FILM REVIEW OF ''GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY" (2014)

“Slither” writer & director James Gunn’s outlandishly hysterical, but high octane science-fiction spectacle “Guardians of the Galaxy” charts an entirely different course in the Marvel Comics Universe. Unlike Marvel’s traditional lineup of superheroes, such as “Iron Man,” “Captain America,” “Thor,” and “The Incredible Hulk,” the “Guardians of the Galaxy” constitute a quintet of non-traditional, anti-heroic protagonists endowed with supernatural abilities. Traditional Marvel heroes are respectable, upstanding, productive citizens in private life when they aren’t clashing with larger-than-life adversaries.  As the son of Odin, Thor is the exception in the cinematic universe because he has no alter-ego.  Comparatively, the “Guardians” are criminals and outcasts, essentially mercenaries thrown together by the exigencies of fate.  A synthesis of Indiana Jones and Han Solo, Peter Jason Quill leads the “Guardians,” probably because they fly with him aboard his intergalactic spacecraft.  An abducted Earthling urchin turned scalawag smuggler who refers to himself as ‘Star-Lord,’ Quill makes an affable enough anti-hero. Quill’s loose cannon compatriots are Gamora, an elite, green-skinned, female warrior assassin; Rocket, a genetically-altered, foul-mouthed raccoon who searches for anybody with high bounty on them; Rocket’s ligneous partner Groot, a humanoid plant that entangles its adversaries with its tree limbs, and Drax, a vengeful, blue-skinned, hulk of a humanoid who parades around without a shirt. If earlier Marvel Comics superhero sagas required audiences to suspend their disbelief to accommodate their bizarre antics, “Guardians” requires an even greater suspension of disbelief, perhaps to the breaking point.  Any time you encounter an obnoxious raccoon that can speak in English and behave like the reckless felon, you’ve got to open your mind up to greater possibilities beyond the world of reality.  

“Guardians of the Galaxy” unfolds on a tragic note.  The setting is Earth in 1988, and young Peter Quill watches in horror as his mother Meredith (Laura Haddock of “Storage 24”) dies from cancer.  Fleeing the hospital, the grief-stricken lad scrambles outside, and an alien spacecraft promptly abducts him! Twenty-six years later, an adult Peter Quill (Chris Pratt of “Moneyball”) is plying his trade as a member of the Ravagers, pirates who “steal from everybody,” on the abandoned planet of Morag.  He tracks down a wholly sought-after Orb.  No sooner has he found this object than he finds himself surrounded by Korath (Djimon Hounsou of “Amistad”) and his subordinates.  Korath works for Ronan (Lee Pace of “Lincoln”), a tyrannical, ax-wielding super villain who wants the Orb.  Ronan plans to ingratiate himself to the ultimate villain Thanos and hand it over to him.  Quill manages to escape in his wing-shaped spaceship.  Later, the blue-skinned Yondu Udonta (Michael Rooker of “Tombstone”), who abducted Quill as an adolescent on Earth, contacts Quill from Morag and inquires about the Orb.  When Quill refuses to cooperate, Yondu puts a bounty of 40-thousand units on Quill.  Yondu uses an arrow that he deploys like a dressmaker manipulates a needle for homicidal purposes.

Rocket (Bradley Cooper’s voice) and Groot (Vin Diesel’s voice) descend to Xandar and stumble onto Quill.  Meantime, Korath reports to Ronan about Quill and the Orb. Ronan dispatches Gamora to Xandar, the capital of the Nova Empire, to pick up the Orb.  When Quill arrives on Xandar, he approaches the Broker (Christopher Fairbank of “Alien 3”) about the Orb.  Quill inquires about the mysterious globe because he almost died acquiring it.  When Quill mentions Ronan’s name, the Broker sends Quill packing. Gamora snatches the Orb from Quill.  They fight. Rocket intervenes and bags Quill.  This back and forth shenanigans continue until the Nova Corps arrests them.  They ship Quill, Gamora, Rocket, and Groot to The Kyln, a corrupt, high security prison in space where they encounter loudmouthed Drax the Destroyer (Dave Bautista of “Riddick”) when Gamora’s life is threatened.  As it turns out, the literal-minded Drax abhors Ronan because the dastard killed his wife and daughter. During the hair-raising escape, Drax teams up with Raccoon and Groot. Eventually, this quintet sets aside their differences, and Rocket orchestrates an elaborate escape from The Kyln that involves shutting off the artificial gravity in the facility.  Our heroes recover Quill’s orange and blue spaceship the Milano and flee from the Kyln.  Before they can leave, Quill also retrieves his impregnable Walkman with a cassette of popular songs that his mother made for him.  Mind you, this constitutes only 45 minutes out of the two-hour running time! 

