of Pierre-Yves Gayraud's extravagant costumes and Paul Denham Austerberry's sophisticated production designs. Although Anderson filmed this epic on location in Germany, the sprawling Castle Herrenchiemsee in Bavaria stands in splendidly for the actual Palace of Versailles. If showy costumes, production values, and a handsome cast constituted a good movie, then this "Three Musketeers" would qualify as a stunner. Unfortunately, this is simply not the case. Sadly, nothing about the use of 3-D distinguishes "Rambo" lenser Glen MacPherson's impeccable widescreen cinematography. Meantime, Anderson must have been tugged in two directions by his writers who were as different as Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Alex Litvak, who penned the horror opus "Predators," and Andrew Davies, who wrote the two chick flick "Brigit Jones" romancers, seem to alternate between a diamond heist and sword fighting without any time out for romantic interludes. The chief differences between this “Three Musketeers” and previous remakes is the use of airships to accelerate the momentum of the plot. Whereas our heroes galloped on horseback in the earlier epics, Anderson and his scenarists rely on gimmicks to speed up the action. Anderson doesn’t have a clue about how to wield comedy and all the jokes and pranks fall flat, particularly with Planchet who serves as the butt of the humor. Matters aren't helped that the actors cast as the leads. They are hopelessly overshadowed by a stronger supporting cast, principally Milla Jovovich, Orlando Bloom, Mads Mikkelsen, and Oscar-winner Christoph Waltz who are better known to audiences. “The Three Musketeers” never generates the zest that either the silent Douglas Fairbanks’ classic or the famous Richard Lester version with Michael York, Richard Chamberlain, and Oliver Reed had. Altogether, “The Three Musketeers” buckles because it doesn’t swash!

FILM REVIEW OF ''BUCHANAN RIDES ALONE" (1958)

Randolph Scott plays a rugged, happy-go-lucky, soldier-of-fortune in Budd Boetticher’s western “Buchanan Rides Alone,” and the eponymous character stirs up a lot of trouble with the powers-that-be in a corrupt little American border town in this brisk, well-photographed sagebrusher based on author Jonas Ward’s novel “The Name’s Buchanan.” Until Buchanan rides across the Mexican-American border into Argy Town, everything is rosy for our stalwart protagonist. He has spent enough time fighting in the Mexican revolution so that he has enough money to buy a ranch in West Texas. Buchanan is savoring a life of leisure when he clashes with the family Argy. Although this entertaining oater isn’t as memorable as either “Comanche Station” or “Ride Lonesome,” “Buchanan Rides Alone” (***1/2 out of ****) differs from those two straight-faced, dramatic dustraisers. Boetticher and “Decision at Sundown” scenarist Charles Lang put the accent on humor and the villains—while appropriately greedy with villainy—are neither as flawed nor narcissistic as most Boetticher foes. One of the third string villains played by L.Q. Jones is mildly reminiscent of the James Coburn villain in “Ride Lonesome.” At least one director who worshipped Boetticher believes that the feuding Argy clan that squabbles over the control of the town foreshadowed Sergio Leone’s similarly themed “Fistful of Dollars.” Scott and Boetticher teamed up for the fourth time as star and director of another compelling but low-budgeted horse opera.

No sooner has Tom Buchanan (Randolph Scott of “The Texans”) left Mexico and ridden into Agry Town than Sheriff Lew Agry (Barry Kelley of “The Tall Stranger”) and his deputy search him. The sheriff allows Buchanan in Agry Town but advises our hero not to “linger.” Buchanan reassures the sheriff: “I ain’t going to linger no place until I get back to where I belong.” After getting a $10 room at the Agry Hotel managed by Amos Agry (Peter Whitney of “Destination Tokyo”), Buchanan ambles over to the Agry Palace Saloon for whiskey and a steak. Earlier, the youngest Agry, Roy (William Leslie of “Return to Warbow”), had galloped into town from Mexico and gone into the saloon. Roy demands a drink. The bartender, Nacho (Nacho Galindo of “The Big Steal”), obeys Simon Agry’s strict orders not to let Roy drink. Initially, Buchanan knocks Roy down and disarms him. Later, Buchanan offers Roy a shot but Roy snatches the bottle. Roy swears that he’ll kill him. Roy gets so drunk that Buchanan walks out without a scratch. Not long afterward a Mexican, Juan de la Vega (Manuel Rojas of “The Magnificent Matador”), plunges into the saloon and kills Roy in a gunfight. Lew arrests Juan for Roy’s death and beats him up. When Buchanan tries to intervene for Juan, Lew throws Buchanan in jail, too. Initially, Lew doesn’t know Juan’s identity. Meanwhile, after his hired gunman Carbo (Craig Stevens of “Gunn”) contacts him about the death in the family, Roy’s father Judge Simon Agry (Tol Avery of “The Satan Bug”) refuses to let Lew string them up. Simon arrives in the nick of time to save them. Simon’s speech reeks of hypocrisy. Not only is wily Simon considering his future in politics, but he also is considering a suitable ransom that he could demand from the de la Vega clan for their son. The internecine strife between Agry brothers Simon and Lew puts them at loggerheads. Each man works at cross purposes when they hatch them individual schemes with their third brother Amos scrambling for crumbs.

