FILM REVIEW OF "A TRAIN FOR DURANGO" (Italian-Spanish 1968)

Despite its many shoot-outs and high body count, "Bullets Don't Argue" director Mario Caiano's "Train from Durango" (**1/2 OUT OF ****)  is an early Spaghetti western comedy with lots of men dying. The Mario Caiano, José Gutiérrez ("The Hellbenders") Maesso, and Duccio ("The Ballad of Death Valley") Tessari screenplay resembles some of Sergio Leone's "For A Few Dollars More." In the Leone western, the outlaws hijacked a safe from a bank, but they cannot open it up without destroying the money, so Lee Van Cleef's Colonel Mortimer applied his skills as a craftsman to open the safe for a percentage of the loot. The heroic duo in "A Train for Durango" are out to accomplish a similar feat for a gang of revolutionaries. Caiano's film represents an example of those Italian westerns like Sergio Corbucci's "The Mercenary" that occurred during the Pancho Villa-led revolution in Mexico against the dictator President Diaz, so the appearance of an early model car driven by one of the protagonists is perfectly legitimate. The suspense evolves over whether or not this duo can survive their encounters with the gang. "A Train for Durango" contains several surprises at the outset, during the action, and at the end. Although the villainous outlaws are cretinous, they are also quite murderous and kill without a qualm. This supplements the suspense about whether or not our heroes will survive.

Two hard-luck drifters—an American and a Mexican—sell their horses and their six-shooters to catch a train to Durango. Not only do they not know the train carrying a huge safe filled with government loot, but also that a gang of bandits is aboard the train. The American, Gringo (Anthony Steffen of "The Stranger's Gundown"), strikes up a friendship with a beautiful woman, Helen (sexy Dominique Boschero of "Ulysses against the Son of Hercules"), doesn't seem to mind that Gringo hasn't taken a bath in ages. She informs him that since she's come to Mexico that she has grown accustomed to the stench of unwashed bodies. She offers him a cigar, and he winds up taking the case of cigars.

Meanwhile, Gringo's Mexican friend, Lucas (Enrico Maria Salerno of "The Warrior Express"), wanders throughout the train. Sneaking up on passengers, he gobbles mouthfuls of their food when they aren't paying attention or outright steals their chow. The bandits go searching for him when he arouses their suspicion. Meantime, when the train stops at a depot, Lobo (Roberto Camardiel of "The Big Gundown") and his army of bandits make their move. First, they kill all the passengers. They shoot Gringo, but the bullet embeds itself in the cigar case concealed under his shirt. Second, one of Lobo's henchmen, Heraclio (José Bódalo of "Ringo's Big Night") abducts Helen. Third, his gang of bandits transfers the government safe from the train to a wagon and hauls it away. Meanwhile, Lucas has eluded the bandit's and survived the massacre. Gringo and he find the keys to open the safe on the bodies of the murdered Americans. They decide to follow Lobo and his army of gunmen. They know that Lobo's bandits don't have the means to open the safe, and they propose a deal with one of Lobo's men to open the safe in return for splitting the booty.

The dreams that our heroes have prove ephemeral. A Lobo follower takes them captive and tries to obtain the key from them. First, he plants them up to their necks in the ground and places a pot over their heads which he bangs on to drive them crazy. Second, when the first option falls through, he has his men ride over them. The American produced but Spanish lensed "Guns of the Magnificent Seven" used this form of torture. Another American, Brown (a mustached Mark Damon of "The Fall of the House of Usher"), shows up earlier driving a car. Later, he appears at an opportune moment to wipe out the group of horsemen about to ride down on our hapless protagonist while they are buried up to their chins in the ground. Brown amounts to a kind of guardian angel for them. He intervenes later on during a night-time gun battle, careening into the scene and lobbing explosives at the villains Mexicans trying to kill our heroes.

Helen suggests that they use a small cannon to blow the safe open. When the cannon ball strikes the safe, it blasts it through the adobe hut that the safe was setting in front of and doesn't make a dent in the safe. Gringo and Lucas show up immediately after and try to infiltrate the gang. Lobo's second-in-command remembers that he shot Gringo and
our heroes have a close shave escaping from the bandits. Brown keeps showing up and helping Helen as well as our heroic duo get out of one scrape after another with their skin. Eventually, at the ending, Caiano and his scribes shed light on Brown's reason for repeatedly popping up at the worst possible moment to rescue out heroes.