Eventually, our heroes land on a unique mining colony called Knowhere.  According to Gamora, Knowhere is “the severed head of an ancient celestial being.”  No regulations exist in Knowhere.  Our heroes are looking for Tivan because he knows what the Orb is.  During this interval, Gamora reveals that Thanos murdered her mother and father and tortured her until he remade her into a warrior assassin.  Gamora asks about his Walkman and its significance.  Later, Drax summons Ronan to fight him, and turmoil descends onto the colony. Initially, Ronan defeats Drax, and Yondu catches up with Peter.  Bit by bit, the Guardians begin to bond.  "Oh, boo-hoo-hoo. My wife and child are dead," grouses an angry Rocket.  Groot cannot believe Rocket's insensitivity.  "Oh, I don't care if it's mean!  Everybody's got dead people.  It's no excuse to get everybody else dead along the way."  Groot sympathesizes with Drax and they become friends.  Now, Ronan has the Orb, and he wants Thanos to destroy Xandar.

Debuting in the January 1969 issue of “Marvel Super-Heroes,” the “Guardians” were nothing like their cinematic counterparts, only the pirate Yondu Udonta, appeared in this early incarnation.  These Guardians constituted the last of their kind on Earth, Jupiter, Pluto, and a fourth planet near the star Alpha Centauri B.  Ultimately, the cinematic “Guardians of the Galaxy” imitate in their own sphere of action “The Avengers.”  They quarrel constantly with each other, and they come close to killing each other such is the instability of their alliance.  Director James Gunn and freshman scenarist Nicole Perlman furnish the “Guardians” with distinctive, often hilarious dialogue.  The characters differ enough that no one is the same, and each has characteristics that differentiate them.  For example, the tree creature Groot repeats the same three words “I am Groot” ad nauseam without change throughout the action.  Drax emerges as straight-faced comic relief because he is so literal minded. Ronan makes an intimidating villain, but Thanos (Josh Brolin’s voice) is the most powerful being in the universe.  Gunn and Perlman never let the action slow down, and our heroes find themselves hopscotching from one cliffhanger predicament after another. 

FILM REVIEW OF ''ZOOKEEPER" (2011)

Incongruity is the basis for the best comedy. Consider any clown. A clown has big ears, an enormous nose, voluminous pants, and elongated feet. Clowns exaggerate their physical appearance for laughs. Not only may the star in a comedy be a clown with outlandish features, like either Buster Keaton or Charles Chaplin, but the narrative in a comedy may also provide an element of incongruity. For example, the fish-out-of-water comedy contains characters struggling to fit into the puzzle of an unknown environment. They may be working at a new job. They may have to deal with unfamiliar people. These new friends may use another language and cherish strange customs with which our hero lacks familiarity. Consequently, the hero ends up behaving like a buffoon because he is out-of-place.

"Waterboy" director Frank Coraci's new featherweight comic misfire "Zookeeper" (** out of ****) relies on incongruity for its few funniest moments. More often than not, the slapstick takes a backseat to a saga which swirls bromance with romance. When he isn't bonding with a depressed male gorilla, Kevin James cavorts with two attractive heart-breakers: Rosario Dawson and Lesley Bibb. One gal is right for him, but the other is dead wrong. The trouble is that our hero wouldn't recognize the right woman even if he were looking her in the face so he becomes infatuated with the wrong one. Imagine what would happen if you combined "Night at the Museum" with "Dr. Doolittle" and you'll have a good idea what to expect from "Zookeeper." The big surprise—the only surprise--is that the animals break their vow of silence and speak their piece when our hero thinks about quitting his zoo job. Several major stars, including Adam Sandler, Sylvester Stallone, Cher, Jon Favreau, Nick Nolte, and Faizon Love, furnish the voices for these real-life animals.

