FILM REVIEW OF ''FROM PARIS WITH LOVE" (2010)

This disposable but stylish contemporary action thriller set in exotic Paris, France, casts John Travolta as a 1980’s type trigger-happy, quick-witted, jive-talking secret agent for the U.S. Government who shoots first and asks questions later. Travolta looks ultra-cool with his noggin neatly shaved like Blofield, the iconic villain from the James Bond franchise, and he handles firearms of every variety with the skill of Wild Bill Hickok in a shooting gallery. Travolta has not capped this many bad guys since he made the John Woo thriller "Broken Arrow" in 1996. Mind you, Travolta was the bad guy in “Broken Arrow,” while he plays the front and center hero in this explosive Lionsgate release. Unfortunately, "From Paris with Love" surpasses neither "Broken Arrow" nor the other shoot’em up saga he made with John Woo entitled "Face/Off." Furthermore, "From Paris With Love" (*** out of ****) does not top "Swordfish" for sheer audacity. Nevertheless, this nimble 95-minute buddy picture qualifies as a good beer and pizza picture. After you watch “From Paris With Love,” you can talk about how cheesy but cool it was over beer and pizza.

"Taken" director Pierre Morel rarely takes pit stops for garrulous dialogue interludes in this adrenaline-laced, serio-comic, big, dumb actioneer about terrorists. The chief problem with “From Paris with Love” is the absence of an intimidating villain who tries to triumph over the heroes. Indeed, the villain is crafty, but the hero’s apprentice has little difficulty removing the villain as a threat at fade-0ut. The next problem is the heroes save the day, but the day seems inconsequential when it consists of anonymous diplomats at a U.S./African Aid Summit in Paris with no important world leaders exposing themselves as targets. Despite these shortcomings, Travolta hams everything up with exhilarating abandon. He looks like he had a blast playing a hopelessly over-the-top hero who has a Steven Seagal knack for triumphing over multiple villains at close quarters. Watch the way that our hero dispatches a gang of street hooligans with his bare hands. The message of this fast-paced, but predictable bullet-riddled melodrama is that you cannot reason with terrorists. Don’t talk to a terrorist. Blast the idiot! The outlandish Travolta protagonist spends the entire time trying to hammer this strategy into the head of his new, inexperienced partner. Basically, “From Paris With Love” resembles those vintage westerns where the old gunfighter teaches the new gunfighter just enough to survive. Travolta indoctrinates his naïve apprentice in the secrets of being a secret agent with a license to kill.

As “From Paris With Love” opens, an efficient, well-dressed Embassy Assistant to the American Ambassador, James Reese (Jonathan Rhys Meyers of "The Tudors"), carries out several low-profile assignments on the cuff for U.S. Intelligence. Reese swaps out license plates on a car in an underground garage and later plants a bug a high-ranking French diplomat’s office. When the gum he chews doesn’t keep the bug stuck in place under a table, Reese lingers a moment after everybody else has left to staple the micro-sized listening device to the furniture. “From Paris with Love” chronicles Reese’s journey-of-hardship from an errand boy to a top gun. Apparently, pleased with his performance, U.S. Intel summons Reese ‘on short notice’ and promise to make him an agency spook if he can cut some red tape at French customs so a bearded, bald-headed operative, Charlie Wax (John Travolta of “Old Dogs”), can enter the country. Moments before he meets Charlie, Reese became engaged to his girlfriend Caroline (Kasia Smutniak of "Radio West"), who likes to turn up in the strangest places. Since Reese is constantly on the run, Caroline gives him her father’s ring and proposes marriage. The catch is that he cannot remove the ring. Once Reese turns Wax loose, “From Paris with Love” never wanes.

Our heroes visit a Chinese restaurant where a large stash of cocaine is concealed in the attic, but the holes that Charlie puts into the ceiling cannot rival all the holes that he puts into the staff that charge him wielding submachine guns. A running sight gag for a while is that Reese has to tote around a vase filled with a large amount of white powder that Charlie discovered after he blew those holes in the ceiling of the Chinese restaurant. Our heroes blast their way into the underworld of narcotics smugglers and later terrorists who prefer to blast themselves to their Kingdom Come after they have wiped out everybody around them. One terrorist who refuses to face justice takes a gun and blows himself away. “From Paris With Love” boasts two singular scenes. The first follows Reese as he ascends a spiral staircase after Wax has scrambled up it. The corpses of Wax’s adversaries that Wax shot plunge down the spiral stairs. Some tumble past Reese as he climbs the stairs. You only see the falling bodies, not the bloody bullet holes that turned them into Unidentified Falling Objects. Later, intrepid Charlie pursues a villain trying to escape across the rooftops of Paris, and Charles’ method of pursuit is unusual. Mind you, nobody should try to duplicate it.

