FILM REVIEW OF ''A MILLION WAYS TO DIE IN THE WEST" (2014)

Seth MacFarlane’s half-baked horse opera “A Million Ways to Die in the West” (** OUT OF ****) qualifies as a saddle-sore saga.  This lowest common denominator sagebrush satire boasts low-brow bowel humor, highly offensive language, and gory death scenes.  Despite all these unsavory elements, this western spoof emerges as fair at best and routine at worst.  Sporadically funny jokes and gags cannot conceal the conventions and clichés.  The first problem is the trite Alex Sulkin, Wellesley Wild, and Seth MacFarlane screenplay.  Recently, I watched an Eddie Albert comedy “The Dude Goes West” (1947) that covered similar ground with greater success.  MacFarlane and his co-writers rant about the deplorable conditions governing life on the frontier in the 19^th century American west.  The hero and the heroine hate the west.  This revulsion of all things western neither distinguishes MacFarlane’s movie nor makes its humor any funnier.  The only place where “A Million Ways to Die” breaks ground is with its raunchy R-rated jokes.  Some of the jokes hit, but most miss. Some jokes are so vile they might gag the guys in the “Jackass” movies.  Indeed, MacFarlane gets away with a lot in this lame oater, especially during the opening “Gunsmoke” showdown.  The good jokes are really good.  One of the best turns out to be badly told but this serves to accentuate the humor.  The second problem is most of the dialogue sounds like stand-up, comic routines.  Some standup comedy routines are better than others.  The best gag concerns Old West photography.  The running joke is nobody smiles in a photograph in the 19^th century.  Nevertheless, the grinning photo attained the status as an urban legend.  Those who aren’t appalled by MacFarlane’s infantile as well as scatological sense of humor will no doubt want to roll in it like a dog in its own feces.  “A Million Ways to Die in the West” struggles to emulate “Blazing Saddles,” deliver dialogue like “Deadwood,” and show off like “Faces of Death.”

The setting of “A Million Ways to Die” is the town of Old Stump in the Arizona Territory in the year 1882.  Our pusillanimous sheep farming protagonist, Albert Stark (Seth MacFarlane of “Ted”), sinks into a state of depression after his schoolmarm girlfriend, Louise (Amanda Seyfried), dumps him for a snotty lothario, Foy (Neal Patrick Harris of “Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle”), who owns a mustache shop.  No, nice-guy Albert doesn’t sport a mustache.  Louise left Albert because she classified him as too cowardly.  During the opening Main Street showdown, Albert drops his six-gun in the dust rather than shoot it out with another gunman.  Later, Albert challenges Foy to a duel.  Meantime, a mysterious woman, Anna (Charlize Theron of “Monster”), shows Albert how to handle a hog-leg.  Anna, as it turns out, is the wife of notorious outlaw Clinch Leatherwood (Liam Neeson of “Taken”) who eventually decides to shoot Albert for flirting with his wife.  Basically, boy loses girl, boy tries to get girl back, but takes up with a different girl describes the storyline.  An imbecilic subplot concerns the romance between a hard-working saloon prostitute, Ruth (Sarah Silverman of “Evolution”) and a timid male virgin shoemaker (Giovanni Ribisi of “The Mod Squad”) who has agreed not to have intercourse with her until their wedding night.  Albert and his friends emerge as likeable, sympathetic characters, while Foy, Clinch, and his henchmen are as repulsive as rattlers.

Although best known as the creator of the respective animated series “American Dad” and “Family Guy,” not to mention his previous blockbuster comedy “Ted” with Mark Wahlberg, MacFarlane must have been gambling that he could resurrect a moribund franchise with his impertinent humor.  Westerns have not performed well at the box office since the early 1990s, and even then the genre was riding on borrowed time.  After John Wayne died and Clint Eastwood got too old plains, westerns have never regained their former grandeur.  Disney’s “Lone Ranger” tanked last summer, and only AMC’s “Hell on Wheels” on television has survived with any success.  The Jeff Bridges “True Grit” remake and Quentin Tarantino’s slave saga “Django” are the sole examples of successes.  Nothing about MacFarlane’s approach to the genre justifies its use.  He looks out of place himself with his hopelessly clean-scrubbed, Shoney’s Big Boy looks.  Aside from his profanity, MacFarlane plays the same tenderfoot that Bob Hope, Eddie Albert, Gary Cooper, Don Knotts, or Tim Conway have done in earlier movies and television shows.  Neil Patrick Harris usually steals the show no matter what the material, but he makes only a minor impression with his Snidely Whiplash villain.  Unfortunate Amanda Seyfried has little more to do than bulge her beautiful eyes and swish an umbrella.  Charlize Theron and Liam Neeson wander through their roles.  Colorful cameos by the likes of Christopher Lloyd, Gilbert Gottfried, Ewan McGregor, Jamie Foxx, and Bill Maher prove more stimulating.  “A Million Ways to Die in the West” could have been a million times better.

