FILM REVIEW OF ''THE RAVEN" (2012)

The age old issue that arises for every generation is the impact of the media on society. Does watching movies, playing video games, and perusing literature prompt us to imitate the actions of fictional characters in certain situations?  “V for Vendetta” director James McTeigue with “Loverboy” scenarist Hannah Shakespeare and rookie writer Ben Livingston have contrived a complicated but uninspired serial killer murder mystery about Edgar Allan Poe.  Basically, an anonymous criminal has decided to use Poe as a blueprint for his diabolical deeds.  The idea isn’t even that original.  Back in 1973, horror icon Vincent Price played a vengeful Shakespearean actor in “Theatre of Blood” who murdered several callous theater critics in re-enactments of death in Shakespeare’s plays. No, Poe is not the serial killer stalking and killing innocent victims.  Beware, although “The Raven” (** out of ****) gets some of Poe’s biographical details correct, the filmmakers err horribly in other instances.  Ironically, the poor slob cut in two by a giant pendulum outlived Poe and did his best to destroy Poe’s literary legacy.  The individual referred to here is Rufus Wilmot Griswold.  Sadly, “The Raven” unravels about an hour into the narrative, and McTeigue and his scribes have tacked on a finale that looks like loose threads being tied up.  The biggest mistake that the filmmakers make is the absence of red herrings to throw us off the scent.  Simply put, "The Raven" never allows us to guess the identity of the villain and the alternatives to the villain are none.  Consequently, the mystery part of this movie is woefully underwritten.

  

 You can almost imagine how this formulaic thriller with gorgeous costumes and atmospheric locales came about during the pre-production phrase.  Presumably, the studio picked Poe not only because he was one of America’s leading literary lights of the nineteenth century, but also the copyright has long since lapsed on his literature.  Imagine this scenario at a production conference.  Studio Executive # 1: “Let’s make Edgar into an action hero like they did Sherlock Holmes?”  Studio Executive # 2: “Of course, the authorities will threaten to arrest Poe if he refuses to help them solve the crime.”  Studio Executive # 1:  “The police want Poe to psychoanalyze the killer to predict his next move.”  Studio Executive # 3: “Our killer must imitate the homicides from Poe's stories.”  Studio Executive # 2, “Naturally, Poe has a blonde girlfriend straight off the cover of Cosmo.  She must be abducted by the killer and held hostage.”  Finally, Studio Executive # 1 says: “Presto, we’ve got the greatest hits of Edgar Allan Poe.  We can make allusions to “The Pit and Pendulum,” “The Tell-Tale Heart,” "The Murders in the Rue Morgue," “The Cask of Amontillado,” and “The Mystery of Marie Roget.”

 “The Raven” opens with some minor biographical details about Poe and his mysterious death on May 7, 1849, in Baltimore, Maryland.  Typically, movies about a hero who dies are usually box office poison.  Moreover, Poe is such an obnoxious fellow that you don’t care what happens to him.  He admits at one point, “I’ve got nothing left,” adding, “I’ve used up all my tricks.”  The Edgar Allan Poe that “The Raven” presents is an egomaniac skidding into obscurity.  A hopeless alcoholic, Poe doesn’t possess enough money to purchase his next drink.  Initially, it appears that he has no friends except for a pet raccoon named Carl. If all this weren’t awful enough, Edgar learns he is not going to be published.  Earlier, he assured a bartender that he would be living like a sultan when the newspaper published his literary criticism.  Since he cannot pay for a drink, Poe appropriates a stranger’s drink. outside Before he realizes what has happened, Poe finds himself unceremoniously expelled from the taven.  Actor John Cusack strives to make this tortured, nineteenth century genius appear sympathetic, but there is little to like about him.

Predictably, the first image is a raven perched on a tree branch overlooking a park where our dour protagonist is sitting on a bench. Afterward, the filmmakers backtrack about a week before with a scene that looks straight out of the first “Sherlock Holmes” movie with Robert Downey, Jr.  A madman has slashed a woman’s throat with a razor, strangled her daughter, and stuffed the daughter’s body in a chimney. When the police arrive, they hear a key locking the door from within and have to smash their way into the room.  They are genuinely puzzled because they can find nobody else in the room.  Further, the window through which the suspect could only have escaped is nailed shut.  Detective Inspector Fields (Luke Evans of “The Three Musketeers”) arrives and manages to open the window.  Eventually, he remembers that he read about a similar incident in the macabre fiction of Edgar Allan Poe.  Fields recruits a reluctant Poe to serve as a crime consultant.