Anthony Steffen and Enrico Maria Salerno make a charismatic heroic duo. They argue incessantly with each other and their arguments are amusing. Incidentally, future "Trinity" director Enzo Barboni served as the director of photography. Talented composer Carlo Rustichelli never leaves us in doubt when a scene is supposed to be amusing or murderous. "A Train for Durango" isn't the greatest Spaghetti western ever made, but it manages to be cynical, comedic, and entertaining.

FILM REVIEW OF ''CREED" (2015)

Movie sequels thrive on similarity.  Sequels either carbon copy the original or follow-up it up with something similar but different.  “Fruitvale Station” writer-director Ryan Coogler’s “Creed” (***1/2 OUT OF ****), starring Michael B. Jordan and Sylvester Stallone, could have taken advantage of an obvious franchise title like “Rocky 7.” Mind you, Stallone returns as Rocky Balboa, but he doesn’t put on the gloves.  Nevertheless, like his struggling protagonist, Coogler sought to deliver something similar but different with the Oscar-winning franchise.  Indeed, “Creed” does carbon copy a lot of the original “Rocky” (1976), but the action occurs from the perspective of an African-American.  Sophomore helmer Coogler and co-scribe Aaron Covington focus on the late Apollo Creed’s illegitimate son, so the film qualifies more as a spin-off.  An aspiring pugilist in his own right who since his youth has refused to knuckle under to adversity, Adonis Johnson insists on carving out a name and a reputation for himself without exploiting his father’s legacy.  Like Rocky, Adonis has boxing in his blood. Unfortunately, despite his undefeated light-heavyweight record of fifteen knock-outs in Mexican boxing matches, our hero cannot recruit a trainer.  Predictably, Adonis must surmount similar obstacles to those Rocky faced to arrange a bout with a champ. Along the way, Adonis redeems himself, respects the father that he never knew, and appreciates the mentor who prepares him for the arena—Rocky Balboa.

“Creed” opens in 1998, in a Los Angeles County jail, as a wayward youth, Adonis (Alex Henderson of “Supremacy”) is getting beaten up by an older adolescent because his opponent uttered ill words about his late mother.  Before the jailers can break-up the brawl, Adonis devastates his enemy.  Later, as he is cooling off in a holding cell, Adonis is surprised when Apollo Creed’s wife Mary Ann Creed (Phylicia Rashad of “Good Deeds”) persuades him to come home with her. Subsequently, “Creed” flashes forward to 2015. An older, adult Adonis (Michael B. Jordan of “Chronicle”) knocks out a competitor at a weekend boxing tournament in Tijuana, Mexico.  The following day at work, despite having gotten a promotion, Adonis resigns because the job doesn’t suit him.  He fails to attract a trainer at the Los Angeles-based Delphi Gym where his father got his start. The owner displays nothing but contempt for him.  An irate Adonis promises his Mustang to anyone who can deck him, and Danny 'Stuntman' Wheeler (newcomer Andre Ward) promptly puts him to sleep.  Adonis bids goodbye to Mary Ann, and relocates to Philadelphia, where he approaches Rocky about training him.  Rocky (Sylvester Stallone) still runs the same restaurant that he managed in “Rocky Balboa,” but his wife Adrian and his quarrelsome pal Paulie have both passed away.  Initially, Rocky refuses Adonis’s offer.  Nevertheless, the tenacious Adonis keeps bugging him and eventually persuades the Italian Stallion to teach him. The training montages are both amusing and challenging.  Rocky clocks Adonis chasing chickens in a coop to enhance his timing.  While he sits in the gym reading the newspaper with his spectacles, Rocky has Adonis skipping rope and shadow boxing.  At one point, Rocky changes the gym where they train and Adonis has to follow him on foot while he drives his van across town.  The training sequences will make you perspire, but “Creed” never captures the gritty atmosphere of “Rocky.”  If you remember the original “Rocky,” our woebegone hero earned spare change as muscle for a small-time Mafioso.  Moreover, Rocky groveled under the harsh verbal abuse of a trainer.  Comparatively, the college-educated Adonis has squirreled away sufficient funds to survive until his big break. 

