FILM REVIEW OF ''DINNER FOR SCHMUCKS" (2010)

“Austin Powers” director Jay Roach serves up a less than appetizing rehash of French director Francis Veber’s 1998 comic masterpiece “The Dinner Game.” “Dinner for Schmucks” (* out of ****) casts sympathetic Paul Rudd cast as the straight man, while funnyman Steve Carell hams it up as a dim-witted idiot. Rudd and Carell have now co-starred in three comedies. Previously, they appeared together in “The 40-Year-Old Virgin” and “Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy.” No, “Dinner for Schmucks” isn’t half as hilarious as either “40-Year-Old Virgin” or “Anchorman.” The premise of this half-baked hokum is that our hero’s arrogant boss throws a once-a-month dinner party where his best and brightest employees compete to see who can bring the dumbest dinner guest. Typically, the dinner guests are such incredible imbeciles that they don’t realize that they are being roasted instead of toasted. Essentially, these cold-blooded bigwigs at a private equity firm that cuts up other firms and sells off their assets need something for a good laugh.

Unfortunately, “Dinner for Schmucks” comes up short on yucks. This politically incorrect plate of pabulum concerns an ambitious, young analyst who is prepared to sell his soul to the Philistines so he can realize his dreams, specifically marrying his girlfriend. Along the way, our hero realizes the error of ridiculing idiots so that he can attain his dreams. Long before he grasps what he has done, the humor in “Dinner for Schmucks” has lost its seasoning. The original French comedy concluded before the eponymous dinner. “Dinner for Schmucks,” however, goes in for a seven course meal and wears out its welcome.
Presumably, director Jay Roach and scenarists David Guion and Michael Handelman of “The Ex” must have forgotten that anybody who tries to remake a Veber film is doomed. Every Americanized version of a Veber movie--“The Toy,” “The Man with One Red Shoe,” “Three Fugitives,” “Pure Luck,” and “Fathers’ Day”—tanked and stank. Mind you, it is always a pleasure to watch Carell cutting up, and he seems to be genuinely having fun as an IRS processor and mouse taxidermist who assembles the dead rodents in detailed dioramas. Incidentally, designer Joel Venti and the cult effects Chiodo brothers, Charles, Edward and Stephen , who fashioned the puppets for "Team America: World Police,” whipped up these inventive dioramas. The point is that Carell steals the show, but the show really isn’t worth stealing. When Carell isn’t carrying on his shtick, “Dinner for Schmucks” sucks.

Financial analyst Tim Conrad (Paul Rudd of “Sidekicks”) has been pestering his cute girlfriend Julie (Stephanie Szostak of “The Devil Wears Prada”) to marry him, but she is a career girl who orchestrates elaborate art sales. Meanwhile, Tim lives in an elegant apartment and drives an expensive sports car that he really cannot afford. After the president of Tim’s firm, Lance Fender (Bruce Greenwood of “Star Trek”), pink-slips an executive who took the business down the wrong path, Tim angles for the promotion. Tim concocts a scheme to bring billionaire Swiss entrepreneur, Mueller (David Walliams of “Stardust”), to Fender Financial. Mueller owns a munitions firm with tons of leftover ordnance from World War I, basically bombs, and Tim has figured out a way to convert the bombs into lamps. Of course, Fender Financial will take a bath marketing the bomb lamps, but they will clean up managing Mueller’s portfolio. Fender is desperately searching for ideas to turn his company around when Tim pitches his proposal. Initially, Fender wants to hand the project over to one of his surefire executives, but he finds Tim’s blind ambition so refreshing that he lets him woo Mueller. Fender tells our hero about his super-secret party and invites him to bring the biggest boob. It doesn’t take Julie long to convince Tim that the dinner is a dumb idea. Nevertheless, Tim needs that promotion so desperately so he can sweep Julie off her feet that he sets out to find a loser.

Literally, Tim collides with a loser. Barry Speck (Steve Carell) is picking up a dead mouse for his mice diorama when Tim hits him. Fortunately, Barry is none the worse for landing on Tim’s hood and then being hurled several feet away. Initially, Tim fears the worst when Barry and he try to reach a monetary settlement, until Tim realizes that Barry plans to pay him for the damage to his Porsche. After Tim breathes a sigh of relief, he asks Barry what he was doing in the middle of the street. Barry shows Tim the dead mouse that he was trying to retrieve from the asphalt before our hero could flatten it with his tires. Barry flaunts a book that contains photographs of the dead mice after he has dressed them up to resemble famous paintings, such as Whistler’s mother. Tim knows a good thing when he sees it and cultivates Barry’s friendship. Meantime, after Julie gets wind of what Tim plans to do, she wants to break up and devote herself to her latest insane art client, Kieran Vollard (Jemaine Clement of “Gentlemen Broncos”), whose art works of himself dressed up in a satyr costume are selling like crazy. As nutty as Barry is, Barry stands no chance alongside the warped, egotistical genius of Kieran. Predictably, Tim learns his lesson, and Barry and he show up Fender for the snobbish ape that he really is. However, before Barry can win the trophy as the biggest idiot, he must confront his intimidating IRS co-worker, Therman (Zach Galifianakis of “The Hangover”), another hopeless moron who constantly overshadows Barry.
Incongruity is the source of the best comedy. The buffoons that Steve Carell, Jemaine Clement, and Zach Galifianakis play in “Dinner for Schmucks” are as funny as this labored comedy gets. What makes these performances work so well is that the actors appear to have no idea how ridiculous they look. Carell looks like he is channeling the comic actor Austin Pendleton of “My Cousin Vinny” with his spectacles, buck-teeth, and wacky haircut that makes him look particularly nerdy. Jemaine Clement scores points for “Dinner” as an eccentric artist obsessed with all things goat, and Zach Galifianakis never misses a chance to make himself look hopelessly cretinous. Despite its interesting characters, “Dinner for Schmucks” belongs in a richly deserved doggie bag, but not as a treat.