FILM REVIEW OF ''GUNFIGHT AT THE O.K. CORRAL" (1957)

Before director John Sturges made "Gunfight at the O.K. Corral," he'd only made a few westerns, "The Walking Hills" with Randolph Scott, "Bad Day at Black Rock," with Spencer Tracy, and "Backlash" with Richard Widmark.  I'd say that "Gunfight at the O.K. Corral" was the first of his big-budgeted westerns at Paramount Pictures with Hal Wallis producing this polished looking oater. Things are pretty straightforward with Burt Lancaster cast as a stern but charismatic Wyatt Earp sans a mustache, while Kirk Douglas looks a mite too robust as the consumptive Doc Holiday. This was the second time that Lancaster and Earp co-starred in a movie, but it was certainly the first of their best.  One of the best known western villains from the era clashed with the heroes; Lyle Bettger played Ike Clanton.  The music and the ballad of the O.K. Corral are not only atmospheric but accentuate the action.  Sturges stages a much bigger and more ambitious finale at the O.K. Corral with the Clantons shooting it out with Earp and company. This is a first-class horse opera that should be not be missed. If you're a western fan, you must see this movie. 

“Gunfight at the O.K. Corral” opens to “Duel in the Sun” composer Dimitri Tiomkin’s stirring music and Frankie Lane’s heroic lyrics.  Those lyrics punctuate the action and serve as the equivalent of a Greek chorus.  The first scene details a showdown between Kirk Douglas and character actor Lee Van Cleef in a saloon.  Wyatt Earp (Burt Lancaster) is riding through town when Holiday sets foot in a saloon to challenge Ed Baily (Lee Van Cleef) for shooting his brother.  The catch is the neither man is allowed to carry firearms in the saloon.  Doc conceals a switchblade in his cuff, while Baily keeps a derringer in his boot.  No sooner has Doc thrown a knife into Ed Baily’s chest than Sheriff Cotton Ryan (Frank Faylen) arrests him and sticks him in jail.  Later, as a lynch mob assembles, a desperate Kate Fisher (Jo Van Fleet) entreats Wyatt to help Doc escape the lynch mob.  Wyatt helps Doc get out of town.  Afterward, Wyatt runs into Doc when he enters Dodge City.  Dead broke, Doc plans to gamble up some money and he gets Wyatt to loan him money.  

The ‘square deal’ friendship between Wyatt and Doc gets off to a start after they gun down Richie Bell and his bank robbing buddies who try to sneak into their camp and dry gulch them.  Meanwhile, Wyatt takes up with a headstrong lady gambler Laura Denbow (Rhonda Fleming of “Pony Express”) who gives him a hard time when he arrests her.  The romance between Wyatt and Laura is short-lived because she refuses to follow him when he rides to Tombstone to support brother Morgan and Virgil Earp.  About an hour into the action, gunslinger Johnny Ringo (John Ireland of “Red River”) shows up to steal Kate from Doc.  They develop an intense rivalry and Doc wings him during a saloon shoot-out.  Doc and Wyatt solidify their relationship when they have a showdown with Shanghai Pierce (Ted De Corsia of “Vengeance Valley”) in Dodge City.

When Wyatt’s three brothers summon him to Tombstone, he finds Doc Holiday riding along to join him.  Laura refuses to accompany Wyatt so he leaves her.  Initially, Morgan and Virgil hate the idea of Doc hanging around with Wyatt.  No sooner has Doc arrived in Tombstone than his old nemesis Ringo and Kate blow into town.  Doc and Ringo clash but Morgan convinces Doc not to kill him.  Ike Clanton (Lyle Bettger of “The Lone Ranger”) rustles Mexican cattle and tries to ship it through Tombstone, but Wyatt and his brothers refuse to let him do it.  Eventually, Ike and his brothers have it out at the O.K. Corral in a beautifully staged shoot-out with the Earps.  In an evocative scene, Wyatt, his brothers and Doc assemble for the big finale.

John Sturges has “The Lives of a Bengal Lancer” lenser Charles Lang shoot set-ups from low angles to make everything look larger than life.  Terrific stuff! Sturges would stick to the facts more closely with his unofficial sequel "Hour of the Gun" with James Garner cast as Wyatt Earp.