Based on a story by Luc Besson of "The Transporter" trilogy, "From Paris With Love" unfolds as a formulaic, non-stop, high-octane actioneer with explosions, gunfire, and corpses galore. "Shadow Conspiracy" scenarist Adi Hasak piles on one preposterous incident after another as Chinese cocaine smugglers and Arabic terrorist suicide bombers collaborate in a fantasy that could only have been cooked up in the Bush White House to slaughter government officials at an African trade mission. Wow, if only terrorists were as foolhardy as they are depicted in “From Paris With Love,” the war on terror would be a picnic. Anybody who enjoys this kind of violent nonsense will figure out what the three surprises are that ensue at intervals. One surprise is purely visceral, while another is telegraphed earlier. Above all, Morel orchestrates the gunfights with flair, and Paris looks as scenic as ever.

FILM REVIEW OF ''THE TOOTH FAIRY'' (2010)

Brawny Dwayne 'the Rock' Johnson looks hilarious decked out in a woman's pink tutu with a feathery pair of Tinker Bell fairy wings. The former WWE wrestler plays a grumpy, self-centered, minor-league hockey player who shatters the dreams of children as casually and decisively as he knocks the teeth out of his opponents on the ice. Never stop believing in your dreams qualifies as the theme of this incredibly vibrant, clever PG-rated comedy for kids. Indeed, the public has
bestowed on him the nickname 'the Tooth Fairy' because teeth fly when Derek Thompson slams into an adversary. Our hero goes too far when he informs a little girl in no uncertain terms that the Tooth Fairy is nothing but a figment of her imagination. Consequently, our protagonist wakes up the next day to find a summons from the Department of Dissemination of Disbelief under his pillow. This wonderfully frivolous
but wholesomely entertaining 106-minute, supernatural fluff never squanders a second, and the Rock is at his charismatic best. Although the producers have surrounded him with a worthwhile cast, "The Tooth Fairy" (**** out of ****) belongs to the Rock and his wattage burns up the screen. Picking up teeth from sleepy urchins proves more challenging than Derek had imagined.

Derek Thompson (Dwayne Johnson of "Race to Witch Mountain") blew his shoulder out playing pro hockey and wound up in the minor leagues skating with the Lansing, Michigan, Ice Wolves. Despite being in top physical condition, Derek is getting a little long in the tooth. Meaning, he has settled into a comfortable niche and is taking it too easy. He loves to crush the dreams of youngsters, largely because he
has sacrificed his own dream about serious hockey career. He has taken the easy way out and converted himself into a freak sideshow attraction. When his young fans ask him about their chances of becoming a sports sensation, he deflates their dreams and suggests they lower their expectations so they won't feel bad with the inevitable happens. While this makes Derek appear callous, the veteran hockey star reflects
his way of dealing with his own predicament. He hasn't scored a goal in nine years, and he hasn't tried because he has sold out to become a clown.

When he isn't knocking out teeth, Derek is dating Carly (Ashley Judd of
"High Crimes"). She has two kids, Tess (adorable newcomer Destiny
Whitlock), her pre-school daughter and Randy (Chase Ellison of
"Wristcutters: A Love Story"), her junior high son. One evening Carly
entrusts Tess to Derek's care. Derek and his teammates are playing
poker. Derek comes up short on cash and steals the money under Tess'
pillow, left there for her tooth by the Tony Fairy. Tess, who has
rhapsodized about the tooth fairy, awakens and cannot find her money.
Derek assures her that the tooth fairy doesn't exist. Carly pretends to
find the missing cash, gives it to a jubilant Tess and glowers at
Derek. The next thing Derek knows is he is in Tooth Fairy Kingdom in
front of the Tooth Fairy Godmother, Lily (Julie Andrews of "The Sound
of Music"), who sentences him to two weeks of retrieving teeth. In
other words, at some inopportune time when he is play hockey, Derek
receives a summons to fetch teeth. Sulking, Derek sets about paying the
penalty for eroding the dreams of youth and finds himself in several
adventures. Although he has wings, Derek doesn't fly because he has no
confidence in himself. Complicating matters are Carly and company. Carly
wants Derek to bond with Randy who suffers from a severe inferiority
complex. Initially, Derek handles this situation well. He buys Randy a
brand-new electric guitar and he jams with Randy on his drums in
preparation for a junior high talent contest. About that time, the Ice
Wolves pick up a hotshot new player, Mick Donnelly (Ryan Sheckler of
"Grind"), who won't being staying long because he likes to score goals
and scores them often. The Ice Wolves coach assigns Derek to watch out
for Mick.