FILM REVIEW OF "THE SORCERER'S APPRENTICE"

Nothing about the new Walt Disney juvenile fantasy-comedy “The Sorcerer's Apprentice" (*** out of ****) makes a lick of sense. Nevertheless, “National Treasure” director Jon Turteltaub along with “Race to Witch Mountain” scripter Matt Lopez and “Prince of Persia” scribes Doug Miro and Carlo Bernard have conjured up such a harmless, featherweight, phantasmagorical fantasy that you need not worry about its list of clichés. This centuries old tale about a venerable Arthurian wizard who tutors a 21st century, twenty-something, New York City physics nerd in the art of uttering incantations and casting spells is appealing but predictable summer entertainment laced with dazzling computer generated graphics. The rival wizards in “The Sorcerer's Apprentice" have a blast bringing gigantic, inanimate objects to life with their outlandish magic. Leather-coated hero Nicolas Gage swoops across the glittering Manhattan horizon after dark astride the steel eagle from the Chrysler building, while villainous Alfred Molina breathes life into the Wall Street bull so it can gore his adversary. This hopelessly derivative adventure remains fairly nimble throughout its brisk 108-minutes thanks to Turteltaub’s energetic helming and a charismatic cast. Not even the most impressionable adolescent could possibly seek refuge in their parent’s arms as this whimsy unfolds. Nothing remotely scary occurs during the derring-do that the heroes and villains do.

“The Sorcerer’s Apprentice” opens with a whirlwind expository prologue set in the year 740 A.D. The illustrious Arthurian wizard Merlin (James A. Stephens of “Sherlock Holmes”) and the evil sorceress Morgana Le Fay (Alice Krige of “Star Trek: First Contact”) clash in a life and death struggle over the future of mankind. Morgana dreams of raising a zombie army in an infamous ceremony called ‘the rising’ to enslave the world. Merlin’s two most trustworthy protégés, Balthazar Blake (Nicolas Cage of “Next”) and Veronica (Monica Bellucci of “Shoot 'Em Up”), arrive too late to save the elderly wizard from death. Nevertheless, the beautiful Veronica summons her own potent magic and absorbs Morgana’s wicked soul into her own body. Once inside Veronica’s lovely body, Morgana tries to kill her from within. Since Balthazar lacks the power to defeat Morgana, he traps Morgana and Veronica handily in the Grimhold. Basically, the Grimhold consists of a set of dolls of smaller sizes inserted one within the other. Veronica and Morgana remain imprisoned until Balthazar can find the person who can destroy Morgana. Merlin gives Balthazar a Dragon Ring that will recognize the Prime Merlinian and wrap itself around his forefinger. The Prime Merlinian is Merlin’s direct descendent, and the only wizard who can whip Morgana. Meantime, as Merlin’s 1,300-year-old understudy embarks on his global quest to find the Prime Merlinian, Balthazar imprisons other villainous sorcerers determined to free Morgana. One of those minions is Balthazar’s former friend Maxim Horvath (Alfred Molina of “Spider-man 2”) who despises Balthazar. Horvath is jealous because Veronica fell in love with Balthazar. Dutifully, Balthazar searches for a thousand years with no luck until he takes up residence in the Big Apple in an old curiosity shop of antiques.

Ten-year old Dave (Jake Cherry of “Night at the Museum”) has a knack for doing some pretty cool things. During a subway train ride into the city, Dave sketches the figure of King Kong with biplanes attacking the great ape on the window of his coach. Dave leaves out the details because his sketch lines up perfectly with the Empire State Building, and young blond Becky (Peyton List of “Remember Me”) thinks that Dave is something else. As their class outing winds down, Dave passes Becky a message. Is he cool enough to be Becky’s friend or her romantic interest? She circles one of the responses and folds the note. When Dave tries to collect it, a gust of wind whisks it away with Dave in hot pursuit. It flies from a bike tire to a dog’s paw and eventually into Balthazar’s shop. Dave ventures inside and Balthazar lets him try on the ring. Presto, the Dragon takes up residence on Dave’s forefinger. Balthazar leaves Dave alone momentarily to fetch a book of incantations when Maxim Hovarth arrives and all hell breaks loose. Actually, Dave knocked over the nesting doll, and disgusting bugs—as in Brendan Fraser “The Mummy”—swarm from the outermost doll to form Hovarth. Balthazar and Hovarth tangle. They set the building on fire. Dave flees with the remnants of the Grimhold and throws it into the street. During all this chaos, Dave’s pants are splashed, and his school chums laugh in derision at his predicament, believing that he has urinated on himself. Poor Becky feels bad for Dave. Meantime, Balthazar has taken Hovarth with him and confined him in a vase. They remain trapped there for ten years.

Ten years later, David (whiny Jay Baruchel of “She's Out of My League”) is a 20-year old N.Y.U. physics geek. He runs into Becky (Teresa Palmer of “Bedtime Stories”) at the university and they hook up. Meantime, Hovarth escapes from the vase and Balthazar isn’t far behind his arch foe. Hovarth renews his search for the elusive Russian doll that holds Morgana. Balthazar catches up with David and convinces him that he has a legacy to fulfill as Merlin’s successor. Initially, David lacks confidence and this lack of confidence clouds his relationship with Becky, but she likes him despite his foolish behavior. David uses an old subway station turn-around as a laboratory where he conducts his experiments and impresses Becky. Balthazar warns David that they have no time for romance as Hovarth retrieves the Grimhold and sheds its shells. Horvath plans to free Morgana. Desperately, Balthazar has to whip David into shape, but David seems like a lost cause.
Mind you, “Harry Potter” fans may complain that this hodgepodge hocus-pocus lacks a certain dignity. Meanwhile, Disney purists may scoff at cinematic alchemist, producer Jerry Bruckheimer, for his homage to the 9-minute Mickey Mouse scene in Disney's classic "Fantasia" (1940) with the inspirational dish-washing scene about an hour into this obstreperous comedy of errors.

FILM REVIEW OF "FOUR FAST GUNS" (1960)

The title of “Four Fast Guns” (*** out of ****) refers to the hero’s expertise with a six-shooter as well as the three pistoleros hired to kill him. “Hell Bound” director William J. Hole Jr.’s western melodrama “Four Fast Guns” qualifies as a low-budget but above-average ‘town tamer’ sagebrusher with a good cast, compelling characters, and several surprises. This black and white, 72-minute oater reminded me of the Wayne Morris B-western “Two Guns and A Badge.” In “Two Guns and A Badge,” Morris is appointed as the deputy marshal of a lawless town. In reality, he isn’t the man that the townspeople were supposed to have as deputy marshal. Similarly, “Four Fast Guns” protagonist Tom Sabin (James Craig of “Drums in the Deep South”) has been run out of Kansas by the hired gunman, Haggerty, who was paid to clean up the territory. The obnoxious ‘town tamer’ encounters Sabin along the trail. Haggerty warns Sabin to steer clear of Purgatory where his next job is. Sabin ignores him so Haggerty goads Sabin into a gunfight. Indeed, Haggerty gets the first shot and wings Sabin’s right arm between the shoulder and the bicep and then demands that Sabin show him the palm of his hand. Presumably, Haggerty intends to put a bullet through Sabin’s hand and end his days as a gunfighter. Haggerty has his own gun drawn when Sabin surprises him and drops him with one shot.