When Poe isn’t dabbling in real-life murders, he is having an affair with stunning Emily Hamilton (Alice Eve of “Sex in the City 2”) whose father has nothing but contempt for him.  Indeed, Captain Hamilton (Brendan Gleeson of “Safe House”) threatens to shoot Poe on sight if he catches the renowned author with his daughter.   No sooner does Poe propose to Emily than the insane psycho kidnaps her, and things really come to a boil. The murders in “The Raven” are not for the squeamish.  Make no mistake, McTeigue earns his R-rating for bloody violence and grisly images.  The pendulum scene ranks as the most graphic as the descending blade eviscerates a book critic and then gets jammed in the table where the man lay.  The problem with “The Raven” is that it lacks the compelling quality that a good murder-mystery requires if we the audience are to overlook some of the far-fetched plot logistics.  Reconsider the pendulum scene.  When Poe visits the scene of the crime, he is impressed by the size of the counterweight.  Where could a killer—insane or not—buy a pendulum of that size and install it without attracting attention?  This question and others—like the spring loaded window nails are things that shouldn’t concern us. Furthermore, The filmmakers never provide us with a gallery of suspects to choose from as the killer before the reprobate reveals himself.  Ultimately, the villain doesn't amount to much.  Despite his diabolical exploits, he comes off as hopeless colorless. Unfortunately, McTeigue doesn’t orchestrate the action with enough verve to distract us from these questions.  "The Raven" stumbles from one anemic scene to next with little energy. 

Cusack is acceptable as Poe, but looks morose and miscast.   Poe probably was never in the physical shape required to  pull off the stunts that Cusack's double does.  Luke Evans does an exceptional job as the police inspector who will go to any lengths to solve the crime and get his man.  Alice Eve is a feast for the eyes.  Meanwhile, Brendan Gleeson and Kevin McNally, who plays Poe’s editor, are squandered in thankless peripheral roles. "The Raven" qualifies as Poe-thetic!

FILM REVIEW OF ''THE RELIC" (1997)

Even the most jaded horror movie addicts may find themselves squirming in parts of Peter Hyams’ murky but well-made creature feature “The Relic” (*** out of ****) starring Penelope Ann Miller and Tom Sizemore.  Meanwhile the faint of heart may want to reconsider enduring this experience.  You’ll lose count of the number of severed heads.  You’ll also lose count of the number of times that the filmmakers dare you to accompany heroes and victims down a catacomb of spooky hallways.  Special effects wizard Stan Winston has created a huge, slimy, lizard critter with tusks for “The Relic” that would give “Alien,” “Predator,” and those “Jurassic Park” raptors a run for their money. 

“The Relic” is basically a haunted house chiller.  Most of its grisly action occurs inside a creepy Chicago museum, within scores of shadowy corridors, labs, and staircases.  A dinosaur reptile of amazing agility prowls these premises and feasts on flesh.  Mainly, this hybrid monster tears your head off and munches a chunk of your brains.  The melodramatic script pays homage to scary sagas such as “Jaws,” “Alien,” and “Jurassic Park.”  Penelope Ann Miller plays a dedicated but cute evolutionary biologist who pedals a bicycle to work and worries about who’ll fund her research.  She shares many of Ripley’s heroic characteristics from the “Alien” franchise, except Penelope doesn’t perform a strip tease for the monster.  She keeps her clothes on and relies on her wits to outsmart the creature.  Burly Tom Sizemore abets her as a superstitious Windy City cop.  He wants to close the museum, but the mayor needs it open for a gala fundraiser.

Naturally, the monster crashes the gala and heads roll.  When the monster isn’t terrifying the rich, the museum becomes an obstacle course. The monsters shuts down the power, and the wealthy patrons find themselves trapped in the dark, rained on by fire sprinklers.  “The Relic” aspires to be more than just a horror movie.  The worst thing about “The Relic” is its surplus of plot.  What might have been a small horror movie turns into not only a big-scale scary movie, but also a disaster movie. The film opens with a jungle witchcraft scene that is supposed to frighten but winds up being incomprehensible.  The filmmakers then build the plot and introduce their array of characters before the finally unleash the beast.

Part of the time the scenarists clobber us with a load of scientific, computer gibberish that makes the movie sound realistic.  Interestingly, everything that the monster devours becomes part of its DNA and guides it behavior.  

 Peter Hyams lights the museum as if it were the space ship in “Alien.”  Hyams, who helmed “Outland” and “Running Scared,” aims to scare the daylights out of you.  He resorts to every tried-and-true truck to elicit paranoia and hype suspense.  If you aren’t family with how horror movies manipulate their audiences, you may find some scenes in “The Relic” a little intense.  Predictability, of course, paralyzes the plot because Hyams spends too much time trying to be like other horror movies so that it breaks little new ground.  But the effects may be gruesome enough that you forget the formula that the story follows.  Hyams gets great help from composer John Debney whose tense, dramatic orchestral score heightens the tension.

“The Relic” qualifies as a good horror movie boosted by glossy production values.  This chiller is worth seeing at least once while you’re searching for a genuine classic.