Meantime, Derek has to learn the ropes about being a Tooth Fairy. Lilly
assigns a tall, willowy fairy without wings, Tracy (6-foot-7-inch
British comedian Stephen Merchant of "The Office" TV show), to serve as
his caseworker. Derek reports to Jerry (Billy Crystal of "Mr. Saturday
Night") an elderly, white-haired pixie who supplies him with a variety
of items essential in his line of work. He carries items that are
reminiscent of "Men-In-Black." Among these items are shrinking paste,
amnesia dust and invisibility spray. The shrinking paste enables him to
literally shrink himself down so he can escape, except when he
encounters a giant cat. When he enters a house or apartment, he can
sprinkle amnesia dust of the occupants and they will never remember his
visit, and finally he has an aerosol can of invisibility spray that he
can cover himself with so he cannot be seen. Predictably, Derek winds
up changing his ways and learning important lessons about life that he
has shied away from, like taking the shot to score.

"The Tooth Fairy" is as consistently hilarious as it is inspirational.
Dwayne Johnson and Stephen Merchant make a fantastic twosome with
Merchant forever beaming at the disgruntled sports star. "Connie and
Carla" director Michael Lembeck and a quintet of scenarists, among them
Babaloo Mandel and Lowell Ganz of "City Slickers," Joshua Sternin and
Jeffrey Ventimilia of "Surviving Christmas," and Randi Mayem Singer of
"Mrs. Doubtfire" have conjured up an exhilarating little comedy that is
bolstered by a top-notch supporting cast, including Ashley Judd, Julie
Andrews, Billy Crystal, and Stephen Merchant. The verbal humor is far
above average, too, with clever witticisms. This warm, fuzzy,
predictable, fish-out-of-water epic will appeal to adults, too, with
several genuinely side-splitting laughs.

FILM REVIEW OF ''EDGE OF DARKNESS" (2010)

Mel Gibson delivers a devastating performance as a grief-stricken dad in “Casino Royale” director Martin Campbell’s remake of his own 1985 BBC mini-series “Edge of Darkness.” This revenge-themed rampage about a veteran Boston homicide detective who investigates the mysterious murder of his only daughter and the suspicious role that a shady corporation may have played in her death is far too gritty for its own good. No, “Edge of Darkness” (**1/2 OUT OF ****)is nothing like previous Gibson outings, such as either the charismatic “Lethal Weapon” franchise, “Conspiracy Theory” or “Payback.” Campbell and scenarists William Monahan of “The Departed” and Andrew Bovell of “Head On” alternate between Gibson’s investigation and surreal scenes between Gibson and his dead daughter that compare with similar scenes in the Peter Jackson movie “The Lovely Bones.” Meantime, Gibson remains appropriately grim-faced and humorless throughout this heavyweight but predictable 118-minute police procedural, political conspiracy thriller. Older, wiser, but every bit as lean and mean as he was in his “Mad Max” movies, our hero neither spouts witticisms nor has a twinkle in his eye. Basically, “Edge of Darkness” does not qualify as a big-dumb action opus with far-fetched stunts. The R-rated violence is brief, bloody, and brutal, something that will make the squeamish squirm. Mind you, it is fantastic to see Gibson back on the big screen after an eight-year hiatus, but this is not the kind of movie that you want to celebrate afterward with beer and pizza. The supporting cast, including Bojana Novakovic, Caterina Scorsone, Danny Huston, Jay O. Sanders, Peter Hermann , Ray Winstone, Shawn Roberts, and Tom Kemp, is commendable. Nevertheless, the tragic finale, the lackluster villains, and the shortage of enough surprises all undercut this suspenseful police thriller.

Veteran Boston homicide detective Thomas Craven (Mel Gibson of “What Women Want”) picks up his daughter, Emma (Bojana Novakovic of “Seven Pounds”), at the Boston Amtrak Station and drives her home. Along the way, Emma coughs up blood and starts bleeding from her nose. Once they reach the Craven residence, Emma gets worse, and Craven and she are heading out the door to the hospital when a masked gunman with a sawed-off shotgun gives Emma both barrels in the torso. The blast lifts Emma off the porch, catapults her backwards through the door, and sends her sprawling in a pool of blood down onto the living room floor. Before Craven has time to react, the killer has vanished into thin air. The news media believes the gunman had targeted Thomas, but instead accidentally killed his daughter. Initially, Thomas shares this mistaken assumption. Later, after he has sifted through his case files, our hero confesses that he has nobody mad enough at him to try and kill him. When he inventories his daughter’s things, he discovers a fully loaded automatic pistol registered to Emma’s boyfriend, Burnham (Shawn Roberts of “X-Men”), who is trying to keep a low profile, too. When Craven visits him, a very paranoid Burnham roughs him up and refuses to talk because he knows that he is under surveillance.