Unfortunately, these animals generate little charisma, and they aren't very interesting as characters. They constitute stereotypes on parade with nothing to distinguish them aside from the celebrity's voice-over. Nevertheless, they do provide a support group for our loser hero so he can discover his one true love. Remember incongruity? A comedy with animals advising a human how to conduct a romantic relationship encapsulates incongruity. Some of those comedic incongruities and our hero's idiocy may make you question the film's PG rating. Otherwise, "Zookeeper" qualifies as an affable but anemic Kevin James comedy about one of his typical nice-guy protagonists who finds himself romantically challenged at the game of love. Neither the former "King of Queens" TV star nor his female co-stars conjure up any chemistry. As one of the producers, James makes moments for his own brand of dumb physical slapstick shenanigans. No, "Zookeeper" isn't nearly as hilarious as "Paul Blart, Mall Cop." You can count the laughs on one hand and have fingers left over, unless you are between ages five and eight.

Our sympathetic hero works at Boston's Franklin Park Zoo. The animals adore him. He adores the animals. Trouble is that our big lug of a hero has become infatuated with a gorgeous gal who works as a fashion model. Stephanie (Leslie Bibb of "Law Abiding Citizen") likes Griffin Constantine Keyes (Kevin James of "Grown-Ups"), but the shallow supermodel doesn't love the big lug. The apple of our hero's eye is seeking status conferral for the sake of status conferral. "Zookeeper" opens promisingly as Griffin and Stephanie are riding together on one horse along a deserted stretch of beach. When they spot a bottle in the sand, they dismount to check it out. Stephanie removes the note which turns out to be Griffin's proposal, and he presents her with a ring. Stephanie turns Griffin down because he is a lowly zookeeper. As the two are riding away, a Mariachi band appears and serenades them. Moments later, fireworks erupt and scintillate the sky. Griffin feels like an idiot, and Stephanie is just plain embarrassed.

Five years elapse, and Griffin's brother is about to tie the knot with his own marriage when Stephanie appears and shows an interest in Griffin. When Griffin considers quitting his job at the zoo to sell cars for his brother, the animals speak out and coach him in the art of seduction. The loquacious capuchin monkey voiced by Adam Sandler suggests that our hero throw his poop at his favorite girl. The lion voiced by Sylvester Stallone recommends that he cut his girl out of the herd. stresses the importance of urinating as a part of the courtship. You can see where this is going. Eventually, the animals suggest that he take a date of his own to intrigue Stephanie. Who could be more ideal as a date than his co-worker, Kate (Rosario Dawson of "Kids"), goes out with him and it doesn't take long for our hero to realize that he has been chasing the wrong lady. Moreover, despite the hike in pay, Griffin realizes that he cannot change himself, especially what he likes doing at the zoo.

The filmmakers do an adequate job of making the animals look as realistic as possible even when they are conversing with each other. Of course, nobody but Griffin knows that this menagerie can squawk and squabble. The animal that comes closest to making an impression is a brooding gorilla (voiced by Nick Nolte) named Bernie who has been unjustly framed for attacking another zookeeper. Shane (Donnie Wahlberg of "Saw 2") made up the incident with malice aforethought. As a result, Bernie has been ostracized to a pit and doesn't enjoy the view that he had in his previous enclosure. Eventually, Griffin takes Shane to task for this perfidy. What should have been the best scene occurs when Griffin takes Bernie to T.G.I. Friday's Restaurant. He convinces Bernie to act like they have attended a costume party. Nothing really hilarious happens. Later, James's best moment comes when he upstages Stephanie and her abrasive boyfriend (Joe Rogan of "The Fear Factor") at the wedding with an airborne dance number with Rosario Dawson that suddenly takes a turn for the worst.

Altogether, "Zookeeper" is no keeper.

FILM REVIEW OF ''BOLT 3D"

The new animated 3-D Walt Disney family flick “Bolt” (*** out of ****) is pretty doggone funny. Combine elements of the Arnold Schwarzenegger epic “Last Action Hero” (1993) with the dogs trekking across America in the 1963 Disney classic “The Incredible Journey,” and you’ll have a fair idea about what this cute canine comedy delivers. “Bolt” is the first Disney animated feature produced by the Mouse House since Pixar genius John Lasseter of “Toy Story” fame assumed creative control. Like previous Lasseter movies, such as “Cars,” “A Bug’s Life,” and “Monsters, Inc.,” the animation in “Bolt” is something to bark about. The incomparable 3-D digital projection is what distinguishes this lighthearted flick. Meanwhile, “Mulan” co-scripters Byron Howard and Chris Williams, who teamed up to helm this hilarious hokum, drum up a lot of jokes about a deluded doggie who dreams that he possesses super heroic powers. “Pulp Fiction” star John Travolta furnishes the voice for the feisty German shepherd puppy, and Disney singing sensation Miley Cyrus voices Penny, the teenager who adores Bolt at first sight when she spots the little nipper at an animal shelter.