Sabin rides into the town of Purgatory. Inscribed on an archway that welcomes visitors are the words: Purgatory: When you ride into Purgatory, “Say goodbye to God.” The citizens have never laid eyes on Haggerty. When Sabin shows up, they ask him if he is the ‘town tamer?’ Like the Wayne Morris hero in “Two Guns and a Badge,” Sabin tells them that the ‘town tamer’ Haggerty sent him to Purgatory all the way from Kansas. At first, Sabin isn’t altogether certain that he wants to maintain this masquerade. They citizens offer him $500 for the job. When somebody suggests that Sabin may be afraid, Sabin accepts the job. The townspeople want to see the owner of The Babylon Saloon, Hoag (Paul Richards of “The St. Valentine's Day Massacre”), run out of town since he controls all of the killing, rustling and gambling in the area. Sabin and the citizens strike a compromise. They will try him out and pay him after he cleans up Purgatory. When they want to know who to send the $500 to, Sabin gives them the Santa Fe address of the widow of Jay Cassavedas. Later, when Sabin prowls around the marshal’s office, he spots a wanted poster of himself on the wall. He is wanted for the killing of Jay Cassavedas.

Hoag indulges himself in a hobby of importing works of art as well as minions of evil. The first work of art is a small replica of Venus De Milo. Ironically, Hoag is an invalid confined to a wheelchair. He spends his time playing the piano in his bar. Later, Hoag’s pretty wife, Mary Hoag (Martha Vickers of “The Big Sleep”), explains that they were on the stagecoach for Wichita to get hitched when the vehicle wrecked and broke her husband’s back. Nevertheless, Hoag is a power neither to be taken lightly nor ignored. Hoag is as cold-blooded as they come, and he antes up a thousand dollars to see Sabin lying dead in the dust. Hoag sends one of his henchmen, Grady, over to kill the sheriff after their first meeting, but Sabin kills Grady. As each gunslinger botches the job, Hoag increases his offer, until the third gunslinger, Johnny Naco, arrives and takes the three grand to kill Sabin. Hoag never really ventures beyond the premises of the Babylon and he emphasizes his sophistication when he quotes a poem to Sabin when the 'town tamer' visits him in his office. Cleverly, the scenarists have Hoag quoting a passage from the Robert Herrick poem "To Virgins, to Make Much of Time": "Gather ye rosebuds while ye may/Old Time is still a-flying;/And this same flower that smiles today,/Tomorrow will be dying."

No sooner has Sabin arrived in Purgatory than Hoag dispatches a gunman to kill him. Sabin is in the marshal’s office when his would-be assassin enters and tries to kill him. Predictably, Sabin survives this fracas, but the twists are what distinguish this western. He has to contend with three gunslingers before he cleans up Purgatory and rides away to Tombstone. Along the way, Sabin makes a rather good friend of the alcoholic living in the abandoned marshal’s office, Dipper (Edgar Buchanan of “Texas”), who wears a small cup around his neck with which he uses to drink his whiskey. Despite his drinking, Dipper is a lot smarter than most people take him. Essentially, Dipper serves as the quasi-narrator of sort. Although he isn’t seen until later in the action, Dipper provides narration at the outset. “This man came along the trail one Sunday morning back in ’73 talking it slow and easy keeping his open and his gun hand ready. Came from nowhere I guess. Anyhow, he never said from where and we never asked. He was going to stop off in Purgatory, make his stand, like he lived alone. This is number one. He called himself Sabin.” The number one in the narration refers to the first of the “Four Fast Guns.”

Dipper becomes Sabin’s greatest ally. Not only does Dipper serve as the film’s narrator, but also he is chief source of comic relief. Hoag’s wife is another interesting character. She stands by her husband, but her sentiments toward Sabin change over time. Ultimately, she grows attached to Sabin, but she refuses to end her marriage to Hoag. The second time that Sabin visits the Babylon, Hoag tries to convince him to leave town. He shows him three letters that he intends to send to three gunslingers that he will pay to kill Sabin. Hoag suggests Sabin tear up the letters, but Sabin refuses to violate a federal law pertaining to the sanctity of the U.S. mail. Ironically, Sabin winds up mailing Hoag’s letters, letters to men who will come to kill him. The three gunslingers are worthy of note, particularly the Brett Halsey character.

The first of them is a Mexican named Quijano. Quijano (Richard Martin of “Bombardier”) catches his girlfriend in the bath tub and asks her to translate Hoag’s letter. Quijano rides to Purgatory. Along the way, he asks for directions and the settlers warn him to ride clear of Iron Town. Marshal Becker of Iron Town is pretty quick with a pistol. Quijano shoots the lawman on the trail, but he loses his lucky charm, a necklace with a cross. Later, Mary tries to bride Quijano out of killing Sabin, but he refuses her offer. He had been whipped into submission like a dog by a ‘town tamer’ and hates them. Quijano slaps leather with Sabin in the Babylon and Sabin blows a hole in the Mexican. After he drops Quijano, Sabin gets a lecture from Mary Hoag. “You’ll be destroyed by a man without a gun. A man you can’t shoot because he can’t stand up to you in the only kind of fight you understand—a gunfight.” Actually, “A Day of Fury” scenarist James Edmiston and “When the Clock Strikes” scribe Dallas Gaultois provide a lot of foreshadowing in Mary’s speech because “Four Fast Guns” concerns honor. Sabin’s sense of honor compelled him to take up the townspeople on their offer. Similarly, a sense of honor prevents him from simply shooting Hoag while the villain plays his piano.

