FILM REVIEW OF "THE THREE STOOGES" (2012)

If you’ve never seen a “Three Stooges” comic short or any of their feature length comedies, the new Farrelly Brothers’ farce is an awful way to acquaint yourself with Moe, Curly, and Larry.  Indeed, it is difficult to believe the same guys who created “There’s Something about Mary” and “Kingpin” concocted this sophomoric comedy.  Unlike the television biography that Mel Gibson produced about the Three Stooges back in 2000, the Brothers Farrelly wanted to revive the fictional morons rather than chronicle their real-life counterparts.  Further, the Farrellys decided to let the “Stooges” wreck havoc in a contemporary setting.  Basically, the Farrellys cannot rekindle the comic genius of these maniac Jewish comics who acquired a reputation for poking eyes, slapping heads, and twisting noses.  Sadly, the laughs are few and far between.  This $30 million imitation of the Three Stooges qualifies as fair.  Juveniles may giggle at the geysers of urine, but neither the Farrellys nor the new Stooges generate a third as many laffs as the originals. 

Chiefly known for their crude and rude movies, the Farrellys usually get a PG-13 or an R-rating for vulgar content.  “The Three Stooges” (** out of ****) marks their first PG-13 release.  The PG-rating covers violent slapstick action and some rude and suggestive humor, including language.  Nevertheless, the Farrellys give the eponymous threesome every opportunity to slap, punch, and gouge each other with glee.  Every “Three Stooges” movie basically is a comedy of errors.  Before the dust settles, the trio has inflicted enough pain and injury on each other to land them in the emergency room.  The colossal stupidity that these three display in their best efforts to perform a task is side-splitting.  The best scene the Farrellys conjure up occurs in a hospital newborn ward.  The Stooges juggle babies, and the infants empty their bladders on them in a shower of urine.  Were this not enough, the Farrellys convinced the cast of the hit reality TV show “Jersey Shore” to suffer the wrath of Moe.  Watching Moe reprimand the “Jersey Shore” regulars is entertaining.  Most of the other gags in “The Three Stooges” have a Rube Goldberg quality.  When they try to remove a bell from a roof, the Stooges lose the head of a sledge hammer.  The sledge head flies off into a water bucket.  The last thing that happens in that scene involves the use of that particular water bucket.  The person intending to refresh another doesn’t know about its’ contents.  

Sean Hayes, Will Sasso and Chris Diamantopoulos do a credible job of impersonating Larry, Curly and Moe.  The complicated material that “Me, Myself & Irene” scenarist Mike Cerrone and the Farrellys serve up defeat their efforts.  “The Three Stooges” unfolds in three back-to-back episodes, each slightly longer than the Columbia Pictures shorts.  The Farrellys and Cerrone have treated this “Stooges” saga as an ‘origins’ film.  They provide some background about the trio.  The protagonists appear as children in the first episode and later predominantly as adults in the second and third episodes.  Believe me; nothing in any of these three episodes will have you in stitches.  “The Three Stooges” resembles an inferior pilot for a proposed television series.  Our threesome land on the front steps of the Sisters of Mercy Orphanage after a car careens up and a duffle bag flies out the window.  The first nun to inspect the duffle, Sister Mary-Mengele (Larry David of “Seinfeld”), takes two fingers in the eyes and topples backwards off the steps.  Eventually, Sister Mary-Mengele becomes their chief adversary.  If the name Mengele sounds familiar, Nazi Josef Mengele was the notorious SS Officer who presided over the destiny of prisoners at Auschwitz.  Anyway, Sister Mary doesn’t cut them any slack.  Another nun follows up and finds three infants in the duffle.  They look like tyke-sized replicas of the adult Moe, Larry, and Curly. 

Mother Superior (Jane Lynch of “Role Models”) and the sisters try to trick a gullible husband and wife, the Harters (Stephen Collins of “Star Trek: The Motion Picture” and Carley Craig of “The Heartbreak Kid”) into adopting Moe.  Rather than letting the prospective parents see every child, the sisters trot out just the Three Stooges.  When it appears the nuns have fooled the Harters into taking the trio off their hands, another child, Teddy (Jake Peck), enters the room by accident.  The trio end up stuck at the orphanage for life.  Twenty-five years later, they are still living at the Sisters of Mercy.  Moe (newcomer Chris Diamantopoulos with a distinctive bowl-shaped haircut) emerges as the boss of the bunch.   Larry (Sean Hayes of “The Bucket List”), Curly (Will Sasso of “Southland Tales”), and Moe perform chores for the sisters.  

As a consequence of the Stooges’ audacious exploits, the orphanage cannot afford its insurance premiums.  Monsignor Ratliffe (Brian Doyle-Murray of “Caddyshack”) shows up to warn the Mother Superior about this crisis.  They have about a month before they must close the orphanage.  Ratliffe tells the Stooges that $830-thousand is required to save the place.  The remainder of this shallow comedy concerns the cockeyed antics of the Stooges as they struggle to obtain that $830-thousand.  The obstacles they face are well-nigh insurmountable.  Furthermore, these knuckle-heads are completely clueless about how they can save the day.  Quite by accident, they encounter Lydia (Sofía Vergara of “Four Brothers”) and her shady boyfriend Mac (Craig Bierko of “Sour Grapes”) as they are searching for somebody to kill her husband.  Of course, the Stooges think that Mac is married to Lydia.  In reality, Lydia is married to grown-up Teddy (Kirby Heyborne of “Saints and Soldiers”) the kid from the orphanage.  Mac convinces them that he wants to die and they plan his demise.  When Lydia offers our numbskulls $830-thousand, they prepare to let blood.  