Eventually, Craven visits the North Moor Facility, where Emma worked on classified projects, and speaks to the Chief Operating Executive, Jack Bennett (Danny Huston of “The Aviator”), who expresses his condolences. An urbane Bennett assures Craven that the news of Emma’s demise not only shocked but also saddened everybody at work. Some forty-five minutes into this conspiracy thriller, Craven learns his daughter’s apartment has been ransacked and her computer stolen. He traces Emma’s cell phone calls, but everybody refuses to talk. One night an older man surprises Craven in his back yard. A cigar-smoking spook with an English accent and a District of Columbia driving license, Jedburgh (Ray Winstone of “Sahara”) explains that Emma had been tagged as a security threat to the United States. Craven is still mystified because his daughter told him nothing about her job. As the plot unfolds, our driven protagonist peels the layers off a metaphorically toxic onion and learns about a conspiracy that goes to the highest levels of government. Moreover, he finds himself tangling with gun-toting men in dark suits who cruise around in large SUVs with assault rifles in their arsenal. Before long our hero finds himself in a corner with nowhere to turn and the big guns coming after him.

The original version of “Edge of Darkness” appeared on the British Broadcasting Corporation in the United Kingdom as a television mini-series about young environmental activist, Emma Craven (Joanne Whalley of the television mini-series “Scarlett”), killed under mystifying circumstances. Her father Ronald Craven (Bob Peck of “Jurassic Park”) of the West Yorkshire constabulary launches an investigation into an isolated nuclear waste storage facility on the Yorkshire dales, runs afoul of a C.I.A. agent (Joe Don Baker of “GoldenEye”) and bad things ensue. Martin Campbell and his writers have altered Troy Kennedy Martin's original teleplay, changed the setting, scaled back the action from 314 minutes to 117 minutes, but everything is essentially the same. Unfortunately, aside from it being Mel Gibson’s comeback film, “Edge of Darkness” boasts a lot of edge and too much darkness. The film unravels during its last half-hour and not even a slam-bang shoot-out can salvage the convoluted plotting. Danny Huston heads up the villains, but they make little, if any impression. The scenes without Gibson lack vigor and add little to the action. “Edge of Darkness” joins a long list of political conspiracy thrillers where the omnipotent villains eliminate everybody until the final scene when an envelope with all the incriminating evidence falls into the hands of the media.

Director Martin Campbell and his talented crew, including lenser Phil Méheux and editor Stuart Baird, have done a fine job staging the action. The scene where a motorist sideswipes a female informant and Gibson's cop character blasts away at the driver after he speeds toward our hero is a dynamite scene. You will never see it coming and that is what makes Méheux's photography and Baird's editing so engrossing. Sadly, the plot muddles up and this amounts to little more than an above-average revenge thriller.

FILM REVIEW OF ''BETWEEN HEAVEN AND HELL" (1956)

“Violent Saturday” director Richard Fleischer’s explosive, bullet-riddled epic “Between Heaven & Hell” combines the plot about clashes between subordinates and their superior officers set against the backdrop of World War II combat in the Pacific with the problem melodrama about Old and New South social consciousness. Robert Wagner starts out as an elitist, bourbon & branch water swilling, Southern cotton gin operator who displays no sympathy for his poor sharecroppers. Before this sturdy 94-minute, Cinemascope movie fades out, the protagonist turns over a new leaf and becomes a more considerate individual who is concerned about the welfare of his workers. The clash between officers in Fleischer’s film reached the screen a mere six days before director Robert Aldritch’s cynical wartime thriller “Attack.” “Between Heaven and Hell” came out October 11, 1956, while “Attack” debuted October 17, 1956. Nevertheless, “Attack” ranks as a more compelling outing because Robert Wagner’s NCO doesn’t kill the pusillanimous officer, while Lt. Harold 'Harry' Woodruff (William Smithers) in “Attack” kills a cowardly officer. Interestingly enough, Buddy Ebsen appeared in both movies as a G.I. Unlike “Attack,” “Between Heaven and Hell” confronts the issue of inequity between poor whites and affluent whites in the Old South. Actually, “Attack” surpasses “Between Heaven and Hell,” but the latter picture adds weight to the trend in American World War II movies about clashes between commanders and subordinates. Like the Aldritch film, “Between Heaven and Hell” painted an unsavory portrait of life in the military that showed American soldiers with feet of clay that films such as “The Naked and the Dead,” “Tarawa Beachhead” and “The Victors” would build on in later years.

The Fleischer film opens with two soldiers escorting Private Sam Francis Gifford (Robert Wagner of “Titanic”) to see Lieutenant Colonel Miles (Frank Gerstle of “D.O.A”) about a disciplinary problem. The military authorities have arrested Sam for attempting to kill a superior officer, Lieutenant Ray Mosby (Tod Andrews of “In Harm’s Way”), who ironically was one of his closest drinking buddies before the war broke out. Matters are complicated somewhat because Sam has received a Silver Star for dangling himself off the side of a cliff to sling explosives into a Japanese machine gun emplacement in a cave, a setting that suggests that this exploit occurred on Guadalcanal. Since Sam has won the medal, Miles prefers to send him to serve with George Company rather than imprison him in Leavenworth. The grim dialogue between Sam and the driver of the jeep, Private Willie Crawford (Buddy Ebsen of “Parachute Battalion”) suggests that prison would be preferable. Crawford observes as he hands his M-1 rifle to Sam. “Go ahead and kill someone, I don't care. How did you get in this outfit?" Sam replies without enthusiasm, "It was that or Leavenworth." Crawford shrugs, "Shoulda taken Leavenworth."