The second of the three is the laconic Farmer Brown (Blu Wright of "Squad Car")and he has cultivated a reputation for being a fast draw and an accurate shot. He proves his accuracy when he blows a coin out of a stable boy's hand. The Farmer never carried a gun until he was shot in the face. Now, he totes one and he has the personality of an ogre. He tries to shoot Sabin from under table as they are playing poker. Sabin outsmarts him. He pulls out his revolver and cocks it as soon as he sits down so the weapon is on his thigh within easy reach. Since the outcome to this duel is such a foregone conclusion, director William J. Hole Jr., doesn’t even show us how it happened. This strategy occurred in an earlier scene when Grady the gunslinger entered the jail, while Hole keeps the viewer outside with the camera. The gunfire is audible and then the gunslinger stumbles outside and falls dead on the street.

The third of the three, Johnny Naco (Brett Halsey of "Roy Colt and Winchester Jack"), trails the Farmer into Purgatory. Johnny is dressed like a classic villain from Stetson to boots in black. He is a ladies man and has the utmost confidence in his ability to out draw everybody else. Mary tries to distract him initially from his showdown with Sabin in the saloon. Naco clears the bar and waits for Sabin to enter. The tension mounts as Sabin walks into the bar. The director shows close-up shots of their opposing faces. They appear to know each other. One of the major surprises in “Four Fast Guns” occurs at this point and everything afterward clashes with the typical ‘town tamer’ western. Finally, as the tension melts between them but nobody shucks iron. Sabin turns and walks out of the Babylon. This is the last thing that you expect out of this western with eighteen minutes left to go. The townspeople are surprised and the one who constantly derides Sabin makes a wisecrack, while Naco hands Hoag back his $3-thousand. "I'll kill the man, but it's going to be a little more difficult than I figured." When Hoag demands to know why Naco didn't draw on Sabin, Naco tells him that Sabin is his brother! Naco also informs Mary that Sabin and he are brothers. They relocate to the church that hasn't been used because Purgatory has no preacher. Earlier, a woman told the townspeople taking up a collection for the 'town tamer' that she thought they needed a minister instead of a gunslinger. In the church, Naco explains that Sabin and he had trouble with a man called Cassavedas. Naco shot Cassavedas, but Sabin took responsibility for what Naco had done.

“Ambush at Cimarron Pass” lenser John M. Nickolaus Jr.’s black & white, widescreen cinematography is an asset. Nickolaus shoots this low-budget western as if it were a big-budget opus. He set-ups his cameras in the best possible positions and his pictorial composition is virtually flawless. For example, the Farmer Brown scene in the Babylon opens with a medium long shot of the legs of the gamblers under the table. Using the frame of the chair that Sabin will occupy, Nickolaus shows us Farmer Brown's lap with his gun on his thigh. You can tell that the Production Code censors had mellowed by 1960 because we get a glimpse of a Mexican girl's buttock and Dipper goes to sleep with a picture of a scantily-clad woman on the wall. The Code may have objected to Dipper's picture on the basis that it implies that the old drunk will have a 'wet dream.' The performances are good. James Craig is appropriately tight-lipped and honor-bound. He doesn’t look very appealing without his usual mustache. Martha Vickers, who plays Hoag’s wife, is very good. She might have become a well-known actress if she had stuck to playing bad girl roles in the late 1940s. Good movies contain surprises which usually enliven the narrative. The surprise ending caps this corker. “Four Fast Guns” never wears out its welcome.

FILM REVIEW OF "SHADOW OF THE VAMPIRE" (2000)

Bram Stoker’s widow Florence would spin in her grave if she knew about “Shadow of the Vampire.” “Begotten” director Edmund Elias Merhige's second film qualifies as an artsy fartsy account of the making of groundbreaking German filmmaker F.W. Murnau’s silent chiller "Nosferatu” back in 1921. No sooner had "Nosferatu" been released to the the public than Florence Stoker sued Murnau and company for copyright infringement. She won the case, and the court ordered the destruction of all film prints and negatives. Happily, some copies escaped annihilation, and the Murnau’s artistic legacy as well as the film’s contribution to vampire cinema survived Florence’s wrath. Not only did “Nosferatu” emerge as Murnau’s greatest film, but it also exerted a considerable influence on vampire films. Sunlight is the mortal enemy of a vampire in “Nosferatu.” Although Stoker’s Dracula could cavort during the day, Murnau and company changed it so the daylight proved to be the vampire’s greatest enemy. Merhige helmed his first film, a silent opus entitled “Begotten,” about 10 years before he embarked on this witty but wry epic that appropriates an urban legend about the actor who incarnated Count Orlock. The first forty-five minutes are flawless. Unfortunately, complications occur in the denouement, and cynicism undercuts what could have been a masterpiece of self-parody. Basically, the uneven “Shadow of a Vampire” (*** out of ****) concludes with an unhappy ending while it celebrates the monster that the film conjured up. An important question that you may find yourself asking is: who is the real monster in “Shadow of the Vampire?” Is it the vampire Count Orlock? Or is the real monster none other than Murnau himself?

"Shadow of the Vampire" opens with Murnau in his Berlin studio shooting a window scene with his beautiful leading lady, Greta Schroeder (Catherine McCormack of “Braveheart”), who is playing with her pet cat. Later, the studio technicians chuckle that they were able to keep the cat restrained in its scene because they had fed it laudanum. Essentially, Murnau abhors working within the confines of his Berlin studio. Restlessly, he decides to take advantage of lensing on-location in both Czechoslovakia and Poland despite the protests of his producer Albin Grau (Udo Kier of “Andy Warhol's Dracula”) about the mounting costs. Initially, Greta is reluctant to accompany Murnau out of Berlin because the new theater season is forthcoming and producers have been making her lucrative offers. Nevertheless, she decides to follow Murnau. Before Murnau and company depart, the filmmakers provide us with a glimpse of pre-World War II Berlin when decadence ruled the land. The following day the film company leaves on a train. The name on the cab of the locomotive—Charon--strikes an ominous note. In Greek mythology, Charon ran the ferry that separated the land of the living from the land of the dead. Gustav von Wangerhein (Eddie Izzard of “The Avengers”) plays the role of Hutter; Hutter travels by coach to visit Count Orlock. Gustav is visibly impressed and repelled by the appearance of Count Orlock (Willem Dafoe) who resembles a Catholic bishop. Everybody praises Orlock’s entrance. Murnau warns the cast and crew not to bother Orlock. “For the remainder of the shoot, he will be Count Orlock to himself and to all of us.” Murnau adds: “Just leave the man alone. He will be completely authentic. He’s not interested in our questions or our praise or our conversations. He’s chasing an altogether different ghost.” Of course, what Murnau deliberately refuses to tell everybody is that Orlock is a genuine vampire.