After Adonis has settled into his Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, apartment, he finds it difficult to sleep because a downstairs dweller plays her music loud enough to make the floor thump.  Adonis meets Bianca (Tessa Thompson of “Selma”), and they are attracted to each other.  Whereas Rocky and Adrian in “Rocky” were eking out an existence, Adonis and Bianca are half-way up the ladder.  Just as Rocky is transforming Adonis into a top flight contender, the former champ encounters serious medical tribulations that threaten to disrupt their best-laid plans. At the same time, Bianca learns that Adonis has been concealing his heritage from her as Apollo’s illegitimate son. The friendship between Rocky and Adonis and their tenacity to survive everything that life hurls at them elevates “Creed” as an inspirational experience.  Of course, the savvy filmmakers draw on our sentiments while Rocky struggles to conquer his medical woes. Naturally, things take an upbeat turn when a pugnacious English pugilist, 'Pretty' Ricky Conlan (three time ABA Heavyweight Champion Tony Bellew), challenges Adonis to a fight on HBO. Tony Bellow’s ‘Pretty Ricky’ is reminiscent of Mr. T’s Clubber Lang from “Rocky 3,” and the blood and guts fisticuffs will have you shadow-boxing before the bell sounds.

Although he plays second fiddle to Michael B. Jordan’s prizefighter, Sylvester Stallone steals the picture with a heartfelt performance.  Stallone served as one of the producers of “Creed,” but “Creed” doesn’t channel the same vibe of Stallone’s “Rocky” movies.  The music differs considerably, and the bittersweet experience of another underdog who triumphs isn’t entirely alike. Interestingly enough, this distinguishes “Creed” from the six previous “Rocky” epics.  Coogler stays away from the cute dialogue that Stallone used in his movies.  Meantime, the chemistry between the gung-ho Jordan and reluctant Stallone is palatable.  They appear as a believable team, and Stallone doesn’t have to ham it up to contend with his young co-star.  A sizzling romance between Jordan and Tessa Thompson’s hearing impaired nightclub warbler gives our hero added dimension. Of course, when everything boils down to the final, big bout, “Creed” cashes in on the unbeatable “Rocky” formula.  “Creed” may not clinch any Oscars, though talk has been echoing that Stallone will land a Best Supporting Oscar, but it is contagiously entertaining, not only as a date movie but also as a movie about human beings without CGI special effects. A refreshing change from the usual “Rocky” antics, “Creed” pumps fresh blood into old franchise.

FILM REVIEW OF ''THE HUNGER GAMES: MOCKINGJAY PART 2" (2015)

“Constantine” director Francis Lawrence’s “The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2” (** OUT OF ****) qualifies as an adequate but belated installment in Suzanne Collins’ bestselling, post-apocalyptic, young adult adventure series set in a dystopian society where a dame armed with a bow and arrow topples a totalitarian regime.  Lionsgate Studios could have concluded their chartbuster franchise dexterously with the third movie, combining both parts of “Mockingjay” into a single escapade.  Mind you, scenarists Peter Craig and Danny Strong would have had to perform some judicious editing, whittling down the placeholder first half, and then tightening up the second half.  Basically, “The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2” is neither as audacious as “The Hunger Games” nor its spectacular sequel “Catching Fire.”  Aside from Jennifer Lawrence, Liam Hemsworth, and Josh Hutcherson, everybody else participates in largely scaled back roles.  Sam Claflin and Julianne Moore remain on screen slightly longer and make a greater lasting impression.  Donald Sutherland, smirking through his fluffy white beard, returns as Katniss’ nefarious nemesis President Snow.  The late Phillip Seymour Hoffman gets a few scenes.  Woody Harrelson lurks at our heroine’s elbow as does Elizabeth Banks, Jeffrey Wright, Jena Malone, and Willow Shields.  Stanley Tucci shows up only once in a television broadcast segment for Snow.  Suffice to say, four of the franchise characters fail to survive.  At fadeout, one major character simply turns on heel, withdraws from a room, never to be heard from again, in a bland exit.   

Lawrence doesn’t have much to work with, and this straightforward saga isn’t as creative as the first two blockbusters.  “Mockingjay 2” contains a few exciting scenes, but the demise of its primary villain--whose demise we have savored for so long--takes place out-of-sight.  Meantime, Katniss Everdeen stands front and center, and inevitably Mockingjay 2” rehabilitates Peeta Mellark as her battling beau.  Sadly, Peeta’s return generates little pizzazz.  The action follows our heroine and her companions as they plunge into the Capitol on a behind-the-lines mission. They must wend their way through an explosive obstacle course of booby-traps until Katniss can execute Snow.  Unhappily, as much as she yearns to slaughter Snow, Lawrence and his scribes deprive Katniss of that golden opportunity.  Committed Katniss fans familiar with Collins’ novels will appreciate this adaptation more than those who haven’t perused the novel.  Essentially, two scenes overshadow the film.  The first involves a rabid horde of cadaverous mutants in the sewer that attack them and then Katniss’ ultimate showdown with Resistance Army President Alma Coin.