Sam meets his new superior officer, Captain 'Waco' Grimes, Commanding Officer, who stipulates that nobody can call him by his rank. Waco dreads that a Japanese sniper will kill him, so he insists that nobody refer to him by his rank. Waco keeps two Thompson machine-gun wielding soldiers at his sides at all times, Private. Swanson (Skip Homeier of “The Gunfighter”) and Private Millard (Frank Gorshin of “Batman”), and they wear only t-shirts on this upper chests rather than proper combat fatigues. Waco makes Sam his radio operator and Sam leaves to wander the new camp. He stretches out on the ground after Waco dismisses him and stares into a mud hole. The surface of the mud hole ripples when Sam tosses a pebble in it and the film shifts into flashback mode some 15 minutes into the action to take us back before Pearl Harbor to the South when Sam was a heartless but well-heeled cotton gin operator who had married Jenny (Terry Moore of “Mighty Joe Young”) and they were living high off the hog. We learn that Jenny’s father, Colonel Cousins (Robert Keith of “Branded”), commands Sam’s National Guard outfit and organizes it to mobilize overseas.

Before his call to duty after Pearl Harbor, Sam reprimands the laziness of his sharecroppers and treats them like dirt. Sam becomes buddies up with several G.I.s, and they become fast friends, foremost a down-to-earth country boy named Private Crawford. They really bond when Pvt. Bernard "Bernie" Meleski (Harvey Lembeck of “Stalag 17”) pretends that he is an officer to obtain two case of beer. Lieutenant Mosby sends Sam and his friends in to check out a village. The sight of a snake sends a chill down Mosby’s spine. Caught up short by a case of frayed nerves, Mosby accidentally fires the machine gun after Meleski knocks down a porch awning. The sight of watching Meleski and his friends getting mowed down propels Sam headlong toward Mosby. He clobbers the lieutenant with his rifle butt and ends up behind the stockade.

According to the American Film Institute, John Sturges was scheduled to helm it. Guy Madison was up for the Robert Wagner role and Twentieth Century Fox contract actress Joan Collins was considered for the role that Terry Moore inherited. “Between Heaven and Hell” suffers minimally from the usual idiocy that afflicts many Hollywood World War II movies. Specifically, American officers wear their rank on the front of their helmets—rather than the rear--making him easy for vigilant Japanese snipers. Unlike most World War II movies, an officer here who dons his helmet with his rank prominently on show dies from a sharpshooting enemy marksman. Top-notch photography by “The Day the Earth Stood Still” lenser Leo Tover gives “Between Heaven and Hell” a sprawling, virile appearance, that belies its actual location at the Twentieth Century-Fox ranch in the Santa Monica Mountains, while “Dead Reckoning” composer Hugo Friedhofer received an Academy Award nomination for his orchestral score. Fleischer conjures up commendable suspense and excitement primarily with the standard theme of friendship; soldiers who buddy up suddenly have to confront the loss of their new-found friends. Meanwhile, this above-average combat opus boasts a cast of first-class thespians that includes Broderick Crawford, Buddy Ebsen, Brad Dexter, Ken Clark, Frank Gorshin, Skip Homeier, and Harvey Lembeck. Fleischer and “D-Day, The Sixth of June” & “A Walk in the Sun” scenarist Harry Brown, who adapted Arkansas-born novelist Francis Gwaltney’s 1955 fiction book “The Day the Century Ended,” give their military fans more than enough firefights to past muster. Interestingly, Rod Serling tried without success to adapt the Gwaltney novel. Moreover, Gwaltney was a Pacific campaign veteran. Fleischer refrains from demonizing the Japanese and presents them as an impersonal but dangerous enemy.

FILM REVIEW OF ''THE SPY NEXT DOOR''

Clearly, Asian martial arts star Jackie Chan has seen better days. The nimble 55-year old actor performs little that is either fresh or funny in "The Spy Next Door" (*1/2 out of ****), a pale imitation of the 2005 Vin Diesel comedy "The Pacifier." Whereas Diesel had to deal with five adolescents, Chan contends with only three. Mind you, Jackie has not lost his natural born charisma, but the filmmakers have squandered his incredible talents in this hopelessly pedestrian potboiler. "Problem Child 2" director Brian Levant and "Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector" scenarists Jonathan Bernstein & James Greer and "Tomcats" scribe Gregory Poirier have assembled a plot so prefabricated in content that you will be one step of ahead of the heroes and the villains. George Lopez and Billy Ray Cyrus look similarly miserable in this live-action cartoon playing our hero's superior and sidekick. The most charitable thing to say about the country music crooner is he should leave the acting to Miley. The only decent thing about this lame comedy is the atmospheric, attention getting theme song "Secret Agent Man" that Johnny Rivers originally sang for the memorable Patrick McGoohan television series "Danger Man." In fact, the famous Rivers' rendition of "Secret Agent Man" appeared previously in the Tony Danza movie "She's Out of Control," an episode of ""The Super Mario Bros. Super Show!," "Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery," and "Bowfinger." Like another much abused classic tune "Sweet Home Alabama," the song "Secret Agent Man" should be retired.