“The Three Stooges” looks like the Farrellys made it for elementary school age kids. You’d be better off watching any of the 190 genuine “Three Stooges” comic shorts or their six feature length films.  Worst, “The Three Stooges” rates as the worst Farrellys’ movie ever.

FILM REVIEW OF ''ESCAPE FROM L.A." (1996)

If Snake Plissken had an attitude problem in "Escape from New York," wait until you behold the havoc he wrecks in the long-awaited, slam-bang sequel "Escape from Los Angeles,"(***1/2 OUT OF ****)  a memorable apocalyptic science fiction satire that more than compensates for many of the shortcomings in the original.

In August 2000, an earthquake separates Los Angeles from the California mainland. An ultra-conservative Jerry Falwell-type politician (Cliff Robertson of "PT-109"), who predicted the earthquake, has managed to exploit his good fortune to win the presidency in the next election. The term of his presidency, however, is lifetime. He rewrites the laws so that he can hang on to the post for life then relocates the nation's capital to Lynchburg, Virginia. A new morally white-washed America has emerged by the year 2013. Cursing, smoking, pre-marital as well as extra-marital sex, and eating red meat now constitutes crimes. The government deports anybody who doesn't conform to this new order and sends them to the gang-infested cesspool of Los Angeles. The U.S. Police Force maintains a chain of forts along the coastline to repel the efforts of a South American revolutionary, Cuervo Jones (George Corraface of "Christopher Columbus"), who plans to spearhead a Third World invasion to reclaim America. 

Things take a turn for the worse when the President's naïve daughter Utopia (A.J. Langer) steals a black box. The black box contains the remote control to activate a necklace of lethal satellites designated 'the Sword of Damocles.' These satellites encircle Earth, and they can fire a magnetic pulse beam with pinpoint accuracy that can disable any kind of electric engine. Utopia hijacks Air Force 3 and the jetliner crashes in L.A. She allies herself with Cuervo Jones who threatens to use the weapon against America. The U.S. Police Force dispatches a rescue team, but they all die. Enter 'war hero' Snake Plissken (Kurt Russell of "Tombstone"), unshaven, sporting a black patch over his left eye, his typically surly attitude toward authority in general, in handcuffs with a police escort. The only thing Snake seems to be interested in is where he can get his next cigarette. The police infect Snake with a deadly virus that gives him less than ten hours to retrieve the black box.  Snake remembers being infected by a scratch from a person who walks past him but he puts down this brief episode as nothing until he realizes the enormityof what has happened.  Reluctantly, Snake agrees to take the mission and rides a nuclear mini-sub into Los Angeles.

Snake shares the sentiments of Marlon Brando's motorcycle maverick from "The Wild One." When asked what he rebels against, Brando's black-leather clad biker replies: "What have you got?" Whatever it is, Snake is against it. Snake thumbs his nose at the rules as well as the rule makers. He is the ultimate anti-hero, sent to save a civilization that he abhors. Former Disney star Kurt Russell reprises the tough guy tongue-in-cheek role he created in "Escape from New York." No, you don't have to have seen the original to appreciate "Escape from Los Angeles." His fastidious performance boasts equal amounts of put-on and posturing. Russell delivers his dialogue in a low, rasping monotone that parodies Clint Eastwood's 'Man with No Name" bounty hunter character. Snake resembles a fashionably rode-hard but put-up-wet Marvel Comic super hero clad in skin-tight, black garb, with matching automatic pistols. Nevertheless, Snake hardly qualifies as a super hero. The filmmakers have a great time poking fun at their one-eyed protagonist. Instead of calling him 'blue eyes,' they refer to him as 'blue eye.' Everybody who comes into contact with Snake for the first time expresses surprise that Snake isn't taller. Snake acts rather gullible on occasions when he has to depend on characters who double-cross him.

While the first "Escape" represented a triumph of style over substance, the "Escape" sequel triumphs both in style and substance. "Escape from New York" attained classic cult status as a darkly comic, industrial-strength escapade where Snake rescued a U.S. President from a grim maximum security prison on Manhattan Island. The story generated at least a modicum of tension because Snake had to contend with the severe time restriction. He had been injected with a poison that would kill him if he failed to accomplish his mission by its deadline. In the first "Escape," Snake sought to retrieve a cassette tape to bring about world peace. Strictly a follow-the-numbers formula melodrama, "Escape" benefited from its gritty looks, Carpenter's fantastic orchestral score, and the eerie atmosphere between the time that Snake landed his glider on New York City's World Trade Center and the violent shoot'em up finale on a bridge. The first "Escape" suffered because the scene between the inventive opening and concluding set pieces were synthetic and forgettable. The beauty of "Escape from Los Angeles" lies in the producer's refusal to stray from its formulaic origins. Moreover, the filmmakers have beefed up the budget, broadened the scope, and pumped up the story. Once again Snake battles the clock in his strenuous efforts to recover a device that can trigger world-wide destruction. There is a far greater sense of urgency in this "Escape" as we see Snake cutting corners and blowing away the opposition at every turn to save time. The sequence where he first tires to kill Cuervo Jones has a frenetic Indiana Jones quality.  Snake commandeers motorcycles and leaps from one vehicle to the next, swapping lead with a horde of unsavory villains.  Perhaps the strangest scene involves the deranged cosmetic surgeon (Bruce Campbell of "Evil Dead") who carves his victims up to get their useful body parts.