“The Hunger Games Mockingjay Part 2” opens where the third feature abruptly ended.  Meaning, if this is your first encounter with the franchise, you’re going to be puzzled by most of what ensues.  Katniss has recovered from Peeta’s futile effort to strangle her, while he remains in restraints.  Initially, she has trouble uttering her own name.  Eventually, she embarks on a mission into the District 2 war zone alongside long-time friend Gale Hawthorne (Liam Hemsworth of “The Expendables 2”) where an enemy shoots Katniss in the back.  Predictably, Snow celebrates her death before he learns that she survived. Disgruntled about getting sidelined after her near-death experience, our pugnacious protagonist sneaks back into combat with a little help from smarmy Johanna Mason (Jena Malone of “Cold Mountain”), but she finds herself relegated to a propaganda mission as rebel forces enter the capital.  Once again, Coin relies on Katniss for her propaganda value as the Mockingjay, while Katniss itches for the chance to kill Snow.  Our heroes wield a gadget that enables them to detect the presence of booby traps. Snow has turned the Capitol into an obstacle course of deadly booby traps.  Our courageous heroine and her unit face numerous close scrapes, and their brash adversaries make the same mistake again and again of thinking that they have eliminated Katniss while she emerges unscathed. Ultimately, Katniss’ two confrontations with Snow in the final quarter ignite few sparks.  You don’t have to have read the book to figure out where the action is heading in this final quarter.

Director Francis Lawrence stages most of the story in claustrophobic tunnels and labyrinthine cityscapes. He lensed “The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2” not only in Atlanta, Georgia, but also abroad in Paris and Berlin.  The liveliest scene unfolds in the sewer when the Mutts assault our heroes, and Katniss barely escapes from their jaws.  Of course, not everybody survives this white-knuckled episode.  Simultaneously, Katniss and company trigger booby traps among skyscraper buildings that unleash tons of tar.  Unfortunately, these tense action scenes cannot compare with the more imaginative ones in “The Hunger Games” and “Catching Fire” with their scenic settings.  Part of the problem is the shortage of suspense.  Although Katniss gets wounded early into the action, you know she cannot die.  Any time that the audience knows more than the villains, a movie will suffer.  Predictably, certain characters near her must bite the dust to maintain some modicum of tension.  The persistent romantic triangle arises again.  Peeta struggles to convince Katniss that he is no longer trustworthy.  Meantime, Gale Hawthorne accompanies her, but it is clear he is not going to end up at her side when all is said and done. During an early scene, he complains that kissing Katniss is like kissing a drunk.  Lawrence develops some suspense during the scene near the end when Katniss and Gale sneak into the Capitol masquerading as refugees bound for sanctuary at Snow’s headquarters. There are some anxious moments when Snow’s sentries look poised to pounce on our heroes.

Although “The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2” boasts impressive production values and a charismatic cast, Lionsgate Studio has allowed this once exhilarating franchise to linger beyond its expiration date.  As sumptuously produced and splendidly cast as this installment is, the action seldom seems as fresh and spontaneous as it once was.  Hollywood has always sought to milk their cash cows, but prolonging the inevitable when it has been dragged out far too long in the first place constitutes tedium.  

FILM REVIEW OF ''SECRET IN THEIR EYES'' (2015)

“Pretty Woman” superstar Julia Roberts shatters her glamorous image in the grim but surprising police procedural thriller “Secret in Their Eyes” (*** OUT OF ****), co-starring Academy Award winning actress Nicole Kidman, Oscar nominated actor Chiwetel Ejiofor, and Emmy-nominated actor Alfred Molina.  This occasionally gripping but often conventional film is a remake of the superb 2009 Argentinean opus “The Secret in Their Eyes.”  Scripted originally with a man in mind, Roberts’ steps into the rewritten supporting role as a grieving single-mom who happens to be a veteran detective determined not only to take the law into her own hands but also exact vengeance on the suspected murderer of her daughter.  Furthermore, the man in the Argentinean movie was not a pistol-packing policeman, but a statistics-minded bank clerk!  Reportedly, “Shattered Glass” writer & director Billy Ray rewrote the role specifically for Julia Roberts.  Incidentally, Ray is best known for scripting movies such as “Flightplan,” “Captain Phillips,” and “The Hunger Games.”  Of course, it remains to be seen whether Julia Roberts’ loyal fans will accept the “Erin Brockovich” actress as a plain-Jane, tomboy with a sadistic streak.  In contrast, murder mystery aficionados who thrive on grisly melodramas may have a tough time imagining Roberts as such a demented soul.  Mind you, entertaining as this formulaic American crime saga is, it isn’t as imaginative as its distinguished predecessor that took home the Best Foreign Film Oscar in 2010.  Appropriately enough, the director who helmed the inspired original film, Juan José Campanella, served as the executive director for “Secret in Their Eyes.”  Presumably, Campanella must have conferred his blessing on the Hollywood adaptation by supervising it as an executive director.  