Essentially, Bob Ho (Jackie Chan of "Police Story") plays a Chinese Intelligence Agent working undercover as a pen salesman with the CIA. Our hero has fallen in love with his next door neighbor, beautiful single-mother Gillian (Amber Valletta of "Transporter 2"), who has three adorable children and a pet piglet. Oldest daughter Farren (Madeline Carroll of "Swing Vote") is actually her stepdaughter from the first unlucky marriage, while the two youngest, Ian (Will Shadley of "RoboDoc") and Nora (newcomer Alina Foley) are courtesy of a second failed marriage. Hints that her two husbands cheated on Gilliam are mentioned but the dirty details are left up in the air. This kind of sordid detail would never do in a light-hearted kid friendly PG-rated thriller. Nevertheless, our sweet heroine Gilliam has found the man of
her dreams. Bob has decided to retire and step into the shoes of a step-dad, but the kids hate Bob. They think that he is a nerd and a loser. During a dinner date, Gilliam reminds Bob she puts the happiness of her children before her own happiness. Bob knows he has his work cut out for him, but he rises to the challenge.

Things heat up when a top-secret formula for bacteria-eating goop is misplaced. Actually, Colton James (Billy Ray Cyrus of "Mulholland Drive") has sent it to Bob to check it out. Before Bob can analyze the formula, precocious Ian sneaks into Bob's house with his sisters and he downloads it to his iPod. Ian believes that he has acquired a cool concert that will impress the older kids at school who like to bully him. When they listen to it, all they hear is static and together they stuff poor Ian
into a trash receptacle. This bacteria-eating goop seems like a mild form of the top secret formula in "G.I. Joe: The Rise of the Cobra." Anyway, Russian terrorist Poldark (newcomer Magnus Scheving), wants to wield this dangerous chemical formula to disintegrate the oil supply. Earlier, acrobatic Bob Ho captured Poldark, but somebody in the CIA allowed Poldark to escape, and Poldark teams back up with fellow
terrorist Creel (Katherine Boecher of "ShadowBox") who has a difficult time getting Poldark some suitable apparel.

Meanwhile, Amber is called away on a medical emergency to tend to her parents. Initially, she had planned for another relative to take care of her kids, but Bob insists that he can manage the kids. Away our heroine heads to Denver while the disgruntled kids plan to turn our hero upside down. Predictably, Bob has problems trying to keep up with the kids. He has to sling Nora up into the air to get her bedtime clothing on her. Consequently, he falls back on an array of spy equipment gadgets and gains control over his predicament. No sooner has Bob gotten into the swing of things, he has to take the kids out of school and relocate them to a safer setting until he can uncover the mole in the agency and defeat the Russian terrorists. Naturally, when Amber finds out that Bob has taken the kids out of school to protect them, she blows a gasket. Suddenly, those that hated our hero are now is biggest supporter, while Amber wants nothing to do with him.

You need not be a genius to figure out this opposites-only-attract epic is going to conclude with everybody hugging each other happily. Children under seven years of age may relish this nonsense, but adult Jackie Chan fans are going to cringe watching Chan rehash old routines and wear a pair of glasses that make him look incredibly nerdy. The villains in "The Spy Next Door" are more buffoonish than intimidating. The CIA and Chinese Intelligence find themselves pitted against Russians terrorists! The two Russian terrorists that complicate Jackie's plans are cast in the Boris and Natasha mode from the venerable cartoon series "The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show" where Boris and Natasha were a pair of devious Soviet espionage agents. Jackie Chan's American-made movies, with the exception of the "Rush Hour" trilogy and the two "Shanghai" westerns "Shanghai Noon" and "Shanghai Knights," are usually shoddy as well as second-rate, and "The Spy Next Door" maintains this execrable tradition.