Murnau is shocked, surprised, and angry when he learns that Orlock has bitten his cinematographer, Wolfgang ‘Wolf’ Muller (Ronan Vibert of “Tristan + Isolde”), and the man dies. “You agreed not to hurt my people,” thunders an irate Murnau to Orlock. After the argument about Wolf, Schreck suggests that his next victim should be the writer. Again, Murnau glowers at Orlock and points out that he still needs the writer. Orlock sees through Murnau’s rage. He knows that the director doesn’t really care about the welfare of his people, particularly the photographer. Eventually, Murnau and Orlock reach an agreement about who he may feed on during the shoot. Murnau flies back to Germany to get another photographer, Fritz Wagner (Cary Elwes of “Saw”), and he is gone about a week.

The neat conceit of “Shadow of a Vampire” is that Murnau makes a Faustian deal with a genuine vampire to act in his film on the condition that he gets to drain film’s leading lady. Ironically, Katz received the 2000 Bram Stoker Award as Best Screenwriter for “Shadow of the Vampire” for his script. Remember, this is a film about the very film that Florence Stoker sought to destroy entirely because the filmmakers had plagiarized it. There are really only two important characters in Merhige’s film. The mercurial John Malkovich inhabits the role of the eccentric Teutonic helmer who attained greater fame and fortune in Hollywood before an automobile crash claimed his life in 1931. Malkovich commands your attention throughout the story. Although he cannot stand to work within the controlled conditions of a studio, Murnau takes the film company on location because this is the only way that he can employ Court Orlock as an actor. As a film director, Murnau behaves like a tyrant. Meanwhile, Willem Dafoe of “Platoon” impersonates one of the world’s most mysterious and repugnant looking real-life actors, Max Schreck. Little is known about Schreck and the role challenged Dafoe who settled on using the film as a means to guide his creation of Schreck. According to Dafoe, "The most important research tool was the footage. The only thing I could find out about Max was that a biographer of Murnau said he was 'an actor of no distinction.' But the script was very strong, and we had the actual “Nosferatu” film as a kind of touchstone and base. So much had to wait until I got into the prosthetic (the makeup). I didn't just have extreme makeup, but also a costume that was restricting. The shoes made me walk a particular way. The padding in the clothes also made me walk a particular way. It was great because it's a huge mask which frees you up so much."

Ultimately, Dafoe received an Oscar nomination for Best Supporting Actor for his portrayal of Schreck. He spent three hours getting into make-up for the role and he wore platform shoes. Dafoe was so persuasive as Orlock that the producers of “Spider-man 2” hired him on the basis of his performance as Max Schreck. Indeed, “Shadow of a Vampire” went on to win several cinematic awards. Watching “Shadow of a Vampire” as a companion piece to “Nosferatu” will furnish viewers with some insights not only into the silent original but also the nature of the working conditions in the early film industry. Merhige supplies a commentary track with the DVD release that reveals certain things that occurred during the production of silent films that will enlighten moviegoers. Nevertheless, the actual Max Schreck was not a vampire and worked in 33 other films after he made “Nosferatu.” Indeed, Schreck had played in four films before he played the world’s most infamous vampire.

Indeed, “Shadow of the Vampire” doesn’t qualify as a strictly objective casework about either “Nosferatu” or Murnau. Ostensibly, Merhige’s clever premise for the picture suffers for being shallow. The story takes on an uneven quality about 45 minutes into the action with forgettable line-up cardboard characters. Admirably, Merhige and scenarist Steve Katz never stoop to lowest common denominator stunts in this somewhat amusing, sometimes pretentious, but rarely scary, 93-minute escapade. Merhige plays everything rather straight-up until Count Orlock kills his first victim. Orlock differs from most vampires because he doesn’t create other vampires. He kills and his victims die. Mind you, Dafoe’s acting as well as Malkovich’s performance, Lou Bogue’s atmospheric photography, and the real-life settings distinguish what really constitutes a one-note ‘what if’ gimmick film. Nevertheless, Merhige’s concise direction, Dafoe’s engrossing performance as the vampire coupled with Malkovich’s monomaniac behavior make “Shadow of the Vampire” worth watching despite its obvious shortcomings. While he admires Murnau’s films, Merhige presents the master filmmaker in an unsympathetic light as a cold-blooded man who treats everybody collectively as pawns.

TELEVISION REVIEW OF "LAND OF THE GIANTS: THE CRASH" (1968)

Science fiction producer Irwin Allen, the acclaimed “Master of Disaster,” helmed the television pilot episode of his last major cult sci-fi saga “Land of the Giants.” The premise somewhat resembles director Jack Arnold’s venerable 1957 film “The Incredible Shrinking Man.” “Land of the Giants” (*** OUT OF ****) and “The Incredible Shrinking Man” put their protagonists in similar predicaments. They contend with human beings and animals about 12 times their own size. Although we never know exactly what planet they have landed on, they encounter the same situations that Scott Carey (Grant Williams) confronted in “The Incredible Shrinking Man.” Carey dealt with a giant tomcat and a tarantula, among other adversaries. The series combined elements of Allen’s “Lost in Space” because these unfortunate people become castaways on a different planet. Allen foresaw the use of the space shuttle to lift astronauts into space and then touch down like a plane. Like “Lost in Space,” some characters are reminiscent of other Allen television series. Gary Conway plays the stalwart captain, while Kurt Kasznar is cast in the mold of Dr. Smith from “Lost in Space” because the Kasznar character has stolen a large sum of money. There are two women; one is a working-class airline stewardess and the other is a prima donna celebrity. Unlike “Lost in Space” and “The Swiss Family Robinson,” “Land of the Giants” doesn’t have a normal family. Nevertheless, all age groups are represented. Previous, Allen’s TV series relied on either a military unit or a family unit. “Land of the Giants” fractures that norm. Conspicuous by her absence is an adolescent girl. Possibly, the absence of the teenage girl was a ploy to draw a predominantly young male audience. Furthermore, Allen never allowed his characters to grow romantically attached to each other.

