FILM REVIEW OF ''DAWN RIDER" (2012)

Hollywood has all but forsaken westerns. Typically, the sagebrushers that are produced turn out lame. "Recoil" director Terry Miles and "Knockout" scenarists Eric Jacobs and Joseph Nasser prove the exception to the rule with their above-average remake of the vintage John Wayne B-movie western "The Dawn Rider.” The Wayne oater was a remake of director Lloyd Nosler's oater "Galloping Thru" (1931) with Tom Tyler.  As it turns out, "Dawn Rider" (*** out of ****) is the second time that "The Dawn Rider" has been remade; director George Waggner's "Western Trails" (1938) preceded it as the first remake of "The Dawn Rider." In their remake, Miles and his scribes have opened up the action considerably and supplemented the narrative with greater depth as well as length.  The original ran a scant 53 minutes compared with the second remake at 94 minutes. Mind you, Christian Slater couldn't fill John Wayne's boots, but he makes a credible western hero in his own right. Donald Sutherland co-stars as a heavily-bearded, bulletproof lawman on our protagonist's trail.  No lawman pursued Wayne in director Ray N. Bradbury's 1935 original. Indeed, the Sutherland character recalls the sheriff that Harry Carey, Sr., portrayed in a later Wayne horse opera "Angel and the Badman." According to Miles, he appropriated the indefatigable lawman figure from another of his own screenplays. Lochlyn Munro makes a good villain, while Jill Hennessy emerges as our hero's romantic partner. She isn't relegated to the periphery.  She brandishes a revolver and holds her own against the guys. The production values are sturdy, and the cast looks seasoned as well as believable. Miles stages the shoot-outs with reasonable flair, but this oater doesn't break any ground, except casting Slater as a western hero. The villain resorts to a life of crime to pay off a bill involving ownership of a ranch. The hardware appears authentic enough, with cap and ball pistols sometimes substituting for cartridge carrying sidearms.  Although it won't win any Oscars, "Dawn Rider" ranks as one of the better westerns to trot across the screen.

"Dawn Rider" opens as John Mason (Christian Slater of "True Romance") urinates in the woods and then checks the cherry tomatoes in his garden.  Mason marks an X through October 13 on a calendar.  He has been holed up in the cabin for over three months. Later, U.S. Marshal Cochrane (Donald Sutherland of "M.A.S.H.") and two trigger-happy gunmen ride up and cut loose with a barrage of rifle-fire.  Cochrane reprimands them for shooting indiscriminately into the cabin.  He stands to lose a $500 bonus if he doesn't bring Mason in alive.  When they storm the cabin, these fellows hear an explosion, and trapdoor in the floor shudders as Mason makes his escape through a tunnel without injury.  Meantime, in Sarsaparilla, Wyoming, a gang of outlaws wearing flour sacks as masks shoot it out in broad daylight, kill a marshal, and steal a bag that contains only mail but no money.  Rudd Gordon (Lochlyn Munro of "Recoil") is desperate to round up $5000 to pay the debt on the ranch he owes to the Standard Rail Company.  Rudd's sister Alice (Jill Hennessy of "Wild Hogs") lives with him.  Mind you, Alice has no idea that her brother is a desperado. 