Director John Carpenter never lets the story slow down so we can catch our breath. Just when you think that you have it all figured out, he pulls a fast one with a clever surprise or two that enlivens this "Escape." "Escape from Los Angeles" pushes the envelope further in all directions. Carpenter penned the script with producer Debra Hill and Kurt Russell. Snake's mission is no picnic. The filmmakers plunge Snake headlong into one rigorous, hair-raising adventure after another. Snake spends the nine and a half hours of the literal storyline jumping through one flaming hoop after another in his quest for the black box. Of course, Carpenter and company have wisely compressed the time and super-charged the action so that the movie hurdles along at a breakneck pace.  Several familiar faces pad out the cast. Stacy Keach of "Mike Hammer" fame plays the same role Lee Van Cleef had in the original. Keach ranks as the top cop who coordinates between Snake and Cliff Robertson's scene-chewing president. "Rain Man" co-star Valerie Golino and "Pulp Fiction's" Steve Buscemi help Snake navigate through the rubble of Los Angeles. The only thing "Escape from L. A." doesn't do better is repeat the same orchestral score. John Carpenter received credit for the music, but Shirley Walker of "Batman") puts a spin on the theme that doesn't compare favorably to the original. If you thought the first "Escape" remotely entertaining, "Escape from L.A." should blow your mind. Watch out for all that R-rated violence and profanity.

FILM REVIEW OF ''LOCKOUT" (2012)

 

If you’re a hardcore action movie aficionado, you probably compared “Lockout” with John Carpenter’s vintage sci-fi epic “Escape from L.A.” the first time that you watched the lively little trailer.  The last actor that I thought would appear in this entertaining but disposable piece of fodder is Guy Pearce.  Typically, the English-born Pearce appears in prestigious upscale films, such as “Memento,” “The King’s Speech,” “The Hurt Locker,” “The Count of Monte Cristo,” “L.A. Confidential," and Ridley Scott’s forthcoming “Alien” prequel “Prometheus.”  “Lockout” looks out of place in Pearce’s filmography so perhaps he was slumming for a fast paycheck.  Rookie writer/directors James Mather and Stephen St. Ledger along with prolific French film producer Luc Besson have done some creative cherry picking for “Lockout.”  Indeed, the premise about a rugged, lone wolf hero sent into a hostile environment to rescue the daughter of a U.S. President has all the earmarks of “Escape from L.A." This time the setting is a maximum security prison in orbit rather than the island of Los Angeles.  This sounds like the Geoff Murphy sci-fi thriller “Fortress 2 Re-entry” (2000) with Christopher Lambert serving time in a futuristic state-of-the-art maximum security prison orbiting 26-thousand miles above the Earth.  No way is anybody getting out of this place without becoming a satellite.  Anybody who hasn’t seen either of these movies will probably compare “Lockout” to the Bruce Willis “Die Hard” franchise.  Mind you, Besson is probably the brain child behind most of this exciting nonsense since he wrote “La Femme Nikita,” “The Transporter” franchise, both “Taken” as well as “Taken 2,” and “The Fifth Element.” 

Like “Escape from L.A.,” “Lockout” takes place in the future.  Yes, this is another dystopian future.  Nevertheless, some things don’t change.  America still has prisons, but the biggest and the worst is no longer on terra firma but instead orbits the Earth.  Furthermore, the prisoners are held in suspended animation stasis.  The adult daughter of the U.S. President Warnock, Emilie (Maggie Grace of “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1”), is on a goodwill mission to M.S. One.  Actually, she is there to investigate allegations that nefarious experiments are being performed on the inmates.  No sooner has Emilie arrived than the inmates stage a breakout.  One of Emilie’s overzealous Secret Service agents decides that surrendering his entire arsenal of firearms will make him feel naked so he keeps a gun strapped to his ankle.  During Emilie’s interview with a particularly disturbing inmate, Hydell (Joseph Gilgun of “Harry Brown”), the convict gets into a scuffle with the Secret Service agent and swipes his ankle pistol.  Initially, Hydell and his older brother Alex (Vincent Regan of “Troy”) have no idea that Emilie is the President’s daughter.