FILM REVIEW OF "THE THREE STOOGES" (2012)

If you’ve never seen a “Three Stooges” comic short or any of their feature length comedies, the new Farrelly Brothers’ farce is an awful way to acquaint yourself with Moe, Curly, and Larry.  Indeed, it is difficult to believe the same guys who created “There’s Something about Mary” and “Kingpin” concocted this sophomoric comedy.  Unlike the television biography that Mel Gibson produced about the Three Stooges back in 2000, the Brothers Farrelly wanted to revive the fictional morons rather than chronicle their real-life counterparts.  Further, the Farrellys decided to let the “Stooges” wreck havoc in a contemporary setting.  Basically, the Farrellys cannot rekindle the comic genius of these maniac Jewish comics who acquired a reputation for poking eyes, slapping heads, and twisting noses.  Sadly, the laughs are few and far between.  This $30 million imitation of the Three Stooges qualifies as fair.  Juveniles may giggle at the geysers of urine, but neither the Farrellys nor the new Stooges generate a third as many laffs as the originals. 

Chiefly known for their crude and rude movies, the Farrellys usually get a PG-13 or an R-rating for vulgar content.  “The Three Stooges” (** out of ****) marks their first PG-13 release.  The PG-rating covers violent slapstick action and some rude and suggestive humor, including language.  Nevertheless, the Farrellys give the eponymous threesome every opportunity to slap, punch, and gouge each other with glee.  Every “Three Stooges” movie basically is a comedy of errors.  Before the dust settles, the trio has inflicted enough pain and injury on each other to land them in the emergency room.  The colossal stupidity that these three display in their best efforts to perform a task is side-splitting.  The best scene the Farrellys conjure up occurs in a hospital newborn ward.  The Stooges juggle babies, and the infants empty their bladders on them in a shower of urine.  Were this not enough, the Farrellys convinced the cast of the hit reality TV show “Jersey Shore” to suffer the wrath of Moe.  Watching Moe reprimand the “Jersey Shore” regulars is entertaining.  Most of the other gags in “The Three Stooges” have a Rube Goldberg quality.  When they try to remove a bell from a roof, the Stooges lose the head of a sledge hammer.  The sledge head flies off into a water bucket.  The last thing that happens in that scene involves the use of that particular water bucket.  The person intending to refresh another doesn’t know about its’ contents.  

Sean Hayes, Will Sasso and Chris Diamantopoulos do a credible job of impersonating Larry, Curly and Moe.  The complicated material that “Me, Myself & Irene” scenarist Mike Cerrone and the Farrellys serve up defeat their efforts.  “The Three Stooges” unfolds in three back-to-back episodes, each slightly longer than the Columbia Pictures shorts.  The Farrellys and Cerrone have treated this “Stooges” saga as an ‘origins’ film.  They provide some background about the trio.  The protagonists appear as children in the first episode and later predominantly as adults in the second and third episodes.  Believe me; nothing in any of these three episodes will have you in stitches.  “The Three Stooges” resembles an inferior pilot for a proposed television series.  Our threesome land on the front steps of the Sisters of Mercy Orphanage after a car careens up and a duffle bag flies out the window.  The first nun to inspect the duffle, Sister Mary-Mengele (Larry David of “Seinfeld”), takes two fingers in the eyes and topples backwards off the steps.  Eventually, Sister Mary-Mengele becomes their chief adversary.  If the name Mengele sounds familiar, Nazi Josef Mengele was the notorious SS Officer who presided over the destiny of prisoners at Auschwitz.  Anyway, Sister Mary doesn’t cut them any slack.  Another nun follows up and finds three infants in the duffle.  They look like tyke-sized replicas of the adult Moe, Larry, and Curly. 

Mother Superior (Jane Lynch of “Role Models”) and the sisters try to trick a gullible husband and wife, the Harters (Stephen Collins of “Star Trek: The Motion Picture” and Carley Craig of “The Heartbreak Kid”) into adopting Moe.  Rather than letting the prospective parents see every child, the sisters trot out just the Three Stooges.  When it appears the nuns have fooled the Harters into taking the trio off their hands, another child, Teddy (Jake Peck), enters the room by accident.  The trio end up stuck at the orphanage for life.  Twenty-five years later, they are still living at the Sisters of Mercy.  Moe (newcomer Chris Diamantopoulos with a distinctive bowl-shaped haircut) emerges as the boss of the bunch.   Larry (Sean Hayes of “The Bucket List”), Curly (Will Sasso of “Southland Tales”), and Moe perform chores for the sisters.  