In Grey Falls, Montana, Mason is drinking in a saloon when he intervenes on behalf of Ben McClure (Ben Cotton of "Brothers and Sisters") who is being cheated in poker game. The locals recognize Mason from the reputation that he acquired in Cincinnati in a gunfight. Mason denies ever having been in the Ohio town. Miles turns this into a running gag. This is similar to a line in the John Wayne movie "Big Jake" where Wayne contradicts everybody that he comes into contact with about being dead.  Later, McClure and he share the same campfire. Ben shows Mason a ring that he plans to give to his beloved.  As it turns out, Ben works alongside Mason's father in the freight office in Promise, Wyoming. Dad Mason (Kenneth W. Yanko of "Ignition") greets his son with a rifle in the face. Dad likes to speak Spanish as a second language. Mason objects to Dad's Spanish. He abhors Dad's use of Spanish because his father married a Mexican woman after his mother died.  Mason has never forgiven his father. The use of Spanish is another running gag that pays off later because Dad recognizes the killers that rob him from double X-brand on them.  These owlhoots literally have the ranch brand in their skill. Afterward, Mason collides with Alice on main street, and they flash their revolvers at each other. She offers to let him stay with them. When Mason rides into town another day, the flour sack gang robs the freight office and Dad dies during the robbery. During the fracas, Mason swaps shots with the outlaws and catches a bullet. Alice doctors him back to health. Each time that Mason gets close to figuring out who the outlaws are, Rudd intervenes and kills them. During one robbery, an outlaw steals Ben's ring and Rudd confiscates the ring from him. Rudd gives the ring to his sister. Ben is sweet on Alice, and he gets jealous when he learns from Rudd that Alice and Mason are lovers.  Mason suspects something when he spots the ring on Alice's finger.  Later, to throw the scent off their trail, Rudd and his gunmen massacre Cochrane and his deputies in a meadow.

Miles and his scenarists have changed quite a bit from the John Wayne version of "Dawn Rider."  Not only does Mason have a reputation as a gunslinger from Cincinnati, but he has also spent time in a Mexican prison.  The John Wayne protagonist in the 1935 version was lily-white pure.  Miles' remake preserves the plot device involving McClure's ring, but adds the complication that drives Rudd to crime to pay off his debt.  Alice and Mason are old friends, too, unlike the couple in the Wayne original.  She sleeps with a revolver stashed under her pillow.  This plot device is introduced right after she nurses Mason and paid off later when one of Rudd's gunman tries to rape her. "Dawn Rider" benefits from fresh scenery, enough shoot-outs, and a twist at the end involving the shooting of Cochrane. 

FILM REVIEW OF ''A PISTOL FOR RINGO'' (1965-Italian)

 Writer and director Duccio Tessari, who co-scripted Sergio Leone's "A Fistful of Dollars," helmed this entertaining, above-average spaghetti western, "A Pistol for Ringo," starring Roman-born actor Giuliano Gemma--billed here as Montgomery Wood—as the eponymous hero with perennial villain Fernando Sancho as his treacherous adversary. For the record, the profligate Sancho appeared in over 230 movies and basically played the same slimy Mexican outlaw in 35 westerns. Tessari penned a number of other Italian oaters including "Seven Guns for the MacGregors," "Return of Ringo" and "A Train for Durango." Tessari also worked on the Italian peplum—muscle man movies--before he embarked on these trigger happy westerns, most notably co-writing Sergio Leone's "The Colossus of Rhodes." In "A Pistol for Ringo" (***1/2 out of ****), Tessari imitates American westerns more than his native variety. Gemma is a clean-cut, good-looking, well-dressed gunfighter who is too fast on the draw for his own good. At least twice in this lively horse opera, he guns down opponents in self-defense. The way that Ringo handles a six-gun, however, it comes pretty close to murder. Moreover, Ringo is a wise-cracking gringo with a comeback line for everything. Indeed, the dialogue by Tessari and co-scenarist Alfonso Balcázar, who also knew his way around continental westerns with writing credits on "Nevada Clint," "Five Giants from Texas," and "$100-Thousand Dollars for Ringo," crackles with humor and imagination. Simply said, nothing about this hostage crisis western set in the arid Southwest that co-stars George Eastman, another Italian who made his share of spaghettis, is half-baked. Ennio Morricone composed the beautiful orchestral score and Morricone's magical music is far above what this violent western could have hoped for, especially the lyrical title tune about the wily protagonist.

The first time that we lay eyes on our hero, Ringo (Giuliano Gemma of "Day of Anger"), he is playing hop-scotch with a bunch of children in a village. Word has arrived that Ringo has been cleared of murder charges in the shooting death of another gunman, but the Benson brothers decide to make him pay for their brother's death. No sooner have they challenged Ringo—who is also known as 'Angel Face'—than he whips his six-shooter out of his waistband and blows all four of them away without wasting a shot. Indeed, like Clint Eastwood in "A Fistful of Dollars," Ringo doesn't wait for them to draw and only one of the Benson's clears leather with his revolver before he is shot dead. The sheriff (George Eastman of "Ben and Charlie") arrests Ringo and puts him in jail where our hero demands a glass of milk. Later, Ringo pours out liquor on the floor when he doesn't get his trademark glass of milk.