Meanwhile, back on Earth, a wisecracking former CIA agent named Snow (Guy Pearce of "The Proposition") is up to his ears in his own woes. Not only has he lost an important suitcase that contains secret information, but he has also been caught and charged with the murder of his best friend as well as treason. The authorities decide Snow is the ideal candidate to blast off into space and rescue the President's daughter. Of course, Snow isn't exactly enamored of the idea so he qualifies as a reluctant hero. Once he arrives aboard M.S. One, he finds himself in a murky maze with everybody, including the President's daughter, trying to kill him. After she realizes who Snow is, Emilie and he stick together like glue but constantly bicker. While Snow and Emilie are fleeing from Alex and his insane brother Hydell--who regards everybody else as a potential casualty, our heroes rely on aid from the outside in the form of Shaw (Lennie James of "Columbiana") who knows Snow.  Shaw possesses blueprints of the space prison and can advise Snow where to go to elude the inmates. Shaw and Snow have an underlying relationship that relates to the missing suitcase. It seems the man who last had the suitcase, Mace (Tim Plester of "Dr. Who: A Christmas Carol"), is the only one who knows about its location. Unfortunately, since he has only recently been released from stasis, he has trouble verbalizing his thoughts.

“Lockout” is the kind of runaway thriller where complications keep complicating everything.  Mind you, this is a derivative movie in the sense that you’ve seen everything here before.  No matter what happens, Besson and first time helmers Mather and St. Ledger keep throwing obstacles in the path of our hero and heroine.  The villains are treacherous and take lives without a qualm.  In fact, actor Joseph Gilgun bears an amazing resemblance to Robert De Niro in his early Martin Scorsese movies “Mean Streets” and “Taxi Driver.”  The setting is appropriately grubby a la “Outland.”  Interestingly, Guy Pearce is playing the kind of role that Arnold Schwarzenegger would have done back in 1984.  Like James Bond, Schwarzenegger acquired the habit of uttering a clever one-liner whenever he found himself in a tight predicament.  Pearce’s Snow behaves in similar fashion.  Some of the lines that he utters are humorous.  Maggie Grace and he seem appropriately paired despite the circumstances surrounding their coupling.  Clocking in at a trim, vigorous 95 minutes, “Lockout” looks a little rough around the edges but it delivers every cliché intact with more than enough style to make it worth watching.  

FILM REVIEW OF "RETURN OF THE APE MAN" (1944)

 Far-fetched but fast-moving, “Return of the Ape Man” qualifies as hilarious hokum.  Of course, the horror here is similar to “Frankenstein.”  Mere mortals struggle to appropriate powers that belong to the gods.  Predictably, our mad scientist heroes take themselves very seriously in “Spooks Run Wild” director Phil Rosen’s black & white epic about suspended animation and brain transplants.  Not even the suspension of your disbelief will make this low-budget, Monogram Pictures melodrama appear less dreadful.  Indeed, “Return of the Ape Man” fits the description of a “so-bad-it’s-good” movie.  “Voodoo Man” scenarist Robert Charles gives a better account of himself with “Return of the Ape Man.”  At least, this Lugosi opus boasts some scope and spectacle, part of the narrative transpires overseas as our protagonists travel aboard with serviceable B-roll and adequate back projection.  Comparatively, “Return of the Ape Man” surpasses “Voodoo Man.”  

“Return of the Ape Man” casts Lugosi again as an insane scientist.  He is a scientist who sacrifices everything on the altar of research, including his closest colleague.  Mind you, the teaming of Bela Lugosi with John Carradine makes this almost essential viewing for anybody who craves bad horror thrillers from the 1940s.   Previously, Lugosi and Carradine appeared in “Voodoo Man,” with Carradine in a supporting role as one of his goons.  After the two scientists restore a homeless man to life who they have had in suspended animation for four months, they grow very ambitious, obtain funding for an Arctic expedition, and ten long months later excavate a caveman preserved perfectly in ice.  Of course, media attention is confined to newspaper stories while our protagonists toil in secret.  Professor Dexter (Bela Lugosi) and Professor John Gilmore (John Carradine) thaw the caveman out.  The sight of Lugosi wielding a blow torch to melt the block of ice encasing the prehistoric man is amusing.  “A perfect specimen of pithecanthropus,” quips Gilmore to Dexter after they inspect the body, adding, “Neither man nor ape.”  They restore the Ice Age man to life.  “It’s alive,” breathes Dexter in awe.  No sooner has the cave man regained life than he threatens both Dexter and Gilmore.  Like the Frankenstein monster, the “Ape Man” fears fire.  Dexter brandishes the blow torch to control him.  Dexter backs the brute into a cell and locks him up for safe-keeping. 

 