As a consequence of the Stooges’ audacious exploits, the orphanage cannot afford its insurance premiums.  Monsignor Ratliffe (Brian Doyle-Murray of “Caddyshack”) shows up to warn the Mother Superior about this crisis.  They have about a month before they must close the orphanage.  Ratliffe tells the Stooges that $830-thousand is required to save the place.  The remainder of this shallow comedy concerns the cockeyed antics of the Stooges as they struggle to obtain that $830-thousand.  The obstacles they face are well-nigh insurmountable.  Furthermore, these knuckle-heads are completely clueless about how they can save the day.  Quite by accident, they encounter Lydia (Sofía Vergara of “Four Brothers”) and her shady boyfriend Mac (Craig Bierko of “Sour Grapes”) as they are searching for somebody to kill her husband.  Of course, the Stooges think that Mac is married to Lydia.  In reality, Lydia is married to grown-up Teddy (Kirby Heyborne of “Saints and Soldiers”) the kid from the orphanage.  Mac convinces them that he wants to die and they plan his demise.  When Lydia offers our numbskulls $830-thousand, they prepare to let blood.  

“The Three Stooges” looks like the Farrellys made it for elementary school age kids. You’d be better off watching any of the 190 genuine “Three Stooges” comic shorts or their six feature length films.  Worst, “The Three Stooges” rates as the worst Farrellys’ movie ever.

FILM REVIEW OF ''ESCAPE FROM L.A." (1996)

If Snake Plissken had an attitude problem in "Escape from New York," wait until you behold the havoc he wrecks in the long-awaited, slam-bang sequel "Escape from Los Angeles,"(***1/2 OUT OF ****)  a memorable apocalyptic science fiction satire that more than compensates for many of the shortcomings in the original.

In August 2000, an earthquake separates Los Angeles from the California mainland. An ultra-conservative Jerry Falwell-type politician (Cliff Robertson of "PT-109"), who predicted the earthquake, has managed to exploit his good fortune to win the presidency in the next election. The term of his presidency, however, is lifetime. He rewrites the laws so that he can hang on to the post for life then relocates the nation's capital to Lynchburg, Virginia. A new morally white-washed America has emerged by the year 2013. Cursing, smoking, pre-marital as well as extra-marital sex, and eating red meat now constitutes crimes. The government deports anybody who doesn't conform to this new order and sends them to the gang-infested cesspool of Los Angeles. The U.S. Police Force maintains a chain of forts along the coastline to repel the efforts of a South American revolutionary, Cuervo Jones (George Corraface of "Christopher Columbus"), who plans to spearhead a Third World invasion to reclaim America. 

Things take a turn for the worse when the President's naïve daughter Utopia (A.J. Langer) steals a black box. The black box contains the remote control to activate a necklace of lethal satellites designated 'the Sword of Damocles.' These satellites encircle Earth, and they can fire a magnetic pulse beam with pinpoint accuracy that can disable any kind of electric engine. Utopia hijacks Air Force 3 and the jetliner crashes in L.A. She allies herself with Cuervo Jones who threatens to use the weapon against America. The U.S. Police Force dispatches a rescue team, but they all die. Enter 'war hero' Snake Plissken (Kurt Russell of "Tombstone"), unshaven, sporting a black patch over his left eye, his typically surly attitude toward authority in general, in handcuffs with a police escort. The only thing Snake seems to be interested in is where he can get his next cigarette. The police infect Snake with a deadly virus that gives him less than ten hours to retrieve the black box.  Snake remembers being infected by a scratch from a person who walks past him but he puts down this brief episode as nothing until he realizes the enormityof what has happened.  Reluctantly, Snake agrees to take the mission and rides a nuclear mini-sub into Los Angeles.

Snake shares the sentiments of Marlon Brando's motorcycle maverick from "The Wild One." When asked what he rebels against, Brando's black-leather clad biker replies: "What have you got?" Whatever it is, Snake is against it. Snake thumbs his nose at the rules as well as the rule makers. He is the ultimate anti-hero, sent to save a civilization that he abhors. Former Disney star Kurt Russell reprises the tough guy tongue-in-cheek role he created in "Escape from New York." No, you don't have to have seen the original to appreciate "Escape from Los Angeles." His fastidious performance boasts equal amounts of put-on and posturing. Russell delivers his dialogue in a low, rasping monotone that parodies Clint Eastwood's 'Man with No Name" bounty hunter character. Snake resembles a fashionably rode-hard but put-up-wet Marvel Comic super hero clad in skin-tight, black garb, with matching automatic pistols. Nevertheless, Snake hardly qualifies as a super hero. The filmmakers have a great time poking fun at their one-eyed protagonist. Instead of calling him 'blue eyes,' they refer to him as 'blue eye.' Everybody who comes into contact with Snake for the first time expresses surprise that Snake isn't taller. Snake acts rather gullible on occasions when he has to depend on characters who double-cross him.