FBI agent Ray Kasten (Chiwetel Ejiofor of “American Gangster”) has been reassigned to Los Angeles.  He has been dispatched to assist a special anti-terrorist task force in the aftermath of New York City’s 9/11 catastrophe.  Ray has grown chummy with two investigators, Jess Cobb (Julia Roberts) and Bumpy Willis (Dean Norris of “Lethal Weapon 2”), but District Attorney Martin Morales (Alfred Molina of “Spider-Man 2”) and gimlet-eyed Detective Reg Siefert (Michael Kelly of “Man of Steel”) infuriate him.  Morales has just recruited a new deputy D.A., Claire Sloan (Nicole Kidman of “Australia”), who is an statuesque blonde.  Everybody, particularly Jess, soon realizes Ray is infatuated with Claire.  Claire remains as cool as a glacier as she moves around Ray.  Nevertheless, she is doesn’t entirely ignore him.  Meantime, Ray has been conducting surveillance on a mosque when a report reaches him about a Jane Doe corpse in a nearby dumpster.  Everybody assembles at the mosque where the police have set-up a crime scene.  Ray is the first detective to gaze into the dumpster.  Horror overwhelms him when he recognizes the corpse; the dead girl, Carolyn Cobb (Zoe Graham of “Boyhood”), is none other than Jess’s daughter.  Distraught beyond description, Jess climbs into the dumpster and cradles her dead daughter in her arms.  

Eventually, Ray ferrets out an enigmatic suspect, Marzin (Joe Cole of “Offender”), on the basis of a company picnic photo.  The villain is shown staring at Carolyn in the picture.  Later, Ray discovers that Marzin had been hanging around the mosque.  Inevitably, Ray clashes with an abrasive Morales about his conduct.  Ray is an defiant FBI agent who ignores boundaries when they interfere with his objectives.  Launching his own investigation, Ray refuses to share either evidence or leads with the detectives assigned to the case.  Ray provokes Morales’ wrath because the loose cannon FBI agent has been neglecting his prime directive. He is supposed to monitor potential terrorist threats to Los Angeles.  Morales threatens to notify the FBI about Ray’s insubordination and have him recalled.  Nothing Morales does, however, derails Ray’s obstinate search for Carolyn’s murderer.  At one point, Claire finds herself drawn into his investigation.  Together, they expose Marzin as the killer, but events beyond their control prevent them from prosecuting this dastard.

“Secret in Their Eyes” inherited its flashback-riddled narrative structure from the original.  The remake unfolds 13 years after Carolyn’s unsolved murder as Ray shows up Los Angeles to convince Claire—now the District Attorney— that she must reopen the case because he has new evidence about the identity of the suspect.  Comparatively, in the original, the hero revisited his old stomping ground 25 years afterward because he is using Carolyn’s homicide as the subject for a novel.  The two films switch back and forth between past and present with nimble abandon.  This hopscotch technique could confuse audiences accustomed to straightforward chronological yarns. In this respect, the American version takes advantage of these incessant shifts in time to accentuate the suspense and the surprises.  Whereas the Argentinean cop was not personally acquainted with the murder victim, the FBI agent worked closely with the daughter’s mother as a colleague. 

The American remake suffers primarily from the changes that Billy Ray has made with certain characters.  First, the incendiary FBI agent explodes like a powder keg and emerges as his own worst enemy.  The investigator in the original rarely lost his temper.  Second, the hero’s partner in the Spanish film mustered greater charisma than the hero’s crippled counterpart in the remake.  Third, the hero’s antagonist boss is neither as eloquent nor as profane as the hero’s superior in the original.  Fourth, the motive for the hero to return in the remake is more contrived than the hero’s reappearance in the first film. Fifth, a “Gone in 60 Seconds” stolen car chop-shop scene qualifies as hopelessly gratuitous with its standard-issue shootout.  Despite the flawed characters and the uneven scenes, the remake successfully duplicates more scenes from the original than it wrecks.  The best example occurs when Kidman and Ejiofor collaborate to dupe the villain into confessing his crime.  Unfortunately, Kidman and Ejiofor generate little chemistry as a couple supposedly attracted to each other. Altogether, “Secret in Their Eyes” doesn’t surpass its infinitely superior predecessor “The Secret in Their Eyes.” Nevertheless, Julia Roberts manages to broaden her acting repertoire.