Dexter confides in Gilmore that he wants to remove half of a contemporary man’s brain and implant it into the Ape Man.  Dexter wants to “endow him with just enough understanding” so he can communicate with him.  He refuses to remove the cave man’s entire brain.  Dexter says “that would remove his entire connection with his former life.”  Dexter wants his patient to retain his memories.  “I must leave in him enough of his old brain to stimulate his memory.” At this point, Dexter goes off the deep end.  Gilmore assures him he will never find a willing subject who will donate half of his brain. Nevertheless, this setback doesn’t deter Dexter from recruiting reluctant subjects. He goes after the fiancé of Gilmore's niece Anne, Steve Rogers (Michael Ames), and tampers wit his drink so Steve will be more amenable to his designs.  During this episode, Dr. Gilmore plays the “Moonlight Sonata” on the piano for Anne.  Presumably, this display of musical virtuosity makes Gilmore more sympathetic.  When he notices that Steve has left, Gilmore rushes to their laboratory.  Gilmore catches Dexter before he can mangle Steve.  Gilmore calls Dexter “despicable” to harm somebody dear to him.  He refuses to continue with their research and says he should have heeded his wife’s advice.  After Gilmore leaves, Dexter has trouble with the Ape Man.  The hairy brute pulls the bars of his cell far enough apart to slip through, eludes Dexter, and hits the streets.  Not only does the Ape Man mug a woman, but he also struggles briefly with a uniformed cop before killing him.  Later, Dexter lies to the gullible Gilmore about disposing of the Ape Man, and he convinces Gilmore to help him.  Instead, he paralyzes Gilmore and implants part of Gilmore’s brain into the Ape Man.  When Dexter awakens Gilmore after surgery, he speaks to the Ape Man, and the latter responds to his words.  “I have advanced his brain 20-thousand years in a few hours,” Dexter marvels at his own success.  When Dexter suggests a second operation may help matters even more, the Ape Man bursts from the house.

 Naturally, after Dexter has implanted half of another brain, the Ape Man really goes on a rampage with predictable “Frankenstein” results.  He flees to Gilmore’s house, plays “Moonlight Sonata,” and then in response to his wife’s summons, he strangles her to death.  Steve sees him leave the bedroom and pursues him, but he doesn’t get far before the Ape Man slugs him.  Anne alerts the cops, and they arrive to find Hilda dead in her bedroom.  The Ape Man returns to Dr. Dexter, and Steve leads the police to Dexter’s house.  The authorities search the premises.  Initially, they find nothing until the Ape Man smashes through the wall concealing his cell.  He breaks out and takes about five shots from a cop before he seizes Dexter.  The Ape Man escapes again, and Dexter admits to Steve and the cops that he transplanted Gilmore’s brain into it.  “In the interest of science you must destroy that thing,” says the dying Dexter.  Predictably, the Ape Man retraces its steps to the Gilmore residence.  The Ape Man abducts Anne after it tells her that she is beautiful.  The police issue an alarm for a maniac on the lam with a woman.  “Return of the Ape Man” turns into “King Kong” with the Ape Man using high power wires to elude the authorities.  He carries an unconscious Anne on his shoulder the entire time during his flight. He takes Anne to a theater and then to Dexter’s home where he ignites a fire by accident.  Michael runs into the lab and rescues Anne.  The Ape Man dies in the blaze.

REVIEW OF ''WRATH OF THE TITANS" (2012)

If you applauded the larger-than-life heroics in “Clash of the Titans,” you’ll probably embrace the derivative exploits “Wrath of the Titans” (**1/2 out of ****) delivers in less time than the original.  Greek mythology tales have never really gone out of fashion. The spectacle of warriors wielding weapons forged by the gods against supernatural monsters reached its zenith during the early 1960s when the Italians produced a plethora of sword and sandal sagas about Hercules, Goliath, Maciste, and Samson.  These epic adventures didn’t take themselves as seriously as their contemporary counterparts have. Most recently, “Troy” (2004), “Alexander,” (2004), “300” (2006), “Clash of the Titans” (2010), and “Immortals” (2011) have been released. “Wrath of the Titans” qualifies as an above-average entry in the CGI special effects laden genre where gods, men, and monsters scrimmage.  Don’t confuse “Wrath of the Titans” with last year’s similarly themed “Immortals.”  Comparatively, the two PG-13 rated “Titans” spectacles are considerably less savage and sadistic than “Immortals.”  While “Clash of the Titans” served as an origins epic, “Wrath” concerns most of the same characters about ten years later. 

In “Clash of the Titans,” the infant demigod Perseus was condemned to die with his mother in a casket plunged into the sea.  Miraculously, Perseus survived.  A humble fisherman, Spyros (Pete Postlethwaite), rescued Perseus and adopted him.  As he grew up, Perseus shunned the gods until Zeus recruited him to save the city of Argos.  Hades, the cruel god of the Tartarus, loosened the legendary sea monster the Kraken with Zeus’ blessing to destroy the city of Argo if the citizens didn’t sacrifice Andromeda.  Defiantly, Perseus and several Argos soldiers embarked on a quest for anything which would enable them to kill the Kraken.  Ultimately, our resourceful hero tangled with the malevolent Medusa.  Half-woman and half-snake, this deadly dame had scores of vipers sprouting from her head rather than curls.  A mere glance at Medusa’s face would petrify any mortal.  Ingeniously, Perseus found a way to decapitate Medusa without eyeballing her.  Perseus saved Princess Andromeda from a fate worse than death and defeated the enormous creature with Medusa’s head. 