Meanwhile, Sancho (Fernando Sancho of "Mission Phantom") rides across the border alone only to be confronted by a couple of U.S. Cavalrymen who tell him to turn around and ride back across the Rio Grande. Sancho feigns ignorance and removes his sombrero in humility while the soldiers chew him out. Little to the troopers know that Sancho has taken his large hat off to hid his hand pulling his pistol out. He guns them down and his gang joins him in the border town where they shoot it up and rob the bank. During the hold-up, Sancho catches a bullet in the shoulder. The sheriff forms a posse to follow them and the villains hightail it out of town and ride to a sprawling ranch near the border. They take the owner, Major Clyde (Antonio Casas of "The Texican"), his pretty daughter Ruby (Lorella De Luca of "The Swindle"), and their servants and ranch hands hostage.

After the posse lays siege to them at the ranch, one character points out how impregnable the ranch is. "The walls are high and thick. You'd need a company of cavalry to attack it. Half of the soldiers would be killed in the charge." Nevertheless, the stalwart sheriff informs Sancho that his men and he are cornered in the ranch and there is no escape for them. The murderous Sancho responds, "Meanwhile, in case it takes you a while to make up your mind, we'll send out two dead men a day, one at dawn and one at sunset, first the ranch hands and last of all, the girl and her father." At the same time, the townspeople send for the U.S. Cavalry. They know Sancho by his reputation: "His favorite sport is shooting unarmed men, preferably in the back." Another posse man observes, "The only sure method to handling them is to slaughter them like cattle." The sheriff is bothered by Sancho's ultimatum. Particularly, the sheriff worries because Ruby is the love of his life and he doesn't want anything that might jeopardize her life. "If we could get a man inside the ranch," he opines, "we could help them to escape." Reluctantly, he approaches free-wheeling Ringo with a scheme that would see Ringo turned loose. Initially, Ringo is reluctant to help them. "Don't look for trouble," he points out, "It'll come by itself." Nevertheless, after the sheriff clears Ringo of the shooting death of the Benson brothers and the citizens grudgingly agree to 30 per cent as a reward for our hero, he agrees to help them. However, to establish his credentials as a villain, he has the sheriff and his posse pepper the air with bullets as he rides hell-bent-for-leather to the ranch. Once Ringo shows up, he operates on Sancho and removes the bullet. Ringo tells them about his predicament as well as their predicament and demands 40 per cent of the loot in exchange for getting them out of the ranch.

"A Pistol for Ringo" is head and hands above most generic spaghetti westerns. Director Duccio Tessari keeps things popping. Gemma is perfectly cast as the agile Ringo. The rugged Spanish scenery is gorgeous and the formulaic plot provides a couple of surprises.

FILM REVIEW OF "SON OF DRACULA" (1943)

Although I'm a super big fan of Lon Chaney, Sr., I've never admired his son Lon Chaney, Jr. While Junior fared better as the sympathetic Lawrence Talbot in "The Wolf Man," this big, burly individual is woefully miscast as the urbane, sophisticated Count Dracula in Robert Siodmak's "Son of Dracula." Okay, I'll give Chaney credit for being the first Dracula with a mustache. Was it Chaney's idea or Siodmak's? Other than John Carradine and Christopher Lee, most Draculas are smooth-shaven gents, but Junior needed more than a mustache to make himself a menacing bloodsucker in this otherwise imaginative but flawed chiller. Junior constitutes the chief flaw. His delivery is stilted beyond belief. When he utters 'decadent' as de-kay-dent, you want to chuckle. Chaney's dialogue delivery doesn't sound scary.  Perhaps he should have adopted a strong dialect.  In any case, he doesn't radiate that evil Bela Lugosi glint in his eyes. Moreover, he doesn't send a chill either up or down your spine. He looks handsome in his outfits, but he lacks the arrogance of immortality. The lack of aristocracy in his conduct doesn't help. Oddly enough, Dracula comes off as somewhat of a chump. Moments of atmosphere, particularly the off-beat setting for this second sequel, and the strange nature of the screenplay compensate for some of the weird things. The sight of Dracula and his bride letting a Justice of the Peace marry them is faintly amusing. On the other hand, the Count's emergence from the swamp is a nice touch.  Dracula's ability to turn into mist and bats before our eyes makes "Son of Dracula" worth-watching.