At the trial, the jury clears Buchanan of any wrongdoing in the death of Roy Agry. They convict Juan, however, and Simon sentences him to swing an hour before sunset. Meanwhile, Buchanan discovers that Lew has looted his money belt that held $2000. Furthermore, Lew assigns Lafe (Don C. Harvey of “Utah Blaine”) and Pecos to escort Buchanan out of town. “I’m making sure you don’t show up in Agry Town again,” Lew says with relish. Of course, Lew plans to have Lafe liquidate Buchanan, but fellow West Texan Pecos finds this intolerable and he disposes of Lafe. While this is going on, Juan’s father sends an emissary, Esteban Gomez (Joe De Santis of “The Professionals”) to cut a deal with Simon. Gomez offers Simon 30 blooded horses in exchange for Juan, but instead Simon demands $50-thousand. Later, Lafe and Pecos take Buchanan out to the middle of nowhere. Lew’s two deputies aim their rifles at Buchanan and the crash of rifle fire fills the air as Buchanan dives to the ground. Pecos helps him up and they have to bury Lafe’s body on a tree because the gravesite filled with water. How many times do you see a western where they dig a grave and it fills up with water so they have to tie the corpse to a tree?

Anyway, Amos informs Lew about Simon’s plans to make Juan’s wealthy father fork over $50-thousand and he wants $10-thousand for helping him. The earlier reference to “Fistful of Dollars” holds from “Buchanan Rides Alone” and Amos is the equivalent of the bell ringer in Sergio Leone’s western. Lew sends Juan out of town with Waldo (Robert Anderson of “Mission over Korea”) his henchmen to stash him at an abandoned shack. Lew’s henchmen stumble onto Pecos at the shack as he is cooking bacon. Buchanan gets the drop on Waldo and company. Pecos and Juan tie up the henchmen and Buchanan heads back to Agry Town. Meantime, Pecos accompanies Juan to the border. Things become a little repetitive at this point. Waldo and his two gunmen untie themselves and ambush Pecos and Juan. Pecos dies and Juan is a prisoner again. At Simon’s ranch, Esteban shows up with the $50-thousand. Carbo goes to Agry Town to get Juan and discovers Lew’s perfidy. He leaves and Lew finds himself facing Buchanan. Our protagonist demands the return of his gunbelt and his money. Lew counts out all that is left of the loot: $1,700.

As Buchanan is leaving the jail, he runs into Waldo and company with Juan in their custody. Buchanan surrenders and Juan and he wind up in the hoosegow again. Carbo rides back into town with Simon and they find Gomez negotiating a deal with Lew. Carbo discovers that Juan is back in jail. Carbo misses Waldo and his henchmen as they head to see Lew. Carbo releases Juan and Buchanan. Meanwhile, Lew turns on Simon uses him as a shield to get into his own jail. Buchanan surprises them, takes Simon hostage, and Juan, Gomez, Buchanan and Simon flee. Gomez is wounded in the arm. Buchanan and Juan make it across the bridge at the border, but their vehicle overturns and the saddle bags with $50-thousand in them lay on the bridge. Buchanan negotiates the release of Gomez for Simon. Lew shoots Simon when he makes it to bridge and picks up the saddle bags. Buchanan scrambles for the saddle bags, but he runs out of bullets and Lew gets the drop on him. Simon musters his last breath to shoot his own brother. A fatally wounded Lew finishes off Simon. Buchanan retrieves the saddle bags and gives them to Juan. Carbo makes threats, but Buchanan points out that Agry Town now belongs to him. Carbo recommends that Buchanan ride.

Boetticher and “Prince Valiant” lenser Lucien Ballard shot “Buchanan Rides Alone” on location at Old Tucson so the film evokes a gritty, authentic feel for the old West. Nary a minute is wasted in this 78-minute, Columbia Pictures release that co-starred Craig Stevens as an elegant-looking gunman. If you are looking to a traditional, leathery-tough cowboy epic, “Buchanan Rides Alone” has more than enough action, irony, quotable dialogue and humor to keep you interested without wearing out its welcome.