While the first "Escape" represented a triumph of style over substance, the "Escape" sequel triumphs both in style and substance. "Escape from New York" attained classic cult status as a darkly comic, industrial-strength escapade where Snake rescued a U.S. President from a grim maximum security prison on Manhattan Island. The story generated at least a modicum of tension because Snake had to contend with the severe time restriction. He had been injected with a poison that would kill him if he failed to accomplish his mission by its deadline. In the first "Escape," Snake sought to retrieve a cassette tape to bring about world peace. Strictly a follow-the-numbers formula melodrama, "Escape" benefited from its gritty looks, Carpenter's fantastic orchestral score, and the eerie atmosphere between the time that Snake landed his glider on New York City's World Trade Center and the violent shoot'em up finale on a bridge. The first "Escape" suffered because the scene between the inventive opening and concluding set pieces were synthetic and forgettable. The beauty of "Escape from Los Angeles" lies in the producer's refusal to stray from its formulaic origins. Moreover, the filmmakers have beefed up the budget, broadened the scope, and pumped up the story. Once again Snake battles the clock in his strenuous efforts to recover a device that can trigger world-wide destruction. There is a far greater sense of urgency in this "Escape" as we see Snake cutting corners and blowing away the opposition at every turn to save time. The sequence where he first tires to kill Cuervo Jones has a frenetic Indiana Jones quality.  Snake commandeers motorcycles and leaps from one vehicle to the next, swapping lead with a horde of unsavory villains.  Perhaps the strangest scene involves the deranged cosmetic surgeon (Bruce Campbell of "Evil Dead") who carves his victims up to get their useful body parts.

Director John Carpenter never lets the story slow down so we can catch our breath. Just when you think that you have it all figured out, he pulls a fast one with a clever surprise or two that enlivens this "Escape." "Escape from Los Angeles" pushes the envelope further in all directions. Carpenter penned the script with producer Debra Hill and Kurt Russell. Snake's mission is no picnic. The filmmakers plunge Snake headlong into one rigorous, hair-raising adventure after another. Snake spends the nine and a half hours of the literal storyline jumping through one flaming hoop after another in his quest for the black box. Of course, Carpenter and company have wisely compressed the time and super-charged the action so that the movie hurdles along at a breakneck pace.  Several familiar faces pad out the cast. Stacy Keach of "Mike Hammer" fame plays the same role Lee Van Cleef had in the original. Keach ranks as the top cop who coordinates between Snake and Cliff Robertson's scene-chewing president. "Rain Man" co-star Valerie Golino and "Pulp Fiction's" Steve Buscemi help Snake navigate through the rubble of Los Angeles. The only thing "Escape from L. A." doesn't do better is repeat the same orchestral score. John Carpenter received credit for the music, but Shirley Walker of "Batman") puts a spin on the theme that doesn't compare favorably to the original. If you thought the first "Escape" remotely entertaining, "Escape from L.A." should blow your mind. Watch out for all that R-rated violence and profanity.

FILM REVIEW OF ''LOCKOUT" (2012)

 

If you’re a hardcore action movie aficionado, you probably compared “Lockout” with John Carpenter’s vintage sci-fi epic “Escape from L.A.” the first time that you watched the lively little trailer.  The last actor that I thought would appear in this entertaining but disposable piece of fodder is Guy Pearce.  Typically, the English-born Pearce appears in prestigious upscale films, such as “Memento,” “The King’s Speech,” “The Hurt Locker,” “The Count of Monte Cristo,” “L.A. Confidential," and Ridley Scott’s forthcoming “Alien” prequel “Prometheus.”  “Lockout” looks out of place in Pearce’s filmography so perhaps he was slumming for a fast paycheck.  Rookie writer/directors James Mather and Stephen St. Ledger along with prolific French film producer Luc Besson have done some creative cherry picking for “Lockout.”  Indeed, the premise about a rugged, lone wolf hero sent into a hostile environment to rescue the daughter of a U.S. President has all the earmarks of “Escape from L.A." This time the setting is a maximum security prison in orbit rather than the island of Los Angeles.  This sounds like the Geoff Murphy sci-fi thriller “Fortress 2 Re-entry” (2000) with Christopher Lambert serving time in a futuristic state-of-the-art maximum security prison orbiting 26-thousand miles above the Earth.  No way is anybody getting out of this place without becoming a satellite.  Anybody who hasn’t seen either of these movies will probably compare “Lockout” to the Bruce Willis “Die Hard” franchise.  Mind you, Besson is probably the brain child behind most of this exciting nonsense since he wrote “La Femme Nikita,” “The Transporter” franchise, both “Taken” as well as “Taken 2,” and “The Fifth Element.” 

Like “Escape from L.A.,” “Lockout” takes place in the future.  Yes, this is another dystopian future.  Nevertheless, some things don’t change.  America still has prisons, but the biggest and the worst is no longer on terra firma but instead orbits the Earth.  Furthermore, the prisoners are held in suspended animation stasis.  The adult daughter of the U.S. President Warnock, Emilie (Maggie Grace of “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1”), is on a goodwill mission to M.S. One.  Actually, she is there to investigate allegations that nefarious experiments are being performed on the inmates.  No sooner has Emilie arrived than the inmates stage a breakout.  One of Emilie’s overzealous Secret Service agents decides that surrendering his entire arsenal of firearms will make him feel naked so he keeps a gun strapped to his ankle.  During Emilie’s interview with a particularly disturbing inmate, Hydell (Joseph Gilgun of “Harry Brown”), the convict gets into a scuffle with the Secret Service agent and swipes his ankle pistol.  Initially, Hydell and his older brother Alex (Vincent Regan of “Troy”) have no idea that Emilie is the President’s daughter.