FILM REVIEW OF ''THE BOOK OF ELI'' (2010)

Denzel Washington appears to be poaching on Will Smith territory in this post-apocalyptic yawner about a peripatetic loner hoofing his way westward through a vast wasteland on a special mission. This is the kind of high-octane, futuristic thriller that Will Smith makes. Indeed, we haven’t seen Denzel as trigger-happy as this since “Training Day.” Sure, Denzel is the hero, but he also kills with extreme prejudice. “Menace II Society” co-directors Albert & Allen Hughes make their monosyllabic hero humble enough to elicit our sympathy but skilled enough in close-quarters combat, like Steven Seagal caught between a rock and a hard place, to vanquish the villains without flinching. The problem with “The Book of Eli” (** our of ****)is it takes itself far too seriously so it is no fun. Humor is strictly peripheral. The Brothers Hughes and freshman scenarist Gary Whitta have not made a post-apocalyptic thriller in the tradition of the “Mad Max” movies. Mind you, “Eli” and “Max” were similar in that each occurred in arid terrain and both heroes survived outside of society. The villain that Denzel squares off against simply lacks audacity. Instead, the filmmakers appear to be channeling Randolph Scott and the westerns that he starred in for director Budd Boetticher in the 1950s. Usually, these oaters found Scott taking time off from the trail to tangle with his adversaries. As for our hero, Denzel tangles with the boys, but he wants nothing to do with girls. He struggles to mind his own business. Good post-apocalyptic thrillers are typically outlandish, over-the-top actioneers. The violence is brief and bloody, but Denzel doesn’t dispatch his opponents with a clever line. Despite its R rating, “The Book of Eli” eschews both nudity and sexuality.

The world lies in ruins after a nuclear war has devastated the planet. Two kinds of people exist in the aftermath: those who can read and those who cannot read. Eli--as we learn when we see his name tag in his bag--seems virtually indestructible. Hideously evil bad guys surround him, but he puts them down with the Seagal-like efficiency. He doesn't spare the knife nor spoil his vicious adversaries. Basically, Eli prefers to mind his own business, leave others alone, and keep himself
supplied with water. When scavengers and murderers try to interfere with him, he slices them to ribbons with a large machete and/or drops them with an automatic pistol or a pump-action shotgun. He is really good in a crisis until he meets the treacherous likes of Carnegie (Gary Oldman of "True Romance") who is desperately searching for the Bible. He wants the book for the power that comes with it that he plans to exploit for his own selfish gain. He has been sending amoral ruffians
out to scour the earth for a Bible. Ironically, the very book--the Bible--that Eli has been led to preserve for posterity was burned. He tells us in one scene that many people blamed the Bible for the destruction of society. Nothing remains of a once affluent society that had too much for its own good and obliterated it because it could not come to terms with religion. The survivors of the war destroyed all Bibles because they felt that religion triggered the catastrophe. When Carnegie discovers Eli has the Bible, he resolves to take it away from him. Earlier, Carnegie watched Eli defend himself in a bar against a number of thugs. Carnegie invites Eli to join him, but our hero tells him that he has other plans. Carnegie has a blind woman, Claudia (Jennifer Beals of "Devil in a Blue Dress"), and her daughter, Solara
(Mila Kunis of "Max Payne"), works for Carnegie. Carnegie tries to use Solara to entice Eli to stick around. Eli wants nothing to do with Solara. He escapes from Carnegie and his henchmen after a bullet-riddled street shoot-out. Predictably, Carnegie rounds up his hooligans and they pursue Solara and our hero.

Unfortunately, despite seasoned performances, "The Book of Eli" wears out its welcome long before its 118-minutes elapses. Although its action scenes are riveting, this lackluster saga seems long, drawn-out, and broods more often than bristles with excitement. The Hughes Brothers and Whitta never dwell on humor. What little humor there is remains ephemeral. For example, Eli washes himself with moisture packets from KFC. The irony is unmistakable here as the Colonel represents a racist era and Eli is an African-American using the KFC packets to keep clean. They play everything straight down the line, but they also pull a couple of things that remain unconvincing. Denzel lets the gray show in his hair and he does not make any moves on the comely Kunis. Denzel delivers a solemn, low-key performance as the
protagonist, and he acquits himself splendidly in the action scenes. Sadly, Gary Oldman is saddled with one of his least villainous roles. Jennifer Beals doesn't have enough screen time to make an impression. Meanwhile, the Hughes Brothers come up short here with this dreary,threadbare road trip about a Christian drifter, but neither they nor their hero proselytize to anybody. "Forrest Gump" cinematographer Don Burgess provides "The Book of Eli" with a desolate burned-out look with his subdued lensing that emphasizes the sheer nothingness that engulfs everybody. The ending bundles up three surprises. Two defy credibility while the third is tragic. After all is said and done, "The Book of Eli" is dreary melodrama.

FILM REVIEW OF ''DAYBREAKERS'' (2010)

The Australian-based Spierig Brothers have the distinction of writing and directing the second-best zombie comedy ever after “Shaun of the Dead” changed the genre for good. Their movie “Undead” did not illuminate movie screens in America but went straight to DVD and if you have not seen it, then you have missed quite a treat. The Brothers Spierig make their big-screen American theatrical debut with “Daybreakers,” but they have forsaken giddy, outlandish comedy for straight-faced, humorless drama in this lukewarm vampire chiller with a unique premise but weak payoff. Two-time Academy award nominee Ethan Hawke, Willem Dafoe, and Sam Neill topline this glossy, widescreen, futuristic epic.