“The Crash” unfolds in the summer of June 12, 1983. Seven passengers aboard Flight 612 from New York City to London, England, encounter anomalous solar disturbance that resembles a storm in the outer atmosphere. Jagged forks of lightning strike near their craft. Captain Steve Burton (Gary Conway of “I Was a Teenage Frankenstein”) loses radio contact with London. Burton and co-pilot Dan Erickson (Don Marshall of “Terminal Island”) spot a radiant green ball of fire, and Burton struggles to plot a course deviation from this incredible power. Nevertheless, the huge mysterious ball of fire intractably draws the sub-orbital spacecraft ‘Spindrift’ inside it like a magnet. After Spindrift entered the ball and experiences a fireworks display, everything returns to normal. Later, they believe that they’ve sighted London, but the control tower doesn’t notify them about what runway to use. Burton lands the Spindrift because their power cells are fading. A thick, impenetrable fog surrounds them, and Dan accompanies Burton as they orient themselves to their surroundings. Imagine their surprise and shock when a gigantic car runs over them. They dive between their wheels so they emerge unscathed and rush back to the Spindrift. No sooner have they gotten themselves strapped back into the Spindrift than they experience another shock. A small boy appears and picks up the Spindrift. Burton hits the thrusters and they break free of the child and find themselves dodging skyscrapers. They land again, and Mark Wilson (Don Matheson of “Murph the Surf”) informs Burton that he has a $50-million deal awaiting him in London. He offers to bribe Burton to get them back on schedule. Meanwhile, Commander Alexander B. Fitzhugh (Golden Globe nominee Kurt Kasznar of “The Happy Time”) ventures outside the Spindrift while Burton struggles not to be affronted by Wilson’s cynical implication that he has been paid to delay Wilson’s arrival in London.

No sooner has Fitzhugh slipped outside unnoticed than the resident cast little boy, Barry Lockridge (Stefan Arngrim of “The A-Team”), follows him and informs him that he is breaking orders not to leave the ship. Fitzhugh explains, in reference to a case that he clutches like his own heart, that: “There are devilish men who would stop at nothing to get their hands on this bag.” Essentially, Fitzhugh resembles the passenger in John Ford’s “Stagecoach” who has embezzled money and is trying to flee the authorities. The stewardess character, Betty Hamilton (Heather Young of “A Guide for the Married Man”) informs Burton that Fitzhugh and Barry have left the craft and vanished into the jungle. Initially, Burton hides from a giant lizard but he has to take to his heels to escape a monstrous, growling tarantula. Note: the special effects aren’t very advanced. Meantime, Barry decides to follow Fitzhugh. Although Fitzhugh fears devilish men, he should fear devilish felines. They stumble in front of an enormous male tomcat and this big kitty swats at Fitzhugh’s luggage and currency scatters like confetti from the gaping case. Nobody is content to remain in the Spindrift. Celebrity lovely Valerie Scott (Deanna Lund of “Tony Rome”) follows Burton into the jungle. She joins him in an area teeming with oversized cricket bail boxes with mesh spread across huge holes. Burton forbids Valerie from entering the box, but her curiosity proves to be her downfall. The captain rushes inside to pull her out and a trap door descends. Later, a Goliath-sized, bearded, bespectacled entomologist (Don Watters of “Truck Turner”) in a lab coat retrieves the boxes and hauls them back to his laboratory.

Don and Wilson track down Burton and Valerie to the entomologist’s laboratory where they find the captain and the glamour girl Scotch-taped to a table. Wilson slashes a tube that releases gas while Don shimmies up a make-shift rope and lugs a scalpel over to slit the tape. The gas erupts into flames and the female laboratory assistant is overcome by the fumes. While the entomologist helps her, our hero climb down the rope and escape. The entomologist pursues them with a small butterfly net and briefly traps Don as our heroes run across a paved street and enter a drainage pipe. Fitzhugh, the women, and Barry spot the entomologist and Barry aims the secret revolver in Fitzhugh’s fist and fires it at the entomologist. The bullet strikes him in the leg. As he crouches to grab his wounded shin, everybody races to Don’s aid. They free him from the netting and hasten into the drainage pipe. The entomologist pleads for them not to flee, but they vanish inside the drainage pipe as he thrusts his hand in to grab one of them. Our heroes come out on the other side and find themselves in a garbage dump. Barry puts down his doggie Chipper and as they wander into the garbage dump, a great Dane attacks them. The girls, Fitzhugh and the mutt take refuge in an egg carton and Burton fashions an explosive that drives the mastiff away. Fitzhugh cries in agony to be gone from this world and Burton informs him that fleeing such predicaments is going to become a way of life for them.

The obvious attraction of “Land of the Giants” is the predicament where our heroes and heroines must survive in a world not unlike Jonathan Swift’s seminal sci-fi novel “Gulliver’s Travels,” specifically Part II: A Voyage to Brobdingnag. Our protagonists here are the equivalent of the Lilliputians. “Land of the Giants” creator Allen shoots the giants with low-angle camera set-ups to exaggerate their awesome statue and “Futureworld” lenser Howard Schwartz adds to the gigantic effect by employing wide-angle lens to distort the giants. Lasting 51-episodes, our diminutive heroes had to constantly outwit their gigantic adversaries. The other neat thing about “Land of the Giants” are the massive everyday objects that make our heroes look so tiny. The props for the show are inventive: colossal sized spools of thread, giant razor-blades, aerosol cans, shoes, etc. Of course, more fiction than science figured into virtually everything that Irwin Allen produced. The cast is adequate, but largely unknown. Nevertheless, if you enjoy this kind of nonsense, “Land of the Giants” can be a lot of fun.