Appropriately enough, "Son of the Dracula" opens with a pair of hands clearing out cobwebs. Remember eight years had passed since the release of "Dracula's Daughter." The Southern Gothic setting with the moss covered swamp lands is wonderfully sinister. Initially, Frank Stanley (Robert Paige of "Flying G-Men") and Dr. Harry Brewster (Frank Craven of "Barbary Coast") arrive at a railroad depot to greet Count Alcuard. The Transylvanian nobleman, however, is nowhere to be seen. They spot the railway luggage cart stacked high with two chests and other assorted luggage bearing the family crest of Alcuard. Immediately, Brewster notices when he spells Alucard backwards that it reads Dracula. Dracula (Lon Chaney, Jr.) makes his first appearance outside 'Dark Oaks,' the antebellum planation where Katherine 'Kay' Caldwell (Louise Allbritton of "Parachute Nurse") eagerly awaits his arrival. She has thrown a dinner party for him, but he arrives too late to participate.  She plans to marry Dracula.

Katherine's elderly gray-headed father, Colonel Caldwell (George Irving of "Coquette"), is Dracula's first victim.The Colonel's death is the catalyst for the plot.  Initially, when Judge Simmons reads the Colonel's will, Katherine and her sister Claire receive equal shares of everything.  This will is dated August 24th.  Katherine produces a newer will.  She inherits Dark Oaks, while Claire gets everything else. Frank Stanley is madly in love with Katherine, but she only has eyes for Dracula. She met Dracula during a trip to Budapest and hasn't been the same girl.. Meanwhile, Dr. Brewster summons a renowned vampire hunter, Professor Lazlo (J. Edward Bromberg of "Invisible Agent") from Memphis. Like Van Helsing, Lazlo knows everything about Dracula, especially how to destroy him. Frank shoots Dracula with a revolver after he learns that Kirby married them. He flees in horror when his first bullet penetrates Dracula and kills Kay. Frank fires two more shots, discards the revolver, and charges through the dark swamp. He takes refuge in Dr. Harry Brewster's house. Later, Frank surrenders to the authorities and takes the blame for Kay's murder. Dr. Brewster visits Dark Oaks but finds Kay alive. She carries on a conversation with him from her bed.

Dracula's first rendezvous with Kay in the swamp is truly atmospheric. The Count's coffin emerges from the watery depths like a submarine. A mist percolates out of it and turns into Dracula. Literally, Dracula levitates himself across the water to Kay. They drive off to the Justice of the Peace with a jealous Frank shadowing them. The special effects transformation where Dracula turnS his back to the camera and then turns into a flying bat is impressive for its day. It looks cool when the lady vampire dematerializes as a fog bank in the jail cell. The burning of Dracula's coffin as a way to destroy him was a new one on me. Mind you, every studio that has ever made a vampire movie

tampers with the formula. The premise that a woman would flirt with Dracula to obtain immortality then double-cross him is interesting. Dracula cuckolded!? Indeed, "Son of Dracula" seems more like film noir than horror. Things get pretty complicated and these complications make "Son of Dracula" worth watching.

The gimmick of spelling Dracula's name backwards is clever. Anybody but Lon Chaney, Jr., would have made a serviceable Dracula. The guy looks like he ought to be stuffing baloney into his big hammy jowls instead of draining bodies of blood with his fangs. Incidentally, you never see his fangs, but then you never saw either Lugosi's fangs or Carradine's fangs. The Production Code Administration (PCA) probably ruled out such a toothy display on the grounds that it was too repellent. George Robinson's white photography is textbook perfect. He takes a two-dimensional format and gives it a three-dimensional look by bringing out the foreground from the background and the mid-ground.