“Battle Los Angeles” director Jonathan Liebesman’s “Wrath of the Titans” emerges as a polished but predictable fantasy that imitates its predecessor.  Everybody who made “Clash” doesn’t show up for “Wrath.”  Happily, Sam Worthington returns as Zeus’ rebellious son Perseus who wants little to do with his all-powerful patriarch.  Instead of a boot camp cut, Perseus has a perm that makes him look like Gordon Scott of “Goliath” fame.  Perseus prefers to fish on the seas instead of parade around Mount Olympus.  Despite the tragic death of his wife Io (Gemma Arterton) in “Clash of the Titans,” Perseus has a son, ten-year old Helius (John Bell of “Battleship”), to raise alone.  Liam Neeson, Ralph Fiennes, and Danny Huston reappear respectively as Zeus, Hades, and Poseidon.  Rosamund Pike replaces Alexa Davalos as Andromeda.  This time around Andromeda is more pugnacious.  Decked out in combat regalia, she leads her army into battle against the Titans.  The biggest difference now is that the gods are losing their power because humans aren’t praying to them.  Places of worship lay in ruins. When humanity doesn’t offer prayers to the gods, the power of gods wane, and “Wrath of the Titans” marks a turning point in the franchise.  

If the third entry in the “Titans” franchise—“Revenge of the Titans”--materializes, Zeus and company may appear only as memories.  Presumably, Hades won’t be able to summon another colossal beast from the bowels of the Underworld.  Like its predecessor, “Wrath of the Titans” concerns father and son issues as well as brother versus brother scores.  We learn that Zeus and company endured quite a family feud that ended with them imprisoning their evil father Kronos in Tartarus.  Essentially, Kronos constitutes the equivalent of the Kraken.  Since all blockbusters struggle to top each other, “Wrath of the Titans” pits Perseus against Kronos. Kronos doesn’t want to demolish a single city.  He wants to wipe out mankind.  Whereas the Kraken was a giant sea beast, Kronos is a towering fire god.  Scenarists Dan Mazeau, David Leslie Johnson, and Greg Berlanti make Kronos the equivalent of a lava-spewing volcano.  Earlier, the Kraken made a pretty formidable foe.  One glance at Kronos, however, is enough to make you change your underwear . Imagine what Hellboy would look like if he were the size of Optimus Prime in the “Transformers” movies, and you’ll have a good idea how this immense fiend stacks up to ordinary mortals.

Perseus sets out with Poseidon's illegitimate offspring, Agenor (Toby Kebbell of “RocknRolla”), and Queen Andromeda (Pike) to not only rescue Zeus but also to destroy Kronos.  Earlier, the treacherous Hades and Ares (Édgar Ramírez of “Domino”) double-crossed Zeus and imprisoned him in the Underworld.  Our heroes embark on a scavenger hunt for items.  Along the way, they confront a couple of angry Cyclops and take a beating from them until they befriend them as they did with the giant scorpions named Scorpiochs.  Agenor helps Perseus find the fallen god Hephaestus (Bill Nighy of " Valkyrie "), and Hephaestus shows them the best way to enter Tartarus since he designed it. Eventually, Perseus learns that he must synthesize Zeus’ Thunderbolt, Hades' Pitchfork, and Poseidon’s Trident as a weapon to vanquish Kronos.  In “Star Wars” fashion, our protagonist must take a fiery ride on Pegasus down Kronos’ gullet to dispense the fatal blow.  

“Wrath of the Titans” is amusing hokum.  The stupendous CGI special effects make this 99-minute opus worth watching.  Perseus cuts his teeth on the Chimera. This two-headed, airborne beast with a snake head on its tail attacks him first and then he tackles a couple of towering Cyclops. The maze that our indestructible hero blunders through is more interesting than the Minotaur which he dehorns.  Liebesman stages these audacious battles with vim and vigor.  Perseus looks woebegone by the time he delivers the death blow to his adversary.  “Wrath of the Titans” tops “Clash of the Titans.”

FILM REVIEW OF "SON OF DRACULA" (1943)

Although I'm a super big fan of Lon Chaney, Sr., I've never admired his son Lon Chaney, Jr. While Junior fared better as the sympathetic Lawrence Talbot in "The Wolf Man," this big, burly individual is woefully miscast as the urbane, sophisticated Count Dracula in Robert Siodmak's "Son of Dracula." Okay, I'll give Chaney credit for being the first Dracula with a mustache. Was it Chaney's idea or Siodmak's? Other than John Carradine and Christopher Lee, most Draculas are smooth-shaven gents, but Junior needed more than a mustache to make himself a menacing bloodsucker in this otherwise imaginative but flawed chiller. Junior constitutes the chief flaw. His delivery is stilted beyond belief. When he utters 'decadent' as de-kay-dent, you want to chuckle. Chaney's dialogue delivery doesn't sound scary.  Perhaps he should have adopted a strong dialect.  In any case, he doesn't radiate that evil Bela Lugosi glint in his eyes. Moreover, he doesn't send a chill either up or down your spine. He looks handsome in his outfits, but he lacks the arrogance of immortality. The lack of aristocracy in his conduct doesn't help. Oddly enough, Dracula comes off as somewhat of a chump. Moments of atmosphere, particularly the off-beat setting for this second sequel, and the strange nature of the screenplay compensate for some of the weird things. The sight of Dracula and his bride letting a Justice of the Peace marry them is faintly amusing. On the other hand, the Count's emergence from the swamp is a nice touch.  Dracula's ability to turn into mist and bats before our eyes makes "Son of Dracula" worth-watching.