FILM REVIEW OF ''THE LAST WITCH HUNTER" (2015)

“The Last Witch Hunter” (* OUT OF ****) casts spells that are far from inspired and mediocre at best.  “Dungeons & Dragons” aficionado Vin Diesel toplines this ponderous, PG-13 rated pabulum as an 800-year old protagonist who struggles with the help of the Catholic Church to preserve a precarious peace between witches and mankind.  Not only does Diesel appear incredibly miscast as an immortal “Highlander” type medieval warrior careening around contemporary New York City in a sports car, but also this witchy washy yarn doesn’t surpass superior witchcraft fantasies such as “Snow White and The Huntsman” (2012) and “Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters” (2013).  The chief problem with this lavishly-produced, CGI-laden extravaganza is that it takes itself far too seriously.  Apart from its dire shortage of humor, this dreary potboiler suffers from a dearth of quotable dialogue, banal adversaries, and second-rate supporting characters.  Gifted thespians like Oscar-winner Michael Caine and Elijah Wood shrivel in lackluster roles as our hero’s sidekicks who are designated as ‘Dolans.’  “Sahara” director Breck Eisner and three scenarists, Cory Goodman of “Priest” along with Matt Sazama and Burk Sharpless of “Dracula Untold,” have conjured up a synthetic storyline that generates neither charisma nor spectacle.  Actually, they appear to have imitated the sensational Wesley Snipes’ vampire saga “Blade” right down to its rebirth of an ancient blood demon.  Similarly, “The Last Witch Hunter” should have bristled with non-stop momentum, violently outlandish combat sequences, and a coherently contrived mythology.  Instead, it degenerates into a dreary mumbo-jumbo melodrama.  The most ambitious CGI scene pits our hero against a clumsy beast known as ‘the Sentinel,’ and he destroys behemoth with a sword as if he were a bullfighter straddling it.  This unruly creature resembles a huge tiger that appears as it if were assembled from wicker and features a jet engine afterburner for its gullet.  Our hero’s chief adversary is a hideous Witch Queen swarming with creepy crawlies who looks like she has spent too many centuries in a mud bath.  Moreover, she boasts none of the imaginative flamboyance of Charlize Theron’s enchantress in “Snow White and the Huntsman.” 

“The Last Witch Hunter” unfolds during the chilly Middle Ages.  A group of stalwart souls armed with swords trudge through snow-swept, mountainous terrain to storm an eerie cluster of haunted trees.  A despicable looking dame known as the Witch Queen (Julie Engelbrecht of the TV mini-series “The Strain”) inhabits this stronghold raging with fire and brimstone.  Predictably, she isn’t glad to see these bearded gate-crashers with their religious iconography.  This homicidal hag with her hatred for mankind has already decimated humanity with a black plague and incurred our hero’s wrath.  The Witch Queen’s pestilence exterminated our hero’s wife and daughter, and his happier times with them are recounted in several flashbacks.  When Kaulder (Vin Diesel with dwarfish dreadlocks) and the Witch Queen tangle, our fearless witch hunter skewers her with his flaming sword and finishes her off.  Ironically, Kaulder survives this trial by combat, but his survival becomes a tribulation.  “I curse you,” howls the wounded witch.  “You’ll never know peace. You will never die.”

 

Afterward, “The Last Witch Hunter” shifts its setting from the 13^th century to the 21st century.  Our brawny, shaven-headed hero with neither dwarfish facial fuzz nor noggin fur prowls a passenger jet as it encounters foul weather.  Actually, an ignorant young witch has smuggled a dangerous collection of runes aboard the aircraft, and she is to blame for the increment weather.  Naturally, our erudite hero invokes his age-old wisdom and defuses these volatile artifacts.  Nothing about this scene creates either suspense or excitement.  As his own personal reward, Kaulder seduces a nubile stewardess before he sits down for the last time with his 36^th Dolan (Michael Caine of “The Dark Knight”), a revered Catholic cleric who has spent the last 50 years chronicling our protagonist’s escapades for posterity.  Incidentally, Dolans are members of a covert Axe and Cross society within the Catholic Church.  Like Kaulder, they have devoted themselves to maintaining an uneasy truce between humans and witches.  In “The Last Witch Hunter,” witches walk the earth with mankind, just as vampires did in “Blade,” but few people know about their phantasmagorical presence.  Kaulder and the clerics act as intermediaries who work alongside the crafty Witch Counsel to keep these necromancers in line.  Kaulder captures witches who illegally practice black magic, and the Witch Counsel entomb them in a maze of caves.