Altogether, "Son of Dracula" surpasses "Dracula's Daughter." Nevertheless, you have to overlook the obvious lapse of continuity in "Phantom of the Opera" scenarist Eric Taylor's screenplay that he

derived from Siodmak's story. Basically, the studio maintained no continuity for Dracula. Siodmak and Taylor make no references to previous "Dracula" movies. Universal Studios observed far greater

continuity in the "Frankenstein" and "The Wolfman" franchises. Doesn't it say something when the second "Dracula" sequel appeared eight years after "Dracula's Daughter?" The latter in-name-only sequel without Lugosi and only a glimpse of the infamous Count in a coffin with a stake driven into his heart amounted to a letdown compared with the vintage original. The change in the character of Dracula is even more apparent in "Son of Dracula." Perhaps they simply couldn't conjure up a reasonable excuse about how to keep reviving the count. Of course, Universal should have brought back Lugosi. Presumably, studio politics kept Lugosi from encoring in the role until "Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein." "Daughter's Daughter" and the remaining "Dracula" movies qualify as stand alone sequels. Remember, Countess Zaleska burned Dracula's body in "Dracula's Daughter." In "Son of Dracula," however, the vampire expert states the Dracula died in the 19th century.

FILM REVIEW OF ''SAFE HOUSE" (2012)

Swedish director Daniel Espinosa’s predictable spy versus spy saga “Safe House” (**1/2 out of ****) resembles “The Bourne Identity” in several respects. The chief difference is Denzel Washington doesn’t play an amnesiac “Bourne” again hero. Instead, he is a rogue CIA agent at large who tops Langley’s most wanted list who remembers everything rotten about the Agency. Like the superb“Bourne” thrillers, this nimble actioneer concerns corrupt CIA superiors who want Denzel dead because he has damaging information about them. Mind you, this isn’t the first time the CIA has been depicted as crooked. Watergate era thrillers such as “Three Days of the Condor” and “Scorpio” deployed that plot back in the early 1970s. Of course, the Agency isn’t entirely corrupt, only some powerful individuals at the top. When freshman scribe David Guggenheim isn’t muddling up things with multiple layers of mystery, Espinosa does his best to captivate us with brief, brutal, and breathless combat scenes that rival the “Bourne” franchise. Lenser Oliver Wood enhances this violence with the same jittery camerawork that he used in the three “Bourne” movies. Three-fourths of “Safehouse” bristles with miscreants either shooting to kill or wielding their fists like cudgels. If you get in the way of these dastards, you die! Any movie where Denzel snaps a guy’s neck like celery and abandons his corpse in a toilet stall isn’t designed to market action hero figures. Indeed, nothing about either Denzel or the tenacious thugs blasting away at his heels is frivolous. “The Green Lantern’s” Ryan Reynolds co-stars as a character roughly similar to the one that actor Ethan Hawke played opposite Denzel in “Training Day.” “Safe House” emerges as one of those male mentoring melodramas where an older guy grooms a younger guy for the grimy world of espionage and corruption.

The Central Intelligence Agency has been trying to nab the elusive Tobin Frost (Denzel Washington of “American Gangster”) for nine years since he quit their ranks. When he shows up at a rendezvous with a shifty British Intelligence agent, Frost’s enemies miss him, but obliterate the MI6 man’s skull. A desperate Frost scrambles for the sanctuary of the American Consulate where the authorities immediately take him into custody. Meanwhile, Matt Weston (Ryan Reynolds) is a naive, straight-arrow CIA operative itching for the opportunity to prove his mettle. Instead, Langley has relegated Matt to serve as a glorified custodian for one of their safe houses. Twelve months later Matt is still waiting impatiently for a posting as a field agent. Trouble is he lacks the experience that would make him eligible. Life in Cape Town, South Africa, where Matt is stationed as a ‘housekeeper’ bores him to tears. Despite friendly reassurances from his immediate superior David Barlow (Brendan Gleeson of “The General”), Matt feels like he is stuck in a dead-end assignment. When he isn’t supervising the CIA safe house, Matt cavorts with a gorgeous French gal, Ana (Nora Arnezeder of “Paris 36”), and fills her ears with lies about his work.