Meanwhile, back on Earth, a wisecracking former CIA agent named Snow (Guy Pearce of "The Proposition") is up to his ears in his own woes. Not only has he lost an important suitcase that contains secret information, but he has also been caught and charged with the murder of his best friend as well as treason. The authorities decide Snow is the ideal candidate to blast off into space and rescue the President's daughter. Of course, Snow isn't exactly enamored of the idea so he qualifies as a reluctant hero. Once he arrives aboard M.S. One, he finds himself in a murky maze with everybody, including the President's daughter, trying to kill him. After she realizes who Snow is, Emilie and he stick together like glue but constantly bicker. While Snow and Emilie are fleeing from Alex and his insane brother Hydell--who regards everybody else as a potential casualty, our heroes rely on aid from the outside in the form of Shaw (Lennie James of "Columbiana") who knows Snow.  Shaw possesses blueprints of the space prison and can advise Snow where to go to elude the inmates. Shaw and Snow have an underlying relationship that relates to the missing suitcase. It seems the man who last had the suitcase, Mace (Tim Plester of "Dr. Who: A Christmas Carol"), is the only one who knows about its location. Unfortunately, since he has only recently been released from stasis, he has trouble verbalizing his thoughts.

“Lockout” is the kind of runaway thriller where complications keep complicating everything.  Mind you, this is a derivative movie in the sense that you’ve seen everything here before.  No matter what happens, Besson and first time helmers Mather and St. Ledger keep throwing obstacles in the path of our hero and heroine.  The villains are treacherous and take lives without a qualm.  In fact, actor Joseph Gilgun bears an amazing resemblance to Robert De Niro in his early Martin Scorsese movies “Mean Streets” and “Taxi Driver.”  The setting is appropriately grubby a la “Outland.”  Interestingly, Guy Pearce is playing the kind of role that Arnold Schwarzenegger would have done back in 1984.  Like James Bond, Schwarzenegger acquired the habit of uttering a clever one-liner whenever he found himself in a tight predicament.  Pearce’s Snow behaves in similar fashion.  Some of the lines that he utters are humorous.  Maggie Grace and he seem appropriately paired despite the circumstances surrounding their coupling.  Clocking in at a trim, vigorous 95 minutes, “Lockout” looks a little rough around the edges but it delivers every cliché intact with more than enough style to make it worth watching.  

FILM REVIEW OF "RETURN OF THE APE MAN" (1944)

 Far-fetched but fast-moving, “Return of the Ape Man” qualifies as hilarious hokum.  Of course, the horror here is similar to “Frankenstein.”  Mere mortals struggle to appropriate powers that belong to the gods.  Predictably, our mad scientist heroes take themselves very seriously in “Spooks Run Wild” director Phil Rosen’s black & white epic about suspended animation and brain transplants.  Not even the suspension of your disbelief will make this low-budget, Monogram Pictures melodrama appear less dreadful.  Indeed, “Return of the Ape Man” fits the description of a “so-bad-it’s-good” movie.  “Voodoo Man” scenarist Robert Charles gives a better account of himself with “Return of the Ape Man.”  At least, this Lugosi opus boasts some scope and spectacle, part of the narrative transpires overseas as our protagonists travel aboard with serviceable B-roll and adequate back projection.  Comparatively, “Return of the Ape Man” surpasses “Voodoo Man.”  

“Return of the Ape Man” casts Lugosi again as an insane scientist.  He is a scientist who sacrifices everything on the altar of research, including his closest colleague.  Mind you, the teaming of Bela Lugosi with John Carradine makes this almost essential viewing for anybody who craves bad horror thrillers from the 1940s.   Previously, Lugosi and Carradine appeared in “Voodoo Man,” with Carradine in a supporting role as one of his goons.  After the two scientists restore a homeless man to life who they have had in suspended animation for four months, they grow very ambitious, obtain funding for an Arctic expedition, and ten long months later excavate a caveman preserved perfectly in ice.  Of course, media attention is confined to newspaper stories while our protagonists toil in secret.  Professor Dexter (Bela Lugosi) and Professor John Gilmore (John Carradine) thaw the caveman out.  The sight of Lugosi wielding a blow torch to melt the block of ice encasing the prehistoric man is amusing.  “A perfect specimen of pithecanthropus,” quips Gilmore to Dexter after they inspect the body, adding, “Neither man nor ape.”  They restore the Ice Age man to life.  “It’s alive,” breathes Dexter in awe.  No sooner has the cave man regained life than he threatens both Dexter and Gilmore.  Like the Frankenstein monster, the “Ape Man” fears fire.  Dexter brandishes the blow torch to control him.  Dexter backs the brute into a cell and locks him up for safe-keeping. 