 

The 36^th Dolan is poised to retire, and the 37^th Dolan (Elijah Wood of “The Lord of the Rings” trilogy) prepares to replace him.  Although he saved the 37^th Dolan from a coven of witches, Kaulder doesn’t immediately recognize this newcomer.  Meantime, dramatic complications occur when the 36^th Dolan appears to have been murdered under mysterious circumstances by a shape-shifting sorcerer.  Kaulder discovers black magic at the scene of the crime and suspects that his ancient adversary, the Witch Queen, may have been playing possum all those years.  Along the way, Kaulder recruits a ‘good’ witch Chloe (Rose Leslie from “Game of Thrones”) to help him sort out the mystery.  Chloe’s claim to fame is her ability to cavort in dreams.  Happily, she rescues Kaulder from one disastrous dream after another when the Witch Queen’s evil cronies attack him on several occasions.  Our hero believes the solution to his quandary lies within his “Matrix” like dreams.

Ultimately, “The Last Witch Hunter” is largely incomprehensible gobbledygook.  Eisner and his scribes have enormous problems mapping out their complex witchcraft mythology.  They sprinkle bread crumbs of information about these conjurers throughout the muddled melodramatics, but seldom does anything about them come across as palatable.  Two surprises occur during these sluggish shenanigans, but neither are genuine revelations if you have paid attention to the formulaic plot.  The villains don’t stand out from the background, and the Witch Queen is stuck in the mud from the start.  Eisner orchestrates several big-budget action scenes, but these emerge as sloppy exercises.  Altogether, “The Last Witch Hunter” qualifies as hex-rated rubbish.

FILM REVIEW OF ''BRIDGE OF SPIES" (2015)

Historians have chronicled the events during the intervening fifty-three years in director Steven Spielberg’s gripping Cold War thriller “Bridge of Spies” (**** OUT OF ****), so little comes as a complete surprise.  Despite the conspicuous absence of suspense, this lavishly produced, persuasively acted, and thoroughly engrossing film remains utterly captivating.  Working from a screenplay by Matt Charman, rewritten by Joel and Ethan Cohen of “Fargo” fame, Spielberg makes largely minor departures from the actual occurrences as they unfolded and recreates history with nimble spontaneity.  (The theft  of the hero's overcoat is an example of fabrication.  According to the real James Donovan, who wrote about these events in his book "Strangers on a Bridge," he caught a cold from the drafty room that he slept in in West Berlin.) Tom Hanks plays the congenial central character in this literate chess game of international espionage that opens with the arrest of a Soviet spy in America and culminates on a lonely Berlin bridge at dawn with rival world superpowers swapping the spy for captured U-2 pilot Francis Gary Powers.  Spielberg doesn’t squander a second in this atmospheric narrative and shoehorns a plethora of action into 135 minutes without resorting to glamorous heroics and gratuitous pyrotechnics.  Everybody always raves about the magnitude of story above all else, and “Bridge of Spies” exemplifies why a good, solid story—even one that has been well-documented in the international press at the time—can still yield an immensely satisfying film.  Each character stands out dramatically and each has been etched with sympathy so we are concerned about their welfare even though everything is a foregone conclusion.  At the heart of the matter, “Bridge of Spies” qualifies as a credible, bona fide “Mission Impossible” when you consider all the variables that the unseen hand of history brought to the table.  What makes it doubly interesting is that only a singular incident like this could have ushered these individuals to each other’s company.