After CIA Deputy Director Harlan Whitford (Sam Sheppard of “Black Hawk Down”) learns about Frost’s capture, he transfers the treasonous Frost to Cape Town for safekeeping. Frost’s unexpected arrival at Matt’s safe house catches our hero by surprise. He watches with obvious misgivings as a group of ruthless CIA agents, led by Daniel Kiefer (Robert Patrick of “Terminator 2: Judgment Day”), subject Frost to some grueling water-board torture. As it turns out, Washington didn’t use a stand-in for the torture scenes. Anyway, Kiefer’s men get nowhere with Frost. Suddenly, another gang of gunmen burst in with guns blazing. They aren't in the mood to take prisoners. Things don’t look promising for Matt who is supposed to shield Frost. Frost reminds Matt that the killers want him alive, but they won’t display any charity toward Matt. Impulsively, Matt ushers Front at gun point from the safe house. The two men form an uneasy alliance as they struggle to stay one step ahead of adamant adversaries. Gradually, Matt learns what a CIA agent has to look forward to in his line of work. Frost plays along with Matt as they hide out from the gunmen. Gradually, the renegade agent lulls the rookie into a false sense of security before he catches him off guard. When they venture out into public, Frost alerts the police that Matt is armed and dangerous. The Cape Town cops seize Matt while Frost vanishes into thin air. Not surprisingly, Matt’s superiors in Washington react with rage. Not only does Whitford put Matt’s boss Barlow on a plane to South Africa, but he also has a snooty, suspicious associate, Catherine Linklater (Vera Farmiga of “The Departed”), accompany him. Catherine strongly suspects that Frost has turned Matt. When Matt calls Whitford to explain what happened, Whitford orders him to stand down. Nevertheless, Matt sets out to recapture Frost. Our hero isn’t prepared for what he learns about either Frost or his CIA honchos.

“Safe House” benefits from on-location lensing in Cape Town. Everything appears genuinely gritty and none of it looks familiar. This isn’t the kind of spy thriller that boasts exotic locations, desirable dames, and cool gadgets. Espinosa, Guggenheim, and Washington—who doubles as one of the executive producers—are gunning for realism, and they achieve it. The close quarters combat scenes will have you searching for bruises on yourself. Sadly, the surprises that occur throughout “Safe House” aren’t revelations, and the ending seems straight out of “Three Days of the Condor.” If you’ve seen "Hanna," "Red," "Salt,” "Knight and Day" or “Haywire,” you know what comes next at every turn. “Safe House” isn’t as good as some of Denzel’s earlier films, and he generates little sympathy with his martyred shades-of-gray character. Poor Vera Farmiga plays the most thankless role in the action, while Brendan Gleeson and Sam Sheppard turn in sturdy performances. On the other hand, Ryan Reynolds delivers the strongest performance and emerges as a contender. “Safe House” is best watched as a rental.

"SHARK NIGHT 3-D" (2011)

"Shark Night 3-D" (* out of ****) bites!

Unfortunately, "Snakes on a Plane" director David R. Ellis plays everything straight in "Shark Night 3-D." Meaning, you had better prepare yourself for clichés galore without a smirk in sight. This derivative, PG-13 rated, 91-minute, yarn concerns three stereotypical, mean-spirited rednecks who drool at the chance to feed stuck-up college kids to ravenous sharks of all sizes. Of course, most of the ocean's deadly predators prefer to prowl the briny blue, but these three rednecks own a stunning device that enables them to paralyze these predators, attach mini-cams to them, relocate them to a Louisiana salt-lake, and wait for them to start chomping. Furthermore, they plan to make big bucks by selling their shark snuff videos to die-hard “Shark Week” addicts after the real thing. Think of "Shark Night 3-D" as "Jaws" trying to meet “8MM." Everybody sports serious expressions because everything is serious. Nevertheless, everybody behaves like idiots, too. A one-armed college jock with a spear wades into a shark-infested lake with revenge in his heart. Hammerheads, threshers, cookie cutters and bull sharks assemble to make munch-meat of him. Sadly, not only are these sharks either digitally concocted or animatronic, but they also act like SyFy Channel sharks. These synthetic sharks swim with such speed that our heroes, when the latter have either a boat with an outboard motor or water bike at their disposal, cannot out leave them in their wake!