FILM REVIEW OF ''TWILIGHT: ECLIPSE" (2010)

Stephenie Meyers and the people producing the cinematic adaptations of her supernatural “Twilight” novels know how to stretch a good thing out. Happily, the elasticity in this interspecies romance franchise hasn’t frayed over the last two blockbuster films. The outstanding third installment, “30 Days of Night” director David Slade’s “Eclipse” (**** out of ****) literally eclipses both “Twilight” and “New Moon” with more action that either predecessor boasted. Not only do the pugnacious werewolves look more realistic, but also “Twilight” scenarist Melissa Rosenberg has intensified the competition in the three-way romance between Bella and her two jealous suitors Edward and Jacob. Indeed, Edward and Jacob have at least two substantial, well-written scenes where they analyze their behavior toward each other in light of Bella. They engage in verbal jousting matches without striking each other. Mind you, the narrative remains somewhat predictable. Bella still yearns to be a vampire, while Edward staunchly opposes her obsession. Basically, the action focuses on unfinished business. When Edward isn’t trying to dissuade Bella from becoming a vampire, Jacob struggles to convince our heroine that she really loves him. Jacob argues that nothing serious will change if she chooses him instead of Edward. Some of the narrative threads left over from “Twilight” that were partially tied up in “New Moon” are sewn up in "Eclipse." The wicked Victoria has been biding her time to exact sweet revenge on Edward for destroying her vampire lover James. Further, the Volturi lurk on the fringe of the mayhem with malice aforethought.

“Eclipse” opens in Seattle where twentysomething Forks’ native Riley Biers (Xavier Samuels of “Road Kill”) leaves a nightspot after dark during a light downpour. Without warning or provocation, an unseen assailant assaults him in a lonely alley. No matter what Riley does, the poor fellow cannot elude his attacker. Indeed, we can see little more than Riley, just a blur of something menacing him. On the docks, the mysterious aggressor slashes at Riley’s hand, and Riley winds up on his face writhing in agony. “Eclipse” gets off to a grim start, but things lighten up as the scene shifts to Forks in a remote meadow where Bella and Edward are discussing matters of the heart. Interestingly, the film concludes with them back in the same meadow as a prelude to the last “Twilight” movie “Breaking Dawn.” Meanwhile, Bella’s father, Forks County Sheriff Charlie (Billy Burke of “Jane Austen's Mafia!”), doesn’t have a clue about Edward and Bella’s relationship. He knows that they are an item, but he doesn’t know that Edward is a vampire. Basically, Charlie would prefer Bella to see somebody other than Edward and urges her to visit Jacob. Naturally, Edward abhors every second that Bella spends with Jacob. Edward assures Bella that he trusts her, but Edward puts no trust in Jacob.

Meanwhile, clairvoyant vampire Alice (Ashley Greene of “King of California”) has a vision about the turmoil in Seattle. She cannot put her finger on who is fomenting the trouble. Eventually, the Cullens learn that an army of newborn vampires is being assembled in Seattle, but they don’t know who is supervising this army. After a time, they learn that Forks’ native Riley Biers, who has been reported as missing, may be at the core of the problem. Predictably, Edward tries to shield Bella from the truth, but he doesn’t get any help from Jacob. Earlier, Edward and Bella flew to Florida so she could spend time with her mom. During their absence, the vampires fractured the treaty with the Indians. They were pursuing fleet-footed, gravity-defying, high-jumping Victoria through the forest when she hurls herself across a stream into werewolf country. Emmett Cullen (Kellan Lutz of “Accepted”) finds himself face-to-face with a snarling werewolf while Victoria gives both of them the slip. Not surprisingly, Jacob is appalled that Edward hasn’t informed Bella about the incident or that it involved red-haired Victoria. Essentially, Jacob and his tribe enter the fight when they learn that vampires may storm the county. Of course, neither the newborns nor the Volturi know anything about Jacob and his shape-shifting werewolves.

The violence in “Eclipse” is quite stylized. When the vampires attack each other, they look like they are playing a game of old-fashioned football where the goal is to batter the opponents more than score a touchdown. The fatal blows that are delivered make it look like our heroes are smashing live-action statues. Not only do the vampires refrain from baring their fangs, but also blood and gore is confined within the limits of a PG-13 rating. You’d have to be hopelessly squeamish to have nightmares as a result of the action sequences. According to Dr. Carlisle Cullen (Peter Facinelli of “Supernova”), these ‘newborn’ vampires pose a threat because they possess greater strength than either the Cullens or any other vampire. The reason is that the newborns still have some of their own human blood swirling in their systems. The newborns live to the hilt of their existence, and they have a difficult time keeping a low profile. If you remember “New Moon,” you will remember that the law of the Volturi, the Supreme Count of Vampires, condemns any fangster who calls attention to himself individually or collectively their breed. The ‘newborns’ have lost all sense of control. Jasper Whitlock (Harpo Marx look-alike Jackson Rathbone of “S. Darko”) coaches the Cullen family about how to defeat newborns. Never let them get their hands around you, Jasper warns, and never make an obvious move.

The thing that holds this gothic melodrama together so well is the theme of change. “Eclipse” examines Bella's decision to renounce human life in favor of vampire life and the various opinions that the Cullen clan as well as Jacob offer about her dilemma. Like previous “Twilight” directors, David Slade seems to know when to let the drama dominate and the violence bristle. Nevertheless, Slade also knows when to insert humor that lightens the mood without undercutting the melodrama. Moreover, “Eclipse” provides a glimpse into the lives of Jasper and Rosalie and how they became vampires. The high school graduation speech that Jessica Stanley (Anna Kendrick of “Up In the Air”) delivers is refreshingly different. “New Moon” lenser Javier Aguirresarobe encores as director of photography, and he creates a palate of moody colors that reflect the tension and the atmosphere. He also captures the stunning pictorial beauty of the surroundings as well as the luminous cast with his widescreen compositions. In short, “Eclipse” qualifies as a grand looking movie. If you loved “Twilight” and “New Moon,” you should crave “Eclipse.”

FILM REVIEW OF "LAW AND ORDER" (1953)

Future U.S. President Ronald Reagan plays a no-nonsense, tough-as-leather peace officer in former art director Nathan Juran's third film as a director, "Law and Order" (*** out of ****), based on "High Sierra" writer W.R. Burnett's novel "Saint Johnson." "Interlude" scribe Inez Cocke adapted Burnett's novel and John and Gwen Bagni along with D.D. Beauchamp fashioned the formula screenplay that espouses status quo 'law and order' values. In other words, "Law and Order" is a good Republican western. Comparisons between Reagan's protagonist, Frame Johnson, and the legendary Wyatt Earp are inevitable. Like Wyatt Earp, Frame Johnson has acquired a reputation as a fearless, invincible lawman. Just as inevitably, the time comes for the dedicated lawman to shed the badge and settle down. Foolishly, Frame struggles to do that very thing because he has grown tired of being a "hired killer" with a badge. Nevertheless, trouble always seems to reach out and ruin him. Dorothy Malone is cast as his pretty leading lady and she knows how to wear lipstick. Interestingly enough, she owns a saloon bar and deals cards. At one point, a prospective buyer observes that running a saloon is not job for a woman. Back in 1953 as well as the time period of this western, which is set in 1882, this opinion wouldn't seem out of place. Today, it brims with sexism. Nevertheless, the Malone character informs the buyer that her father left her the saloon. After all, she observes, she can neither teach nor sew, so what option was left to her?