 

Dexter confides in Gilmore that he wants to remove half of a contemporary man’s brain and implant it into the Ape Man.  Dexter wants to “endow him with just enough understanding” so he can communicate with him.  He refuses to remove the cave man’s entire brain.  Dexter says “that would remove his entire connection with his former life.”  Dexter wants his patient to retain his memories.  “I must leave in him enough of his old brain to stimulate his memory.” At this point, Dexter goes off the deep end.  Gilmore assures him he will never find a willing subject who will donate half of his brain. Nevertheless, this setback doesn’t deter Dexter from recruiting reluctant subjects. He goes after the fiancé of Gilmore's niece Anne, Steve Rogers (Michael Ames), and tampers wit his drink so Steve will be more amenable to his designs.  During this episode, Dr. Gilmore plays the “Moonlight Sonata” on the piano for Anne.  Presumably, this display of musical virtuosity makes Gilmore more sympathetic.  When he notices that Steve has left, Gilmore rushes to their laboratory.  Gilmore catches Dexter before he can mangle Steve.  Gilmore calls Dexter “despicable” to harm somebody dear to him.  He refuses to continue with their research and says he should have heeded his wife’s advice.  After Gilmore leaves, Dexter has trouble with the Ape Man.  The hairy brute pulls the bars of his cell far enough apart to slip through, eludes Dexter, and hits the streets.  Not only does the Ape Man mug a woman, but he also struggles briefly with a uniformed cop before killing him.  Later, Dexter lies to the gullible Gilmore about disposing of the Ape Man, and he convinces Gilmore to help him.  Instead, he paralyzes Gilmore and implants part of Gilmore’s brain into the Ape Man.  When Dexter awakens Gilmore after surgery, he speaks to the Ape Man, and the latter responds to his words.  “I have advanced his brain 20-thousand years in a few hours,” Dexter marvels at his own success.  When Dexter suggests a second operation may help matters even more, the Ape Man bursts from the house.

 Naturally, after Dexter has implanted half of another brain, the Ape Man really goes on a rampage with predictable “Frankenstein” results.  He flees to Gilmore’s house, plays “Moonlight Sonata,” and then in response to his wife’s summons, he strangles her to death.  Steve sees him leave the bedroom and pursues him, but he doesn’t get far before the Ape Man slugs him.  Anne alerts the cops, and they arrive to find Hilda dead in her bedroom.  The Ape Man returns to Dr. Dexter, and Steve leads the police to Dexter’s house.  The authorities search the premises.  Initially, they find nothing until the Ape Man smashes through the wall concealing his cell.  He breaks out and takes about five shots from a cop before he seizes Dexter.  The Ape Man escapes again, and Dexter admits to Steve and the cops that he transplanted Gilmore’s brain into it.  “In the interest of science you must destroy that thing,” says the dying Dexter.  Predictably, the Ape Man retraces its steps to the Gilmore residence.  The Ape Man abducts Anne after it tells her that she is beautiful.  The police issue an alarm for a maniac on the lam with a woman.  “Return of the Ape Man” turns into “King Kong” with the Ape Man using high power wires to elude the authorities.  He carries an unconscious Anne on his shoulder the entire time during his flight. He takes Anne to a theater and then to Dexter’s home where he ignites a fire by accident.  Michael runs into the lab and rescues Anne.  The Ape Man dies in the blaze.

REVIEW OF ''WRATH OF THE TITANS" (2012)

If you applauded the larger-than-life heroics in “Clash of the Titans,” you’ll probably embrace the derivative exploits “Wrath of the Titans” (**1/2 out of ****) delivers in less time than the original.  Greek mythology tales have never really gone out of fashion. The spectacle of warriors wielding weapons forged by the gods against supernatural monsters reached its zenith during the early 1960s when the Italians produced a plethora of sword and sandal sagas about Hercules, Goliath, Maciste, and Samson.  These epic adventures didn’t take themselves as seriously as their contemporary counterparts have. Most recently, “Troy” (2004), “Alexander,” (2004), “300” (2006), “Clash of the Titans” (2010), and “Immortals” (2011) have been released. “Wrath of the Titans” qualifies as an above-average entry in the CGI special effects laden genre where gods, men, and monsters scrimmage.  Don’t confuse “Wrath of the Titans” with last year’s similarly themed “Immortals.”  Comparatively, the two PG-13 rated “Titans” spectacles are considerably less savage and sadistic than “Immortals.”  While “Clash of the Titans” served as an origins epic, “Wrath” concerns most of the same characters about ten years later. 