“Bridge of Spies” unfolds with the FBI arresting Rudolf Abel (Mark Rylance of “Prospero's Books”) in Brooklyn during 1957.  Abel had maintained a low-profile as one of the top Soviet spies in America.  Masquerading as an artist, he was able to collect information without calling attention to himself.  The Soviets relied on what are known as dead letter mail boxes.  Information could be stashed and retrieved, without it being apparent to most people, in innocuous places.  Abel sat on a bench one day to paint a picture of a bridge.  As he adjusted his easel, he felt under the bench and found a hollowed coin containing a coded message.  Later, after the Feds raided his studio apartment, Abel destroyed the message under their noses while they ransacked his premises for incriminating evidence.  At this point, Brooklyn insurance claims attorney James Donovan (Tom Hanks of “Forrest Gump”) enters the arena.  The law firm where he is a partner informs him that the New York Bar Association wants him to serve as Abel’s pro-bono counsel so nobody can impugn American justice.  Mind you, everybody but Donovan considers Abel’s conviction a foregone conclusion.  Of course, he concedes he has been chosen to defend the most hated man in America.  “Everyone will hate me,” Donovan laments, “but at least I’ll lose.”  Neither Donovan’s wife, Mary (Amy Ryan of “Capote”), nor his children share his idealistic, high-flown principles.  Nevertheless, Donovan goes into court swinging with everything that he has, and he discovers the deck has been stacked against him.  Judge Byers (Dakin Matthews of “Thirteen Days”) refuses to grant Donovan adequate time to prepare Abel’s defense.  Later, when Donovan advises Byers that the FBI had no search warrant so all the evidence should be banned, the judge ignores him.  Inevitably, despite his noble efforts, Donovan cannot clear Abel.  Later, Donovan visits the judge at his honor’s residence and persuades the crusty old jurist to display some good ole American compassion and sentence the Soviet to prison rather than the electric chair.  “If we send this guy to his death,” Donovan opines, “we leave ourselves wide open.  No policy in our back pocket for when the storm comes.”  Byers heeds Donovan’s sage wisdom despite frenzied public opinion that greets him during his verdict.

In the meantime, the CIA recruits U.S.A.F. pilot Francis Gary Powers (Austin Stowell of “Whiplash”) to fly a high altitude jet to conduct aerial reconnaissance over the U.S.S.R.  During his first flight for the CIA designated ‘Operation Grand Slam’ on May 1, 1960, Powers encounters trouble.  A Soviet surface-to-air missile cripples Power’s plane.  His canopy cracks open, and he is swept out onto the fuselage, dangling from the umbilical cord of his air hose.  Despite his best efforts to destroy his U2 plane, Powers can reach the destruct switch.  This qualifies as the most suspenseful moment in “Bridge of Spies.”  As he deploys his chute, Powers narrowly avoids being struck by the debris of his falling plane.  Of course, the Soviet capture Powers, convict him as a spy, and sentence him to three years in prison and seven more at hard labor..  Not long afterward, Donovan receives a letter from the Soviets and finds himself flying to Berlin as a private citizen to arrange a prisoner exchange: Abel for Powers.  Donovan gets the royal runaround from the Soviets as well as the East Berlin authorities with their conflicting political agendas.  Nonetheless, he proves himself to be a shrewd man with a bargain, and he pits the Soviets against East Berlin. Ultimately, he never gives ground during these tense negotiations.  The catch is he must negotiate between the superpowers as a private individual. Read Donovan’s insightful memoir “Strangers on the Bridge,” and you’ll have a new appreciation for this wily attorney.  Another excellent book to read about this incident is Giles Whittell’s informative “Bridge of Spies,” which doesn’t appear in the credits as the source for Spielberg’s movie.

Hanks brings an ingratiating ‘aw shucks’ Jimmy Stewart charm to his portrayal of Donovan.  Literally, “Bridge of Spies” could be seen as “Mr. Smith Goes to Berlin.”  Hanks looks like a paunchy, unassuming figure without a clue, but he emerges as the sharpest tack in the box.  Donovan’s history is pretty amazing when you think about what he accomplished.  Meantime, Mark Rylance distinguishes himself as the enigmatic Soviet spy Rudolf Abel and he overshadows Hanks with a ‘less is more’ performance.  Repeatedly, Donovan makes comments about Abel’s apparent lack of anxiety.  Facing certain death, the imperturbable Abel refuses to let the pressure affect him.  “Would it help?” he queries Donovan to worry about his fate.  Austin Stowell reminded me of cub reporter Jimmy Olsen from the 1950s’ “Superman” TV show.  He epitomizes the wholesome, clean-cut, square-jawed, but ambitious American who refused to commit suicide and struggled to make the best of a dreadful predicament. 

Spielberg does an admirable job of condensing and cross-cutting these events.  Budgeted at $40 million, “Bridge of Spies” looks authentic with its multiple period locations in American and Europe.  Indisputably, “Bridge of Spies” couldn’t have been made during the Cold War because objectivity would have been severely compromised.  Spielberg’s historical reenactment is relevant because contemporary American democracy faces similar challenges.