An academically challenged Tulane University athlete, Malik (Sinqa Walls of “Choose Connor”), makes a B+ on a test and no longer fears flunking out of college. Malik rewards his dutiful tutor, Nick (Dustin Milligan of “Final Destination 3”), along with Nick’s nerdy roommate Gordon (Joel David Moore of “Avatar”) to join his friends for a good time at a remote lakeside estate. The wealthy parents of Sara (Sara Paxton of “Superhero Movie”) own a beautiful cottage secluded on an island which a sprawling salt-water lake surrounds. Naturally, nobody with a cell phone can raise a signal at Lake Crosby. Furthermore, the nearest hospital lies about two hours away. Little do our recreationally minded heroes know the ill-fate which awaits them. Meantime, Malik tries to play Cupid and get Nick and Sara together. As Malik tells Nick, Sara has not been on a date in three years. Later we learn why. Anyway, Nick and Sara grow chummy and Nick winds up steering Sara’s launch. While Nick is playing admiral, he has show-off Malik at the end of a tether skiing around the lake on a board. Malik impresses everything with his incredible gymnastic feats. He loves to perform flips. Suddenly, Malik feels something ram his board, and he takes a tumble. A shark attacks Malik and tears off his right arm at the bicep. Our heroes bandage Malik and rush him to the hospital. Malik’s blood drips into the lake and another shark slams into the launch so that Malik’s soon-to-be wife, Maya (Alyssa Diaz of TV’s “Southland”), topples into the water and gets gobbled up. Later, Malik storms into the lake with a spear and accomplishes nothing, except dying. The two river rednecks, Sara's ex-boyfriend, Dennis (Chris Carmack of “Into the Blue 2: The Reef), and his sidekick, Red (Joshua Leonard of “Hatchet”), offer to help Sara and her friends. Beth is so sickened by the tragic turn of events that she wants to ride with Dennis and Red back to the mainland. Gordon refuses to let Beth travel alone with them. Before it is all over with heroic Nick has to tangle with Sara’s ex-boyfriend and a shark.

Basically, "Shark Night 3-D" amounts to a complicated but predictable revenge thriller with nothing to recommend it either as top-notch entertainment or so bad it’s good. Freshmen scenarists Will Hayes and Jesse Studenberg neither do Ellis nor the audience any favors with their shallow screenplay that borrows extensively from other shark movies. Their dialogue is flat without any flair. The characters emerge as one-dimensional nitwits waiting for their moment to be eaten. Ellis deserves credit for keeping the action moving at a brisk pace. Nevertheless, he fails to generate any sympathy for our clueless heroes. The villains could be cousins of the rednecks in “Deliverance.” All of the ersatz shark attacks have been lensed before with greater realism in better movies. The 3-D delivers in only two scenes. The first involves an exploding boat flinging shrapnel, and the second shows a shark as its gory innards are blasted out of it. Considering the $28-million budget, you’d think they could have made more than one shark appear convincing. A bull shark does look supremely menacing in a scene straight out of the James Bond feature "License to Kill," but the rest look simulated and swim like torpedoes. Two sharks literally defy gravity by leaping out of the lake to chomp. A first girl caught alone in the lake is straight out of the original "Jaws" as well as the attack on a hapless skier is straight out of the "Jaws 2." If you want to watch a good shark thriller, and you cannot find "Jaws," then you might try "Deep Blue Sea" (1999), or the straight-to-video, outlandish "Shark Attack 3: Megalodon" (2002) and "Shark Swarm" (2008). The PG-13 rating rules out any chance of nudity, and the ability of sharks that can race through the water after speedboats eliminates any sense of credibility. Ellis generates a modicum of suspense when swimmers struggle to out-swim the sharks, but not enough to scare the daylights out of you.

"Shark Night 3-D" is munch-ado-about-gnaw-thing!