In “Clash of the Titans,” the infant demigod Perseus was condemned to die with his mother in a casket plunged into the sea.  Miraculously, Perseus survived.  A humble fisherman, Spyros (Pete Postlethwaite), rescued Perseus and adopted him.  As he grew up, Perseus shunned the gods until Zeus recruited him to save the city of Argos.  Hades, the cruel god of the Tartarus, loosened the legendary sea monster the Kraken with Zeus’ blessing to destroy the city of Argo if the citizens didn’t sacrifice Andromeda.  Defiantly, Perseus and several Argos soldiers embarked on a quest for anything which would enable them to kill the Kraken.  Ultimately, our resourceful hero tangled with the malevolent Medusa.  Half-woman and half-snake, this deadly dame had scores of vipers sprouting from her head rather than curls.  A mere glance at Medusa’s face would petrify any mortal.  Ingeniously, Perseus found a way to decapitate Medusa without eyeballing her.  Perseus saved Princess Andromeda from a fate worse than death and defeated the enormous creature with Medusa’s head. 

“Battle Los Angeles” director Jonathan Liebesman’s “Wrath of the Titans” emerges as a polished but predictable fantasy that imitates its predecessor.  Everybody who made “Clash” doesn’t show up for “Wrath.”  Happily, Sam Worthington returns as Zeus’ rebellious son Perseus who wants little to do with his all-powerful patriarch.  Instead of a boot camp cut, Perseus has a perm that makes him look like Gordon Scott of “Goliath” fame.  Perseus prefers to fish on the seas instead of parade around Mount Olympus.  Despite the tragic death of his wife Io (Gemma Arterton) in “Clash of the Titans,” Perseus has a son, ten-year old Helius (John Bell of “Battleship”), to raise alone.  Liam Neeson, Ralph Fiennes, and Danny Huston reappear respectively as Zeus, Hades, and Poseidon.  Rosamund Pike replaces Alexa Davalos as Andromeda.  This time around Andromeda is more pugnacious.  Decked out in combat regalia, she leads her army into battle against the Titans.  The biggest difference now is that the gods are losing their power because humans aren’t praying to them.  Places of worship lay in ruins. When humanity doesn’t offer prayers to the gods, the power of gods wane, and “Wrath of the Titans” marks a turning point in the franchise.  

If the third entry in the “Titans” franchise—“Revenge of the Titans”--materializes, Zeus and company may appear only as memories.  Presumably, Hades won’t be able to summon another colossal beast from the bowels of the Underworld.  Like its predecessor, “Wrath of the Titans” concerns father and son issues as well as brother versus brother scores.  We learn that Zeus and company endured quite a family feud that ended with them imprisoning their evil father Kronos in Tartarus.  Essentially, Kronos constitutes the equivalent of the Kraken.  Since all blockbusters struggle to top each other, “Wrath of the Titans” pits Perseus against Kronos. Kronos doesn’t want to demolish a single city.  He wants to wipe out mankind.  Whereas the Kraken was a giant sea beast, Kronos is a towering fire god.  Scenarists Dan Mazeau, David Leslie Johnson, and Greg Berlanti make Kronos the equivalent of a lava-spewing volcano.  Earlier, the Kraken made a pretty formidable foe.  One glance at Kronos, however, is enough to make you change your underwear . Imagine what Hellboy would look like if he were the size of Optimus Prime in the “Transformers” movies, and you’ll have a good idea how this immense fiend stacks up to ordinary mortals.

Perseus sets out with Poseidon's illegitimate offspring, Agenor (Toby Kebbell of “RocknRolla”), and Queen Andromeda (Pike) to not only rescue Zeus but also to destroy Kronos.  Earlier, the treacherous Hades and Ares (Édgar Ramírez of “Domino”) double-crossed Zeus and imprisoned him in the Underworld.  Our heroes embark on a scavenger hunt for items.  Along the way, they confront a couple of angry Cyclops and take a beating from them until they befriend them as they did with the giant scorpions named Scorpiochs.  Agenor helps Perseus find the fallen god Hephaestus (Bill Nighy of " Valkyrie "), and Hephaestus shows them the best way to enter Tartarus since he designed it. Eventually, Perseus learns that he must synthesize Zeus’ Thunderbolt, Hades' Pitchfork, and Poseidon’s Trident as a weapon to vanquish Kronos.  In “Star Wars” fashion, our protagonist must take a fiery ride on Pegasus down Kronos’ gullet to dispense the fatal blow.  

“Wrath of the Titans” is amusing hokum.  The stupendous CGI special effects make this 99-minute opus worth watching.  Perseus cuts his teeth on the Chimera. This two-headed, airborne beast with a snake head on its tail attacks him first and then he tackles a couple of towering Cyclops. The maze that our indestructible hero blunders through is more interesting than the Minotaur which he dehorns.  Liebesman stages these audacious battles with vim and vigor.  Perseus looks woebegone by the time he delivers the death blow to his adversary.  “Wrath of the Titans” tops “Clash of the Titans.”