The Spierigs have made a traditional vampire movie where the fangsters cannot be seen in mirrors, and they have to restrict their comings and goings to after sundown or confine themselves to sheltered walkways or blacked out vehicles with video screens so the sunlight does not bake them. The title “Daybreakers” (** 1/2 out of ****) refers to what happens when vampires expose themselves to moderate amounts of light under controlled conditions. The film opens on a downbeat note as a young girl who will never grow up leaves a suicide note behind and steps outside at sunrise to turn herself into ashes. Meanwhile, vampires have gained the upper hand in society and imprisoned the human populations to blood farms. If you go back and watch the revolutionary Wesley Snipes thriller “Blade,” the vampires have established blood farms where they milked humans, but they remained subservient to humans. “Daybreakers” reverses the formula. The vampires dominate humans, but the former find themselves now in the precarious predicament as the supply of human blood has dwindled to dangerously low levels. This amounts to a metaphor for the declining supply of oil. Some vampires, like our protagonist, Edward Dalton (Ethan Hawke of “Training Day”), prefers to sip synthetic blood.

The Bromsley Marks Corporation employs Edward as its chief hematologist, and he is struggling without luck to discover an artificial blood substitute that does not blow his vampire test subjects to smithereens. Unfortunately, the blood shortage is having severe effects on the fanged population. Some of these starving bloodsuckers are turning into what the authorities refer to as subsiders. In other words, they are reverting to their bat-like origins. They turn cavadaverously pale, lose their hair, sprout wings and hang from the ceiling. Just so this transformation does not evoke laughter, the Spierig brothers make these renegade vampires extremely violent as well as absolutely hideous. They are far uglier that Max Schreck was in the seminal 1922 vampire silent movie “Nosferatu.” Indeed, the scene where a subsider breaks into the home of Edward Dalton is probably as scary as this anemic movie gets.

Although Edward is a vampire, we learn from his brother, Frankie Dalton (Michael Dorman of “Suburban Mayhem”), that Edward never wanted to be a vampire. Frankie serves in the cammo-clad vampire army that ruthlessly scours the earth for fresh humans. They resemble SWAT teams; cruise around in armored carriers with video cameras serving as their eyes and wear specially designed outfits to operate during the daylight hours. Frank craves human blood and loves being a vampire. Indeed, Frankie transformed Edward into a vampire because his older brother wanted to die. Meanwhile, Edward sympathizes with the plight of the poor humans who are put into comatose states and drained of their blood.

One night during his drive home from work, Edward notices that his ears are being to change, an unmistakable sign that he has not partaken of enough genuine human blood. While he is checking out his deformed ears, he crosses the yellow line on the highway and nearly collides with an on-coming vehicle. When he goes to check the SUV that he almost sideswiped, he is surprised to see that the passengers are humans armed with automatic crossbows. The driver, Audrey Bennett (Claudia Karvan of “Aquamarine”), is prepared to pull the trigger on him, but Edward convinces her and her companions that he does not pose a threat to them. The alerted Vampire Police careen to the scene of the accident to investigate. Edward persuades the humans to take refuge in his vehicle before the cops arrive. While Edward sends the vampire cops on a wild goose chase, Audrey spots his ID tag and later introduces Edward to a very special friend.

Lionel ‘Elvis’ Cormac (Willem Dafoe of “Spider-Man 3”) tells Edward that he was once a vampire, but he was involved in a one-vehicle car crash that catapulted him through the windshield into the sunlight before he plunged into a stream. The baptism of sunlight and water changed him back into a human. The Vampire Army are breathing down the necks of these human resistance fighters that take Edward into their hideout where he finds that the blood supply shortfall need not be the doom of his race. Despite several scenes where the Vampire Army ambushes humans smuggling themselves through the back woods at night or the Vampire Police round up the evil subsiders, “Daybreakers” devotes little time to developing the budding romance between Edward and Audrey.

Although Spierig Brothers have mined a fresh, different vein for vampire movies, “Daybreakers” rarely generates the high caliber of suspense, tension, and high-octane action scenes that the first two “Blade” epics created. Indeed, when the explosive crossbow arrows hit their mark on the Vampire Army troops, they vanish in bloody explosives, but there is no charisma here. Edward Dalton does not make a good action hero. In fact, Willem Dafoe steals every scene that he has with Ethan Hawke and Dafoe delivers the best lines of dialogue. As imaginative as the Spierig Brothers are, this vampire chiller lacks enough hair-raising scenes to make your blood boil, with the exception of the few subsider scenes and an occasional bats shrieking out of nowhere. Altogether, “Daybreakers” is a little too synthetic for its own good.