The premise of “Bolt” is as fetching as it is far-fetched. Bolt—complete with a jagged lightning insignia across his ribs—becomes the top dog of a prime-time, Google Generation, sci-fi TV show. The contemporary equivalent of Lassie, our four-pawed protagonist shows no fear in a crisis. In the context of the show, Penny desperately searches for her father who has been abducted by an evil Bond-type villain, Dr. Calico (Malcolm McDowell of “A Clockwork Orange”), flanked by two haughty cats. Before Penny’s poppa got kidnapped, he enhanced Bolt with cybernetic powers that make this man’s best friend as powerful as Will Smith’s “Hancock.” Bolt’s prime directive is to protect his ‘person,’ Penny (Miley Cyrus of “Hannah Montana”), from Dr. Calico’s black-clad henchmen. Bolt is so strong that he can smash head-first into a car and send it spinning end-over-end 50 yards in the air. He can turn eyes into molten lasers and burn through anything. Furthermore, he can hightail it down a street faster than a greyhound on afterburners and leap above a hovering helicopter’s whirling rotor blades!

In reality, however, Bolt is nothing more than an average bow-wow. Network TV executives have fooled our hero into thinking that he has cybernetically enhanced brawn. After Bolt has dealt with the villains and gone back to his trailer, the technicians step in and remove the debris. The dead and the wounded get up and brush themselves off. Network executives refuse to let Bolt out of his trailer for fear that he will discover the truth about himself. Nothing Bolt does is real; it’s the result of carefully staged special effects. You can see the resemblance between Bolt and the “Toy Story” character Buzz Lightyear. Everything changes radically for Bolt when two sarcastic cats lure him out of his trailer. During a frantic chase, Bolt traps himself accidentally in a box of pink Styrofoam that is shipped off to New York City. In the Big Apple, three moronic pigeons lead Bolt to a cynical, declawed, black alley cat, Mittens (Susie Essman of “Curb Your Enthusiasm”), and our deluded hero takes her hostage so that he can find Penny. Leashed together like Tony Curtis and Sidney Poitier were in the 1958 civil rights thriller “The Defiant Ones,” Bolt drags a reluctant Mittens across America to Hollywood. Along the way, Bolt realizes that he is an ordinary mutt. He succumbs to hunger pangs and begs for scraps at an RV park in Ohio. Infinitely wiser than Bolt, Mittens helps the whelp make his transition from super dog to normal hound.

At the Ohio RV park, Bolt and Mittens encounter Rhino. Rhino (voiced by Mark Walton of “Chicken Little”) is an energetic hamster who rolls around in a transparent plastic exercise ball. His favorite pastime is watching TV with his sphere balanced on the remote control so he can channel surf. The clueless Rhino worships Bolt as the super hero of his dreams and accompanies Mittens and Bolt to Las Vegas where they dine off left over casino buffet food in dumpsters. Along the way, Bolt discovers the simple pleasures of riding with his head stuck out a window of a moving vehicle, his ears sailing in the breeze, with his tongue trailing from the corner of his muzzle like a pennant. Just as Bolt is ready to surrender to the brutal, harsh grind of everyday life, Rhino refuses to let his hero sink into self-pity. Actually, this highly strung little hamster steals the show once he joins them, especially in a scene where Bolt and he rescue Mittens from an animal pound.

The biggest problem with “Bolt” is its anticlimactic plot. Nothing after the electrifying first scene can match Bolt’s clash with Dr. Calico’s attack choppers and the phantom motorcyclists that blast away with missiles at our genetically-altered hero. The finale at the studio where Bolt finds that he has been replaced by a doggie double is particularly heartbreaking, but co-directors Howard and Williams don’t let us down. The animators do a splendid job of replicating Travolta’s facial expressions on the snout of the heroic canine and Travolta reads his lines with admirable restraint. Children should enjoy the antics of these talking animals, and the fantastic 3-D digital projection will knock the eyes out of the adults who are worried about surviving this 81-minute comedy without reward. Watching “Bolt” in any format other than 3-D is a waste of time.