Sharp-shooting Sheriff Frame Johnson (Ronald Reagan of "Desperate Journey") pursues the Durango Kid (Wally Cassell of "Salute to the Marines") on horseback across a broiling desert as this durable, 80-minute, full frame, Technicolor oater opens. Frame catches up with the Kid when the outlaw has his hands off his six-gun and wrapped around his canteen. Frame blasts the canteen out of Durango's hands and two struggle in a brief fistfight before Frame claps on the handicuffs. Back in Tombstone, Frame thwarts the locals from lynching Durango. Things look rather tough for Frame because his youngest brother, Jimmy Johnson (Russell Johnson of TV's "Gilligan's Island"), is among them. Frame wounds one man to discourage the lynch mob and orders Jimmy inside. Frame informs his other brother, Luther 'Lute' Johnson (Alex Nicol of "The Red Ball Express"), that they are leaving town. Afterward, he tells his girlfriend, Jeanie (Oscar winner Dorothy Malone of "Written on the Wind"), that he has turned in his marshal's badge and is heading for Cottonwood to settle on a ranch. She wants to join him, but Frame suggests that she stick around Tombstone until he has the ranch fixed up.

No sooner than Frame, Lute, Jimmy, and their undertaker pal, Denver Cahoon (Chubby Johnson of "Sam Whiskey") have arrived in Cottonwood than they encounter trouble in the person of town boss, Kurt Durling (Preston Foster of "Kansas City Confidential"), who remembers Frame with considerable animosity from Abilene. Frame shot Durling in the hand and the wound turned Durling's right hand into useless flesh. Durling and his clan were cattle rustlers. Since Abilene, Durling and his two sons, Frank (Dennis Weaver of TV's "Gunsmoke") and Bart (Don Gordon of "Bullitt"), have moved to Cottonwood where he runs the town with the help of a no-account sheriff, Fin Elder (Barry Kelly of "Buchanan Rides Alone"), and his word is law. Burt opposes Frame briefly at the saloon/hotel when he tries to kill Johnny Benton (Don Garner of "FBI Girl") and Frame prevents him. Later, Bart dies after Johnny kills him. Frame protects Johnny from Frank and his gun hands. Judge Williams represents the town fathers and he implores Frame to pin on the badge. Frame refuses to serve as their sheriff, and his opinion doesn't change when his brothers and he discover the hanged body of Johnny Benton on the trail. Although Frame doesn't accept the offer as sheriff, Lute steps forward to take on those duties.

The devious Durlings make sure that Lute is out on wild goose chases while they conduct business as usual. Meaning, the Durlings are rustling cattle in one spot while Lute investigates something else. Eventually, one of the town fathers, Dixon (Thomas Browne Henry of "Hoodlum Empire") observes, "While you're chasing rainbows, they're rustling cattle." Judge Williams (Richard Garrick of "Riding Shotgun") defends Lute. He points out that the Durlings try "to confuse you, run you ragged an send off in every direction." Lute seeks Frame's help, but Frame turns him down. Frame and Denver are trying to finish the repairs on the ranch before Jeanie shows up. One evening, Lute restrains a drunken cowboy, Jed (Jack Kelly of TV's "Maverick"), from blasting the lights out of a chandelier. Lute disarms Jed, but Frank prods him into a duel. Just as Lute lets Frank draw, Kurt knocks over a chair at his table. The falling chair distracts Lute and Frank nails him in the stomach. Lute doesn't die before Frame rides into town. "I'm sorry, Frame," Lute mutters before he dies, "I guess I just wasn't as good as you." Later, Jimmy gets plastered in the bar and sets out to kill Frank. Denver smashes a whiskey bottle over Jimmy's head and Frame locks him up to cool off.

Frame dictates the terms of his employment as sheriff. He demands that Judge Williams and the town fathers pass an ordinance making it illegal to tote firearms in the city limits. Predictably, Dixon is appalled at such a request. "No guns? We'll be the laughing stock of the west." Later, he says with resignation in his voice. "I just hope we haven't legalized murder." Word of Sheriff Johnson's death reaches Jeanie and she thinks that Frame has bitten the dust. A gambler in her saloon informs her that Lute took the bullet, but Frame has stepped into his boots. Jeanie sells the saloon and heads to Cottonwood to be with Frame. "You're big, ugly, and stupid," she describes Frame, "but I love you." Originally, Jeanie had sworn to not marry Frame because she feared that he would die in the line of duty. She has changed her mind, however, and now supports Frame completely. Matters grow complicated when Jimmy spots Frank's sister one day while he is riding fence. They fall in love and Frank warns him to stay away from his sister. Eventually, Frank catches Jimmy with Maria ( Ruth Hampton of "# Abbott and Costello Go to Mars") and they shoot it out. Kurt, Sheriff Elder and Jed witness the shooting and claim that Jimmy committed murder. Frame arrests Jimmy when he shows up at Frame's ranch and tells him about the gunfight. Frame locks Jimmy up, but Jed releases him after he clobbers Denver unconscious. Kurt Durling is hoping that Jimmy's jailbreak will compel Judge Williams to take Frame's badge.

The only weakness of "Law and Order" is the Preston Foster villain. Indeed, he is slimy and unsympathetic, but he never actually kills anybody in cold blood. He leaves the killings to his two lame-brained, hot-tempered brothers who he constantly berates for not using their heads. The knock-down, drag-out fistfight between the villain and the hero on the Cottonwood main street ranks as a pretty vigorous affair. At least twice the chief villain tries to kill Frame with a pitchfork and an axe. In both cases, the implements that Foster wields actually do stick into or chop the wood