Appropriately enough, "Son of the Dracula" opens with a pair of hands clearing out cobwebs. Remember eight years had passed since the release of "Dracula's Daughter." The Southern Gothic setting with the moss covered swamp lands is wonderfully sinister. Initially, Frank Stanley (Robert Paige of "Flying G-Men") and Dr. Harry Brewster (Frank Craven of "Barbary Coast") arrive at a railroad depot to greet Count Alcuard. The Transylvanian nobleman, however, is nowhere to be seen. They spot the railway luggage cart stacked high with two chests and other assorted luggage bearing the family crest of Alcuard. Immediately, Brewster notices when he spells Alucard backwards that it reads Dracula. Dracula (Lon Chaney, Jr.) makes his first appearance outside 'Dark Oaks,' the antebellum planation where Katherine 'Kay' Caldwell (Louise Allbritton of "Parachute Nurse") eagerly awaits his arrival. She has thrown a dinner party for him, but he arrives too late to participate.  She plans to marry Dracula.

Katherine's elderly gray-headed father, Colonel Caldwell (George Irving of "Coquette"), is Dracula's first victim.The Colonel's death is the catalyst for the plot.  Initially, when Judge Simmons reads the Colonel's will, Katherine and her sister Claire receive equal shares of everything.  This will is dated August 24th.  Katherine produces a newer will.  She inherits Dark Oaks, while Claire gets everything else. Frank Stanley is madly in love with Katherine, but she only has eyes for Dracula. She met Dracula during a trip to Budapest and hasn't been the same girl.. Meanwhile, Dr. Brewster summons a renowned vampire hunter, Professor Lazlo (J. Edward Bromberg of "Invisible Agent") from Memphis. Like Van Helsing, Lazlo knows everything about Dracula, especially how to destroy him. Frank shoots Dracula with a revolver after he learns that Kirby married them. He flees in horror when his first bullet penetrates Dracula and kills Kay. Frank fires two more shots, discards the revolver, and charges through the dark swamp. He takes refuge in Dr. Harry Brewster's house. Later, Frank surrenders to the authorities and takes the blame for Kay's murder. Dr. Brewster visits Dark Oaks but finds Kay alive. She carries on a conversation with him from her bed.

Dracula's first rendezvous with Kay in the swamp is truly atmospheric. The Count's coffin emerges from the watery depths like a submarine. A mist percolates out of it and turns into Dracula. Literally, Dracula levitates himself across the water to Kay. They drive off to the Justice of the Peace with a jealous Frank shadowing them. The special effects transformation where Dracula turnS his back to the camera and then turns into a flying bat is impressive for its day. It looks cool when the lady vampire dematerializes as a fog bank in the jail cell. The burning of Dracula's coffin as a way to destroy him was a new one on me. Mind you, every studio that has ever made a vampire movie

tampers with the formula. The premise that a woman would flirt with Dracula to obtain immortality then double-cross him is interesting. Dracula cuckolded!? Indeed, "Son of Dracula" seems more like film noir than horror. Things get pretty complicated and these complications make "Son of Dracula" worth watching.

The gimmick of spelling Dracula's name backwards is clever. Anybody but Lon Chaney, Jr., would have made a serviceable Dracula. The guy looks like he ought to be stuffing baloney into his big hammy jowls instead of draining bodies of blood with his fangs. Incidentally, you never see his fangs, but then you never saw either Lugosi's fangs or Carradine's fangs. The Production Code Administration (PCA) probably ruled out such a toothy display on the grounds that it was too repellent. George Robinson's white photography is textbook perfect. He takes a two-dimensional format and gives it a three-dimensional look by bringing out the foreground from the background and the mid-ground.

Altogether, "Son of Dracula" surpasses "Dracula's Daughter." Nevertheless, you have to overlook the obvious lapse of continuity in "Phantom of the Opera" scenarist Eric Taylor's screenplay that he

derived from Siodmak's story. Basically, the studio maintained no continuity for Dracula. Siodmak and Taylor make no references to previous "Dracula" movies. Universal Studios observed far greater

continuity in the "Frankenstein" and "The Wolfman" franchises. Doesn't it say something when the second "Dracula" sequel appeared eight years after "Dracula's Daughter?" The latter in-name-only sequel without Lugosi and only a glimpse of the infamous Count in a coffin with a stake driven into his heart amounted to a letdown compared with the vintage original. The change in the character of Dracula is even more apparent in "Son of Dracula." Perhaps they simply couldn't conjure up a reasonable excuse about how to keep reviving the count. Of course, Universal should have brought back Lugosi. Presumably, studio politics kept Lugosi from encoring in the role until "Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein." "Daughter's Daughter" and the remaining "Dracula" movies qualify as stand alone sequels. Remember, Countess Zaleska burned Dracula's body in "Dracula's Daughter." In "Son of Dracula," however, the vampire expert states the Dracula died in the 19th century.

FILM REVIEW OF ''WHITE ZOMBIE" (1932)

Director Victor Halperin’s “White Zombie” (***1/2 OUT OF ****) boasts the distinction of being the first official Hollywood zombie epic.  Mind you, the undead here are not as pugnacious as  those in the cinema of George Romeo and his imitators.  Indeed, these zombies are similar because they are undead.  Nevertheless, they don’t crave the flesh of the living like insatiable cannibals.  Like Romeo’s zombies, Halperin’s undead are mindless hulks with neither a soul nor a trace of animation.  They walk slowly without alacrity, and they never utter so much as a syllable.  They stare without blinking.  Although their presence is eerie, they are not as scary as the individual who commands them.  

Murder Legendre (Bela Lugosi) controls them as if they were puppets. The inspired casting of Lugosi as the insidious zombie master earmarks Halperin’s film  as a vintage horror chiller. Lugosi’s make-up augments another of his more evocative performances.  Some have argued with validity that “White Zombie” overshadows “Dracula,” and Lugosi emerges as more diabolical than he was as Stoker’s legendary vampire.  You won’t forget those intimidating close-ups of Lugosi’s eyes, especially when Halperin superimposes them over other images.   The moments when Murder is show carving statutes out of wax candles is as genuinely creepy as his intensely sinister stare.  Lugosi resembles Satan himself with his hair protruding in a widow’s peak on his forehead and his peculiar looking goatee.  Murder Legendre appears in formal attire and looks like a Catholic priest with his broad-brimmed hat when we see him for the first time in the night at the side of a road.  Appropriately enough, Halperin and scenarist Garnett Weston furnish Murder with a pet Vulture that emphasizes his villainy.   An actual vulture itself, this foul bird emits an eldritch cry that is pretty unnerving. The best moments in "White Zombie" feature Murder.

Despite the overall creepy atmosphere that Halperin forges with the zombies, the West Indies setting, and Lugosi, “White Zombie”  amounts to little more than a simple but formulaic tale of boy wins girl, boy loses girl, and boy wins girl back.  The film is reportedly based on William B. Seabrook’s novel “The Magic Island.” Essentially, a young Caucasian couple travels to the remote plantation of Charles Beaumont (Robert Frazer) in Haiti where they are to be married.  The first time that we see the couple they are riding in a carriage through the night.  They interrupt a ceremony in the middle of the road and learn to their surprise that it is none other than a funeral.  Their coachman explains that the natives bury corpses in the road to prevent anybody from digging them up and turning them into zombies.  Anyhow, since Beaumont met Madeline during the voyage from New York City to Port-au-Prince, he has yearned secretly for her hand, even though she plans to marry one of his employees.  Desperate to possess the girl, Beaumont manages to persuade Neil Parker (John Harron) and Madeline (Madge Bellamy) to delay their marriage until they reach his estate deep in the jungle.  

Despite his severe misgivings, Beaumont  strikes a Faustian deal with the villainous zombie master to seduce her.  The wealthy plantation owner visits Murder at his sugar mill where the villain employs zombies to harvest his crop.  One of the most spine-chilling scenes in “White Zombie” occurs in the sugar mill where Halperin shows the zombies delivering baskets of sugar cane.  The zombies tote the baskets atop their heads. They enter by means of a catwalk above a huge grinding mill that other zombies operate which grinds up the sugar.  One of the zombies loses his balance and falls into the grinder.  Of course, the zombie doesn’t scream in agony because it doesn’t experience any pain.  Halperin compounds the horror by not showing the poor fellow being ground up.  Similarly, the zombie doesn’t cry out in agony because it doesn’t experience any pain.  The scene is one of the strangest in “White Zombie.”  Initially, Beaumont is convinced that if he can separate Madeline from Neil for at least a month that he can win her over, but Murder argues otherwise.  Murder contends that Beaumont couldn’t woo Madeline away from Neil in a lifetime. Instead, Lugosi provides the jealous  Beaumont with a vial of medicine that will induce a state of death and send Madeline to her grave.  He instructs Beaumont to use only a “pin-point” in either a flower or a glass of wine.  As they descend the stairs together, the hopeless Beaumont realizes that he cannot dissuade Madeline from marrying Neil so he hands her a rose and she sniffs it fragrant aroma.  Not long afterward, Madeline collapses.

A missionary, Dr. Bruner (Joseph Cawthorn), has been summoned to perform the marriage.  Bruner has spent 30 years in the West Indies and is thoroughly familiar with the superstitions that guide the natives.  Cawthorn is suspicious of Beaumont’s motives.  The equivalent of a Professor Van Helsing, he comforts the disconsolate Neil during his separation from Madeline and acts as an intermediary between Neil and the Haitians.  At one point, in Murder’s house, he knocks out an assailant bent on killing Neil who had collapsed on a couch not far from where Madeline and Murder were sitting.

Of course, Neil, the grief-stricken suitor, cannot get his beloved bride out of his mind.  Halperin captures Neil’s desperation during a scene in a bar where only Neil is seen drinking while the shadows of other patrons dance across the walls.  This scene acquires a surreal quality because at one point Neil sees Madeline as one of the shadows.  He strikes up a friendship with Dr. Bruner.  Eventually, Neil wins Madeline back after Bruner and he ride to the far side of the island where they find the house of the undead. Neil enters Murder Legendre’s estate perched as it is on a cliff by the sea.  Ironically enough, in the finale, Charles Beaumont reunites Neil and Madeline when he breaks the spell that Murder has over Madeline by pushing the zombie master off the cliff and taking the plunge to follow him.  “White Zombie” concludes with Dr. Bruner asking Neil for a match as he had done when they first met at Beaumont’s plantation.